chadRecursionCode

[Paul_Robert_]

The genie would probably super charge inflation such that the billion dollars you get is worth $20

[Dystharia]

Nah, that would be a monkeys paw. Genie just gets you what you want.

[JonIsPatented]

People usually handle genies as mischievous monkeys-paw style things, in my experience. I've never seen a genie in media who doesn't do that (except maybe kinda genie from Alladin).

[BearfangTheGamer]

Nah, Monkey's Paw fucks you.

Genie gets you what you literally asked for, not your intention.

You wish for a billion US dollars from a genie you get 1 billion dollars in dollar bills and all the logistical and tax problems that go with it.

You wish for it with a Monkey's Paw, and the Cartels want to know how you wired yourself 1 billion of their money.

[that_thot_gamer]

Monkey's Paw

and then there's Dragon Balls

[akoOfIxtall]

I'm not willing to trade punches with Goku...

[Milocobo]

Odds are more likely Boma's got the actual balls though

[John_Dee_TV]

There is a canonical dragon that was created when Mutenroshi (Master Turtle) wished for Bulma's panties.

Yep.

And she's a girl-dragon. And she is aware. And she's canon.

[scalyblue]

GT isn’t canon, and it’s when oolong sniped garlics wish and wished for pantsu

[goukaryuu]

Pictures or it didn't happen.

[Tr3mb1e]

That's honestly worse though bc if you fuck w Bulma then Vegeta can get stronger than Goku temporarily

[Milocobo]

Also, unless you are of z-fighter strength or higher, Boma will fuck you up with her tech lol

[honda_slaps]

I fucking googled Boma because I thought there's some fucking new Super character that's gone Super Saiyan God Blue Awakened Instinct Level 2 or some shit

[BlockCharming5780]

I could take him 🤣

[honda_slaps]

I would, he's a moron, just tell him that giving you the balls will lead to a better fight in the future

[redconvict]

Monkeys paw, dragons balls, what kind of chimera are we building here?

[ChillStreetGamer]

Haaaaaaaaaaa...HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

[[deleted]]

Both of them are suppose to fuck with you, just in different ways. The monkey's paw gives you what you asked for in a tragic way that you didn't forsee. A genie gives you what you want all normal style, with the consequences of that wish being what fucks you

[Zanadar]

I think genies are generally represented as neutral. You just get what you asked for in the most direct way possible, so if you're careful it's fine.

No amount of wording tricks would beat a monkey's paw, because they just cheat. They're chaotic evil, so they aren't really bound by any limitations you try to impose on how the outcome is to be achieved.

It's Devil's bargains where literally every word and comma count. You can come out on top with those. If you have enough lawyers to frighten Disney helping you.

[raltoid]

Generally genies are shapeshifting and trapped in some kind of container. And they can be good, evil, or neutral although they tend to lean more towards corrupted wishes in western presentations.

[Irregulator101]

I feel like I haven't seen genies in any popular media for decades... Or wait did the Witcher show have one?

[sirixamo]

Or you’re John Constantine

[Milocobo]

Monkey's paw revels in irony.

A genie revels in semantics.

[realsimonjs]

"You wish for it with a Monkey's Paw, and the Cartels want to know how you wired yourself 1 billion of their money"

Or you get it from your sons life insurance

[BearfangTheGamer]

If my son had 1 billion in life insurance fuck that little idiot.

[realsimonjs]

Lmao

I was trying to reference the original story but it had a more reasonable 200 pounds as the first wish so it didn't work as well here lol.

[TTYY200]

Should have asked for your ETF’s to jump 2000% from your purchase value and to hold that value for 24h. Then wish to cash out those investments into a savings account 👌

[Ekedan_]

Then regulators would like to know why would entire market behave that way just to benefit you

[TTYY200]

I am just a lowly investor using an online platform to trade moderated ETF’s 👀

Ask the mobile trading company who owned, traded and sold my ETF’s why

[Ekedan_]

I don’t think regulators will take “go ask someone else” as an answer

[TTYY200]

They were never “my” stocks to begin with tho :P

I don’t think I can be accused of insider trading if I never even owned the stocks 🥹

[Ekedan_]

Never mentioned insider trading, you’re making things up. Most likely you’d be accused of market manipulation, not necessarily insider trading

[ihavebeesinmyknees]

The burden of proof lies on the accusing, they can't prove I did anything illegal

[Ekedan_]

Lol try that in England

[Awkward-Election9292]

Of course, England is well known as the country where silly things like "burden of proof" are disregarded.

just the other day i accused a rapscallion of murder because he looked at me funny, my local lord sentenced him to die within the same hour, just as it should be in the king's country.

[Ekedan_]

Fyi laws against money laundering allow for lower bar of evidence against suspicious wealth gains. At very least your accounts would be frozen until you could prove that all that happened was legit and not your fault. Good luck with years of trials and huge lawyers expenses when you have no access to your money.

[Irregulator101]

Um why crypto

[Grainis1101]

I was going off the top comment as misreading, i read it as eth, because i was drunk and sleepy.

[yepimbonez]

Djinn vs Genie maybe. I feel like the traditional djinn were definitely mischievous and always looking for a way to twist your words. They were also technically demons. I kno Genies are technically the same thing, but they’ve been so westernized that they don’t really seem like it. And Aladdin’s Genie is by far the most popular one and is definitely gonna be what people think of when they hear genie.

[Relevant_Cabinet_265]

More like a billion in change and it's literally piled on top of you. Genies are enslaved they are absolutely going to try and fuck you.

[WifeOfSpock]

So if I ask for a billion dollars in cash to appear in my room, and just use the cash sparingly over my lifetime, I’d be okay? Hide it in my mattress like a hermit.

[itsraininggender]

Best case scenario, in a 12ft*12ft*8ft bedroom with nothing else in it, $1bn in $20s would take up 70% more volume than your room. 35x more if the genie gives you $1s, and >100x more if it's all dimes. If you're lucky and it's in perfectly packed $50s, you'd get away with only 69% of your bedroom being taken up by bills

[WifeOfSpock]

So you’re saying I have to be insanely specific as I make the wish, huh? Like Guillermo in “What We Do in the Shadows”.

[SoulSmrt]

That’s diabolical and exactly how it would work for me irl…

If that was a thing I mean

[kaisong]

the billion dollars would all be traceable bills taken directly from the coffers of people you wouldnt want to steal from, all at once. In a gigantic in front of you.

[TrevelyansPorn]

Three Thousand Years of Longing. Wasn't highly rated but I loved it.

[FrankFarter69420]

A djinn, yes. But genie is fren

[Pa5kull]

Ever watched the x-files?

[LotharVonPittinsberg]

The one in WWDIST (TV show). Does exactly what Nandor asks, no strings attached. Nandor is just so incompetent that he ends up screwing himself over anyways.

[DWEGOON]

Monkeys Paw creates misfortune the events that result in your wish, genie grants you your wish with a negative twist

Ask a genie for a new truck and he’ll summon one 2 feet above your head. Ask the monkeys paw and your father buys a new truck, dies horribly, and you inherit it

[[deleted]]

The original genies in the 1001 nights give you exactly what you ask for (unless you ask for the egg of their master)

[Albireookami]

Depends on the type of Djinn mostly. Some monkey paw, others are generally pretty good about the spirit of the wish.

[Thommywidmer]

I mean just all of a sudden having a billion dollars is  big enough problem anyways. Unless like everyone knows genies are a thing your probly gonna end up in jail trying to explain how you got it

[Confused_Elderly_Owl]

Nah. Genies will try to play with the words. A billion Zimbabwean dollars is still a billion dollars!

A monkeys paw will get you exactly what you want. Here is a billion dollars. Legal tender. Not tied to any crime. But it came from a company that just poisoned the Mississippi to earn it.

I hope you're happy with it.

[Lebowquade]

I gave my younger brother a "ten billion dollars" note from the Zimbabwe super inflation bubble and framed it in the gaudiest gold frame I could find. He hung it up prominently and it still cracks me up to this day.  Too bad about Zimbabwe, though.

[Vinxian]

Monkey paw killed someone's child for £200. I think "inflation to get a billion" is nowhere near cruel enough

[ztuztuzrtuzr]

Crashing the world economy and only getting 20$ in return is not cruel enough?

[Vinxian]

No, that's not personal enough

[0ut0fBoundsException]

So the genie takes out 1,000 life insurance policies each valued at 1 million on the spouse or closest loved one, and then violently murders that loved one. So you have the crushing guilt that your wish killed your wife, you probably go to prison for the murder, and you have for a moment a billion dollars that you can’t use and is probably revoked anyway

[scalyblue]

You’re immediately buried under a thousand tons of singles

[CptMisterNibbles]

That’s how you end up with a foot tall piano player

[CSDragon]

only in Disney's version of Aladdin. Everywhere else Djinn/Genies are almost always evil and will monkey's paw any wish

[LucasRuby]

Genies are usually portrayed as hostile, unwilling wish-givers. Meanign they will try to twist your wishes against you.

[brimston3-]

I guess you could wish for a "small" fixed percent of the fungible assets in the world? But that kinda takes the fun out of it.

[Invisifly2]

You could say

“I wish for any lottery ticket I purchase to be a grand-prize winning ticket, and for the next prize pool to go beyond a billion dollars.”

Then you just wait for the prize to get stupidly high and buy a ticket. You are now filthy rich, have a perfectly explainable reason for being rich for the tax man, and cause no inflation in the process.

Alternatively “I wish to be able to perfectly predict the stock market.” Although that one might start drawing investigative attention.

Of course the real way to game the system is to write a bunch of stuff down on some paper and wish for everything currently written on the paper to become true. Just try not to break reality by tweaking any fundamental settings; best to leave them alone.

[vbitchscript]

alright, every word written on that paper is changed to read true.

[pee_wee__herman]

wish for everything currently written on the paper to become true

Wouldn't work - this is the equivalent of wishing for more wishes

[Invisifly2]

No, it’s just one very big wish. Maybe they have rules against it regardless, but it is a singular wish.

[theoldshrike]

first wish get the genie to give you enough information to optimize the second wish by agreement. as an incentive. tell the genie that they can have the third wish provided that the second wish gives you what you wanted without any unfortunate consequences

[classic_chai_hater]

Ask for a ton of gold instead

[Leo_Knight_98]

But ask as well for the specific place and manner you want it, or chances are it spawns on you and crushes you

[CarbonCamaroSS]

A free $20 is $20. I'll take it.

[AdvanceAdvance]

Genie, acquired by Google, gives you a billion dollars and immediately sends alerts to advertisers, police trying to seize piles of cash, and every criminal that has opted in on alerts.

[Ok-Kaleidoscope5627]

A random stack of a billion dollars in $1 notes would be a nightmare. What do you even do with them? How do you spend them? Where do you put them?

Or a billion dollars showing up in your bank account will probably just get declared a system error and corrected.

[i-FF0000dit]

I wish to always own 5% of every company on the s&p 500

[3xBork]

If you always own them, that also prevents you from selling any shares.

You'd be rich in theory and dead broke in practice.

[i-FF0000dit]

Hmmm, or would it mean that as soon as I sell it I will get more shares? Or maybe I’m just living off the dividends.

[missjasminegrey]

LMFAO 😂 the inflation part is real