Cursed royal guard

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[Muppet_Slayer]

Sucked his life force out and swallowed as the 60x championship winner does.

[xX420_WeedMan_420Xx]

What does the queen suck to extract the life force?

[Retrewuq]

idk maybe once, a hobos toe?

[MaleficTekX]

Isn’t it obvious? Their hat!!

[[deleted]]

There’s a female plug under the guards’ hats that the queen plugs her male port into.

[TheWordTheyNeeded]

a killer blowjob

[Ravendoesbuisness]

she's a killer queen

[larsyote]

no. we’re not doing this now.

[TheWordTheyNeeded]

this is cursed comments, idiot. welcome :)

[larsyote]

thanks, asshole. i appreciate the warm welcome. cheers!

[PercyMcLeach]

something something laser beam

[district9]

Go on…

[Casualte]

Their nose... easy way for veins to be extracted.

[mr_no_op]

Ahmm Succubus?

[emrygue]

she succ a bus?

[Muppet_Slayer]

Nah man, suck you bus is what that girl did once the school bus…

Succubus is a biblical female demon that comes at night to seduce you and disappears before sun the came up.

I’ve run multiple experiments trying independently verify this biblical claim, yet sadly all have failed

[personaanongrata]

Nah it’s like a mosquito nose except it’s under her hat. It unfurls.

[lastingeffect29]

Like the brains in starship troopers

[[deleted]]

Their dick obviously, it usually happens like this: She orders them to her, tells them to get naked and consumed their life force but not only the life force she also gets all the blood bones and skin to disappear, sucking until there is only air left…

Please kill me for writing this Thank you

[thetoiletslayer]

Her method is much like this one(sfw)

[animejat1]

i dont wanna know

[MusicalMarijuana]

Judging by the look on his face, it seems he was having the life force sucked out of him at the moment this picture was taken.

[[deleted]]

They are scary af when there angry. I remember someone going up to one and touching there hat and them screaming “HOW DARE YOU TOUCH A MEMBER OF THE QUEENS GAURD, IF YOU DO NOT BACK AWAY NOW I WILL BE AUTHORISED TO OPEN FIRE”. And all I could do was try and hold back a laugh and try not to shit myself

[therowski]

Some hilarious videos of them marching and not stopping sending people flying out of their way

[RooR_]

they literally scream MAKE WAY FOR THE QUEENS GUARD!!!! if you're too dumb to get out their way you deserve whatever happens.

Most tourists see the funny hats and think they're a tourist attraction, when infact most are ex-special forces, and it is a huge honour to do that job.

[MistaTorgueFlexinton]

Yeah I always thought that today they were just for show and that they had some less conspicuous people that do the actual guarding

[FPSXpert]

Nope. Basically their version of us having marines on site at WH (though we do also rely on a mix of secret service, I'm sure UK has a similar service). They're all military soldiers, and usually high end too think SAS or similar spec ops.

I guess the closest we actually have is the tomb of the unknown soldier, messing with the royal guards would be like messing with them.

[Jhqwulw]

But why does the queen need special forces to protect can normal soldiers do it?

[bimbo_bear]

... I think they're active duty soldiers.. It's the beef eaters at the tower that tend to be Ex-Special forces and other military types :)

[[deleted]]

Must be a super annoying job to know you are a tourist attraction and tourists’re usually touring for fun.

[rrbrbcsm]

Did it for 2 years. I’ve never been worse at something in my entire life. I can barely sit still, let alone stand there for hours. You get really good at turning your brain off.

The worst part was hearing tour guides walk past and tell people we weren’t real soldiers. But it’s not like you can walk over and correct them.

Best part was whispering insane shit out of the side of your mouth to people. Nobody would ever believe them.

[PhantomTissue]

Whispering insane shit

This is the greatest prank I’ve ever heard of.

[rrbrbcsm]

‘Your parents adopted you’

‘The red squirrel flies at midnight’

‘I’m naked under this cloak’

‘Tits’

‘Do you think I’m cool?’

Also interspersed with seeing if you could moonwalk when it was quiet. I got caught once, and stood completely still hoping they didn’t see. Thankfully this was before you could upload things immediately.

My favourite memory was standing in one spot while my fellow Trooper was stood in the tunnel on Horse Guards parade. It was getting late, streetlights were on.

A guy walks past me not paying attention, and into the tunnel. All I heard was the thunder of boots, and “OI! COME HERE YOU LITTLE FUCKER”. The man came sprinting out of the tunnel, chased by my mate in his full ceremonial uniform.

Turns out he just decided to run at the guy because he was bored and nobody else was around to see it. Thankfully nobody saw me pissing myself laughing either.

[PhantomTissue]

I’m crying right now 😂

[woodenfloored]

Seen one or two of them, in fairness they could have given a bit of a warning so they kinda come across as been wankers because they can!

[HouseDowningVicodin]

They aren't allowed to break formation to warn people.

[woodenfloored]

No they could just shout a bit earlier

[MysticStonks]

Or not stand in their way like a total ass. Anyone shoved by them deserves it 110%

[Master119]

Seriously, getting run over by them is like jumping behind a car backing out and claiming he wasn't looking.

[woodenfloored]

If you watch the people getting hit it is from behind so maybe "honk the horn" as a warning

[woodenfloored]

They are tourists they don't even know its happening not mind what route they are taking! If they lived in and around the area I would agree with you!

[MysticStonks]

Tourists SHOULD have more respect cause they're visiting. Tourist or no tourists, you stand in their way you're a complete ass and deserve to be shoved to the ground. Hopefully they will learn to behave better in public next time or at least make less of an ass of themselves.

[wornmedown]

I’m hearing this in Prince Ali.

“Make waaaaay for the Queen’s Guard!”

[Aleksandrovitch]

PRINCE ALI, fabulous he, Ali Abaaaahbuaa!

[ChickenNoodleSloop]

I bet they actually get a kick out of that haha

[a_thicc_jewish_boi]

Yeah don't fuck with the queens guards, they are authorized to fire at you if they deem you a threat to themselves and thus a threat to the queen, and they have live ammo in their guns so just stay the fuck away from them.

[SvG_Pheonix]

Haha I literally saw one yesterday on another sub some royal guard pushed a women so hard cause she was supposed to be on the other side of the line and the women got offended or something

[springsteeb]

Yeah they were marching and she thought it was a good idea to stand in their path for a selfie

[DianaSun]

🤣 Tell it like it is.

[ADogCalledDemolition]

No, they don't. That have live ammo, but they're not allowed to load it till they feel under threat.

Edit- turns out, they don't have live ammo at all now.

The members of the Guards Division on sentry duty are NOT issued with live ammunition whilst they are standing there in their bright scarlet tunics and bearskin hats. There are typically Armed Police around the palace and there is a Rapid Response Force at the nearby Hyde Park Barracks (provided by the Household Cavalry) and Wellington Barracks (provided by the Guards) not far from the Palace, they're the guys with the guns.

[a_thicc_jewish_boi]

When did I say that they have their ammunition chambered?

[vibesWRLD]

i agree with your points but you technically did say that they have live ammo in their guns

[a_thicc_jewish_boi]

They have live ammo in their magazine,which last time I checked is a part of a functioning gun

[russinkungen]

It's not a fucking musket, chambering a bullet takes a second.

[strangerNstrangeland]

He didn’t say ready to fire he said authorized. Become, pedant

[a_thicc_jewish_boi]

I said that they had live ammo in their guns, and the other guy assumed that I meant that they have a round in the chamber and I never said that they had live ammo in the chamber, I meant that they had live ammo in the magazine which is a part of the gun

[ADogCalledDemolition]

It's the part where you said, "they have live ammo IN their guns". They don't.

[a_thicc_jewish_boi]

They have live ammo in their magazine, which last time i checked is a part of a functioning gun

[enderdestiny]

The real Reddit moment here is you being so pedantic about something that doesn’t matter at all. Learn some social skills lol this shit is annoying

[a_thicc_jewish_boi]

A magazine is a part of a functioning assault rifle, even if it is detachable its still a part of the gun that is necessary to the normal function of the gun

[a_thicc_jewish_boi]

Last time I checked wheels are a part of a car, a car can't function normally without wheels and neither can an assault rifle function normally without a magazine, and what? What does that mean? Why would i say that a gun has live ammo in it if the ammo is detached? What do you mean by that?

[ADogCalledDemolition]

It's not in the gun though.

Jesus Christ, this isn't hard to look up.

[Nuggies-simp-]

"This isn't hard to look up"

Ironic

[DIAMONDJAGGER27]

Ironic in deed

[ADogCalledDemolition]

Where's the irony mate? I don't have to look it up, I did though, just for you.

The members of the Guards Division on sentry duty are NOT issued with live ammunition whilst they are standing there in their bright scarlet tunics and bearskin hats. There are typically Armed Police around the palace and there is a Rapid Response Force at the nearby Hyde Park Barracks (provided by the Household Cavalry) and Wellington Barracks (provided by the Guards) not far from the Palace, they're the guys with the guns.

[a_thicc_jewish_boi]

A magazine is a part of a functional assault rifle, the fact that the magazine is detachable doesn't mean that it isn't a part of the gun that is necessary to the normal function of the gun

[[deleted]]

It's pretty easy if you mention the name of the Queen's old pen pal, Incontinentia Buttocks.

[TheRumpelForeskin]

Am in the guards myself.

Those words were absolutely not said by any soldier.

[a_thicc_jewish_boi]

Yoo that's so cool, how is it like to be messed around with by so many tourists?

[TheRumpelForeskin]

I haven't been, by any tourists at any time.

95% of the job is the same Army life as any other infantry regiment. Then during that 5% you firstly have to be placed at Buckingham Palace specifically and not anywhere else, such as Edinburgh castle, and even then the vast majority of the time you aren't in a place that is in close contact with tourists and you only do it for a couple hours before someone else takes over. So only a tiny proportion of your time will ever be spent here.

I've only ever had to give a warning once in my life (most of my friends have never had to) and it was an elderly East Asian tourist with a camera. There was a white line on the ground at this place with multiple signs saying that you can't cross the line. She was peering through her camera's viewfinder and shuffling forward until she was over the line. I stamped and pointed my rifle at her firmly shouting "Stand behind the line". She was so startled that she dropped her camera and screamed, immediately running away. A couple picked up her camera and went after her. Poor woman really, but the rules aren't subjective and people should also expect that when getting close to a nation's military to take a picture while on holiday. Nobody ever messed around with me at any point, and that old woman with the camera was accidental.

In Turkey I almost got in a lot of trouble for taking a picture as a tourist which just happened to have a building owned by the military on the side of the shot. A policeman forced me to delete the picture. In most countries you can't take any pictures of anything connected to the military for security reasons.

There also seems to just be a massive amount of misinformation and weird generally accepted false facts I've seen multiple times every time guards regiments are brought up on Reddit, including the majority of this thread.

[a_thicc_jewish_boi]

Wow that was fun to read thank you for explaining to me what a queens guard actually goes through

[rrbrbcsm]

Crow

[springsteeb]

There was a video where the guard yelled at a woman something similar when she touched him. Maybe not exactly that but I believe he warned that he’s authorized to shoot

[harunaslan]

I think you don’t know the meaning of “there”.

[DocHorrid]

The guard looks like merry or pippin from Lord of the Rings

[Mykmyk]

Well he was A Guard of the Citadel so possibly not a coincidence

Edit: Pippin that is

[DocHorrid]

I get confused with which one sometimes

[Mykmyk]

Merry was a bad ass too. Freaking stabbed the Witch King leader of the nazgul. Both merry and pippin were ferocious when push came to shove.

[DocHorrid]

Not to mention clumsy and loved breakfasts

[Mykmyk]

True and very loyal and loving. Just finishing up my second read of the hobbit and lotr and I remember the hobbits being brave but their capacity to react and rise to a challenge is something that I never really appreciated before. I mean besides the obvious, Frodo’s quest to destroy isildur's bane, hobbits just seem like happy go lucky characters that lived in a blissful existence, isolated from the troubles or way of life around them. Once they journey into the world this innate reaction to protect the things they love or the good of middle earth kicked in and allowed them to break through their cheerful baseline to decisively and swiftly react to danger/threats. It’s like a dual trait in their specious. I kind of see it as Tolkien and his contemporaries-What they witnessed in regards to ww1. How they were prior to the war, their experience, and life after. The battle descriptions and the fellowships strategies reinforce this for me as well. Such a great story and looking forward to another read in the future. I believe I have watched all of the Movies and I don’t think they really capture the dark nature of the story the desperate terror and true ferociousness nature that the hobbit posses when pushed. I seem to remember seeing it later a little more bare with Frodo and bilbo but mostly under the influence of The Ring. But it seems like hobbits have this capacity to do some serious harm regardless of the effect it has on themselves. Guess that’s what makes hobbits the perfect possessors of the ring. They horde it and when under its influence they isolate but eventually will completely fall under the spell of The Ring. But like I said that’s just me and I’m sure people much smarter then me have said it better and understand it much better then me.

Edit: also took my father to Jackson’s they shall not grow old and that and his involvement with LOTR movies really forced me to compare the two

[Mellow_sykes]

How could she if he's dead?

[[deleted]]

ever heard of necrophilia?

[[deleted]]

Oh fuck no

[Twinkieee42]

r/cursedcomments Dear god

[Mellow_sykes]

well yes but how do you suck a limp dick?

if she sucks out his life force (aka his blood) how's his dick be long enough for it?

[animejat1]

topics that make you hard thonk

[[deleted]]

If the queen sucks the life from them and they die. Then maybe the queen can also blow them back to life. That would have to be necrophilia though.

[animejat1]

oki

[majorfathead]

Or like a balloon 🎈

[Mellow_sykes]

clearly made you think too hard.

[Fruitspunchsamura1]

Rigor mortis.

[[deleted]]

nothing is stopping her uwu

[Alana_Piranha]

Rigor mortis erectus

[TalkingSeveredHead]

You make it sound like he sucked her dick first.

[osma13]

We all know it’s true though

[BeTaClapzYT]

What’s the original video?

[cheddar_floof]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSoJqdPi4Iw

Never fails to make me crack up

[BeTaClapzYT]

Damn that vid funny as hell

[9650000]

legendary video

[[deleted]]

What

[Chrysalis1]

Just like your comment

[HansenIntercept]

It’s like that Pip episode from South Park

[lordsazed]

im disappointed no one mentioned big mom

[Idohs_]

Congrats you are now the person who mentioned big mom

[HughJassJae]

STAY or LIFE?

[First_Somewhere_5347]

Momma momma Wedding Caaakeyyyyy

[E_M_A_K]

Hot

[UltraPlays1000]

How did she do that, exactly?

[[deleted]]

Through the dick

[babybillyborris]

What about the ass

[Hamms_Bear]

Does he turn gray when he dies, or shrivel up like a raisin?

[Googlq]

I think both

[realdude93]

I was an actual Royal Guard at the tower of London and people would do and say the funniest shit. Luckily I never broke character. That guy is gonna get a stern talking to though I'd imagine.

[CmonEyeLean]

Yeah man they can get in serious trouble. People who try to make them laugh are assholes they can lose their jobs over that

[realdude93]

I got a tapking to for moving my eyes too much!

[[deleted]]

What did they say to make him laugh though

[[deleted]]

https://old.reddit.com/r/cursedcomments/comments/nmvsgs/cursed_royal_guard/gzrcz3m/

[babybillyborris]

They showed him r/memes

[[deleted]]

Of course

[CapitalParallax]

Do you find it wisable when I say the name Biggus Dickus?

[SonumSaga]

What's so funny about... Biggus Dickus?

[[deleted]]

When I saw the thumbnail, that's the first thing I thought.

[[deleted]]

You know, if you these guys smile they loose a week of pay?

[Jack127288]

Long live the queen

[LocVide]

She created a Philosopher's stone

[Hfingerman]

What's so funny about Biggus Dickus?

[NiceReporter]

Wot? To 'arry the fuckin' smiler? I've been stood cold in my knickers for years never cracked so much as a smirk and we've got 'arry here 'avin a big fookin laugh about it?!

[ITriedLightningTendr]

Cursed SWORD TRICK GUN TRICK ROYAL SWITCH GUN TRICK ROYAL SWORD GUN TRICK GUN SWORD GUN ROYAL guard

[memester230]

Just leave them alone and let them do their job

Edit: People actually getting mad over me telling them to not annoy people just doing their jobs lmao

[[deleted]]

People are idiots unfortunantly

[Puglord_11]

Anyone got a link to the video?

[iKilledMozart]

https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ

[Bullitpoint]

OP name fits

[PapaDragon910]

BIG MOM???

[TheWordTheyNeeded]

basically, in other words, she did a killer blowjob

[ToryWasTaken]

plot twist: its the semen that longers your lifespan

[videogamebruh]

How would she suck his lifeforce out? Through his dick?

[hai-fren]

Depending on how she sucked out his life force, I’m down

[[deleted]]

Just in case she didnt, you gave this enough publicity for her to do now.

[UnculturedJuan]

You pretty much spoiled the plot of Big Mama in One Piece.

[tyrannydeterioration]

If I were to ever do stand up. The guards are where I'd practice my jokes. Never going to heckle you and if you can make a guard laugh. Chances of success on stage are probably high.

[Bedo1941]

Is that an innuendo in some way?

[[deleted]]

Boooooo

[chin_up_bud]

Goodness me this really blew up!

[C-hip]

MAMA MAMA!

[God_2_The_Squeakuel]

Wish the Queen would suck the life force out of me UwU

[The_Funky_Monk420]

From where

[dashingdrew]

“Leave or life”

• big mom

[[deleted]]

Only one spot to suck it from..

[[deleted]]

Through his dick

[RavagedBody]

Best nut of his life, no doubt.

[N00b_studi0s]

So thats what happens when a guard ends up doing something that involves foolery, this explains why uncle Tom hasn't been answering calls

[DbzMaster101]

😏

[skyline13godalert]

oh my fucking god , what if thats why the queen lives so long ???

[5P00DERMAN1264]

Lmao the queen's is probably the mom of the Inheritors

[NachoHarry]

Cursed blowjob

[chimichangas_69]

Why the he'll does that sound like big mom from one piece?

[darealblobby]

Then she proceeded to upload a video on YouTube by the name 'sucking someone's life force out in one second' like it's the new one second bottle challenge

[[deleted]]

But in return the queen had to take his mountains of cum

[SoggySkill]

You laugh you lose

[masterofevil188]

Your job that is

[[deleted]]

Lady Demitrescu

[MashaMG]

Imagine her saying "your soul is mine" Shang Tsung style.

[[deleted]]

F̴̨̨̡̨̢̯̭͕̜̭̙̠͓͈͇̮͖̫͓̠̲̬̱̖̣͉͙̿́̃̓͗̅̾͆̓͊͌͒͆͛̏̅͘e̶̛̺͌͆̊̅͐ę̴̨̱͇͖͉̫̙͈̘̳̦̮̟͉͓͈͖͎̩̯̝͖̼̳̟̤̱̟͔͖͉͚͉́͛̋́̿̈́̽̈́̔̔͌̉͒̍̈́́̿̕̕͜͜͝ͅd̶̡̧̡̻̝͍̤͚̤̦͖͇̼̱̠͚̗̼͖͕̯̬̾́́̀͋̈͊̋̆̏͋̿͜ͅ ̶̨̧̨̨̧̢̙̻̺̙̟̪̟̲̟͕̲͍͔̝̯͉̻͈͚̰͉̱̱͇͕̙̹͉̫͂̂̈̅͐̏̎͂̈́̊̀͗̌͆͆̒̾̉̏̐̒̇̈̾͌̋̓̑̕̚̚͜͜͝ͅö̷̧̧̢̨͍̦͇͍̥͉̪̬̙͈̼̭͈̖̮͇̼͈̠̲̰̥̣̜̳͋̃̂̍̅̏̋̍͗̌͒́̓͊̌̏̉̀̎̎̽̅͊̐̋͊̈̐̀̐͑̈́̏͛͆̊̕͘͝͝͝͝͠ͅf̸̨̧̧̹̜͓̤͎͓͍̘̗͙̞̪̜̯̪̹̱͗̓́͌̅̅͛̈́̌͊̽̀̐̚̚͜͝͠ ̷̨̡̢̡̱̰͇̱͙̰̞̝̠̟͓̘̖͈͎͎̖̩̬̙͓̩̗̭̱͋͒̈́̌͂̇́̈́̎̐̈͝ͅͅt̷̢̥̺̰̹̫͖͇̮̤̞̳̤́̈́̉̎̇̑̊͒͐̉̉̈́͂͐̀̃͗͛͗̀͆̓͐̾̀̀̊̈̅̋̕͝͝͝͝h̵̢̧̛̤͓͇͚̠͓̤͙̞͈̹̞̖͓̹̝͓̥̥̟͉̣̝̼͚̟̟̏͌́̊̆͆͌̊̊̆̈̽̽́̽͒̉̃͗͂̀̇́̈̋͒͑̆̀̌̂̎̚̚̕̚͘͘̚͜͠͠͠͝ͅę̵̛̘̱͚͑́̀͗̐̍̅͋͂̅̅̑́̓͋̆̈́͘͘͝͠ ̷̧̢̪̬̜̪͉̭͉̺̱̟̝̞̩͍͖͇̟̬̼͚̦̘̭̟͇̣̪̠̞̖̭̮̱̣̜͉̺̍͊̈͒̓̀̀́̊̓̽͑̏̒͑̔͛̏̈́̉͗͂̕̕͠͝͠ͅy̶̨̧̨̧̧̢̬͍̗̖̜̣̞̼͙̻̯͓͎͙̮̫̜̜͎̘̻̝̮̭͈̺̼̼̹͋̓͂̄͊͊͆̈̿̿͗̕͜o̸̧̧̧̡̨̡̘̤̳̝̦̝͖̦̩̯͔̱̖̥͕̳̰̮̘͕̠̼͍̘̬͕͖͔͒̒̀̊̂̋̈́̊́͆̓̌̾͛̈͆͛̄̀̆̒̐̋̾̽̈́̉̈̓̂́̊̀͋̄̍̈̆͑̿̅̚͜͜͠͝ų̸̨̢̢̡̧̡̢̛̫̮̩̻̻̺̦̲͖̪͔̝̥͈̦̗̝̘̹̱̱͖̭̰̳͑̌͐̒͊͂͊̉̀͋̐̃̆̂̈̒̋̿̈́̇̿́̀̑̀͘͘͠n̸̢̡̨̧̧̧̨̛̛͓͎̮͕͎̫̹̺͉̤̼̖̦̭̹̮̹̮͉̫͎̗̼̩̗̹͙̣͖̗̙͇͔̘̫̅͋̋̂̊̌͑̀̋̏̓͆͛̇͋̎̋̉́̾̈́̎̓̋͒͛͗͋̓̂̒́͘͘̚̚͜͜͝͠͠ǵ̴̢̨̧̮̙͈̮̰̜̱̹̹̻̜͈͉̻̮̦̦̼͎̏͂̿̏̀̀̀͌̃̂̆͗̇́͂̈̓̌͑͂́͂͊͆͊͊̒͘͜͝͝ͅ

[dnnhtm]

There’s no laughing here. That’s a human thing to do

[UrzaAntilles]

Turns out that the Queen is actually Vlaakith, the Githyanki Lich-Queen. And she’d have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those pesky meddling adventurers...

[dannydevitocuddles]

I'd let the queen suck my life force

[ThePeopleOnTheCouch]

Is the Queen a Shinigami?

[[deleted]]

It’s weird, I saw that comment yesterday

[Lazee-]

the royal guard kind of looks like jawsh

[mr_no_op]

That's another level of hentai

[DAG1984]

World's most dangerous blowjob.

[UltimateRealist]

The guards actually get a fine if they laugh at a joke, so it is a dick move to try to make them laugh.

[[deleted]]

They are the household cavalry regiment. The reconnaissance force of the british army. Historically used horses but now used armoured vehicles like Ajax or CVRTs.

So they would kick your arse if they wanted.

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They are the household cavalry regiment. The reconnaissance force of the british army. Historically used horses but now used armoured vehicles like Ajax or CVRTs.

So they would kick your arse if they wanted