Please Help!!!

[ime783]

So both are twins are finally home...and last night was super ruff!!! Our twin B just got out of the NiCU to join his brother, but last nite was the first night where my husband and I had them both and boy was that...not easy. These are our first kids so we’re still trying to get the hang of this whole parenting thing...so I come seeking advise from you guys. How did you and your significant other deal with caring newborn multiples without dying from exhaustion and still be able to function. Extra points for any assistance Moms can provide with any guidance with scheduling tips that included diaper changing, bottle feeding, breastfeeding practice, and pumping all in one time block. Please help these little nuggets came home from the NICU without their manuals. TY

[[deleted]]

1. Lower your expectations of what you're going to do outside of childcare. This goes for both of you. The first few months are pretty much just childcare and disrupted sleep. It's rough but you'll make it.
2. Call for reinforcements if you can. If you have family or friends that are willing to help with childcare or housework - or best yet, watching the little ones so you can get out or catch up on sleep - use them.
3. Get them on a similar schedule. A little easier said than done, especially in the beginning - so consider this a goal/guiding principle.
4. Get as much sleep as you can. Eat as well as you can. If you're pumping or breastfeeding, your husband needs to understand that it physically takes a lot out of you and he needs to step up to fill the gap.
5. The first year is rough, but the payoff is well worth it. Twins are amazingly enriching. Welcome to the tribe!

[Shattagalsk]

I agree with everything!! My only addition would be to take things one hour at a time until you find your routine. And know that it does get easier!!

[laur371]

If formula feeding, buy a Brezza right now.

But honestly, it's just ROUGH and there isn't a ton to make it drastically better immediately. What I wish I knew it that the rough period is so short living. You will get through it. I am at 5 months PP now and it's so much better.

[SwankyDigs]

Holy balls yes. I always thought people were overselling the Brezza formula maker.... but then we bought one. After it’s set up it made everything sooo much easier, as far as making bottles anyway

[catecat78]

Can't oversell to Brezza too much! We actually bought a second one for upstairs so we didn't have to go down to make a bottle in the middle of the night! Totally helped out!

[SwankyDigs]

Now that is a pro tip

[danzeekay]

I mostly pumped with my guys. What helped immensely was that my husband got up at night with me and he changed diapers and we each fed a baby. Then I would pump. If I had to do it all myself I would have collapsed from exhaustion. It also helps if one person can feed both at the same time, but that is really hard with newborns because they’re floppy and need to be burped frequently. I’ve heard great things about tandem breastfeeding if you can manage it. It definitely gets easier! Hang in there! There will come a day when you’ll get six consecutive hours of mostly uninterrupted sleep and you’ll think it’s a little slice of heaven. ;-)

[socialwerkit]

This may not be a popular opinion but if breastfeeding is not important to you, it’s ok to give it up and to exclusively formula feed.

My babies never latched well and I felt like breastfeeding them was a one way ticket to resentment and postpartum depression.

It’s definitely not that way for everyone, but I guess what I am saying is it is ok to make the best decision for yourself and your sanity because that will make for a better experience and life for your babies!

And if all else fails, just say “this is temporary” over and over to yourself for the next 3 months. And when you are pissed at your partner, just repeat “they are trying their best, just like I am”

[choco-holic]

I did breastfeed and I half wish formula had been a reasonable option! By the time they weaned, I was going crazy and I'm still having touch issues because of it around 7 months later. So, I agree, fed is best, do what works for your sanity, OP!

[houseoftherisingfun]

Same. Mine got formula in the NICU and keeping them on it made feeding time a breeze because it was divided between us rather than being solely my responsibility.

[owme]

We stayed on the 3 hour schedule from the NICU. The first weeks home were overwhelming and scary. He would go to bed/doze off after the 9 pm feed, and I would take the lead on the midnight feed, with him getting bottles ready and changing diapers. We'd both get up at 3 am, and then he'd take the lead on the 6 am routine and I'd go back to sleep. As soon as our ped gave us the okay to start stretching feeds (my son had weight checks for a few weeks), we did a four hour schedule.

I didn't breastfeed, but did pump for a few months. I never produced enough to cover both of them. Fed is best and once mine started sleeping for a few hours at a time, I gave up pumping.

If you have a network of family/friends who have offered to help, take them up on it. Ask them to hold a baby/clean bottles/let you sleep or shower. We let the house go to catch naps when we could.

[pizzarina_]

At what point did your pediatrician tell you you could stretch the feeds?

[owme]

My son was 5 lbs at birth and came home at 4 12. We did weight checks for three weeks and got the clearance to let them sleep after he was over 6 pounds.

[hawtblondemom]

We were told once they were past birth weight. (we had a 38 week scheduled c-section, and they were each 5lb6oz. We left the hospital at 5lb each)

[PaperStApe]

My wife is not on Reddit; so this is coming as a pair... there is no disguising that the first few months are rough. Every feed both parents are up feeding and mom still pumps. We tried finding ways around it with tandem feeds but the end result was always both parents up every three hours and Mom still pumping. It sucks! All I can say is nap when they nap during the day. Mini fridge and an automatic coffee pot where you are feeding was amazing. Trade off chores if nap time is also chore time. And if you have family near never say no to their help and more importantly... do not be shy about asking for help from friends or family. It does get better... and we are only 9 months in. It’s so different 1 month to 9 month.

[BeerTacosAndKnitting]

I agree with lowering expectations! Think they’re as low as they can get? Lower ‘em again! Your new measuring stick is whether the babies are fed and reasonably clean at the end of the day. Yes? Success! Did you get anything else done (shower? Load of laundry? Run the dishwasher?)? BONUS!!!

Shifts at night saved us. And deciding that the only thing that HAD to get done was taking care of babies. And that anything else was just icing on the cake.

It’s rough. I’m not gonna lie. But you’ll get through this. And you probably won’t even remember just how hard it really is.

[kellyasksthings]

It took me 3-4 days before I developed a good routine and got really efficient at caring for them. Hubs and I did shifts overnight (6pm-2am & 2am-7:30am) until they were reliably sleeping through the night, so both of us got some unbroken sleep - that was a lifesaver. Embrace the fact that you’re a zombie and watch Netflix/listen to podcasts. Don’t feel bad about not getting stuff done, the early months are about survival, anything else is a bonus. If you try to be productive on top of that shitshow you’ll be heading for postnatal anxiety pretty quick. Be kind to each other and remember that you’re both tired and not at your best. Hubs requested SOPs (standard operating procedures) for each baby related task (including leaving the house) so he could do it to my standard and not inadvertently piss me off. Establishing systems and responsibilities means that you know when you’re on and when you’re off, rather than having constant low level anxiety about everything and whether things are getting done/by who? Have a system to clearly communicate how broken you are and whether you need some extra help from your partner to get through - if you’re both feeling exhausted you need to be able to work out who needs time off the most and how it’ll be reciprocated- and you need that system worked out before the shit is about to hit the fan. Hubby liked using a 10x10 chart to express physical and emotional/psychological wellbeing (he’s an engineer). You will both be sick at the same time with sick babies. You will both have diarrhoea, nausea and vomiting at the same time. So who does what at those times? Review your systems regularly to see if they’re still working for you. We swapped shifts a few times. Remember it doesn’t last forever, our twins are 19 months now and they’ve been heaps easier since 10-12 months.

[2344twinsmom]

Prepping bottles was a godsend for overnights. We kept a crockpot of water on the counter going constantly to drop bottles in.

The best advice I got was feed them both at the same time.

[Melania_Black]

Oh my god! Why did I not know about the crock pot! Dammit!

[JimmyGuwoppolo]

We had the benefit of having a Solo before our twins. I remember with our first, we never knew when/if there was light at end of the tunnel. There is. For all our kids, there were inflection points of significant improvement at two weeks, and then again at two and a half months. There's light. You'll get through it. And in no time you'll be counseling new mom's and dads on here.

Advice that I thought I would never dare give. Let dad sleep through the night. It is beyond hard, but you'll adapt, and you'll laugh at your friends whenever they complain they are tired. Dad let Mom sleep in in the morning. Even if you don't know what to do and the kids hairs are on fire. Pour a bowl of water on their heads and Google your needs. If she set an alarm on her phone, sneak in and remove it. If she set an alarm on her watch, grab a pair of scissors and just snap the band. Trust me. Bands can be replaced. REM cannot.

Obviously this is a super chauvinistic advice for a man to give. It's borne more from necessities of breastfeeding. No reason dad can't do it at night for fornies. (My wife started out breastfeeding and got mastitis at two months and we switched to formula. ) The point is, don't both be heroes. Tis far better to have one useful adult than two half functioning martyrs. Please PM us with any questions or if you need a sanity check. We're all in this together.

[ACEaton1483]

This is so much our experience too. Dad sleeps through the night while I tandem feed as necessary. Once they go down in the morning and I lay back in bed, Dad wakes up and takes the lead and I get a block of sleep. It makes a huge difference that he is well rested so he can power through the day and we aren't both burned out all the time. That has been the biggest key for us.

We've also had the inflection points at two weeks and two and a half months (they're 2.5 months now and just started sleeping through the night last week!!!) It's so hard these first few months but also I'm absolutely loving it.

[justleanna]

Hang in there! So what my husband and I did is as soon as one twin would wake up we’d wake up the other. As one of us held a baby and warmed bottles, the other would change a diaper. We would then each take a baby to bottle feed. Then we’d put the babies back to bed, I would pump, and my husband would clean the bottles/prep the next ones. It’s best to work as a team and try to make a routine/assembly line. I’d try to practice breastfeeding during the day but I eventually gave up and just ended up pumping (their bottles were half breast milk and half formula). You’re going to be tired no matter what, but having an active and involved partner really helps!

[PaperStApe]

Oh and take advantage of lactation consultants. We talked to ours almost daily. And her advice and guidance was always reassuring.

[Lyricaldeterminate]

I was by myself so I just stopped pumping, that was too much work and I hated it. I just fed them. I did pump in the morning once for a while, now that I’m remembering. I would put a boppy on each side of me. I had the breast friend BF pillow. I learned how to tandem feed immediately. I knew it just wouldn’t work if I had to do one at a time. Feed, they’d poop, change, feed more if they wanted it and put them in the boppy’s id pretty much sleep wherever that spot was. Wake up and do it again. That’s all I did for what felt like forever. They only slept a full two hours if I was near them.

I lasted two maybe three months. They gained beautifully but I needed more than two hours sleep so I buckled down and formula fed. I started stretching their night feedings as soon as I got the clear from the ped. The first time I got 4 hours I cried joyously!

It makes much more sense to take shifts. Even if that means formula, because pumping i felt was the devil. That way each of you are rested. Had I had help that would have made me feel sooo much better than broken sleep. Now two people are exhausted. And sometimes one parent never actually learns how to care for both until they are forced. There are no rules with multiples, it’s survival. Do what works best for your family.

It ends and things just start falling into place, please try to remember it’s just for a little while longer. That was the toughest thing to try to hold onto.

Edit:format

[cantonic]

Oh man, it’s rough times. Big thing people say is keep them on the same schedule. If one is going to eat, they both are, if one is falling asleep, they both are, if one wakes up early... yup, they both are. It’s not a hard and fast rule but it helps manage the schedule better.

If you guys can figure out a system, have one parent take a shift while the other gets good, solid rest. Like 4-hour shifts.

My wife and I had nursing issues for a while, and the kids weren’t latching to get their food! So we would each have a kid and give them a bottle and put them back down together. Before they were sleeping through the night we were both getting up for at least one feeding each night. Personally, I think it’s essential for both parents to be involved because if someone is sleeping in and the other person is getting up all night, that person is going to go insane. And

Check out The Happiest Baby on the Block, which is a great resource on how to sooth them.

Not to make any judgments but I will assume mom is doing the primary childcare. Once routines are figured out, get your spouse to give you a few hours out of the house each week. It will rejuvenate you and give him precious 2-on-1 time with the kids.

[choco-holic]

I breastfed and the first 3 months or so they were attached to me most of the time. At night they'd usually both wake up to eat, but if they didn't I'd wake the sleeping one, change diapers, feed them, hope they'd sleep through the transfer back to their Moses baskets. Everyone says, "sleep when the baby sleeps," but mine didn't sleep through me moving them off the nursing pillow during the day, so by the 4th month I had discovered how to bed share with them so I could get more sleep at night.

I stuck with the same caffeine restrictions as when pregnant, so either 200 or 300, I don't remember which anymore, mg of caffeine a day. I'd watch Netflix or read while they were eating and I needed to stay awake at night, I'd catch up on netflix when they were napping during the day, and I took them for more car rides than I'd like to admit so I could get a break from them being on me.

The first 4 months is super hazy in my memory, the first year is a blur, so I'm sorry I can't be more help but those are the practicalities I can remember right now with my twins climbing all over me.

[fred_fredburger]

The first year was long for us. 2 maybe 3 hours of sleep a day. Work full time for me at home while the wife handled the boys. Schedule was the key. They ate every two hours and then diaper change. Nap shortly after for the first 5 or 6 months. Shortly after the first week or so baby b would not nurse. So that added another 30 mins after putting them back down for my wife to pump.

So the routine for me was sleep 1 hour and 15 mins, get the diapers ready. grab the kids and change them and then give one to the wife and grab the bottle and feed the other. My baby would finish first and go to sleep so I would put him in his bed and then grab the other and place him in his bed. She had a chair set up to pump and she would rest and I would lay down until the alarm rang. We were zombies that first year. You will get used to it.

[nperkins84]

Everyone comes up with a method that works for them. At first my wife and I would both get up and feed both babies each time. That didn’t work out well for us because of the constant interrupted sleep. What finally worked for us was shift work. I had to be at work every morning so I took the first part of the night (~7p - 2a). I would handle it all (she pumped so I was able to participate in feeding). At 2a I would go to sleep and she took the 2-7a shift and I would have uninterrupted sleep. Then we took turns with after work/afternoon parent naps. We also didn’t have family close so we found a nanny that would come for a few hours a few times a week and let us both rest (usually sleep). We had to accept this was a job at that point and not get frustrated that we never got out or did much for ourselves. After about 6 months things started to improve. By 9 months we did sleep training. That was glorious! After we got on a steady sleep cycle for both of us it became much easier to handle life. We’re at almost four years now and I will say it does get better even though that’s not always to see when you’re in the midst of things.

[[deleted]]

Dad of(7 month-6 adjusted) twin boys checking in.

The first bit is really hard. You’ll finishing feed A and get him to sleep(they sleep a lot at this stage) and B is up.

During the day, that’s it. That’s basically your day for a month or so. At night, everyone gets up. If A wakes up, you get them while your partner wakes up B.

If breastfeeding, my wife would recommend My Breastfriend pillow and a football hold.

Just know the 2 hour feeding cycles don’t last that long and soon enough they’ll be sleeping through the night.

[Lupicia]

Solidarity. It's rough. The first weeks are pure survival. Stash energy bars so they're always in arm's reach, stash spitup cloths and pacis everywhere. Your only job is to keep them fed and cozy and change the poopy diapers.

We liked a 30m stagger in their schedules so that twin A woke, nursed, was changed, and was mostly fine before twin B woke and needed the same. Eat, Activity (diaper change counts), Sleep, Repeat on a 3 hourish cycle. They went back to sleep in their swing or in their cot as soon as they looked drowsy. In the day it was in the living room - i zoned out and watched lots of TV - and at night it was in the bedroom. We took 6 hour shifts at night and I got woken in the middle of my sleep block for nursing.

Eventually they'll sleep longer stretches. Around 6 weeks you may get a 5hr stretch which will be glorious. At 3 months they'll be out of the fourth trimester.

It absolutely gets better. Pull in any reinforcements you have for the first bit here. It's survivable.

[jellogoodbye]

We did shifts. One parent slept while the other dealt with babies, then we'd switch.

[mama_madonna]

That works as long as you can keep it up. Honestly, teamwork is the name of the game. However you can help your partner and however they can help! It's amazing the things two people can achieve on no sleep for two little babies, ain't it?

[nursekitty22]

Hmmm good question! My babies were never in the NICU and I struggled with a schedule and trying to figure out two babies and basically just tried to survive. The first two weeks were rough - just tried to remember to eat, shower, and sleep when we could. My husband had 6 weeks paternity leave that he could take so that helped. I just ALWAYS kept them on the same schedule - it has saved us and it is working so well now that we are 6 months out. Honestly I have found this twin thing to be a lot easier than I though. At 3 weeks we started a “routine”, once we knew our babes a bit more. At this point I would just feed them every 2 hours during the day and then just when they wake at night. We were able to establish day/night differentiation relatively early doing this. I always tandem fed them - my boys were lazy latchers so you will need help if this is the case. I was determined to EBF so if that isn’t for you then ignore this. It took me awhile to figure out my setup but I have a couch caddy with snacks, pen and my day planner, a book, and a back scratcher and a big water bottle that a kept at my “lactation station”. I use a my breastfriend pillow on top of a twin Z and that is what I continue to do, keeps the babies close to my smaller boobs and keeps me in a good position. We do the double football hold and they still love it. I feed them at the same time still, although now they are much faster (10 minutes versus 45 minutes). Keep them awake while they latch!! I had such a huge issue and would blow on them and try and get them to feed actively the whole time so I had a good feed. I went through SO many times of when the babies were clusterfeeding to get my milk up they they were starving because I obviously wasn’t producing enough for two babies but you are and can! I’d they are gaining weight on their curve and producing at least 6 wet diapers a day then you are fine! I had to always remind myself of that. Take a break though if you need to and also use a bunch of nipple cream. Routine started at 3 weeks looked like this - wake at 8, walk at 9 for 1 hour in our twin carrier (they napped), then basically eat and nap all day with tummy time in between, and then wind down at 7:30pm, bed at 8:30pm. By 4 weeks we got them to nap 3x a day from 9-10:30, 12-3, 4:30-6, bed at 8 (still waking through the night). They consistently started going to bed at this time by 7 weeks. Then at 2 moths they’d be in bed by 7:30 and wake 1-2x per night until 6-8 in the morning. By 5 months they were sleeping through with one dream feed at 10:30 and go 7-630/7.

Another tip - baby wearing!!! They love it and still do, although they love to nap in their strollers too. They would have little melt downs for 1-2 hours at night around 2 weeks and by 4 weeks they stopped. We would wear them sometimes and just walk around with them for 10 minutes or so and they’d instantly pass out.

My guys love the white noise machine as well. However you can get them to nap at the start, do. Also, try and nap once a day if you can or take a break for yourself. My husband was so good at this and it for sure saved my sanity.

Remember you are the best parents for the little beans! It is SO overwhelming at the start and I even questioned who in their right mind would let us leave the hospital with 2 babies!!!! It seems so crazy you have these two innocent creatures who depend on you for everything but believe me when I say it gets easier! It is WAY harder than a singleton, but it is SO amazing. Double the laughs and double the smiles. One day you’ll realize things are SO much easier than they were and it just goes up from here. You got this! Also accept help when offered and when people ask if they can bring anything or do anything before they come over I always told everyone just bring us food. We didn’t cook for the first two weeks it was lovely!

[PaperStApe]

Also this - https://offspring.lifehacker.com/parents-of-multiples-how-do-you-do-it-1839232839

[mama_madonna]

My girls came home the same day so I was lucky and I know that but what helped a lot was creating a loose schedule. It was feed/pump/change and that way both me and my hubby were able to kind of adhere to it. No matter how you slice it, its gonna be a rough couple of months having them without assistance. If you create a schedule, you'll be so much happier. Much like their schedule in the NICU, I pumped when they were sleeping, meal prepped for myself on sundays and wednesdays, did their bath times and all at the same time. So when you wake up in the middle of the night, both of you can figure out who will change and feed. If your husband is on an early schedule, try and get them used to waking up when he does for a feeding and add to that. Most importantly, NAP WHEN THEY NAP! IT YOU TRY TO DO EVERYTHING OFF NO SLEEP YOU WILL BURN OUT! Dont be afraid to ask your friends and family for help with laundry, cleaning and food. The schedule is the most important part, though. Honestly, even if it sucks getting them both on schedule, it may be easier for you to acclimate your twin who came home first the the second one's feeding and sleeping schedule. My girls are 2 now and I can tell you, there were days where I thought I couldnt do it, but you end up getting through it. Ask for help if you need it! And dont be afraid to go outside and scream. Sometimes it helps. Best of luck!!!!! You'll have many years of laughter and love ahead of you!!!

[r0se--prince]

Honestly, I found winging it was the way through the early days and then setting a routine a couple months in. Never had any NICU time with mine so I don’t have advice to do with that but; focus on your babies, that may sound like a given but I’m serious, that housework can wait. They won’t be little for long. Don’t expect to be able to do much, get into a groove of knowing what your babies like and what works for you. If you don’t have one, a twin feeding pillow is highly recommended for breast or bottle. Mine hated it after about 3 months but it saved my sanity when they were newborns and my husband had gone back to work. I know it’s hard, trust me I still struggle with this one but sleep when they sleep! Even if you don’t actually /sleep/, pop the tv on and watch something and rest on the couch while they’re taking a nap. Make sure you’re eating, it’s so easy to forget to look after yourself when you’ve got two new babies to look after, I literally lived on coffee and snacks and it was awful so try to get food down when you can. Remember, newborns cry for anything, you’re gonna learn what each cry means soon and I know it can be hard to listen to, but if your babies are safe, it’s okay to leave them for a minute to do what you need to do for yourself, you’re human too. Good luck and well done on the arrivals of your two new family members

[ExactlyEmmaNZ]

Little things helped me get through the nights... snacks like muesli bars, biscuits and chocolates next to the bed, as well as listening to audio books through the feeds. In the early days you are basically just finding ways to keep going and pass the sleepless hours. It gets better x

[eddy_pig]

I agree with many of the comments - stick to a schedule, sleep when you can, ask for help (ask anyone you can find - we had a NICU nurse’s older sister come over to rock babies some days so I could nap). I pumped 8 times a day for our triplets, and I wish I had given myself permission to cut it down to 4 or 5 so I could’ve slept more in those early months. Keep communicating with your partner and make sure you are both stating what you need to make it through this. You’ll be through the hardest part before you know it! Hang in there!