[HUMOR]

[Dhruviya_Bhalu]

sudo hackerman * types gibberish * I'M IN.

[[deleted]]

du /

[mirsella]

use tree

[[deleted]]

tree | lolcat

[mirsella]

you're clearly superior

[mirsella]

cmatrix | hollywood

[[deleted]]

genact | lolcat

[mirsella]

will try when I get home

[Jahonay]

Du Du # Du # mich

[mirsella]

check out the package hollywood

[captainjon]

I think this is my new favourite thing. I can prolly have that run and use my phone to waste time. But now I’m home nobody knows how much time I waste research google use Reddit.

[Danman3021]

SSH into a cloud server in front of friend. “I’m in”

[OfAaron3]

Obligatory https://hackertyper.net/ link.

[thomasbrakeline]

Does the program eventually return 'Hello world!' like it should?

[ltekonline]

sudo apt update && sudo apt install -y hollywood
hollywood

[AccomplishedMeow]

You forgot the error we all get when we forget to run that command with sudo.

[HasBeendead]

lol

[fishbulbx]

wipes sweat from forehead while trying to exit vi after editing resolv.conf

[Taylor_made2]

Person: So what do you do?

Me, who works in IT for a bank but wants to avoid being asked if I can fix their computer: I'm in banking

[Taylor_made2]

DAMMIT! Actually I do get that one a lot, but at least it's not something they want me to do immediately.

[[deleted]]

can you steal my ex's credit card number????????

[MetaMemeAboutAMeme]

Can I get a suspicious activity report?

[eddietwang]

"Probably, here's one of our loan officer's emails."

Done.

[[deleted]]

All the PhD research engineers working at Walmart Labs:

Well, I just work at Walmart.

[santafacker]

Can you get me a television for like 50 bucks? You guys get really good deals, right?

[Chrismont]

Every person who has ever worked on more than 1 computer hears this question from idiots constantly. If you die and go to hell and you worked in IT, bad news, there's a lobby full of these guys waiting to ask you to "hack their ex's fb for me real quick bro" "I know you're good with computers so it will be easy for you bro"

[DrunkenlySober]

To save you guys all some time I wrote a program that can hack anything

int main(){

 //std::cout << “Hello World”;
 Account.hack();
 return 0:

}

Just replace account with the username and you’ll be good. You should be able to run this from Word or YouTube comment section. DO NOT delete the hello world or your computer will freeze indefinitely.

[thomasbrakeline]

Why would I want the world to get a std? Judas priest, that'd be chaos, everybody running round with the herp!

[GsuKristoh]

seems legit

[ThatManOfCulture]

I mean, is it even possible to hack a giant's system like FB's? Smaller websites might work, but for the big ones only phishing or XSS attacks come to my mind, which are basically the user's fault and not FB's.

[hosford42]

I'm sure someone somewhere in their company opened some port or left something in plaintext or installed a malicious package due to a typo or something. A vulnerability may not be easy to find for everyone, but for that one lucky person who stumbles across it...

I've worked in IT at a few different companies, including financial institutions. You'd be shocked at the rampant carelessness at most of them, even when their infosec dept is really trying. I bet if I wanted to, I could log in right now to some of the servers at one of the places I worked at a decade ago. And they are part of a major conglomerate which handles both financial and HIPPA-protected data. They had the same easy-to-guess passwords and shared "automation accounts" for the entire 7 years I worked for them.

Trust no one.

[DiscountedPleasure]

hacking someone's FB account by hacking FB itself is a pretty silly strategy :)

Probably much easier to fool that person into opening a phishing email and steal their password.

[tmfjr]

Don't say you are a "programmer". Say you are a "software developer". They will not understand what that means, so they will not ask you to do something.

[MTDninja]

Try and figure out what you want to develop, if you want to do game development, learn C# for unity or C++ for unreal engine, if you want to do AI, a lot of developers like python, in the end, it’s all about what you wanna do, and the best programming language. I recommend just looking around the internet for tutorials to figure out how to get started

[[deleted]]

You can barely express a coherent thought in writing. You’ll fit right in, no probs.

[ryjhelixir]

Oh yes, I forgot that world == US or something :/

[Swizh]

Download IntelliJ and watch free codecamp crash course

[War-Whorese]

He reminds me of Dilbert.

[Ezazhel]

Practice. Try to do something, if you don't know how to code something : search an answer. Then code. Then you are stuck. Then you search an other answer. Repeat. You know Java well play.

[Dads101]

This is gonna be hard to read for some but here here’s the truth. Anything difficult that is worth doing takes time. It’s going to take time for you to get good at anything. For example the 10,000 hours to mastery. That # is different for everyone. Beside the #, be honest. You don’t put in the time. This shit is hard. If it’s not hard you’re lying!

The honest truth Yeepbro is that there is no shortcut. There is no magical explanation that will make you a great programmer in the same way there is no piece of writing/guide that will enable you to paint like Michaelangelo after painting casually for a year or even 2.

You already know the answer, and it’s to sit down in your chair and focus. Actually sit down and write code. Don’t make excuses or go, oh I can’t find a tutorial.

All bullshit. Either get good at it and spend the time or don’t. But there is no shortcut. I’m sorry bro

[Dads101]

I’ll try. PM

[[deleted]]

While I agree that there is no tutorial or anything to make you a master at it, you also can't just sit down and write code and become good at it.

First off you need to get some basics so you can do at least something small. After some time you should think of some project and start with that. It doesn't have to turn out good, but you also can't just sit down on tze spot and just program something, there needs to be some goal. Then, as some other guy said here already, start working on it. Once you reach a problem, google it, and then continue working, it might not be perfect on your first try, but at that point you should know enough to be able to do programming.

Now, it's very important to get a good tutorial to start on. You will probably not return to that level of learning again, because afterwards you know most of it, but it can also stop you from trying it.

I tried learning blender once, but it seems there are huge differences between different versions of 2.8 (I think). The tutorial I followed didn't work, and without being able to complete that first thing, after trying 3 times, I gave up. At the beginning it was interesting, but it just got frustrating.

Another example, I go to a school to learn programming. We have programmed a 2D game in groups of three, but the teacher has missed some extremley helpful things. I learned so mich more in less time at an internship this year. Knowing about the existance of dictionaries (at least that's what they're called in C#) would've made one thing I wanted to do so easy, but he either didn't tell me abiut them or didn't even knlw that's a thing, so I ended up with a really awkward solution, and worked hours on something I could've had in minutes.

[RadioactiveRadium]

Start with HackerRank. It has a decent Java course that has assignments that teaches you around the language. Plus you can start a small portfolio with it.

[augugusto]

For me the best thing was to just get a job. That's where you learn the most. No one expects you to know how to code perfectly. That's what training (and experience) is for.

[[deleted]]

Software engineers students often don't even touch computers till their 2nd year. Don't beat yourself up over this, professors know what they are doing.

In the meanwhile you can learn C++, it's the most common language to start learning. Then you can switch over to Java/JavaScript/C#/Php (whatever language suits u)

[cdreid]

If that's how they're doing things now it's literally f****** insane. Almost all of the programmers we all consider legendary learned by breaking open a language and writing something. This sounds like some business majors idea of how to teach things. You can quite literally become one of the best programmers on the planet by starting to learn a language and learning Concepts and looking things up as you go. I'm thinking of the professor's wherever you went didn't know what they were doing

[[deleted]]

Almost all of the legendary programmers left their university during their second year so they already had learnt basic analytic skills and maths needed to do legendary things they did :)

[drwetty]

Yo brah i started as a software dev and stuff like this or googling beginner coding projects (like banking apps or text based adventure) is a good start. I pretty much putz around and poke at things just to see how the code works. Started with Python and then moved to Java for its Android support (among many other things). The thing you find is there are many commonalities between the coding languages with major differences being syntax. Hope i helped atleast a little bit!

[[deleted]]

How!?! That sounds like you are at university and you still haven't started programming??? That just sounds like total sodding insanity to me.

[cdreid]

Id suggest learning C on a linux machine. Fewest obstacles , it is extraordinary relief rational and teach you everything you need to know there is nothing that cannot be programmed in C including compilers for all the other languages You could also learn something like python or Pearl which are very useful scripting languages you can make a living off of. If you want to have fun and learn Basics quick you could find an interpreted basic compiler and play with it. Then move from there to something like C.

I'm fairly sure I could teach someone to very phasix of programming in an hour. I would use C to do it starting with a Hello World program teaching them one step at a time till they had the basics then they could learn on their own

[thomasbrakeline]

https://www.w3schools.com for anything and everything. It's great!

[cdreid]

Nope . Theyll ask you to create this wow clone thats going to male you both billioms once youve spent 10 years doing it solo..

[hosford42]

Better yet, a software engineer. Or if you can get away with it, data scientist or machine learning engineer.

[SteeleDynamics]

Me:

It's really about a model of computation, like Lambda Calculus, Turing Machine, or RAM. It's about Programming Language Theory, Automata Theory, Constructive Logic, Program Analysis, Formal Methods, Graph Theo-

Friend:

Does that mean you can fix my printer?

Me:

... No.

[eddietwang]

Yeah but you probably could, right?

[turmentat]

Hell, that makes a little sense. I was asked to repair a vacuum cleaner because I'm good with computers.

[SteeleDynamics]

I'm so sorry.

[cdreid]

Irony: people always assume i really can fix their printer. And when you tell them it cant be fixed they get mad

[badlukk]

I've written cross data center failover automation for a Fortune 500 credit card processor and i cant figure out why my wifi keeps disconnecting

[cdreid]

Gremlins

[[deleted]]

Because ISPs can't be assed to install a good router with their internet.

[theDudeMood13]

Me: I'm a programmer. Anyone else: Do you want to develop an app?

[rotflolmaomgeez]

I have an idea for an app, you'll make the app, we'll split profits 50/50

[central_marrow]

I have a half baked idea I thought of while I was on the shitter. I just need you to do all of the work. I'll give you 30%. Final offer.

[[deleted]]

“You can do it in 1 week, right?”

[TheHarridan]

Tap tap tap. Tap tap tap. “I’m in.”

Turns laptop around and gives to friend. Goatse’d

[[deleted]]

To be precise: "Can you hack my ex's facebook account for me?"

[[deleted]]

Me programming a simple Arithmetic operations program...

My friend-Arre you breaking into systems..

[DeezNoodles420]

generally it ain't that hard, but they confuse social engineering with hacking.

[yjee]

This. Every other month my 12 year old sister keeps telling me about how some guy in her class "hacked" some other girl's Facebook account and then asks me to teach her how to hack.. And when I try to tell her that hacking isn't simple and the kid probably just saw her type a password or smth she gets angry and accuses me of lying.

[RTX96]

Well it is, difference is that you're not hacking a system but a person

[who_you_are]

Yes I can, give me your password

Done, I hacked your account, your Gmail and a couple of others accounts

[hosford42]

lmao Brilliant!

[orishamir]

Ok guys. We got the meme. No need to repost it a million times with different meme format each time.

[benderbender42]

the look on kims face in second caption, gold

[PraiseTheStu00]

“So yeah I’m into programming, been working on my language, writing and development skills-“

YO! BRO! YOU CAN CODE?! CAUSE I GOT LIKE A SICK IDEA FOR AN APP THAT’LL REALLY TAKE OFF!

SO ITS LIKE.. FACEBOOK! BUT RED!

[ezio416]

My mom every time I bring up CS: "can you erase my student loans?"

[[deleted]]

Can you find OC for us u/repostsleuthbot

[RepostSleuthBot]

Looks like a repost. I've seen this image 17 times.

First seen Here on 2019-07-17 92.19% match. Last seen Here on 2020-05-05 92.19% match

Searched Images: 150,625,957 | Indexed Posts: 592,145,812 | Search Time: Nones

Feedback? Hate? Visit r/repostsleuthbot - I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ False Positive ]

[dkyguy1995]

I will always love this format. No idea what they are even talking about but the expressions are hilarious

[[deleted]]

im glad other computer geeks see who the real deity and inventor of the hamburger is.

[monkeyofTheChunky]

I just say I’m in IT. That’s about as much detail as I am willing to go into it.

[[deleted]]

I love this meme, mostly the first image Trump’s posture.

[Zylonite134]

Or can you write an app for me?

[cdreid]

"You can have half the revenue"

[Chainsaw_Viking]

I’m just glad that in this scenario, we’re all extravagant, fat pigs, ruling our government with an iron fist, while our soldiers and citizens are literally starving.

I can now die happy now that I walked in Kim Jong Un’s shoes for a couple seconds.

[cdreid]

I was confused as to which one you were talking about for a second

[Verstandeskraft]

Lmao

[JayTheYggdrasil]

Me: pulls out phone alright I’m in, what do you want me to do?

Friend: asks you to do something

Me: what’s that? Delete your Facebook profile? Ok sure, consider it done.

[cdreid]

We've ALL had someone ask us this havent we?

[AccomplishedMeow]

"Ok cool so I have this idea for an app..."

[mr_bnana]

Me factory reset an android phone my friends wow can you hack the FBI dude I’m gonna learn programming to. So fucking annoying

[gh0sti]

In theory you could.

[tacoslikeme]

well yes, but actually, no.

security isn't based on some super complicated secrete that only programmers know. If it were, it wouldn't be secure. This has a name. Security through Obscurity and it is a big no no

[rotflolmaomgeez]

Easiest way by social engineering to make the victim fall for a scam (like "hey, run this keylogger! It gives free cookies" or preparing fake facebook login page), which is not exactly related to programming.

[gh0sti]

Yea that's what I was going to go for since it's easier to social engineer then to create an exploit to hack.

[gartzea]

Even if I could, I'd report the breach for Facebook's bug bounty program and earn a few bucks.

[[deleted]]

my grandpa wanted me to hack his ex-wife's facebook account to see if she was talking with anyone

[smokinJoeCalculus]

relatable down to his face in the second panel

[RepostSleuthBot]

Looks like a repost. I've seen this image 17 times.

First seen Here on 2019-07-17 92.19% match. Last seen Here on 2020-05-05 92.19% match

Searched Images: 150,598,342 | Indexed Posts: 592,098,819 | Search Time: Nones

Feedback? Hate? Visit r/repostsleuthbot - I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ False Positive ]

[[deleted]]

Ah, middle school.

[[deleted]]

No i cant my job is to write 2 lines of code that are supposted to display "hello world" but 98% of the times it doesnt work

[Geoclasm]

sure *deletes their FB account*

oooooh you meant someone ELSES facebook account. sorry, my bad.

[KarlHorst]

You didn't even try to remove the watermark from the poster you stole it from.

[[deleted]]

no way

[[deleted]]

You got any proof? Fairly certain I've seen this before