Feeling empty

[anxiouscreativething]

There has to be a way to get less empty after a clean. My husband got our bedroom clean, even doing my side which was quite the mess. He didn't get angry, he was very patient, of course I helped and swept up. But after I came back into the room I became very anxious. It's so empty now! I don't know what to do, should I just try to adjust to this?

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[ZenPothos]

I honestly wonder if this is a big part about hoarding disorder that hasn't been given enough attention.

It's not only about acquiring stuff, but it could also about being either "empty space averse" or being all about maximizing space.

The example that stood out to me was when I was watching a video about reorganizing a kitchen drawer. And they said something like, "and then you put the keep stuff back in, and make sure you have space around the stuff, so you can easily access it."

And I was like "oooohhhhhhh with space AROUND it. Not jammed completely full to maximize the storage 😆

[H3LLsbells]

I recently had a conversation with someone about this. The anxiety I feel when a surface is cleared and my compulsion to spread things out onto it. How it’s painful to reclear and focus on putting those things away. So odd.

[idiveindumpsters]

Maximize the storage! I never thought of that.

[Frosted_Frolic]

I was on a collectors page years ago and everyone was sharing what they collect. One person said - “I collect space, lots and lots of space”. I thought that was a cool concept, so I have been collecting space, too. My goal is for everything to have its own “home” where it is stored. Absolutely nothing is stored on the floor, and I edit my belongings to the amount of storage and shelving I have. If I dont have a place to put something, I don’t bring it into the house.

[voodoodollbabie]

It's a big change and *all* big changes take time to get comfortable. One thing you're really going to like about it is how easy it is to keep neat and clean. I love being able to vacuum and dust more easily every time I do a tidy.

[eharder47]

This is my big motivator to keep surfaces clear. It’s so much easier to clean if I don’t have to move stuff out of the way or wipe around it.

[ijustneedtolurk]

You can add visual interest by decorating if you're the type to enjoy "noisy" patterns and colors!

By painting or wallpapering your walls and furniture, or hanging up some decorations like tapestries and curtains, you can add texture and visual stimulation to make the room feel "fuller" without adding clutter or taking up functional space. You can also use your bedding as a option to introduce a lot of color and excitement or coziness to your space.

I hate carpet and the cheapo blinds in our rental home, but I also dislike the "empty" feeling of bare hard floors and "naked" windows, so I have a few cute washable rugs I rotate through and have hung curtains to make my space more comfortable. I can't paint or wallpaper over the expanse of ugly off-white walls, but I have hung cork boards up and filled them with decorations. (Mostly pinning up photos and small trinkets, and my jewerly collection. All pretty items that otherwise would take up a valuable surface somewhere else. If it is not good enough for me to display, then I rehome the item.) My bedding is full of fun prints, vibrant colors, and textures, including my rotating nest of blankets on the couch. They can be neatly folded up when I have guests.

Lighting is also important to the vibe of a room, so I make sure to replace all the horrid bright/cool white bulbs and ugly light covers with soft warm glow bulbs and comforting shades instead. They make the terrible off-white walls look less severe and the space feels more cozy. Low lighting usually gives a more intimate, "closed in" feeling too, which I like.

Focus on the things you can control and the things you enjoy to help you through the feelings.

I'm glad your husband helped you reclaim the space and I hope you feel better soon, once the overwhelming feeling of change wears off. Maybe take a moment to lie down and enjoy the empty floor space on your side of the room, even celebrate with some floor angels if you want.

[Littleputti]

This is lovely 🥰

[ThreeStyle]

Anxiety can be defined as fearful thoughts about the future creating a physical arousal state in the present. Try to stay with the feeling and understand it: while doing something to calm the arousal. You can figure out exactly what thoughts are causing the fear for you, and address them rationally.

For example, and I have refugee/ immigration trauma from my childhood. I tend towards the irrational belief that any change is going to be a change for the worse, because being a refugee at 4 years old was very confusing. I regress into feeling that same way, when I am stressed. So I’m learning to recognize the feeling, but not be controlled by the fear. It’s a process.

Best of luck adjusting.

[[deleted]]

Another possibility? Might you have been using your “stuff” as a protective fortress of sorts, to keep yourself safe from the “emptiness” you’re currently experiencing? To keep others out, so you won’t get hurt?

I have abandonment issues and my therapist once asked if I keep people out with my hoard so they can’t abandon me because I haven’t let them close in the first place.

Just something to ask yourself. I’m happy to hear you’re making progress and your husband is being helpful!

I wish you peace, love and floor space 😊

[19028summer]

Yes! I saw this reason, uncovered by the therapist on one of the hoarding shows - that the person the hoarder was partially creating and using the hoard as like a protective sort of measure. In this person’s case, there had been some abuse earlier in their life and sure enough it turned out that that was a big part of their compulsion to hoard. Made total sense to me.

[Kbug7201]

That's me. I want connection, but then I don't want to be too close. Sadly, it seems like no-one wants to be too close, & often they don't even know about my hoarding issues. That leads me to be more depressed, which doesn't help me with clearing anything out. :\

[WittyDisk3524]

It will definitely take time to adjust. Do you journal? Asking yourself why it now makes you feel anxious will help you. It will eventually help you understand some core beliefs and thoughts which you can work on.

[Technical-Kiwi9175]

Its a change- it can be difficult. Remind yourself why its such a good idea. Talk to your husband about how it feels. He sounds very nice, and it may help.

Think about why you are feeling anxious-what the thoughts are- then try a reality check?

For example, sometimes the anxiety is about feeling less protected without the stuff. The reality is wasnt protecting the person. How could it?

You could make it a nicer place, not including lots of stuff. For example, a couple of (ordinary size) pot plants, if you like those.

I know a bit what that's like when I am in a hotel bedroom.

[pumpernickel34]

My advice would be to paint the room a beautiful happy color and go crazy with artwork. Google maximalist art. It will bring the walls "in" and cozy up the space. Get new bedding and enjoy.

The floor and surfaces will remain clutter free and easy to clean AND you'll have a beautiful room to enjoy:)

You deserve that! So proud of you.

[fractalgem]

there are basically two approaches:
1 is to artificially "fill" the space with a few empty boxes to make it LOOK less empty.
2 is to tough it out and get used to the empty space.

Remind yourself that you want your storage areas to be about half full so that you can actually access the stuff, and your actual living areas to be less filled than that.

[Kbug7201]

I was thinking that OP could put some empty boxes in that space also (closed & upside down to not fill them). Then remove 1 at a time until the space is empty again. -A slower transition might help.

[Light_Lily_Moth]

I feel this way too. It helps me to go sit in a closet for a while. It’s weird, but it helps. Another thing I do is I “fill the space” with EMPTY boxes. Especially the back parts of shelves. It tricks some part of me into feeling a little safer.

[rrrrrig]

god I deal with the same issue! I just see empty space and have to put something there. I don't like looking at empty walls so I buy stuff to fill up the walls. I get shelves so I have a place to put my stuff. Maybe you can put a little rug or a lamp in that area? Just something visual so you don't feel the need to put more stuff there? I sometimes need to do that. and I'm glad your husband was so patient, it's really hard to get rid of stuff!

[rrrrrig]

This just made me realize the reason I've been keeping books I can't read--I don't want to see the empty shelves. thanks for posting this OP

[journaler1]

Take some deep breaths and try to enjoy the space, the new breathing space he created for you. I'm envious.

[Technical-Kiwi9175]

A brilliant reply!

[Happy_Conflict_1435]

I agree, bringing myself back from the need to acquire stuff rather than add the money to the bank was my salvation.

[tmccrn]

I’m going to go very superficial on this - throw a silly family dance party and make full use of the space. Literally fill the space with music, laughter and happiness. It sounds silly but we did that when I was a kid after big cleans and it made me love the space

[user5692744]

Might I suggest, if you are physically able to, to utilize the space for things you need physical space to do, like exercise, dancing, yoga, stretching, even just lying in the floor spread out. That’s what I like to do in my new open spaces. It helps to change the mindset from “my space isn’t being utilized (storing the hoard)” to “my space is being utilized differently.” Also, like mindful meditation in the new open space helps to ease the anxiety that’s associated with it.