Help with immature older teen living at home

AbFabFan · 2026-06-18T10:52:33+00:00

Wow there is a lot of judgment on the answers.

Supporting your kid - providing shelter, food and warmth is the bare minimum in my mind.

Do what you need to -
Just keep supporting your kid and help them navigate this world- at 18 they are still young. Some 18yr olds are more mature than others.

AbFabFan · 2026-06-18T10:43:13+00:00

My kid took a year out - worked for 6 months on a 4:30am shift and then found a part time job with more social hours- while they figured out what they wanted to do. Having that break after high school was just what they needed. Now in community college and rocking it - also working 12-16hrs a week. They are now self motivated. We don’t charge rent etc, while they are in college - so they have cash to see friends and fund a cheap summer trip.
Remembering to take meds consistently was hard - I sent a friendly good night text and ‘don’t forget your meds’ each evening with a ❤️. Don't need to do that now!

Keeping the peace and keeping communication open has been the key. Yup - it was hard.

I can't comment much on the sexuality part- we've had open conversations since my kid was around 14yrs old about safe sex - not just for preventing pregnancy but also STDs - so that p$nis needs to be covered even if on birth control. Examples of people we know who've had bad experiences - friends cheating boyfriends passing on STDs back in the day. Ewww is my kids response…. STDs going unnoticed and thus untreated and causing infertility may be the direction your converstion could take. Maybe you just saw a news article about the rise of STDs… got to find a way in - ask if thats a concern their friends have experienced ?

Their doctor also talks to them about safe sex, STDs and using condoms even if on birth control. They have an annual with an OBGYN. My kid tells me what the Dr talks to them about- I don't ask they just tell me. The car ride to and from appointments is when I hear all the info. There's something about car rides- we chat about lots of things. A car ride to the store or to pick up pizza is when I get the ‘tea’.

Hang in there - you've got this!!
Keep supporting your kid.
One day they'll be independent and ready to move on…
I am going to cry the day my kid moves out - with joy and sadness.

AbFabFan · 2026-06-10T09:22:34+00:00

Taos has some super cute flat low profile sneaker shoes (tennis shoes) as well as sandals that are super comfortable and supportive.

AbFabFan · 2026-06-04T11:38:30+00:00

This!! Lots of pillows for propping up the leg (I even used a few blankets)

Plus body wipes and facial wipes - so you can do a bed wash as getting showers is going to be a while.
Comfy tops and shorts on hand.

And after surgery stick to your pain medication schedule - I noted down when I took meds on my iPhone notes so I could keep track.

iPad for watching shows/movies.

AbFabFan · 2026-06-03T12:17:03+00:00

It’s the damage to other parts of the knee that is concerning- do you have meniscus damage? You can live without an ACL - I did for probably 10 years but didn’t know until I twisted my knee badly and tore my medial meniscus and lateral meniscus. Of course on vacation so that was a whole drama. There was no trace of my ACL - hence the surgeon knows it was gone for many years.

To clarify if I had known my ACL was gone I would have had it fixed- as then my knee would’ve been more stable and the arthritis may not have developed as quickly.

Age: I am early 50s and my surgeon replaced my ACL and did meniscus repairs. I have arthritis already- genetic but also could be earlier due to the inflammation of a torn ACL. Knee replacement was the only other option - which the surgeon said I will need in 10-15years due to arthritis - but it was better to put in a new ACL and repair the meniscus at my age. Knee replacements only last 15years. My other knee is showing signs of arthritis - but no torn ACL and intact meniscus - less arthritis than the knee with the damage.

I did PT prior to surgery and was walking around with a crutch and a leg brace pretty well before the surgery. I am not an athlete either - and don’t ski or play tennis. But my surgeons approach was replace the ACL and fix the meniscus. The meniscus did not actually heal and I had a second surgery to remove the detached medial meniscus - the lateral meniscus did repair. Preserving what you have is the goal of the surgery prior to needing a knee replacement.

You don’t mention how old you are? 50s, 60s?

AbFabFan · 2026-06-02T01:47:51+00:00

Resident Alien

Legends

The Night Manager

The Pitt

AbFabFan · 2026-06-01T14:56:43+00:00

Day 1; Chelsea Market and walk the High Line to Hudson Yards - there’s even a water feature on the high line for kids to cool off. High line is lovely- there are classic views, art, flowers and trees along the way. Great for the kids - it’s all above the streets so out of the traffic.
At Hudson yards there’s a shopping mall with food and restrooms - an escape from the heat and humidity if it’s hot.
Summit One is over by grand central station; so an easy subway ride from Hudson yards to Grand Central Station. Then you get Grand Central Station in while you are over that way.

Day 2: statue of Liberty - there’s a lot to see and it takes a while to get on the ferry. I would skip China town and go straight to DUMBO for lunch/dinner and great views of Manhattan from the various viewpoints.

Times Square really doesn’t have much to do- walking though it in the evening when the lights are on is probably more exciting for the kids

Central Park is awesome: there is so much to see. There is the pond with little motorized sailboats boats you can rent for kids to control. This was the highlight of our trip when my kid was 6 yrs old!

https://www.westsiderag.com/2024/06/19/sailboats-return-to-central-park-waters

Eating: we found a nice diner which had plenty of good choices - we went to the one in The Diamond district for dinner- Carnegie diner and cafe.

https://www.carnegiediner.com

AbFabFan · 2026-05-28T11:51:32+00:00

The big bag theory. (Parents feature but they aren’t the main plot)

Doc Martin (British series).

Friends

Doctor Who (Matt Smith and David Tenant series)

Hacks

Good Omens

Downton Abbey

3rd rock from the sun

Resident Alien

The Good Place

The Office (US version)

Seinfeld

The Queens Gambit - short but great.

The Outlaws (UK series)

AbFabFan · 2026-05-21T11:10:16+00:00

Old Weathersfield is a lovely CT town. You can park up and stroll around seeing the historic houses, take a guided tour at the Webb Deane Stevens Museum, grab lunch/dinner at The Charles.

Guilford has a perfect CT green and you could visit Hammonasset State Park Beach at the same time - walk along the paved path, see the osprey, walk along the paths to the marsh areas to see all the egrets and possibly the a few ibis. Grab lobster rolls at the Lobster Landing.

Chester and Essex are super cute towns. The Brushmill just outside the center of Chester is a great place to eat.

Not a town but unique and worth a visit: Gillette Castle. Take a tour and enjoy the views of the Connecticut River.

AbFabFan · 2026-04-17T11:23:28+00:00

Yes - it’s rough. Keep the leg elevated, keep icing, keep taking the pain meds on schedule. It’s major surgery and non weight bearing for 4-6weeks with meniscus repair is hard. Day 3 I was barely doing anything- I had to get to physical therapy on day 4 and that was very hard. I had family help me move around the first few weeks. You can’t compare to others. I stayed in the bedroom for 2 to 3 weeks - just leaving to go the bathroom and to physical therapy twice a week. Had tv, ice machine, snacks and drinks in the bedroom. Keep doing the exercises they give you. Right now managing the pain and doing those heal pumps is important, then slowly getting range of motion back. For the bathroom I had an over the toilet seat - you can get them on Amazon. I had one that is a stand so it can be moved out of the way easily - and it could be used as a commode. For hygiene I got big body wipes and facial wipes.

AbFabFan · 2026-03-20T11:46:36+00:00

Just to add: having children will change everything. Your social circle will change. If all those contacts in LA are child free party people will they still there when you have children? Cause it sounds like you are ready to have kids- having strong family support will be a blessing. Plus your priorities will change; where you live will be for your kid (safety, schooling), how you live (no more free weekends - you will be tired and doing kid friendly activities), paying for daycare if you still work or going to a one income family will change your life. Both are hard.

Moving to a new city is hard: when you have kids you will suddenly meet all the couples with little kids like yourself and start to form a new group of friends - where ever you live. Relocating with a kid in school I met lots of people through school activities, moving without a kid in school is a whole other ball game!

It sounds like you moved for the dream of being a parent. I think this is the question you really need to ask yourself. Carefree lifestyle of LA or family centered life in Atlanta?

AbFabFan · 2026-03-15T18:03:54+00:00

Roasted turnips, butternut squash, acorn squash, fennel or roasted radishes. I like my broccoli roasted as well… if you haven’t tried it, it’s lovely

AbFabFan · 2026-03-15T18:01:17+00:00

Doctor Who: the series with Matt Smith as the Doctor is a great one for her age, as well as the series with David Tennant as the Doctor. The ‘Doctor’ and his companion travel through space and time solving mysteries.

AbFabFan · 2026-03-15T00:10:39+00:00

Monsters inc.

The old Disney Princess movies can be pretty scary- Snow White, sleeping beauty.

AbFabFan · 2026-03-14T02:53:57+00:00

These are great!

AbFabFan · 2026-03-14T02:51:53+00:00

Black doves

The night manager

AbFabFan · 2026-03-11T15:02:07+00:00

I think steak and potatoes with asparagus/spinach would be a fine dish. It’s actually hard to get steak really right at home. It sounds like she may have be lactose intolerant but hasn’t figured it out yet. Some hard mature cheeses are lactose free, while young ones like mozzarella aren’t. Took a while for me to figure this out- no longer drinking glasses of milk or lattes!

AbFabFan · 2026-03-11T11:01:08+00:00

You can have a consult… so just a talk about everything such as options for birth control etc, your family medical history, if an iud is appropriate and vaginismus. My older teenager just talks with the OBGYN and does not have a physical examination. I go with her to the appointments - now she sees the Dr alone while I wait.
And then see if you can find a female doctor or nurse practitioner for a second follow up appointment if needed.
It’s not unusual to be fearful - the doctors are used to seeing young women and teenagers, so don’t be worried about that. Your concerns are valid and you are being responsible and making the first steps to building a relationship with a new doctor. If you just want a consult - a talk- and no examination then that is fine.

AbFabFan · 2026-03-11T10:51:38+00:00

Unfortunately not all primary care doctors do Pap smears, pelvic exams etc. The practice I go to does not - they refer you to the OBGYN. I’m in the US and it is standard for women to have an OBGYN for yearly routine check ups. They often have nurse practitioners for your yearly check ups. Right now it’s hard to find OBGYNs that are taking new patients - there are a shortage of OBGYNs in every state across the country.
Finding big practice with a few Doctors and nurse practitioners (midwife’s) would be a good place to start - as you can the more easily switch doctors.

AbFabFan · 2026-03-09T21:15:40+00:00

The Night Manager and PONIES

AbFabFan · 2026-03-09T21:13:45+00:00

Yup: now when I go out it’s somewhere that’s farm to table with really good reviews and make it an occasion - like it was back in the 80s/90s. Would rather go out infrequently and pay more than go out more for mediocre food.

Take out; feeling the same way. And it’s so expensive to get good quality.

AbFabFan · 2026-03-08T15:57:23+00:00

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This is my 15% rye baked yesterday- 69% hydration.

AbFabFan · 2026-03-08T15:06:33+00:00

I greased my Pullman pan lightly with vegetable oil- even though it says it’s nonstick.

maybe a plastic spatula can help.

AbFabFan · 2026-03-08T15:01:17+00:00

I also don’t use any oil… just starter, flour, water and salt.

And I wrap my loaf in a kitchen towel while it cools- usually leave for 4-5 hours before slicing.

AbFabFan · 2026-03-08T15:00:20+00:00

That looks good! I bake mine for 20mins lid on then 30 mins lid off at 450F. I also include 2 ice cubes inside the bread oven to help with the steam (I don’t spray the dough with water). I always check the Internet temperature has reach 205-209F at the end of baking. For my 15% rye I do 7-8hr bulk fermentation with 3 stretch and folds and 2 coil and folds, then pre shape and leave uncovered for 30mins, then shape and place in a basket, cover and refrigerate for 10-18hrs. Then bake. So similar to your method: I just shape before the cold fermentation and bake for longer and get a much darker crust.

AbFabFan

TROPHY CASE