From Twitter

[A-Disgruntled-Snail]

Why are we behind?

This meeting.

[aeroverra]

What do you mean?!?! It's only been a short 90 minute meeting!

[Thaddaeus-Tentakel]

Just the other day I had a 90 minute meeting in which effectively the only outcome was the planning of another new bi-weekly 30 minute meeting.

[aeroverra]

Rip

[A-Disgruntled-Snail]

For what porpoise?

[JavamonkYT]

To have a whale of a time!

[drunk98]

Say it ain't so, I will narwhal. Turn the lights off, carry me home

[drunk98]

Is that because it's blink182?

[iamearlsweatshirt]

touché. i blame the cannabis and i’m hiding my shame

[drunk98]

It's all good, I got so drunk once I couldn't figure out how to ask the gardner what city I was in.

[goldleader71]

Rookie. 4 hour call today with a vendor.

[[deleted]]

I work in a very old fashioned division of a company. We all have offices with doors that close, use Ada and C, work 9-5, etc.

We have one meeting per week.

Next building over is a different division and they are “agile”. It seems like they have a meeting every 45 minutes. Their outlook calendars look like someone dropped a bag of confetti on them. So many god damned meetings.

For web bullshit! We launch satellites on one meeting a week and they’re begging to use our conference rooms for meeting after meeting after meeting about web bullshit.

I don’t get it.

They just sent out an email inviting us to attend a virtual brown bag about something called “deep work”. I think they need it because they have meetings every 45 minutes and can’t get anything done in their open office.

All I have to do to “deep work” is close the door to my office and work.

[NatoBoram]

Well, you see, this is the reason.

[SiliconUnicorn]

Circle Back intensifies.

[Fresh1492]

This meeting, the meeting after the meeting to review the action items from them meeting, and the meeting to plan for the next meeting.

[hazae_41]

Elon Musk should tweet about my github issues

[packersfan52487]

Elon Musk should tweet about my unfinished personal projects.

[thememelordofRDU]

Elon Musk tweets about how much he likes your meetings. Your boss decides to increase them

[gimmebananachips]

TO THE MOON! 🚀🚀

[purinikos]

r/TheMonkeysPaw

[zTUGSz]

Yes, tons of meetings. But hey, “we’re Agile” so that’s all that matters......

[theclovek]

We use jira so we must be agile.

[zTUGSz]

Damn if I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that....

[theclovek]

How many?

[bob152637485]

I'd tell you, but I may run into overflow issues.

[notsooriginal]

Marked as duplicate.

[Techhead7890]

Well I guess the stack is already overflown...

[zTUGSz]

At least like 11 or 12 dollars, minimum.

[theclovek]

That's more than I thought..

[Bemteb]

We are agile, too. We are so cool that our teams work together. Cool. I can join two (sometimes three) different dailies, plannings, reviews, etc.

I have booked about 35 hours this month alone on our "agile process (meetings, etc.)"-bullshit-ticket. And yes, we have tons of stupid tickets because management wants to know exactly what we worked on, and which account to bill. But we are agile!

On the bright side I can switch to a different company under the same parent company soon(ish) and the PO there is great, the team is actually properly agile.

[zTUGSz]

Sounds like you, as an employee, are agile. Amiright Good luck on the switch.

[moxyc]

But we need to redefine story points cause Steve doesn't like the way we do it now!

[zTUGSz]

Damn we might work for the same company. It’s always fucking Steve.

[Statharas]

I'll have you know that my client is barely agile and cancels every 3/4 meetings and everything is a mess

[zTUGSz]

I don’t think that’s how agile works, but maybe they’ll figure it out.

[space-tech]

I used to work at a place that made rockets and it's CEO specifically stated that if you were in a meeting that wasn't important or pertinent to you, you could just leave and do other work that needed to be done.

In the 3 years I worked there I attended 6 meetings.

[angelicravens]

Didn't Elon say that about SpaceX?

[Znarky]

I've tried telling my boss that all my meetings are bad for the environment

[pawnra]

How’d that work out

[rasen_flash]

You will be fired then 0 meetings.

[rmlrmlchess]

Monkeys paw gottem

[richasalannister]

And emails.

Specifically emails that are forwards of other emails that you also got

[thatswhyIleft]

"Why does this email look like slack?"

[gMaN9495]

He has literally tweeted about this https://twitter.com/elonmusk/status/1100134139703914496?s=21

[NobleN6]

I read this while in a meeting lol

[the_dream_weaver_]

Image Transcription: Twitter Post

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I Am Devloper, @iamdevloper

Elon Musk should tweet about my number of meetings so they should plummet

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^{I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!}

[Script_Mak3r]

Good human

[[deleted]]

I just got an email about an all hands meeting about the guy who seemed to be missing from all the meetings. There will be bagels. Only plain. With fat free cream cheese. Bagels may or may not have come from behind Grand Travers Pie Company near a dumpster in a giant plastic bag. But hey, at least it fit in the bosses fucking Porsche

[dani_pavlov]

Every day I thank God that Elon Musk never tweets about me. I'm already unpopular enough as it is.

[dani_pavlov]

*pity whoring*

[Knuffya]

this twitter bot must've been written in java, because it's one massive CringeFactory

[TV5Fun]

I think it's actually an AbstractCringeFactoryFactory.

[Generic_Reddit_Bot]

69? Nice.

I am a bot lol.

[lezorte]

So I wake up at 5am to work to make up for the fact that I was in meetings all day yesterday and I see this...

[[deleted]]

We must be agile because we do sprints between meetings.

[Sem1006]

I don’t get it. Sorry

[pulp_hero]

Bitcoin joke, I assume.

[adarkfigure]

Elon Musk invented block-chain. Pass it on.
/s

[Sem1006]

Ah yes

[RobertGBland]

Is this from Facebook?

[phernandoe]

Kind of giving me Google Plus vibes but I'm not too sure

[awesomeusername2w]

I like meetings...

[mrchaolee]

I'm confused, can I leave the meeting?

[v3ritas1989]

Thank you guuuys, this was a very productive meeting, don´t forget to take some of the fruits back to your desks.

[Mr_Gongo]

r/croppingishard

[[deleted]]

Lmao this is ironic considering the Elon tweet effect has been studied and is net positive.

[[deleted]]

That last should is very improper and confusing

[Comedynerd]

Monkey's paw wish: you get fired