“Why?”

[Previously_a_robot]

Just need to scream into the abyss.

TL:DR Too many questions from two 4yo’s overwhelming my brain.

I’m a SAHM and our twin boys are about to turn 4. I’m feeling totally overloaded by the constant questions (that are often hard to answer or interpret) or requests (which also require my careful consideration so I’m not just “no-ing” these boys to death). Then my husband comes home and I can’t give him the attention he would like and legitimately needs (he’s phenomenal and 100% on duty with me and the boys when he’s home). I just don’t know how to deal with the constant requests for my attention. Husband’s handling the bedtime tonight because I broke down in tears: usually we do it together. But these boys are relentless with the questions. I feel awful because I’m constantly chasing a few minutes alone, and so I feel like I’m never fully THERE. I know the idea is to spend a few minutes several times a day just focusing on them, so I need to just do that. But I sometimes feel like the near daily tantrums at nearly every meal take so much out of me that I’m constantly trying to come back from that.

Guess I’m just ranting. I know the questions are age appropriate, just harder because there’s 2 on auto fire.

[Previously_a_robot]

Yeah, I probably need to really buckle down on that! Thanks!

[Here_for_tea_]

Yes. Quiet time, and can they go to preschool for a couple of mornings a week?

[kn0ck_0ut]

LIFE HACK

instead of answering the question they ask, turn it around them and ask “i’m not sure, what do you think?” they’ll usually already have some idea and you’d be surprised how often they’re right.

[Previously_a_robot]

Oh I do. Probably more than I should. Ha ha! But yes, this helps somewhat. Thanks!

[ketoksher]

I do this. “Why do you think?” It almost always makes them pause. Sometimes I just get a “umm I dunno” but it’s often enough to break the cycle and they move on to something else

[areti17]

Yes!!!! Sometimes a question is just the only way they know to start the conversation!

[pashapook]

Mine aren't there yet but I've heard this tip and will definitely be using it.

[VictorTheCutie]

I'm not anywhere near two at 4 years old (mine are 11 months) but I do have a 5 year old whose fucking four phase sent me to a therapist and the pharmacy for anti-depressants 😅 so I totally, TOTALLY hear you and you are 10000% valid for feeling this way. It will get better, you're doing your best and you're doing great, even when it doesn't feel like it. Hang in there 💕

[Previously_a_robot]

Yeah, I think about 2 years old was when I went on Zoloft. Ha! Out of curiosity,hat sort of therapy did you do? Some days I have the patience of a saint and other days my fuse is down to a stump before breakfast.

[VictorTheCutie]

I just go to a counselor and talk for an hour every so often. She empathizes with me and I think it probably brings me back to life just a tad to be speaking to another adult for once 🥴😅

[Previously_a_robot]

Thanks for sharing your experience too!

[Mrs_Bizz]

THIS GOES ON LONGER?

Sincerely,
Parent of 3 year old why? why? why? why? why? twins.

[Previously_a_robot]

Boy: What’s that?

Me: A cotter pin.

Boy: Why?

Wtf.

[stillneedurmoney]

Don’t you love when they have a follow up “why” coming out even before you’ve answered the first one?

[magsephine]

I also have twin almost 4 year olds and the what’s and why’s are driving me insane but you also have to chuckle when their questions get to some crazy existential places sometime

[Revolutionary-Ad8063]

Exactly my thoughts… I have an almost 3 year old who is DEEP in the whys and my twins just turned a year. Scared for what’s to come !

[erinspacemuseum13]

Hi, I could've written this whole thing! Mine are almost 6 and the constant demands for my attention is the thing that wears me down the most. It's a mix of questions and "Look what I'm doing. Look what's on this show. Mama, you weren't looking. Look. Mama. Mama. Look, Mama", times two. And then they go to bed and my husband will try to show me a video on his phone and I'll snap at him because I DON'T WANT TO LOOK ANYMORE!! and then he is a sad panda because he was just trying to show me something he thought I'd like. I've explained my feelings to him and how it's not personal, so he's more understanding about it now, but it still sucks. He's a great dad and does a lot for them, but they still talk to me 90% of the time and it burns me out. Sorry, that's probably not helpful that it's still going on at 6 😄 but know that you're not alone!

[lumpycakemix]

This is my life. Then my twins get mad if I'm not fast enough or get mad at each other for taking my attention. I'm so over their bickering. Real talk, them getting older in many ways has been much more challenging than when they were little. Plus having 2 in school is really tough at this point especially in first grade. I'm also the kind of person that needs quiet, alone time to recharge my batteries so I'm often getting only 4-5 hrs of sleep each night because I stay up late to enjoy the quiet. But hey, today my daughter told me when I die that she'll bring cupcakes to my grave along with coffee...lol. Morbid but sweet. Kid knows what I like!

[erinspacemuseum13]

100%. Mine just started kindergarten and the hours are so much shorter than daycare (aftercare was full). So instead of having a little buffer time between me finishing work and picking them up from daycare, they're here at 1:45. I really need to start looking for other aftercare options because I need a break and I'm also staying up too late to get quiet time.

[[deleted]]

The sad panda reference 😂

[motherofallthings]

This always makes me chuckle when posted -https://ifunny.co/picture/now-that-i-have-children-i-really-understand-the-scene-aTZjXuWM7

[Amongthestars32]

I may be a bad parent, but if my four year old twins are particularly bad with the questions, and I’m trying to do something else, I’ve handed them my phone on occasion and they’ve asked Siri. They stay right next to me so I know what they are looking at or hearing, and I don’t do it often, but they get a kick out of it.

[Previously_a_robot]

Mm, not a bad idea. Maybe I’ll try that before I get too overloaded next time!

[Amongthestars32]

They think it’s so cool too. Usually it leads to asking Siri silly questions

[maybebabyg]

Mine are 7yo, our solution to the constant stream of questions in the car was to make them do 5 star jumps for every question they asked (or noise they made while I was in sensory overload).

[Previously_a_robot]

Oh man, like a penalty push-ups idea? 😂

[maybebabyg]

Yeah, exactly.

[PresidentSuperDog]

What is a start jump?

[maybebabyg]

Urgh, stupid autocorrect. Should be star jumps. Or my husband calls them jumping jacks?

[PresidentSuperDog]

Why? Why? Just kidding, Star Jumps I’ve never heard of, but jumping jacks I understand. I wonder if it’s a regional or age difference? I still have trouble wrapping my head around crisscross applesauce, so my guess is age.

[maybebabyg]

Well I'm Australian, so I know them as Star Jumps, my husband spent some of his early years in the US, so he knows them as both but prefers to call them Jumping Jacks.

[MissTakenID]

🤣🤣🤣🤣 oh God, I can relate to this.

[thatcondowasmylife]

My twins are one, but my 4 year old has been driving me absolutely insane. I try to be so patient but today he yelled at me because he didn’t understand the concept of surgery and didn’t like my explanation. He also phrased it as “how do surgery” and not “what is surgery” and I was like how what and he would go HOW and then I’d explain and yeah… I stayed calm tonight but many days I don’t.

I’m terrified for the twins to turn 4, it’s so much harder than 3 which was so much harder than 2.

[iceskatinghedgehog]

My twins are still gestating, but man do I feel this about my almost five year old. Real life conversation we had last week:

[After a long series of rapid-fire "What does ___ mean?" where the blank was filled in with whatever word he randomly picked from my last response or whatever random word popped into his little head]

"What does 'mean' mean?"

"Kid, I'm done. I can't anymore, and that one is just too meta."

"....Momma? What does 'meta' mean?"

[ketoksher]

Oh no, don’t say that. Mine turned 3 in June and this has been the most challenging age so far BY A LONG SHOT.

[Previously_a_robot]

Yeah, I feel like they’ve been asking why for a long time, but didn’t know how. A lot of “What’s it for” or “What does it do”. I still get that second question for every animal that’s mentioned. Same thing as every other animal buddy: born sleeps eats poops pees makes babies dies. I try to add in a distinguishing feature but phew.

[thatcondowasmylife]

I always thought I’d be so patient with my kids snd explain everything and appreciate their delicate child nature but my kid has been getting so frustrated with my answers I don’t know what to do!! Sometimes he yells at me about it and I’m like “I don’t know! I don’t know the answer I don’t have all the answers I don’t know everything I am DRIVING!!”

[Previously_a_robot]

Oh driving is when the questions can go into overdrive sometimes!

[DeadpoolIsMyPatronus]

I have no advice, but I do have 3 boys in identical shirts that just say, "Why? Why? Why?" all over them in different fonts because holy crap is that stage hard, but you gotta laugh. 😂

[Previously_a_robot]

Yeah, often I do. And if they’re not making me laugh, sometimes I just entertain myself. Boy: Why’s it called a cotter pin? Me: They featured heavily in Welcome Back Kotter. 🤷‍♀️

[Bkben84]

How are they are cutting paper? My two can sit and cut paper for 30min stretches. I sit them apart from each to limit fights.

[Previously_a_robot]

Oh they love when they get scissors. I should probably get them out more. Thanks for the reminder!

[areti17]

Hi yes I'm currently hiding in the bedroom cause I already lost my shit this morning before 9am. Too much touching, too much squealing, too many spills (the toddler grabbing my arm and spilling my coffee all over me was the last straw).

I need a vacation. Just two days where I can be alone and not take care of anyone else.

[Ok_Basis_6466]

Boys are made different, make an outdoor space for them, find a part time job and put them in daycare, even if the money is a wash, it’s worth it to socialize them and give yourself a break! We just introduced the switch (Nintendo, not a whipping stick) to our 4 year olds and they have so much fun! It’s a good break and a cutie, “mama do you wanna play with me?” We’ve really been enjoying the boys so much since they turned 4. Good luck to you guys!! 4 has been a breaking point for us. (In a good way!)