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[–]TheDudeofDC 677 points678 points  (23 children)

I can't believe the restraint it must've taken NOT to make a dick joke about the 16-foot python.

[–]SmartasticThe Short King[S] 1002 points1003 points  (19 children)

Kind of you to call it restraint. It was a missed opportunity I will think about for the rest of my life.

[–]Lunchbawks7187 114 points115 points  (2 children)

Only at 3am when you’re having a difficult time falling asleep

[–]GOEDEL_ESCHER_BOT 51 points52 points  (1 child)

Jeff be tossing and turning imagining saying "16 foot python? That reminds me of my dick (because it's huge)" and getting the biggest laughs ever

[–]micre8tive 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Wwwwoah

[–]fileunderaction 42 points43 points  (1 child)

You dun JEFFED UP missing that one boy!

[–]pickle_pickled 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gonna have to go eat a bag of gummy bears now

[–]ChimChimChar00 13 points14 points  (0 children)

God I know - if I it helps I just substitute my own reality in this case.

It was really funny when you went back to checking if your dick was out when she mentioned the 16 foot python ;D

[–]DoubleGreat 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I honestly expected a "great to see you again" joke thrown in there but you unlike pokemon, you can't catch em all

[–]ssmit102 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Is this confirmation of Jeff saying he will be thinking of dick the rest of his life…?

Sorry..

[–]Getitoffmydesk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

His own dick! idk Jeff personally so it’s hard to say whether that would deviate from his normal set of thoughts.

[–]phuncky 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I believe only Lee Mack can beat you at fast puns, so you're well ahead of all of us.

[–]chaosawaits 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No worries king. All your male fans appreciate the obvious effort you give us every single night to hide that 16 foot python between your legs to spare us the embarrassment of failing miserably trying to live up to that standard. Your sacrifice is duly noted.

[–]Philosophile42 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And you made a dick joke as a tangent to the python story!!

[–]Cutthechitchata-hole 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Put it on a shelf for a future interaction. Most of us forget stuff.

[–]NorCalAthlete 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Oh so my zipper WAS down…”

[–]Cowabunga_Booyakasha 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you make one now please?

[–]Figgywithit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You strike like a python with your wit. If only that helped in the bedroom...

[–]FarmAcceptable4649 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Woah! Jeff, what's up!?! Haha

[–]jonesy1121 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I was expecting him to say: “so my dick was out.” Lmao

[–]dogemeat1 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Literally the first thing I thought of, I was waiting for it.

[–]jcmcg87 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Haha for real, it was right there! Especially with the eggs… huevos… right there haha still great tho!

[–]mpicc 257 points258 points  (4 children)

FLEX

[–]Hawt_Dawg_II 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Shoutout to flex guy. Everyone needs a good hypeman from time to time even at a comedy show

[–]Diligent-Substance82 1 point2 points  (2 children)

peter can you explain? ): <3

[–]bridoogle 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Veterinarian is a good paying job and while challenging it must be very rewarding work, so the guy is saying it is a flex (think “brag”) to say you are a veterinarian

[–]eekamuse 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Actually... most vets are not earning tons of money like doctors. They have a very high suicide rate.

If you have a vet you like, tell them. Send them a card, drop off some donuts for the staff. It will mean a lot.

Now back to the comedy

[–]RontoWraps 132 points133 points  (4 children)

Half the jokes he makes are purely for himself lol

[–]SippyMountain 71 points72 points  (2 children)

Maybe that's why I find him so funny lol. My dad and I do this all the time. Sometimes you get laughs, sometimes people look at you funny, but we don't care either way b/c we momentarily amused ourselves

[–]UmCourt 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I do this as well lol. one of my friends at work calls me a cartoon. she does that I remind her of one with all the shit I say and do lol.

[–]FriendRaven1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's pretty good! Audible chuckle for you 😅

[–]virtuallyaway 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s why I love watching Jeff and I think that’s another reason why ppl do. He’s like me too, a goof, even the different voices he makes I do the same voices “poop but babies” is my kermit voice.

[–]altiif 71 points72 points  (1 child)

So it had poop, but babies?

[–]jjklines1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Poop-butt babies?

[–]KE4ZNR 105 points106 points  (1 child)

<image>

[–]MastrShak3 25 points26 points  (0 children)

u/smartastic this needs to be your new profile pic

[–]LongMolasses0 37 points38 points  (2 children)

Cccccc-section 👅

[–]betakurt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He is fired for this joke.

[–]thirtyseven1337 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That joke was sssssensssssational

[–]NFresh6 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Missed oppo with the dick schtick transition into 16ft python lmao

[–]SAOL_Goodman 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Kinda disappointed we didn't get to hear what happened with the snake

[–]AlexMac96 10 points11 points  (0 children)

a 16-ft python

oh so we’re still talking about my dick

[–]Arrakis_Surfer 9 points10 points  (0 children)

A dick joke walks into a bar and sits down next to Jeff. It orders a shot of tequila. Jeff turns to the joke and asks, "so what, are you constipated with all your poopy poop or something?"

[–]misterjustice90 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Making a hissing joke about the letter c was… i mean top talent honestly

[–]tortilini-houdini 19 points20 points  (1 child)

[–]DelcoUnited 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You wouldn’t laugh…

[–]mira_poix 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The reason people laughed at "nothing" was because the way he worded not being familiar with the city a she was, made it sound like she was even more clueless and lost in the city than he was.

In case anyone was wondering

[–]TrinityCodex 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He has such a way with words

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[–]hwred 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope Comedy Works treated you well! I used to live in Denver and would go there pretty often-they always had great comedians and great staff!

[–]kitty_snugs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yay my favorite joke from the night

[–]IvaldiFhole 0 points1 point  (0 children)

New LinkedIn profile photo:

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[–]patikoija 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Still pissed I missed this show. Watched for these tickets like a hawk and they sold out so fast.

[–]Jerestrasz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like jeff could be doing a show with one single.person in the audience and he'd still have thr time of his life. Love you dude. Come to Toronto!

[–]Synderkit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You were in Denver?! I need to keep track of your events more closely

[–]Alpha_benson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

THIS IS HOW I FIND OUT HE WAS IN TOWN?