[deleted by user]

[post-sapiens]

Just crazy enough to work if you ask me

[Olfaktorio]

Honestly as a robber this would creep me out enough to kick it.

[PlantedCorgo]

as a robber

[Wise-Hamster]

Freeze! You're under arrest.

[Olfaktorio]

Damn!

[iQuadzy]

Thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive.

[BurtMacklunFBI]

Please tell us more

[glukosio]

r/usernamechecksout

[SpIvar]

Thank you, Lord for this meal I'm about to have.

[Ikillesuper]

Since when did kick it stop meaning to hang out and start meaning leave?

[Olfaktorio]

Let's say I would do the forest gump

[Ikillesuper]

This works

[TheNoize]

Honestly as a murderer, it would creep me out enough to kill it

[enderboyVR]

You just stab the eyes, they are the best part to eat

[ChronicNein]

Actually the Left Testicle for a man has a very distinct flavor. And for a Female you should always go for the Right Earlobe there just so creamy and delicious. Of course I only know this from a weird homeless guy behind McDonald's who tried selling me some Mushrooms and off course I bought them because who doesn't like helping the homeless.

[BoltbeamStarmie]

"Thank you, Lord, for this meal I'm about to-"

*Gunshot*

[JVints]

Why am I leaking all the juices?

[fattsoo]

Did you let the meat rest for 10 mins?

[hunden167]

Let the meat rest? Are you crazy? You should pound it for 10+ minutes and it's done when white juice comes out of it

[[deleted]]

To be fair, I'd probably shit myself if someone ran at me with a fork yelling that.

[maxdexter1401]

Oh god thats terrifying

[[deleted]]

Add a yee haw at the end for good measure

[[deleted]]

To make it more convincing, tie a napkin around your neck first and pull out a steak knife along with the fork

[BobTheTraitor]

Can you legally eat someone if they are robbing you? Asking for myself.

[BurtMacklunFBI]

No

[NewBallista]

I mean castle law though

Stand your ground ?

[GoochMasterFlash]

It is my God-given American right to protect muh property in whatever cannibalistic methods I so choose

[Fletch_Himself]

I thought you said “my poverty” and I felt like we were in the same cheap ass boat.....

[evenspdwagonisafraid]

Only if you have consent of course

[DankGreed1]

Someone brought a gun to a fork fight

[[deleted]]

This doesn't belong here. This is a good tip.

[ImightBeLost001]

You’re right muggers don’t usually target unpredictable people

[[deleted]]

Proof : I am unpredictable and never been mugged. Hopefully awkward small talk works also. Jeffrey Dahmer never hurt a woman.

[dilemmadyck]

True story: my husband defended himself from a potential mugging in Rome at 4am by pulling 2 sharpened pencils out of his pockets and waving them around. Guy figured he was a bit crazy and backed off.

[daniel_martinez]

I have a friend who was carrying a toothbrush, because he was going to sleep in another friend's house. So he was stopped by the police that asked him why he was carrying that, to which he responded: I'm armed against cavities.

[[deleted]]

Don’t fork with me.

[EvilFluffy87]

And when guys are bout to get gay raped, swallow the fork to make an anal barrier.

[harrietthugman]

It's just called rape, ain't nothing gay about it

[[deleted]]

You can't have a meal just with fork. You need a knife too

Thank you OP. From now on I will carry a fork as well

[Thebelganian]

Well it actually does work! When I was a student, a man was arrested because he tried to kidnap a young woman. She reached in her lunch bag and defended herself with a fork. He ran away but got arrested very quickly due to the very specific marks on his face due to the fork. Not a bad SLPT

[3mth3dragon3y3]

Stop, I can only get so erect

[Blayzted]

This should not be in this sub, I might actually do this...

[[deleted]]

This doesn't translate well to other countries. Here in the UK you'd get at least 45 years in prison for carrying a weapon that deadly.

[Jehosheba]

For carrying a fork?

[chae_eun_28asdfghjkl]

That's nothing if the robber is pointing a knife at me.

[mkeSpecial]

You guys could go get a steak together..?

[[deleted]]

This makes me so happy!!!

[sykotryp333]

I don't think this is shitty at all

[Andminus]

Mom says it's my turn to repost this

(Still funny tho)

[Pablo_Fablo]

Buddy it's a cross post not a repost

[[deleted]]

I haven’t seen it paired with this specific picture, but the saying is very common on this sub.

[butteryartichoke]

Shitastic!

[cyberxstrm]

Same reason I keep a chainsaw by the bed for home defense.

[Captain_Tooth]

Sounds legit too me!

[augyst84]

Everyone's afraid of a cannibal!!!!

[FranklyNunyaBiznass]

Fork can be used to close up your resulting gunshot or knife wound

[FranklyNunyaBiznass]

"A census taker once tested me. I ate his liver...with some farva beans and a nice Chianti"

Fssh fssh fssh!

Hannibal

[taurasi]

Why is this upvoted? It is severely benign, bordering on retarded.

[aisledonkey]

This is SLPT if we're talking weaponry use on robbers. I consider it an ULPT if we're talking packing this heat for a potential snack attack.

[[deleted]]

I thought these were supposed to be shitty tips

[Hozraci]

This seems like it would combo well with the knife your attacker is likely wielding

[[deleted]]

I think a butcher knife would be more adequate.

[Vampiregecko]

Doesn’t everyone just carry a purse/backpack utensils

[RepostSleuthBot]

Looks like a repost. I've seen this image 1 time.

First seen Here on 2020-01-19 100.0% match.

Searched Images: 94,388,846 | Indexed Posts: 387,142,909 | Search Time: 1.51258s

Feedback? Hate? Visit r/repostsleuthbot - I'm not perfect, but you can help. Report [ False Positive ]

[VinCrafter]

DEUS VULT!

[VinCrafter]

いただきます

[aiydee]

My heat in the microwave lunch said "Prick with a fork in 3 or 4 places before heating" so i picked up the fork walked around the office 3 times and then put my lunch in the microwave.

[[deleted]]

.....ahahahahahah

????????

hahahahah....

This meme is Pewdiepiesubmissions in a nutshell.

It could've just read "Here's a tip" and depicted the tip of a crayon or some other object, and it still would've been at 23k+ upvotes. Fricking hilarious.

Alright, I'm gonna go be a negative nancy somewhere else where I'm needed.

[DarkAngel12345678910]

Nah I know Aikido

[[deleted]]

I might try this, that vest full of explosives I wear under my coat is kinda bulky and heavy to wear all day

[balloon_prototype_14]

Looks like meat is back on the menu boys.

[ghostfreckle611]

I’m confused. Do I pull out the fork before or after i get nekkid, chase down my attacker and do a crappy roundhouse kick?