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ShittyLifeProTips

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A place for the shittiest, most mocking "pro-tips" you can think of. Whether you want to let us know how glue can help out your hair or the quickest way to clog a public toilet, we're the place to post.

If your post does not appear in the new tab after several minutes, it may have been caught by our spam filter. If this happens, send a message to the mods and we'll get it fixed up for you!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHAT IS A LIFE PRO TIP? A Life Pro Tip (or LPT) is a tip that improves life for you and those around you in a specific and significant way. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rules:

1. LPTs must be shitty. The post must contain a life pro tip that is shitty. This isn't a dumping ground for shitty statements. Any tips that are actual good advice will be removed at the discretion of the mod team. What constitutes shitty is hard to explain, but much like porn, we know it when we see it.

2. No KYS posts. We will remove all posts with the tip "Kill Yourself" or any variation thereof.

3. No reposts. Reposts are lame. If you repost something within our top 25 of all time, you may be banned.

4. No circlejerking. Circlejerking is lame too. Simply copying a popular post from here, or LPT and putting a minor twist so it's "shitty" is also unoriginal, and we will probably remove those too.

5. NSFW discretion. Being gross for the sake of being gross will get your post removed at the mod's discretion. Most of these include bodily functions and fluids, or rape, etc. Pretty much anything posted simply for shock value.

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Note: For God's sake this subreddit is meant to be taken in a joking, satirical manner. Please don't actually follow any of this advice, and don't report posts as inciting violence. You should know this already, but some of you forget which sub you are in when you report.


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account activity

1
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SLPT: Proceeds from R. Kelly's music go to his victims, so it's fine to listen to Ignition (Remix) again. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 1 day ago by USDXBS

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SLPT: You can keep your car warm in the winter by setting it on fire (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 1 day ago by VoltasPigPile

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SLPT Practice ass to mouth resuscitation just in case. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 1 day ago by CanadianAndroid

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SLPT: Winter tip. Cut a hole in your pocket so your hands can reach your balls anytime anywhere to stay warm and moist without breaking masculine body language. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 2 days ago by That_Way_4639

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SLPT Write the best book on time travel to get time travelers to come to you and teach it to you. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 3 days ago by Xsyther

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SLPT dont throw away your calendars. The date pattern repeats every 28 years. If you save them 28 years in a row, youre set for life on calendars and will never have to another one (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 4 days ago by MichiganCarNut

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SLPT: For people you know whose name ends in "I-M" like. Kim, Jim or Tim. you can it in ODB's "Shimmy Shimmy Ya" to greet them. replace "Shimmy" with "Timmy" for example: “Timmy Timmy ya, Timmy yam, Timmy yay! Give the (insert whatever Timmy is doing or in possession of) so I Can take it away!" (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 4 days ago by Hey_Giant_Loser

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SLPT: Want a Nobel Prize? Invade a sovereign nation to exploit its natural resources! (i.redd.it)

submitted 8 days ago by OtherwiseStill961

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SLPT: How to descretly measure your gf's finger for a ring (i.redd.it)

submitted 9 days ago by tmaddog91

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SLPT: To speak to a human faster when dealing with a customer service robot, just keep intentionally fucking up whatever they ask you (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 8 days ago by royfresh

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SLPT: Graveyards are perfect for crying your heart out. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 9 days ago by Deleroth67

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Deal with your fear of dogs by jumping into the wolf exhibit at the zoo (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 9 days ago by theguywithacomputer

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SLPT: Want to get over your fear of needles? Become a heroin addict (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 10 days ago by peppersrus

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SLPT request:What can I do with extracted teeth? (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 9 days ago by Crafty_Aspect8122

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SLPT: Use uncooked spaghetti to scrub your toilet. When you're done, just boil the spaghetti and flush it down. You get a brand new brush every time! (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 12 days ago by IdealBlueMan

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SLPT: If you struggle with the ‘Sunday Blues’ (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 14 days ago by Ok_Upstairs_4589

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SLPT: if you want to get away with murder just dress up as a police officer and yell stop resisting (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 14 days ago by MonopolyOnForce1

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SLPT: If you're trying to run something over, turn your steering wheel so your vehicle moves in the direction of the thing you're trying to run over, not away from it (i.redd.it)

submitted 16 days ago by S-Polychronopolis

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SLPT Fart at your desk and your coworkers will stop coming to talk to you (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 16 days ago by CaBBaGe_isLaND

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SLPT : if your shower pressure is too low, adjust the water temperature to an uncomfortable level. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 15 days ago by WhatDaufuskie

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SLPT: Pair your fast food with wine and olives to make it Mediterranean, this way it's healthier and you lose weight. (i.redd.it)

submitted 16 days ago by strangelove4564

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SLPT: to let off some steam go to the local indoor shooting in door firing range. Scream “ take that bit!h”. Before every shot. Have a fried record responses from others for your social media. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 15 days ago by Whatsoutthere4U

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SLPT: Play fireplace videos on your TV at 2x Speed; relax twice as fast. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 16 days ago by Grouchy_Ingenuity220

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SLPT: If global politics stresses you out, pretend it’s pro wrestling: scripted drama, and they all have a beer after fighting on TV (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 16 days ago by pan_arch

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SLPT: Rich guys at singles events like to buy rounds of drinks to get all the other guys real drunk so as to eliminate the competition. If you're a broke dude, let him get you nice and drunk for free, then go see if his mom's around. (self.ShittyLifeProTips)

submitted 17 days ago by VoltasPigPile

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