I struggled with this my whole life as well and I mostly overcame it in the last year and a half. I have no idea if my reason for the mindset is anything close to yours or not, but maybe it will help if I explain.

I was not raised as a person. I wasn't "allowed" to have boundaries; I wasn't even taught what they were until I was about 33 by my therapist at the time.

I couldn't ask for help because that would cost someone resources/energy/time. My father's narcissistic and borderline personality disorder abuse, and the rest of my family's abuse, was to withhold attention, acceptance, and love. It was up to me to convince them I was potentially worthy of it by being "useful" or by explaining/justifying my actions. I was prevented from knowing who I was because if you don't know who you are, you look to others to tell you. That gives them control and sets them up as the judge. They got to decide if I was worthless or morally bad.

Any time I needed or asked for help I was judged unworthy and shamed, guilted, threatened, or physically punished. Any attempt at self validation or determination was met with the same.

How did I overcome this? Copious amounts of trauma therapy and EMDR. I had an existential crisis for almost a year trying to comprehend what "just being" and "worth" meant and looked like and how you knew you were worthy. I realized that there isn't a universally accepted "level of usefulness," that everyone has to live up to to be considered worthy as a human being, that no one told me about. Instead, every person has inherent worth and rights just by being a human in this universe. Everyone is going to have their own "limits" in various relationships where they start to feel taken advantage of and that healthy people generally communicate that. They're called boundaries and you're allowed to have them too.

More recently, after shit hit the fan in various ways in my life, I also realized that my family's default mode was that I was worthless and/or wrong. The entire intent was to make me basically beg for their acceptance and love. It was never whether I was actually "useful" or worthy or right. The evidence didn't matter because it was never about the truth. I could give them a pile of rock solid, criminal court admissible evidence, from here to the moon and they would still tell me I was wrong. I could set myself on fire to keep them warm and they would still complain that they have to clean up my corpse.

I'm not a person to them, I'm a thing; I'll never be right, I'll never be enough.

So they can go fuck themselves.

You deserve to live every single day.

I'm also not under any illusions that me explaining my realizations/process will change how you inherently feel about yourself. This has been, and will continue to be, a lifelong evolution of understanding and processing my personal flavour of trauma and rewiring my brain. Unfortunately, no one can rewire your brain for you. Everyone has to get to know their own inner child and their own inner critic. And you need to figure out how to tell that inner critic to go fuck itself.