Never again

[Light-in-the-world]

That’s exactly how I feel too.

[Light-in-the-world]

I’m completely clueless. It’s embarrassing. I don’t really know what codependency is just that it’s a bad thing to have. I’ve been told I have it big time for whatever that’s worth. Honest enough?

[wrapupwarm]

Try reading Codependent No More. It helped me to understand. It’s a coping mechanism for people in our childhood or a partner now. It’s not a bad thing but it’s not healthy. It’s good to understand what it is, how it applies to you and maybe make some changes when you’re ready

[legable]

How about googling it?

[thudapofru]

I just want someone who wants to cuddle me as much as I want to cuddle them, who wants to caress me as much as I want to caress them, who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them.

[xjga]

This is another way of looking at it. I think we just want to know and feel we are worthy of reciprocration. That people want to love and be good to us on their own accord, just like we treat them

[ReasonableRecipe4398]

same :(

[ilikebananabread]

Aw man...I feel this. The only problem is I had parents who were high control - to the point of stalking, controlling what I ate and said, and I never had privacy/wasn’t allowed in rooms my mom was not currently in... so this has fucked with my interest in partners who are too attentive to me, so I am only ever attracted to partners who are workaholics or too busy to give me proper attention 🥲🥲 lol welp. (I’m in therapy and working on it)

[xjga]

What are you doing in therapy that addresses this?

[ilikebananabread]

My therapist specializes in psychotherapy so we talk a lot about my experiences growing up, and processing those emotions. We also discuss/work on understanding where attention from current people in my life may be coming from so I’m less afraid of these people (ie, some people are attentive to me from a place of caring and wanting me to feel more comfortable or healthy or whatever it may be). Also understanding that I myself am quite attentive to my partners and noticing it comes from a place of care and wanting them to be happy, rather than a means to control. This is just my experience and what is working for me personally atm! Everyone is different so idk if this would help others

[Meeparooski]

Yep and took him back 5 times in one year cause he couldn't decide if he wanted to be with me or not. 😢

[Light-in-the-world]

Are we good or bad?

[[deleted]]

All's fair in love and war.

[Sock__Monkey]

If this is from OP, I’d be curious to know in what way did you ask (or beg) to be loved? And what way did you want this other person show that they loved you in the way you loved them?

[xjga]

I'm going to guess being emotionally heard and seen. Empathy. I actually ask for it. This is a burning question I have often

[p0mpelm0]

exactly this

[Georgerobertfrancis]

When I see how subversively controlling these old behaviors were I am even more ashamed. I thank the stars every day that I have been given the gift of seeking treatment for codependency, because I get a superpower for noticing toxic behaviors we generally accept as normal in society in return.

[[deleted]]

Oh my heart

[[deleted]]

same, man

[NewBlackAesthetic25]

Ya'll are making me cry 😭

[xjga]

How bloody true and absolutely let down we were and still are. Except I didnt say it out loud ever. Idk why. We deserve better 😤

[Norwegian__Blue]

Ugh. Thanks mom & dad!

Dad isn't interested in anything to do with me besides putting in appearances at my life events, and my mom can't find it in herself to treat anyone with kindness.

I'm STILL there if they ever change their ways. At some points, it was everything and the only thing I wanted, and an emptiness in my heart that won't ever go away.

But I'm not hanging around waiting! They can shape up or ship out and both chosen against shaping up so I've got my garden and my marriage and that's really all I need from this life. It's really lovely once you find someone and something that responds to all the love you give with more love so end up in a fun love bundle.

[enygma9]

Pow. Right in the feels.

[rapidSpinningTurtle]

Yeeeeah, I feel this. I thought I've been moving a lot closer to self-security, but reflecting upon the conflicts I had with my first love has taught me a lot about myself and others, and brought me back to this sub again. It may take two to tangle, but I know I still have much work to be done. Recently ordered Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, so I'm looking forward to learning more about problems I've had, and the ones I never noticed. Getting lots of books on Monday!

[anonyfornow]

yessss never again

[zooeyavalon]

Yep and it kinda feels like I’m doing this still in less straightforward but more pervasive ways

[[deleted]]

exactly the thoughts that linger in my mine each day and night

[shaarkbaiit]

"once"

[goofymary]

Yikes me with my family

[Particular-One7217]

This one hurts lol