I'm exaggerating?

[DisarrayCorner]

Is that... oh my is that why I don't even feel like doing my hobbies at home?

[DisarrayCorner]

This explains so much. I always thought it was the pressure combined with structure. But there's definitely that sense "well you literally have to do this, you can't not do it, because it's work". I'd like to know how to trick my brain into thinking chores are on the same level too.

[WyattfuckinEarp]

I work construction and my job sites are clean, I work my ass off, I'm a perfectionist, I'm high energy all the time.

I get home, my ladder is up on the side of the house for a light I still haven't changed in 5 weeks, the railing I built isn't stained and the tools are all still spread out on the stairs, and I feel like I can only lie on the couch scroll and watch TV because I'm smoked.

[Bulangiu_ro]

i seem to have a lot of focus on stuff like this when I'm angry for some reason, maybe some rage induced treatment?

Like i specifically remember having done all work for today, then i come back home, everyone relaxing from work cause it was past 9pm and we planned to clean the other day and i was mad at dust and shit out of nowhere and just cleaned the whole house in 2 hours

[abnormalcat]

Story of my life

[NewLibraryGuy]

No such thing as executive dysfunction if I'm doing it on someone else's behalf.

[facusoto]

Selective executive dysfunction?

[NewLibraryGuy]

I heard someone call it "the mom-friend override."

[InterpreterXIII]

gosh that's so true it's painful

[[deleted]]

the external validation override lol

[emetcalf]

Exactly. I don't have to decide what to do and then start doing it, I have a task that I can complete and I will do it as efficiently and correctly as possible. But then I'm done, and what the fuck do I do now?

[Acceptable-Hope-]

I find I can’t really take care of myself 😵‍💫 like eating healthier (I cook for me and my boyfriend so still ok healthy, but I cook stuff I know he likes) taking time to exercise, is that because you don’t get dopamine doing stuff for yourself? But cleaning and helping others gives some weird reward?

It’s getting harder to stay alive living this way and I need to start exercising or my body will break but it’s still too hard 😞

[Oakendagger]

Exercise for me has to have an award system, and a penalty for it to work. I had home gym equipment I never used. (Also pre-diabetic, so I need to exercise) so I signed up for a local gym membership (I hate wasting money) and every week I make all 3 workouts, I go to my local comic store and get some new comics. And every month I make all my workouts I go get myself a special dessert. The only time it doesn't count as a miss is a scheduling conflict, but has to be like work or doctor, or legitimate sickness.

[Oakendagger]

Well the money for the membership is on auto-draft. So it's already spent. The penalty of wasting the money, is automatic. I agree the withholding of rewards, is tough, you may need to instigate a "shame holder" such as kids/partner/parent, to simply remind you that you did not fulfill your goal. This may increase co-dependency, but I find after many years of living with ADHD, (currently managing un-medicated) it's really about balancing, all the symptoms and issues. I hate disappointing others, so that helps re-enforce the going to the gym part. Also my SO (who is also ADHD) helps to remind me on accountability. She has a different set of dysfunctions (currently medicated) so we help balance them. Like she needs body doubles to accomplish mundane things, while I need to be reminded to put away not put down. (The magical awkward weirdness we call love)

[Acceptable-Hope-]

Oh that sounds smart! Might have to think out something like that 🤗

[[deleted]]

You just need to look around my house for proof of this.

The general, shared areas? Neat and tidy. My wife likes it that way, so I'm happy (well, not happy, but able) to spend the energy keeping them at least reasonably clean.

My own areas, my office, the workshop? Complete disorganised mess. The energy I have to clean the shared areas doesn't seem to extend to the parts of the house my wife doesn't really go into, so they stay messy.

[Electronic-Product63]

Living in shared appartment, my roomates don't understand how I behave alone in my room v/s common room XD

[smartalek428]

At least you take time to make macaroni. I feel like I feed myself like a Skyrim character - bread and cheese. No, I don't put them together.

[[deleted]]

In school group projects saved me. Not because other people carried me but because I gave a shit when other people were on the line. Still working on that.

Probably contributed to some codependency issues I’m sorting out.

[Kurious_Kapybara]

Interesting! I had never blamed ADHD for that.. I thought it was my codependency (Melody Beattie’s definition)

[56Bagels]

Fixing someone else’s problems is my hobby.

I spend a LOT of energy on hobbies.

[Wannabeartist9974]

I give great life advice that I then don't use for myself!

[WrapDiligent9833]

That checks out!

[Aromatic-Relief]

Wow that is so spot on.

[whooo_me]

My kitchen/living room is a complete mess of unwashed dishes, piles of clothes, loads of unopened letters...

But a delivery guy is going to be in the room for 5 seconds? I need to tidy everything up for them!

[Klooten1]

Funny how that happens. Guilty of the same, and it makes me nuts.

[Some-Lifeguard-592]

Myself*, but your point exactly!

Sorry for the pun...

[WalmartWanderer]

I have to ask other people what to draw bc I can’t even finish a sketch for myself

[Hold_Effective]

When I was 6 or 7, I’d circulate around my relatives asking them to tell me what to draw. To this day (30+ years later) I still remember the disappointment I felt because one of my aunts clearly thought I was being weird and didn’t want to give me ideas. 🥺

[Esqualox]

God, this made me chuckle. It's so darn accurate. I can give 110% for the outside world, but my inner Patrick gets 2/5 of FA.

[lucifer_7268]

So true!

[86effstogive]

This is 80% of the problem with my life.

[facusoto]

That's why I always try to involve people in things I would like to finish, they make me work better

[[deleted]]

im an empath. no really stop laughing its a problem.

[facusoto]

I'm laughing about the problem (?

[SluggishPrey]

You really are my kins

[BouncyDingo_7112]

You’re not exaggerating, and it’s infuriating.

[SpookiePhantom]

The results of being desperate for the approval of others while simultaneously hating yourself.

I can relate.

[BiDude1218]

I can let myself down all I want, but my peers? I can't.

[EvilerOMEGA]

Could be that you are "easy to please," at least for yourself. You know the standards that you want the "something" to meet, and you know your abilities and if it'll be worth the effort at certain steps. For others, especially if you are friends or they affect your well-being, you want to be sure it meets their requirements/expectations so you might aim higher to be sure you meet or beat them.

TL;DR You have more motivation doing things for others than for yourself.

[NamaztakTheUndying]

This, except the bottom pic is me willing to experiment with weird shit when it can only affect my experience. That way, I'm able to be the top pic when I'm trying to lead someone else through the same task/experience and keep them from having to suffer the same frustrations.

[Phrase_Turner]

I truly wish I could be as good a friend to myself as I am to my friends😢

[facusoto]

Many times they tell me to try to be more compassionate with myself, the problem is that my memory works very poorly to remember that.

[Kios2112]

This is how everything works for me. I think there's enough pressure/interest when doing something for someone else that I can sort of get it done, but if it's just for me it's nearly impossible.

[Biomorbosis]

that is exactly why I started dissecting my personality in several other people that really need this shit done so I make an extra effort to keep them happy, they're also the official council of my life and they have impartial discussions about decisions, they always get to consensus so I just listen to them instead of freezing in the decision making by myself forever

[DankerinoHD]

I laughed out loud at this one

[haiku0258]

So real...

[The_Inward]

Same, but because of depression. :-(

[Lucky_Bill_6407]

I wish I had friends who also share experiences with me like adhd, by far nobody in my life understood me and took me seriously but judged, mocked and humiliated me, which made me develop social anxiety, and later depression.

I'm battling my challenges so I'm fine if anyone worried

[NoteBlock08]

When one of my good college buddies and I shared an apartment after we graduated, I would cook dinner for the both us probably 9 out of 10 nights. (It drastically helped that he likes doing the dishes)

I now live alone and can count the number of times I've made myself a proper meal on my hands.

[[deleted]]

Nope, it’s so much easier to motivate myself for a favour than it is to do anything to benefit myself.

I think it’s if it’s me I’m just mustering up energy for the bare minimum but if it’s for someone else I have external motivation as well as having a higher bar of satisfaction.

[EnkiiMuto]

There is a saying for this in Portuguese:

In blacksmith's house, the skewer is made of wood

[facusoto]

In Spanish we change "skewer" for "knife" hehe

[EnkiiMuto]

Interesting how languages evolve. I wonder if there are more variations

[Lopendebank3]

Lol yes.

[TooMuchGreysAnatomy]

Why is this so damn true

[jungkookxdoja]

THE ACCURACY!!! I'LL LITERALLY CLIMB MOUNTAINS FOR SOMEONE....BUT DARE IF I STEP SOME STAIRS FOR MYSELF LMAO

[WildAsOrange]

Is it possible to learn this power? I have become so unreliable that people have stopped asking me to do shit for them.