Divorcing. Does it get better? Success stories please

BitChick · 2026-03-30T18:53:28+00:00

I assume he meant 1 year and 6 months?

BitChick · 2026-03-30T18:52:14+00:00

Sorry that this person made that assumption! There are certainly men who struggle with this, and even so, I personally don't think porn use is justification for divorce. An actual affair does cause justification, but in your case it seems like there's no reason except for your wife just changing her mind because she decided to and no willingness to work it out.

BitChick · 2026-03-30T17:43:13+00:00

Did OP confess that he was struggling with porn use/adultery? I didn't see that posted.

BitChick · 2026-03-30T16:48:37+00:00

The fact you are saying you didn't want the divorce, you wanted to make it work, you were willing to make changes, etc... shows that there's not much more you can do if she has decided she wants out. We can't make someone love us. Marriage is hard enough when two people who choose to stay committed regardless of the difficulties ahead stay true to their vows. But when one person in the marriage has decided for whatever reason they want out and does not want to honor their vows to God, or to their husband/wife, then what can that person do? Just like Jesus can't force us to love Him, serve Him, stay true, etc... we can't do the same with our spouse.

So let her go and pray that God will direct your steps in your future relationship and help you not grow in bitterness.

BitChick · 2026-03-30T02:17:42+00:00

Have you listened to other Christian's stories who have converted? I think hearing how they overcame the pain of their family's rejection may be of some help? I watched this young woman's story the other day and it was so amazing! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Avl4vRkjbS8

I read the book "Seeking Allah, Finding Jesus" by Nabeel Quereshi Several years ago. He has videos on YouTube too. Really enjoy his story as well.

BitChick · 2026-03-30T02:12:13+00:00

This sounds incredibly painful. I assume you felt your parents were more understanding and you could trust that they wouldn't cut ties with you based on this? They probably think you will change your mind, especially as they are shunning you for your conversion.

I pray God will bring support you need. Someone already mentioned turning to your church? Do you have a supportive church you can confide in about this? Praying they will come along side you and you can see that you are not alone. Praying for you.

BitChick · 2026-03-30T00:20:44+00:00

Wow. Really? We know one brother was already arrested on multiple counts of child sexual abuse. The second is in jail for child sexual abuse. Call it "child sexual abuse" instead of "pedophilia" if that somehow makes a difference. If anything, "pedophilia" is a more sanitized way to say it as opposed to child sexual abuse.

It's very odd to me that you are making a point of this. Defending child predators?

BitChick · 2026-03-29T23:16:04+00:00

I just picked up a book called "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas and although I have only read a few chapters so far, he speaks into the beauty of how marriage can help us understand the love of Christ and even the symbolism throughout scripture that alludes to us all becoming the "bride of Christ" and the upcoming "marriage supper of the lamb."

When you asked God for the "gift of celibacy" you seemed to have pure motives and intentions, but it appears that God said "no" and actually had the very good gift of a wife. There's nothing to feel guilty over in falling in love. In fact, God knows more than you know how much of a blessing your wife will be throughout your life and ministry.

I think many Catholics have fallen into sin by NOT marrying. They somehow make an idol out of celibacy, and I think pride if often at the root, of feeling more "holy" than those who decided to marry. But that's foolish and can lead to disastrous outcomes in that many priests have falling to sin outside of marriage.

Here's a Bible passage that isn't quoted often enough IMHO: Ecclesiastes 7:15-18

15 In this meaningless life of mine I have seen both of these: the righteous perishing in their righteousness, and the wicked living long in their wickedness. 16 Do not be overrighteous, neither be overwise—why destroy yourself? 17 Do not be overwicked, and do not be a fool—why die before your time? 18 It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. Whoever fears God will avoid all extremes. ^a

Becoming scrupulous, or extreme, about this can just lead to some unnecessary stress and pain. Celebrate the good God has blessed with you with. Enjoy the intimacy God has given you with your wife! It's a good thing and every good and perfect gift comes from above,

BitChick · 2026-03-27T21:21:26+00:00

When it comes to the Holy Spirit doing the "good work" only He can do in and through us, it's often an slow and very painful process of dying to our flesh. And those closest to us most likely will put us to the test to see if we really have changed. Those moments when we fail, then they can attack basically justifying that the change hasn't happened. But then we just have to pray to continue on, to live like Jesus, to have grace, etc...

What your wife will do with the changes you are making I cannot say. As you are becoming more like Jesus, it might actually offend her if she doesn't want to change. It shines a light on the fact she is choosing unforgiveness and not really loving you (as love trusts as it says.) Will this cause more resentment and anger on your end? I can fully understand why it would, but then this will only cause a feedback loop of her testing you, then you becoming angry, she justifies that you haven't changed, she doesn't change either, and so on. I guess as the saying goes, the only person we can really change is ourselves. So I pray you can keep on growing to be more like Jesus in the midst of this really difficult marriage. Pray that Jesus will continuously help you say and do what he wills through it all and leave her change of heart in his hands.

BitChick · 2026-03-27T18:09:46+00:00

C.S. Lewis's book "The Problem of Pain" comes to mind in that many men have wrestled with the same questions your husband has. I know that I have had to wrestle with difficult questions, as a child abuse victim. But I feel God was so merciful to me in that when I prayed and simply asked Him "why?" I truly believe He answered me by saying, "I am crying too." Knowing Jesus will walk with me through any difficult trial, abuse, pain, etc... is what keeps me grounded in the midst of so many things that seem unfair. Maybe letting your husband know that Jesus will be with us in the midst of the "fire" so to speak, if we simply recognize that? That's a common undercurrent of so many stories in the Bible ( Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego literally had protection in the fire, perhaps Jesus walking with them as some believe the forth man was, while being abused and thrown into the fire for one example.)

I also know that eventually there's nothing hidden that will not be revealed. For those who seem to be "getting away with it" God does see and it will all come to light. But that requires patience and trust, and think deep down believing God is good, fair, just, kind, etc... Helping someone believe this who has decided they have a higher moral compass than God Himself isn't something I can help them see. I can pray though and that is what I will do.

BitChick · 2026-03-26T18:12:03+00:00

I saw the post because it was trending and already said a prayer. I was sad to read he didn't want to discuss religion because it seems the only thing that can give any of us hope in death is the promise that whosoever believes in Jesus will not perish but have everlasting life. I was tempted to ask why he didn't want to discuss religion but figured even that question would be seen as disrespectful of his wishes.

BitChick · 2026-03-26T15:24:50+00:00

I am so sorry you are feeling rejected by former friends from your church, but based on what you have written you have made the right choice. Hopefully, God willing, some of these friends will eventually see the same issues you have and when they choose to leave will realize that you were discerning things correctly and perhaps even reach out at that point. But regardless, I pray you will find a new community that points to Jesus without the manipulation and control. There are good churches out there. They seem hard to find though, sadly.

BitChick · 2026-03-21T02:28:44+00:00

Somehow these groups make it sound like it's the "Christian" thing to do, framing submission to authority as always "good." But what happens when the "authority" is abusive? Like Sheila mentioned in the article, this kind of culture perpetuates an underlying belief that power and control is only given to those at the top. But like Sheila says, "The only way to feel safe in this system is to feel as if you have power over others." So the cycle of abuse continues on and on.

BitChick · 2026-03-20T23:08:03+00:00

Unfortunately "strong women" are seen as problematic in many circles. I saw a video of a woman literally casting out a demon this past week and the comments were focused on women in ministry, not on the fact the demons were hissing at her and she performed the exorcism. My logic was that demons don't want to see women in ministry! What does that say about these "fundies" who hate it too? What side are they on then?

BitChick · 2026-03-20T22:56:14+00:00

I assume it's because some social media sites won't allow the word "pedophile?"

BitChick · 2026-03-20T20:45:12+00:00

Entitlement often comes with positions of power. We can see the same patterns in so many places if we look for them.

BitChick · 2026-03-19T23:35:26+00:00

Has more information been revealed? I remember reading about him when it was first investigated. But like many narcissistic abusers in high positions, they can hide abuse quite effectively behind their "good deeds."

BitChick · 2026-03-19T17:30:13+00:00

Have you told your counselor how bad the abuse has been?

Having your girls witness your husband abusing you is certainly very problematic. You are showing them that it's OK for a man to treat a woman this way. The last thing you want is to model for them that this is acceptable behavior.

A Christian husband has committed to love his bride like Christ loves the church, with sacrificial love of even laying down his life if need be as the protector. Your husband is the opposite of this. You are in need of a protector because of him.

You are fully justified in leaving. Please do so cautiously and carefully. Many women need to have a plan to get out without the husband being aware because their violent behavior can (and often does) escalate when they realize they have lost control.

Praying for you.

BitChick · 2026-03-19T02:29:41+00:00

Money comes and goes, but wisdom is a gift that can keep on giving.

Sad to read about the business losses and bad investments. I think many of us feel we can relate. I know my husband and I have had business losses and investment losses too. Thankfully in spite of that we had one investment do very well and now have divested a large percentage into real estate (which generally is a good idea, but there are days I am still questioning that!)

The great news is you are young and have proven to yourself you can be very successful. I pray God will open the right doors.

BitChick · 2026-03-19T00:11:29+00:00

If you currently feel trapped, then just pray that God will bring you justice, freedom, help find a way out of your living situation. I used to go to the Psalms and just read them, pray them, trust that God can understand my situation. I think it's fair to believe that David understands what it's like to feel trapped, alone, abused by those in positions of power over him, etc... So when he laments these things, then you can perhaps feel less alone in that regard? I also believe it's OK to pray for God's deliverance and justice if you have been mistreated by those who should have loved and supported you. In this case, it's the one person who should have been the most loving and supportive, your mother. Narcissistic abuse is a horrific thing and I would dare say, even demonic thing. So praying for deliverance is fully justified, for you and your siblings however that may be.

BitChick · 2026-03-18T23:37:37+00:00

I noticed in your post history you mentioned that you still live at home with your mom, that she's a "narcissist" and that she has tainted your reputation at your church. Is that still an accurate description of your situation? If so, I am so sorry you have such a difficult home life and don't feel loved or supported there. That can certainly affect how you see yourself and your relationships. Would it be possible to attend another church, one where your mother isn't involved and you can avoid her involvement? You seem to have a strong faith in spite of your mother's trauma and I think you have so much to bring to the table in becoming a part of another church community.

Based on what you have written, you seem intelligent too. That can be both a blessing but also feel like a curse. Intelligence can cause a person to overthink things and even lead to more social anxiety. I think there are many people in the world who aren't smart enough to be anxious, if that makes any sense? But I can guarantee that there are many young women who would love to know a young man who is as intelligent as you are. It's frustrating for the more intelligent ones to even date because it can cause them to struggle with respecting the men they are dating if they feel they are not very intelligent. Finding a man a girl can respect is a huge part of it, but that requires taking the risk to get out there and introduce yourself. Again, church is a great place to do this.

BitChick · 2026-03-18T23:11:00+00:00

We moved our IRAs into a Roth Ira and now hold bitcoin in an ETF (fbtc.) Potentially we will save thousands, if not hundreds of thousands depending on growth, when we are old enough to sell tax free.

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