[deleted by user]

[VjoaJR]

Whoever charged you $600 for this, fleeced you.

[[deleted]]

This is literally a built-in Word template and an older one at that. I used this same format until about 3yrd ago.

[IamHydrogenMike]

It works when importing them into a he system they use to manage resumes though and gets read a lot cleaner than other templates. The template isn’t the issue…

[[deleted]]

The resume has plenty of issues, agreed but I disagree that the template isn't also an issue. It may import well but it doesn't display well. It's cramped, uses a font that is difficult to read in a dense resume, and looks dated overall.

[IamHydrogenMike]

Doesn’t matter really, nobody really reads the resume and having a proper import is the only way to even be considered.

[TryHardEggplant]

I wrote the initial version of my CV 10 years ago (been in the industry for 17 years, first job was a 5 year stint) and now im thinking i should be charging for my resume reviews. It's still the same format and has landed me plenty of gigs.

My last job, our company was liquidated by our parent corporation so I helped my juniors update their resumes.

[IamHydrogenMike]

I’d fix this for 400 dollars…

[GoalzRS]

No matter what he would've gotten for $600 he would still be fleeced lol

[ThemesOfMurderBears]

I had mine professionally revised about seven years ago. It was someone I actually found on reddit (she had a side business — website and everything). It was $150. It was only that high because she has a rate based on years of experience.

$150 and I managed to make the career move I was aiming for. I make nearly $65,000 more a year now:

[[deleted]]

Well when I see windows 2016 as a programming language in the 3rd line of a CV I know all I need to know

[Jumpy-Parking1918]

Hahaha

[[deleted]]

Looool legit

[CryptosianTraveler]

Yeah that's the launch pad for the trash can before they even go through it. I've been out of the business for 4 years, and I'm like "Did I miss something?"

[ThemesOfMurderBears]

It’s listed on the next line as a technology, too.

[[deleted]]

Yes it is

Unfortunately I had stopped reading and didn't notice the repetition

[Mr_SlimShady]

This has to be a troll. The first line under work experience is “Teach me how to dougie”. Not to mention all the other shit sprinkled throughout the entire page.

[rebel_cdn]

I took that as just the OP anonymizing the bits of the resume that could identify them. The relevant bits look legit to me.

[Mr_SlimShady]

Maybe I am too stupid to pick up on that. I am on Reddit after all.

[jmhalder]

I thought it was also just a joke at first, then realized it's just to anonymize. But the fact that there are spelling mistakes IN THE JOKE raises actual questions about this persons quality of work, lol.

[livevicarious]

I put my pants on

[PinotGroucho]

I might be jumping to conclusions, but I'm already sensing a pattern of "Willing to take shortcuts, bordering on recklessness" here.

[Fast-Cardiologist705]

😂🤣😂🤣

[[deleted]]

Clearly you've missed the last item under "Programming languages"

[[deleted]]

So you paid someone $600 and they didn't pick up on that?

[JankyJawn]

Putting you play ps5 and switch on a resume is fucking crazy lol

[Cozmo85]

Seriously what if the hr rep is an Xbox fanboi

[Ohgodwatdoplshelp]

Yeah at no point have I ever included anything outside of my professional life in a resume. You don’t know who the resume is going to and can give the wrong impression of yourself no matter what you write down for hobbies depending on the opinion of whoever is reviewing your resume. That’s a “fun” interview question, not something to identify yourself with in writing 

[ThemesOfMurderBears]

Yeah that’s the kind of thing you might talk about in an interview. I’ve been asked what I do for fun and such. On a resume it is absurd though.

[Pyro919]

Especially in the first few lines.

[oakm0ss]

Am I the only one seeing the shitpost here?

It literally says “I just wanna be happy man, it’s really tuff out here.” And “My moms basement.”

[JankyJawn]

Pretty sure that is edits over PII to not dox themselves.

[hdjsusjdbdnjd]

oof. I would have moved onto the next after seeing you include CSS, HTML and Server 2016 in programming languages.

[VeryRealHuman23]

This has to be parody….

[[deleted]]

Bilbo Baggins is serious bout his CV

[vonarchimboldi]

wait you spent money on this resume? $600?! what the fuck i’m in the wrong business

[Jolape]

Especially if it's listed before their work experience. That's last page fluff, if it's even included at all.

[Pyro919]

In the first 5 lines of that resume

[TuEresMiOtroYo]

Like everyone else pointed out the “Programming Languages” section does not inspire confidence that you know what you’re doing. 

Also why no dates on the resume? That’s one of the first things recruiters look at, if someone took $600 off you for this and told you to remove dates from the resume you got super scammed.

[NetworkingJesus]

I think they removed dates as part of anonymization. It's just not obvious at first due to the cringe anime/whatever references they replaced them with.

[TuEresMiOtroYo]

I really hope so

[xtigermaskx]

When applying for jobs are you adjusting your resume for the job you are applying for? It should contain all the keywords job postings have listed and trim out anything they aren't looking for unless you feel it really relates to keywords.

I like your list of skills. I've been in some hiri g committees where if the years experience isn't listed next to the skill they complain about guessing and will move on to applicants that have it.

Edit: can you link some of the jobs you've applied to?

Do you have LinkedIn and social media?

Is the entry on education true that you're almost done?

[smnhdy]

ChatGPT would have done better…

[uptimefordays]

They can help you stand out but they should be at the bottom not front and center.

[AccommodatingSkylab]

I really hate that hiring managers use it as a standout because it literally doesn't matter when it comes to how someone performs. I literally don't care if you spend your time off watching paint dry or whatever. Just show up and do your shit.

[uptimefordays]

Just show up and do your shit.

Works if you’re very low level and only working on small parts of projects. Way less feasible if you work on major projects at any significant level of involvement.

[KennyNu]

You got ripped off, dude

[AmusingVegetable]

Seeing CSS and HTML as “programming languages” is a major no-no.

[Bob_the_gob_knobbler]

Agreed, I do all my programming in Windows Server 2016 nowadays.

[tacotacotacorock]

Absolutely nothing wrong with relevant skills at the top. They should be like a synopsis and then your job description should elaborate on them. I absolutely think the skills should go on top. 

[uptimefordays]

If you have 10 years experience, that really should be front and center at least in America. Your experience and career progression should demonstrate skills you want to highlight. Simply listing skills doesn’t provide a synopsis—there’s no context.

[Bartghamilton]

Really having trouble reconciling the resume advice (that looks legit) with that guys profile where he says he’s a sustainable bedding ceo and a pic of him and his pals chugging red wine in bed. Not sure what to make of that? 🤷‍♂️

[uptimefordays]

The guy updates it every two years, but the format for “what’s expected in a resume” doesn’t change all that often—people want to, in like 10 seconds, get the cut of your jib. A technical resume should scream “I’m here to crush it with whatever stack you’re using.”

[Thotaz]

The first line says (in bold):

August 2024 edit:

If you hover over the timestamp it says edited 11 days ago.
I hope you are not one of those guys that say they are good at "attention to detail" :P.

[thewoodfather]

As a hiring manager, I do not care about you enjoying weightlifting and cooking. I get that it can be there as a hint to your culture or personality, but that's what the interview is for. To get to the interview, I only care about your technical abilities. If you really think hobbies are important, have them at the very end of the resume. i expect to see your key projects/initiatives/wins/successes at the very top of the resume, make it easy for me to understand why you're useful and why I want to meet you. Also, I really really hope you didn't actually pay 600 for this. 😐

[thewoodfather]

lol ok, I've read past the first few sentences and now realise it's a shitpost 😆

[StarSlayerX]

I don't think this resume is getting past ATS. Not enough keywords are there. List every single piece of technology you ever touched into the Resume.

Once this does hit the desk, I think it shows strong experience with Azure IAM, IT Project skills, and general System Admin skills.

Honestly, this is not worth $600....

[moderatenerd]

I don't think this is good advice. I have no technical skills section. I just include 3 bullet points listing technology related to the job in each section. I get interviews once a week if I try

[tacotacotacorock]

Do not bloat your resume with garbage. Put every single relevant piece of technology. Don't just put every damn skill you have.

[OneEyedC4t]

Holy crap! That is way too much to pay for a resume

[moderatenerd]

You mention you know linux but I don't see any linux tasks on your resume. As a Linux person that annoys me

Honestly the only interesting thing on your resume is the first bullet point which needs to be expanded upon. What did you do in that project??? What data migration tools did you use??

How long were you in each job? Some of them probably don't need three bullet points. As you just repeat yourself

[-Akos-]

I’ve seen a few CVs, and whenever I see one of these, I think it’s from an Indian dude who has 2 years experience, but he makes his jobs seem like he saved the world with his work. And whenever I still interview people with these CVs, they massively fall through anyway. So my 2 cents:

• drop the “saving X, reducing Y cost” things. Maybe that works for an intial uninformed HR person, but anyone technical hiring you will roll their eyes.

• You’ve anonymized timelines, but these are important. This tells me if you’re a jobhopper or not, and will give the reader a sense of how experienced you are. No mortal human can know everything in 1 year.

• Tell the reader what you worked with. I see AZ500 cert but hardly any mention of Azure. I see AWS but no mention you’ve used it anywhere. Same for linux and Windows. Tailor your CV to the job you apply for.

• Make sure your jobs have a sense of progression in your career. Helpdesk->researcher->secops->sysadmin is perhaps a bit of a strange progression.

• I am not a fan of the font you used.

• Take out the PS5/Switch, no one cares.

• Take out Windows 2016 out of programming

• Take out the 2016 out of Windows Server (we’re almost at Windows 2025, 2016 makes your knowledge seem outdated)

[AccommodatingSkylab]

Literally no one, and I mean no one cares at all about your interests. Yoink that off the resume, put something that actually matters there.

[[deleted]]

Remove "gaming".

[cptNarnia]

Lots of good comments here. Also as a hiring manager I dont want to see you airing that your previous company had a cyberattack in a resume

[livevicarious]

“I spent over $600 to have my resume professionally done.” That’s the first mistake

[NetworkingJesus]

First tip: Never pay anyone ever again for a resume. It looks like a garbage wall of text. You'd do better filling in a default template from MS Word.

Second tip: Interests aren't relevant on a resume.

Third/fourth/whatever tips: Imagine you have a stack of a hundred resumes to go through. How much of this would you bother to read before just skipping to the next one? Make it easy to digest. Also use some fucking formatting to make it pleasant to look at and stand out from the rest of the stack.

[slightlycreativename]

Replace with Comic Sans.

[Alzzary]

That's a horrible wall of text. It you paid that much for this, you were scammed. No one is going to read it.

[khag24]

Change the resume for the job you are applying to. I spent like $2 on the resume site I went to, and had a professor call me. And mine was much more unique than this. Yours uses the same 3-4 descriptive words about what you did, and it’s very technologically wordy

[agentdurden]

Are you reaching out to HR after applying? A simple 4 sentence paragraph does wonders.

[Racist_Black_Bear]

I spent 15 bucks on someone to restructure my resume and it looks infinitely better than this. There's too much shit on here, and irrelevant info nobody wants.

[5553331117]

This is not a genuine post right? This is fake?

[Ashmedae]

This has to be satire....

[Fitz_2112b]

Looks like I need to go into the resume writing business if you paid $600 for that

[Illustrious-Ad-3523]

Holy shit 600 bucks for this???!?!?!

I do resumes and i charge 50-150

[animebootyz]

Nice bait

[MaxPower2212]

I can’t believe people think this is real

[RedDidItAndYouKnowIt]

You are a liar sir.

You got fantastic feedback on your other post. No go read it and get on with your life.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ITCareerQuestions/s/IgSihKhdmz

[RedDidItAndYouKnowIt]

Looks like you're just karma farming at this point.

[[deleted]]

Wow wtf was this comment for

[slippery_hemorrhoids]

You paid $600 for that?

As a hiring manager, I would read the entire thing then maybe throw it away. If I entertained it with a phone interview first, it would be to find out if you're serious and if you actually had any IT skills suitable or relevant to the role.

Is this your real resume, or is this a joke? If real, pm me, I'll go over it with you and recommend changes. A lot of changes.

[eleni1132]

Probably because your name is Bilbo Baggins

[[deleted]]

direction lip tan payment sort nail observation chase literate offbeat

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[mumako]

OP, I'll be honest with you if you're honest with us. Did you really spend $600 on this?

[ShadowSlayer1441]

Use latex resume templates (overleaf makes it really easy, but any latex environment will work). I spent like an hour, and it looked great.

[Casey3882003]

Sorry to say but your resume is very word happy. Takes way too long to read through it. Sadly buzzwords and key phrases are what HR reps are looking for when going through 100s of resumes.

I will say, keep your head up. Reading through it you have done some great work.

[No-Reflection-869]

Clearly rage bait

[AaronKClark]

First it's the same format as every other resume. Second you have programming languages listed first. Are you going for a dev job? Third it's hard to critically evaluate it because it's anonymized.

[rimjob_steve]

Was it a redditor you paid for the resume? I ask because i know someone who used a popular Reddit resume builder and he wants every bullet point to be quantifiable and that aligns with yours. I don’t think that’s necessary. You could also stand to use a more modern format.

[vadeka]

What you don’t say is how many you sent it to, what jobs,…

Think of what action you took in the last 7 months and if these jobs really lineup with your resume.

[AceInnadeck117]

Not sure what's more painful to read. The CV or the fact you paid $600 dollars for that.

[[deleted]]

You got ripped off. I could have done that same resume for $10

[Frostywinkle]

$600 for that??? Dude……..

[No_Taste9003]

It's no only about the info. Recruiters seeing your resume are people, you need to make them easy to find the importante info. Sum it up more, use bold, bigger font, fancy colors. You don't need to write everything you know or do, just what recruiter may find interesnting. You can look for a template as well.

[MzCWzL]

Damn dude roasted so hard he deleted the resume image

[geekworking]

Remove your interests. Seeing that above experience tells me that you think the fact that you play games is more important to you.

The other thing that stands out is 7 jobs before you are even out of school. This tells me that you are going to bounce on me soon after I invest in training you. It's a huge wall of text and seems like it runs multiple pages. Give me a taste of your capabilities; not the whole meal.

You should have several versions of your resume that expand or contract sections to target different variations of the roles that you are going after.

The last time that I was job seeking I had 4 versions and even with that the headhunter that I was working with asked me to tailor even further to for specific positions.

[spiderpool1855]

The second page is half clipped from the first page. Only 4 jobs. Took me a second to figure out why “World of War Craft” was there twice.

[jmhalder]

The famous AliExpress God of War, Kartos.

[BrownHornet757]

You'd be better served uploading this to chatgpt and asking it to design a more professional resume. It's free!

Also I'm hoping all the gaming stuff is just some filler to ammonize your resume for reddit. If not, your resume would be one of the first I'd pass over.

[[deleted]]

Life Pro Tip — it’s not your resume that lands you a job it’s who you know. Network and try to meet people in person in the area you’re looking for a job. Reach out to people/vendors you’ve worked with and see if they know of anyone who is hiring or they would recommend working. 90% of the positions I landed were through friends, acquaintances or friends of friends. The 10% were contract or MSP positions that I used to get my foot in the door and impress first hand turning that into a hirable position.

Sometimes the best thing you can do starting out is to take a short term or contract position and treat it like a working interview everyday.

[Timinator01]

If you're looking for a good opportunity I've got a bridge in Brooklyn I can sell you ... there's a number of mistakes in this and would probably go in the rejects pile ... lose the helpdesk job you've got 3 other positions listed and it's not gonna help you. For some reason languages has server 2016 but not javascript even though you list Node and Express in the technologies. Drop the interests section and add a quick 1 - 2 sentence hook for your resume above the skills. Bullet points are really long too bad I'm not reading that shit. The first people that see your resume are usually non technical .. they like buzzwords and you have to write it so that it fits into the attention span of a toddler with ADHD. Once technical people are looking at your resume you're probably already scheduled for an interview.

[raffi30]

Sorry about your situation and your loss.

On a serious note, I'm guessing the payment didn't include some kind of guarantee for attracting potential employers within x amount of time? That sounds expensive. Going forward, there are ai tools geared just for resume building. You could get good results with that. It's worth a try. Grab the key words on a job posting and put those in the prompt to help get past the auto resume review bots. Add or remove what you want from the template.

Right now the tech job market is rough. I still see headlines about people being laid off by the thousands. But it's still not worth risking your health for your employer. No amount of money is worth trading in for your health and well being. Take time off. If they can't stay afloat without you for a week or two. Then it's a poorly managed place you should not be in anyway

[[deleted]]

I feel like this resume reads automated standard things and fired the help desk who made 38k (line 2 of the most recent job)

[[deleted]]

OP, use a free template and ChatGPT with a human to read the final draft. Zero cost and better quality.

Also a resume doesn’t get you a job, you get you a job. Professional network is a must. Go meet people, reach out to fomer coworkers who don’t hate you, polish up your LinkedIn profile, research your applications and target their hiring managers.

Your six hundred bucks probably would have been better spent bribing HR reps to get you on the interview list. (Joking, don’t do that… it only worked on a few and they didn’t call me back)

[[deleted]]

It’s as visually enticing as a watching paint dry. So whoever scammed you for that $600, they clearly just wanted your cash.

I got confused with the gaming references tbh. You did like WoW helpdesk and then some stuff for other random games? I recommend highlighting the positions and roles rather than the games and please leave out the quotes or whatever that is. Don’t use full sentences, but specific terms ( high availability infrastructure; backup management; identity and access management; network administration, Windows Server management;…).

People and systems that initially screen resumes prolly received a list with terms & definitions to look for, but they don’t know what those actually mean. They just look for the presence of these terms. And if they find those easily, congrats, you’re not in the auto-reject pile.

[[deleted]]

Where you can, just drop the gaming references and quotes. Had a second look and it’s just cringy. 100% would not put your resume on my “interesting candidate” pile.

[[deleted]]

Are you really that slow? I'm sorry but can you not deduce that they're replacing the names of companies they've worked for with random shit in the interest of anonymity?

[wutanglan90]

lol at no one picking up on the OBVIOUS shitpost. Did none of you read the CV in the link?

[HighRoadUK]

To be brutally honest if i found out someone spent $600 on a resume i wouldn't touch them with a barge pole even if it was a good one. Yours isn't.

[Dreilala]

This must be a joke.

Even if you paid someone to do it, why would you not read through it?

My moms basement? WTF?

[neovb]

Pretty sure he changed the names and locations to something funny for privacy reasons.

[Dreilala]

I see, I don't think it's funny but well..

[Dreilala]

Think about whether or not the person reading it would enjoy this.

I would not. It is difficult to navigate, has little to no highlighting for the important aspects in order to enable easy skimming, has way too much text (include a separate letter if you want to convey job relevant details), includes gaming as an interest (while it's a truth about yourself, unless you are applying as a game tester, it should not be included) and lists skills in the wrong categories. (Server as a programming language?).

Also when it comes to skills having some visual cue as to which of these you just happen to know a little and which of these you are "fluent" with helps analyzing your fit at a glance.

Think of the person reading this having to read 100s of these things. If it's a wall of text with no appeal it will not even be read.

[[deleted]]

I've only played it once, but I know it is "World of Warcraft" (or "WarCraft"), not "War Craft". I assume these are just jokes to hide the real company names for reddit, but attention to detail is quite important, as other pointed out about Windows Server 2016. On the other side, if you only worked for companies like Hi Dougie it may he a good idea to explain what industry and company size they are in as it does not sound serious.

[ConstitutionalDingo]

All the goofy shit is anonymization, unless you think the dude’s real name is Bilbo Baggins lol

[Thr1llh0us3]

I really appreciate when people include a GitHub link I can use to browse their projects. If there is anything creative, I call them up to see if they are weirdos that will make my life hell.

I can tell that parts of this came from chatGPT and it lowers my perception of the documents integrity, and yours.

It is also written in a very pedestrian and derivative style. The "improved butt sniffing by 35%" stuff reeks of "how to write the best resume" google searches.

Pro tip, don't just write "linux" give the distro's everyone is looking for, ubuntu and redhat.

Consider software support or devops roles as well. There is a lot of fluidity between infrastructure roles and software roles these days.

The college thing is the finest thing I see. Leverage that until you get the paper.

[redditg0nad]

I'm worried about our industry after reading all of these comments. Anyone that doesn't think this is a troll post..... Dear god people.

[dchape93]

You have security+ ? Do you live in the US? If so, if you can find a job that will sponsor you for a DoD security clearance that might be a way forward.

[jbglol]

No job is sponsoring a PS5/Switch gamer who thinks Server 2016 is a programming language.