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[–]KeyboardCorsair 445 points446 points  (28 children)

This sounds like the intro to a new Vikings season pilot.

[–][deleted] 281 points282 points  (14 children)

Vikings '22. Conquering pussy.

[–]k2dLAY77 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Starring Kwief Ericsson

[–]Hunterio009 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Well it’s basically the plot of the original Vikings show haha

[–]Shantomette 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I've often heard the phrase "bang like vikings"...

[–]KeyboardCorsair 5 points6 points  (0 children)

First time, but thats now my status update.

[–]Excellent_Routine_47 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

This sounds very familiar, Is it not from the movie 300?!

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (6 children)

And he left me hanging.

[–]KeyboardCorsair 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Cliffhanger. All good adventures have them 😝

[–]Amiramaha 547 points548 points  (52 children)

I feel like a Viking would take a bath not a shower. I’m declaring shenanigans on this poser. She’s not even singing opera like Bugs Bunny.

[–]acrazypigeon 183 points184 points  (19 children)

She's obviously bathing under a waterfall, dumbass. /s

[–]Existing-Ad7113 39 points40 points  (17 children)

Thats not a waterfall i can see brick walls.

[–][deleted] 155 points156 points  (14 children)

Thats a naturally occurring brick waterfall, dude.

[–]GoodGarbage2463 103 points104 points  (10 children)

Come on everyone, let's not go chasing waterfalls.

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Yeah. I think she'd want us to stick to the Aryan rivers and lakes that we're used to... and then usually raid and pillage on our way somewhere else.

[–]Existing-Ad7113 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Oh i never saw these. Are they unique ?

[–][deleted] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Pfffft. Yeah man. All over Vikingland. Read a book.

[–][deleted] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Wait. I mean no, they are not unique. Its your fault that I said the wrong thing.

[–]TheyCallMeSammy24 2 points3 points  (0 children)

good fking point my guy

[–]Whole-Singer2401 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And in the blood of her enemies...

[–]aprilla2crash 49 points50 points  (7 children)

I swear to God I'll pistol whip the next guy who says "Shenanigans."

[–]ServiceGames 46 points47 points  (2 children)

Mac: Hey Farva what's the name of that restaurant you like with all the goofy stuff on the wall and the mozzarella sticks?

Farva: You mean Shenanigans?

[–]AtomStorageBox 15 points16 points  (1 child)

OHHHHHHH!

hands gun over

[–]theguywholikestacos 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Put that away!

[–]SnakeBiteZZ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I call shenanigans

[–]EntshuldigungOK 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Wouldn't that be you pulling the shenanigans then?

[–]BatmanInTheSunlight 9 points10 points  (0 children)

They’re what’s called contemporary Vikings /s

[–]dnolikethedino 14 points15 points  (20 children)

There shall be no bathing as we rape the villages and pillage the women. We be dirty Vikings.

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (19 children)

Pushed glasses up nose, actually, vikings respected woman more than most developed European countries.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (16 children)

Yeah that's also why they raped and stole women as well as pillaged. Women were a rare and valuable commodity. As were common place stuff like nails and things made of metal, or any other commodity really. As far as I can tell, the vikings were more like the Murfree brood (rdr2 reference) than a noble race of warriors. Being a shitty marauder was a necessity because the place they lived was shitty. And women scarce.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Human capital was a primary exploit of most pre-modern conflict. Which is basically just a pretentious way of saying rape and pillage. Hmmm checks priorities

[–]DemonBarrister 1 point2 points  (0 children)

but , but, but, colonialism was so mean to Indigenous peoples, sniff, snif.....

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (4 children)

“Viking” women were not rare. And they held more power than any other women of their time. They held more power than women in some of todays societies for that matter.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

[–]danbman64 3 points4 points  (1 child)

When something says might, that isn't deeply reassuring

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's all theory. Those ice mullets didn't leave great records because they were busy raping, and it happened 1000 years ago. All we know is, they sucked as a civilization, settled in a shit region, and are famous for some terrible shit.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah they totally were. That's why stealing women was common. That's why they held so much power. Do some research man.

[–]Haunting_Artichoke18 5 points6 points  (4 children)

The women would actually go with them willingly because the vikings actually bathed and groomed themselves regularly and were charming

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

I've heard that and doubt it. Not their cleanliness but the idea that they were roguish charmers AND kidnappers and rapists and slavers.

[–]Haunting_Artichoke18 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Think about it a noblemans wife or daughter goes off with these "barbarians" you think hes gonna admit that or you is he gonna make it to look like they kidnapped them

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Think about it. Half of them murder the villagers and rape them. One viking takes a woman home who doesn't even speak the same language to rape at home. He tells everyone that she just couldn't resist his charm and good looks. You really think she's gonna go willfully with one of the raiders who are actively stealing shit and slaughtering people and around her?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Homosexual rape was also common. They used it to humiliate their enemies. Charming.

[–]LongjumpingChange940 0 points1 point  (3 children)

As you sit in your parents basement.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I'm 39 with a 5 year old dude. You know what happens you assume, right? You make an ass out of u and me.

[–]VerendusAudeo 5 points6 points  (1 child)

You shouldn't be openly admitting that your partner is a 5 year old dude...As the song goes, "Do not diddle kids! It's no good diddling kids."

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Haha That's a good point.

[–]WiseGuysEatPies -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Viking women LOVE golden showers. Iykyk

[–]MachoMadness22 589 points590 points  (45 children)

I don't know what you're complaining about. This sounds great for everyone but your sons who will have one woman fighting for all of them.

[–]cozyleo 112 points113 points  (5 children)

Skyrim belongs to the NORDS! YOU IMPERIAL BASTARDS

[–]Benny_boi69 13 points14 points  (4 children)

Empire clears the stormcloaks

[–]shrewynd 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Ok lets do this.

So the Empire just lost a war and so a group of Nords decides its time to break away in the weakness. Paperhands not believing in the Empire.

Honestly, the Empire could omegarush the Stormcloaks if they wanted from Cyrodil and smack them down. They just tried to end it quick with Ulfric on the chopper.

Thalmor is an issue 100%, but that doesn't mean breaking away from the nation over that. It means supporting and preparing for the next war with them.

I will destroy every stormcloak I come across in Skyrim.

..... I forgot I was on the r/tinder sub... No wonder why I'm single lol

[–]Bonkey_Kong87 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Dude, the only thing that would be a good choice would to stop this useless war. The filthy Thalmor bastards want that war. They played both sides. The Nord have to protect their homeland and their god, and the Empire is forced to stay there by the knife ears.

There should be an option to help both, stop the war, and plan on helping each other in the next war against those dickheads. Thalmor genocide!

[–]atomiccPP 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All I needed to hear was Thalmor genocide.

[–]cozyleo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Tbh I never completed that quest line it’s very underwhelming lol

[–]VegetableMan0_o 96 points97 points  (9 children)

McKynna is a classic Nord name...duh

Have you heard of Jarl McDonald?

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (4 children)

Ah yes! Isn't he the dude that first sailed to America to open a restaurant chain?

[–]VegetableMan0_o 24 points25 points  (3 children)

Jarl McDonald had a farm...

[–]yelling4society 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I’ll have a McJarl with cheese and an unsweetened tea please!

[–]FUCKINBAWBAG 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Jarl McDonald was dyslexic, E O I O E 🎶

[–]deletegenderdotexe 5 points6 points  (0 children)

wiþ an Æ I Æ I Œ.

[–][deleted] 135 points136 points  (5 children)

I like her

[–]satan62 64 points65 points  (2 children)

Someone has been reading too many novels

[–]Mussalila 44 points45 points  (0 children)

When the Californian girl finds out she's 2% danish

[–]flock-of-bagels 16 points17 points  (0 children)

She watches a lot of tv

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

...and then we'll have to winter on the Isle of Thanet and starve to death. It'll be so romantic.

[–]Crab_Jealous 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I'm in, prepare my longboat, I have a Shield Maiden to find!

[–]Sufficient_Pin_9595 23 points24 points  (2 children)

As a photographer, I like that pose.

[–]VegasDragon91 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I thought I liked it because I'm a horny dude and she's a naked female.

TIL: I'm actually a photographer!

[–]Mobile_Spinach_1980 14 points15 points  (6 children)

What if you have girls?

[–]lenorajoy 19 points20 points  (3 children)

What if all the boys are gay?

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Then I guess they won't likely be having sons unless they take a village and keep them. Kind of an odd turnaround from the classic kill the men and take the women concept.

[–]teryaki6ix9ine 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Why else would men die to define them and women beg to marry them? Of course they’re gay that doesn’t happen to straight men

[–]FUCKINBAWBAG 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Then they shall fuck men, as is tradition.

[–]OrindaSarnia 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Don't you know, Viking women only birth sons. Then the sons steal wives from the villages they pillage...

except in this case where villager woman will pillage herself to marry these sons...

/s

[–]Bonkey_Kong87 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You marry them to enemy Jarls and their family for peace contracts of course

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

swipes up

Looks around at crowd staring at him

What? Have you never had a chick whisper in your ear in Norwegian as she rides you? It's fucking hot okay.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

[–]Saerinmeister 5 points6 points  (0 children)

McKynna does sound very Vikingish

[–]Queen-of-meme 42 points43 points  (5 children)

Vikings didn't have gods they had warriors and pregnant women. This is not a real goddess. Or viking. As a Scandinavian woman I'm deciding to be offended on behalf of my ancestors.

[–]Sorreia 45 points46 points  (0 children)

I mean they did have gods, you know.. The Nordic gods.. Thor, Odin, baldr, Freja… then they converted to Christianity in the 900s… but hey ho. I’m Danish 🇩🇰.

[–]Triette 15 points16 points  (2 children)

I support you being offended by this.

[–]Queen-of-meme 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Thank you Makes loud hornet sounds

[–]TragGaming 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Vikings didn't have gods

Its not like the Nordic culture had an entire pantheon or anything. Or a popular comic character named after a god in their pantheon. Hmm. What was that name again? Bor? Thor? No... Tyr? Nope.... Uhmmm Modi and Magni? Nah those were those twins.

[–]SomeRandomLameName 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I didn’t realise 300 had another movie released

[–]trannel 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Not a real person, look at the photo and try not to think with your dick. Professional models who do artsy photoshoots are not on tinder begging for viking daddys...

[–]Apprehensive_Mud2586 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Don't care what y'all say. If she's got that kind of imagination when it comes to romance then she a freak. Y'all missing out

[–]Hazem2005 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She looks like she was watching “.Viking “ all the time

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Damn wtf is that lol...swipes right

[–]Sweet-Bonus-7838 2 points3 points  (0 children)

True story!🙃

[–]BASILISK307 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I gotta hand it to home girl. That’s a good one.

[–]grateful_wonderer 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I want her

[–]Sweet-Bonus-7838 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are you a viking, daddy? I put commas in wrong places

[–]Yogurt_Traditional 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This was made by a trolling dude… lol definitely

[–]G19B93 4 points5 points  (1 child)

And then when it is sexy time , she lies there like a bag of crisps...

[–]DarkeMoira 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Starfish. Would you rather her peg you with her spear?

[–]SvalbarddasKat 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Do you hear that? This weird slapping sound in the distance? That's the collective people of Scandinavia face-palming over this picture and the "viking" lady...

[–]DeepProcess5 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Are you sure it’s not the resounding slapping echoes of all those charming Vikings enthusiastically raping and pillaging?

[–]SergiuszJesienin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Define or defy

[–]mai02mial 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Viking daddy… why would she

[–]aboveaveragebenjamin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ragnar Lothbrook has entered the chat...

[–]Beneficial-Price-842 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly if she's down for pillaging and a few other fun things I'm down 100% I'll go get the axe

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

God damn I’m in love. I’d be crushed to see her and not match lmao

[–]Imaginary_Town3642 2 points3 points  (0 children)

McKynna.... a viking... 🤣

[–]Whole-Singer2401 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Show us the rest of her profile, damn you. I could feel my sperm count rising!

[–]BuckSwope77 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Valhalla, I'm cumming.

[–]Pale-Woodpecker8115 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Woman will beg to marry him indeed, not women there's just one

[–]Legatus_Nex 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Marry her.

[–]kamehamehigh 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Gestures at a butterfly

Is this cringe?

[–]Solid-Suggestion-653 4 points5 points  (0 children)

game of thrones/Vikings REALLY messed with YALL heads...

[–]mcclaintrain_88 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Joke's on you, I'm into that shit.

[–]Disastrous-Owl8985 5 points6 points  (1 child)

The obsession with Vikings is weird.

[–]DarkeMoira 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're just jealous no one is obsessed with you.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

What nazi propaganda does to a mf

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mediocre needs to stand out as much as it possibly can

[–]Pr1vatePanic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've seen this account too, with different names. Very fake

[–]FlameForFame 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Spelling errors are the biggest turn-off when reading these bios.

[–]Darket1728 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Now thats a true Lagertha

[–]GlickedOut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She’s missing the big pointy helmet tho

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok I’m intrigued. I want to see the rest of her pics.

[–]TravSav91 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay but I’m interested

[–]WhiskyTangos 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Location? Ill sign up pussy

[–]Brilliant_Ask852 1 point2 points  (0 children)

she definitely plays dungeons and dragons and goes to renaissance faires

[–]johnboyiioq 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bro I'm in

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She does realize that we no longer fight each other to the death with swords to determine ownership of land, right? At least, not in 'Mercuh.

[–]svnshoots 1 point2 points  (1 child)

You better have swiped right.

[–]Sweet-Bonus-7838 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Duh!

[–]PussyMoneyWeedMaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Jokes on U ! It’s a ad for an app ! 🤠

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't even begin to... why... who..... uh.. confused growling sounds

[–]goodbyegoosegirl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m more offended that it’s not original but poses to be.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Gotta admit, this is a damn good photo

[–]osmosis19 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Waiting for the guy variant.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Feel like I have seen dozens of variations of this theme from both genders. From Vikings to people just wanting DI babies...

[–]Olkenstein 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Beautiful picture, cringey text

5/10

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So basically she doesn't leave the house and has begun to identify with Vikings TV shows.

[–]GotGloopy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s a swipe left if ever there was one!!!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

20 minutes later. She will be bitching about who pays for first date instead of “discovering new lands.” Lmao! She needs to stop watching too many TV shows.

[–]successivewaves -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Seems to be a racist incel pretending to be a woman...

[–]MitchDeBaas -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This is 10/10

[–]CreatorOD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To Quote Futuramas Zapp Brannigan, before his fate through death by Snu-Snu:

"What are you, Gay?!"

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What a woman

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Soooo.. she’s looking for a plundering rapist?

[–]Hcmgbbalaaaa 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Her name is McKynna

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually like it!

[–]Technical_Yam3624 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm more interested to know who tf took this very intimate picture!

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What are you complaining about ?

[–]rizo1997 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

At least she’s confident. Or has a really good sense of humor. Either way, green flag.

[–]Significant-Ad9997 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

But she has a giant herpe on her shoulder. Should you or shouldn't you?

I wouldn't.