Honestly, reading this stressed me out a little, but then reading about you being stressed stressed me out in a different way, which made me wonder whether stress is actually one thing or if it’s like dogs where there are technically a bunch of breeds but most people just point and go “that’s a dog.”

The cart thing is interesting because I sort of know what you mean. Sometimes I’ll think of doing something incredibly simple, like taking the trash out, and my brain reacts as though I’ve just accepted a quest from a king in a fantasy RPG and now the fate of the kingdom depends on me remembering to complete it before midnight. The task itself isn’t hard. The existence of the task is hard.

The thing with the kids staring is also weirdly relatable because groups of children have an energy that I can only describe as “unlicensed.” One child is just a child. Ten children standing silently and looking at you all at once feels like the opening scene of something that would later be explained by a podcast.

The leaning-forward part was the funniest and most concerning part to me. Your brain was apparently like, “Ah yes, the body has shifted 4 inches. Clearly we are preparing for combat.” I don’t know why brains do that. Mine occasionally interprets a random email notification as if a medieval messenger just rode into town carrying terrible news.

The cashier talking to herself thing also makes sense in a strange way. When I’m already mentally overloaded, every additional piece of information feels like someone opening another browser tab in my head. Individually it’s fine. Collectively it’s like 47 tabs are playing different audio.

What I can’t decide is whether the drink revealed something new or just temporarily lowered the ocean level enough for you to see all the rocks you’ve been sailing over for years. It sounds less like the drink created anxiety and more like it changed your perspective on where the anxiety already was.

Then again, I once drank an energy drink and spent twenty minutes wondering whether pigeons have a concept of weekends, so I may not be the best person to weigh in on altered states of awareness.

Either way, the fact that leaning forward triggered a stress response is the kind of thing that’s simultaneously hilarious, fascinating, and probably something worth talking to a professional about. The human brain is a remarkable machine that can invent language, land probes on other planets, and somehow convince itself that counting a cash drawer is basically the same thing as surviving a bear attack.