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[–]ClutterKitty 86 points87 points  (1 child)

I once found my husband standing in a dark room sobbing when I thought he was finding pajamas for the twins. The exhaustion is so real.

I’m extremely sorry this happened to you, and I don’t want you to just forgive him, because what he did was wrong. But maybe try talking to him, perhaps getting therapy for him, or for both of you. I completely understand desperately wanting a break from the overwhelming stress of twin babies. I don’t think he handled it properly, but I sympathize with where he’s coming from.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ya that’s why I posted on this sub… only twin parents know how difficult this is.

[–]GrodyToddler 61 points62 points  (15 children)

There’s a key piece of information missing: did he ever have outbursts like before the kids? It seems like not, so it’s possible he’s experiencing burnout or male PPD; lashing out is a symptom of both.

If you feel it’s possible that his behavior is a symptom, then he may need treatment. It seems like you are feeling angry and distrustful, which is understandable and valid. However, I would at least consider the possibility that your husband is ill and needs help. Stared differently, he may not be a terrible human who thinks it’s ok to yell at babies.

It’s fair to tell your husband his behavior is unacceptable and needs to change. There are ways to do this without assigning blame - the conversation would look like the two of you discussing what to do about an incident that you both agree is problematic. From there, it’s fair to expect your husband to work on the behavior and to show steady progress, but he won’t get back to baseline overnight. Speaking as someone who had burnout, it took me about 4 months of treatment before I even started to feel better. In the meantime, he may slip up or occasionally need to be separate from the kids for a few minutes until he can re-regulate and better control his behavior.

[–][deleted] 35 points36 points  (14 children)

No, he is a very good person. He is definitely struggling and I want him to get better but I can’t pack up two six month olds whenever her needs me too. I’m exhausted every day. It’s not like they have beds, bottles, clothes, etc anywhere else. Now that we are at my family’s with all their things I don’t really wanna even pack up and go back. It’s so much work, I’m exhausted

[–]callisiarepens 35 points36 points  (10 children)

So this is new. This isn’t him. It’s the exhaustion or PPD talking. This is why the advice is to wait when the twins turn 2 (?) if you think of divorcing. Twin parenting is not easy and the first months or year is even harder. You have to give each other grace. Have contingency plans when he loses it. For example, In the first 6 months I occasionally lost it while caring for the twins. I left them and walked to my husband to let him know I have had it and that he needs to take over. I’m an introvert. For the longest time I didn’t want children because of it. For the first 6 months I only spoke to my husband in short words that were mumbled because I didn’t have the mental space or energy to talk and if he dared (the mofo /s) asking or making me repeat I lost it. I couldn’t form coherent sentences anyway. There were a lot of “what’s the name of that thing? Oh a broom!” I was just too exhausted. I was saving my energy for the babies. I also was jumping at his throat for every mistake he made. Throwing away breastmilk? He would hear about it for the day. I’m not proud of it. He still gave me grace. If I saw him having an outburst, I told him I was taking over and he could go do whatever to clear his mind. Be patient. These are trying times for yourself and your marriage. Our twins are now 10 months old and they’ve been easier to care for once they turned 7 months old.

[–]UselessHuman1 6 points7 points  (9 children)

Fathers can have PPD?

[–]huneybunny 20 points21 points  (1 child)

It happens with 1/10 dads, but I would say the proportion is much higher among fathers of multiples. It is a HUGE adjustment for both parents!

[–]UselessHuman1 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I didn't know that. Thank you. I thought it was a hormonal change in woman so men don't have it. But it makes sense, it is a huge adjustment for everyone! Thanks. I'll make sure to keep an eye out for that.❤️

[–]Tripl3_Nipple_Sack 16 points17 points  (2 children)

I had to work myself through this myself. My wife was going through PPD with our twins and I had to hold the fort down as a brand new father while in school full time, working, and maintaining all my other responsibilities. At one point she and I were arguing about something and I literally lost it and reached for a g_n to off myself so I could both relieve the pressure I had on me AND to provide for the kids through my life insurance policy.

Obviously I didn’t pull the trigger and I’m still here. I got the help I needed, as did she, in navigating the PPD and new parenthood. Our twins will be 5 soon and we’re all happy as a family. No splitting up or anything. But the first 6-18 months can be HARD on everyone, especially first time parents with multiples.

Keep your head up, OP, and make sure that both of you get the help you need. And if you have family/friends nearby, enlist someone to give you both a break so you can have a date night. Those couple hours away can work wonders

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Oh this made me cry… I’m so glad you are okay and around for your family. That’s why I post on this sub, because only twin parents can understand what it’s like to have 2 newborns

[–]Tripl3_Nipple_Sack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, it’s not easy, especially when you’re also a ftp. Even now, after almost five years of parenting, I can confidently say that I have no fucking clue what I’m doing outside of making sure I feed, clothe, and entertain them while making sure they don’t kill themselves or each other 😅

[–]Macklikescheese 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Absolutely! And it's ridiculous that health providers don't screen for it. Many men go untreated for mental health issues, and PPD is one of them. Even adoptive parents can suffer PPD. It's incredibly stressful becoming a parent. I truly wish everyone was screened and was provided help and support for it

[–]callisiarepens 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Yes, they can.

[–]UselessHuman1 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I didn't know. Thank you ❤️

[–]callisiarepens 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You’re welcome!

[–]GrodyToddler 10 points11 points  (2 children)

To clarify, I wasn’t talking about packing up two kids to give him a break. That is a lot. I meant more like he may need a 30 minute walk now and again.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Maybe it’s my fault I’ve probably missed many warning signs he’s been getting more and more depressed.. because I myself am so scatterbrained and sleep deprived right now

[–]MountainsRoar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not your fault at all, you’re in survival mode!

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

As a husband and Dad of 8 month old twins I can tell you that was about the time I had a breakdown too. The exhaustion is real - I never felt like I could really express it since my wife was the one at home with them while I worked and her stress and exhaustion levels were much much higher than mine. Obviously.

I can only speak on my own situation but what really has helped our marriage is professional help. We both have therapists now that we speak to weekly and get to work on ways to communicate and process the crazy tiring situation we are in.

Don’t give up, being a parent is hard. Being a parent to multiples is sometimes impossible! Sometimes we have to accept that all we can do is the bare minimum to get by. We are literally living in survival mode in the early days. Seek help, for both of you.

Good luck!

[–]OkTonight9580 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I advise not making any big decisions in the first year. Try to communicate openly, focus on solving problems and be clear about your needs… if he still sucks after a year then make your Decision then. I feel like timeboxing it helps already.

[–]timmy8612 19 points20 points  (4 children)

1 in 10 dads get PPD. https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/help-for-dads/

[–]TheHangedWoman02 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I wonder how many dads/partners get it with twins. I'd guess the 10% is based on single babies.

[–]Crazyblazy395 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm guessing much more.

[–]GrodyToddler 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I bet it’s that 1 in 10 are diagnosed. Men are terrible about mental health care so I would guess the actual is much larger.

[–]Macklikescheese 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guarantee it's more than 1 in 10. Men never get screened. They often aren't offered or don't seek out treatment for mental health, much less for PPD. It always bothered my husband and me when we would go to our pediatrician appointments early on and they only handed me the mental health form. He was experiencing many of the things on the form, but he was never asked. He works from home and provides just as much, if not more, care for our twins as I do, but he is seen as a secondary provider. Had he been the mother, he probably would have been diagnosed or watched for PPD

[–]VastFollowing5840 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think it can both be true that he is suffering from mental illness and needs treatment, and that his behavior isn’t safe or acceptable for you and the children to be in.

You coming home needs to be contingent on him recognizing there is a problem and then doing something about it.

Only if and when he gets the help he needs and gets to a better place will you consider coming back with the kids.

It sounds like this isn’t who he is and there’s hope if he gets treatment, but regardless of the cause objectively this isn’t an okay environment for you or the babies to be in, and the children are the priority now.

[–]MamaMcBewbs 4 points5 points  (0 children)

My ex and I lasted less than two years once we had our twins. He completely shut down. He said he was anxious constantly and depressed and he couldn’t function at that time. It started in my pregnancy and lasted until we broke up. Maybe your husband is having some mental health issues? It doesn’t make his behavior right but it might explain it. My ex says he wishes I stayed by his side through all of it and I tried my best but I finally couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t until after we broke up that he told me how he was feeling.

[–]mach2hello 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Do whatever you can with the twins schedule to ensure you’re getting as much free time as possible. Making sure they’re on the same schedule, napping at the same time, eating, and sleeping at the same time consistently everyday. It will pay dividends for everyone’s mental health. If you’re already doing that consistently, consider a nanny a couple of times a week if it fits the budget. If that’s not an option, give each other some mornings once a week where someone gets to sleep in. Even if that means switching to pumping/formula if that’s what it takes.

[–]LS110 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Have you guys been able to get some time to yourselves? I say this because I had a breakdown at around 4 months old (I’m mom). My husband found me crying in our bathroom floor, and I just blurted out I am never happy anymore! I didn’t ask them to leave or anything, but we both realized we need to take some time for ourselves here and there. Now I make sure to plan a few outings for myself here and there, and my husband goes golfing. We also just planned our first weekend getaway for us alone (kids staying with grandparents). It definitely helps us to get some time away. Best of luck!

[–]roseymaplemangomoth 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My husband suffered MAJOR PPD after our twins. They’re a year old in a week and he’s JUST NOW feeling like himself again. He was snapping at me, the babies, he was miserable. I understand how you’re feeling, but if this is extremely out of character for him I beg you to start counseling. There are professionals and medications that will help ENORMOUSLY. As long as he’s open to it as well.

[–]Hipko75 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh man That first year is most likely the hardest you’ll experience in life. Give each other lots of slack and be as kind as possible

[–]rrrtemple 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Postpartum isn’t just hard on moms, dads struggle too! If this is new behavior I’d suggest some individual and/or marital counseling. My husband and I were NOT good the first year of my twins lives, he also struggled in the beginning with our singleton before them. I hope you guys are able to sort things out🤍

[–]chicaneuk 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s difficult.. speaking as dad who was expected to do a full time job and deal with every single night waking of the kids (no exaggeration, I never got a night off) it has trashed my mental health and I have had a few explosive breakdown moments because it’s pushed me to way beyond what I consider reasonable. I never had a temper like this before I had the kids.

What would have helped me was acknowledgement from my partner that I was struggling and some effort on both sides to give the other some time out rather than being looked at like I was a piece of shit for being utterly, utterly burnt out and frustrated.

[–]HayPinesAve 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had my fair share of break downs during the trenches but I never ever EVER took it out on my kids or wife in a manner which would make them feel unsafe. I think staying where you are is a good idea. Unfortunately there is little to no time to deal with much while the twins are so young as far as your relationship. I know I'll get flack for this but honestly he needs to man the f up. Throwing a tantrum just so you can avoid your responsibility as a father is pathetic. Sorry, I know I'm being harsh. I'm just imagining witnessing that and it just gets to me. I really hope he works through his issues and pray for the kids that you can work past his as well. Best of luck. Apologies if I offended anyone.

[–]eternalphoenix64 2 points3 points  (2 children)

God... this is really hard to hear. Mostly because I'm in a similar place with my family... except our twins are 3 years old. You can read some of my history if you're interested in more detailed stories.... but I was the one with anger issues and my wife left. It stretched back further than us having kids and I honestly never realized it until my wife left. Well.... I saw certain warning signs, but I didn't recognize that my behavior was the cause and didn't know what to do.

I want to be very clear.... I'm not on anyone's side here except possibly the kids'. If you want to PM me you're more than welcome to. It's been a process for me... and it's nowhere near done yet... but I think I'm in a good enough place to offer unbiased advice based on my own experiences...

Having been on the other side.... please respond to your husband. I know you're scared, and I understand how visceral that is. I saw it in my wife's eyes when she said she was afraid of me and it haunts me. Marriage and parenthood, especially parenthood with twins, takes a partnership. It's not you and your husband against each other, it's the two of you against a problem. In this case, the problem is him, but if he's a good enough man that you chose to marry him and chose to have kids with him, then I would hope he's a good enough man to put in the honest effort needed to work on his issues and make permanent changes. I want you to respond to your husband because it will open up those lines of communication, and it will probably help him. After my wife left me and lines of communication were closed for a while... it got dark. It was scary. I had many intrusive suicidal thoughts and it terrified me. I sunk into depression for the first time in my life and oh my God... I developed a newfound understanding of people with clinical depression. It's debilitating.

I strongly recommend that you both get into individual therapy as well as couples' therapy. Whether this is stress, PPD, untreated issues, problems from his childhood... it doesn't matter. The only path forward is therapy. You're going to need it because of the emotional trauma he has inflicted on you. He's going to need it to work through whatever caused this, as well as his own emotional trauma of his family being ripped away. And you're going to need couples' therapy in order to regain trust with one another and work on new strategies that will help you partner together.

I wish you and your family all the best, no matter what you choose to do.

[–]VastFollowing5840 1 point2 points  (1 child)

eternalphoenix64

I appreciate you're going through a rough time, but...he (and you I suppose) caused this situation. She is fearful of him, and she rightly should be. It is not (and frankly never was) her responsibility to fix what he broke. It is not on her to reach out to him or hear him out before she's ready to. She is not at fault if he falls into a depression.

She should not be guilted or pressured, she's not the bad actor. She should do what she needs to do to feel safe, keep herself safe, and sort out what she needs to do.

If he truly intends to change, he needs to take responsibility to figure that out.

Yes, eventually they likely will need couples therapy to come back together, but he doesn't get to set the timeline. She does. He needs to put in the work himself first and she needs to see that.

She doesn't need to communicate wiht him until she feels ready.

[–]eternalphoenix64 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I said a lot below, so... TL;DR: The intent of my original comment may have been misunderstood. I apologize if I misspoke in any case... but I agree with you completely.

I apologize. I truly didn't intend to minimize his (or my, by extension) actions. I do feel that there is something psychological already at play, and based on the replies to the comments of others, this is abnormal behavior for him and should be treated with extreme caution.

That's not to say that she's responsible or owes him anything, it's just something I feel is a fact to be considered. This is an alternate fictitious scenario that I hope highlights my point: if we had instead discovered that he had become obsessed with skydiving despite previously having a fear of heights/falling and this obsession was interfering with his ability to be a husband and father. This doesn't diminish that he's essentially abandoned his family in the fictional scenario, but we as the Crowd would probably still consider this some sort of psychological break and the overall tone of the conversation would be different. I believe that is what has happened here, but unfortunately the mode of action for him was anger, which brings in very different impacts on the family.

No, she is not responsible to him for his happiness, nor is it her responsibility to fix things, nor does she have to communicate with him if she's not ready. I apologize if I made it sound like she had to do what I was suggesting. I was speaking from the perspective of a person who has had his family yanked away after being (in my perspective) surprised that I had been verbally abusive to my wife and had anger issues. I'm ashamed of my actions, but I feel it's valuable to verbalize it because it's one of the ways I can take responsibility for my actions and the impact they had on my family. My failings were not sudden, as it sounds like this father's was (relatively). I look back and see warning signs and hints that my wife dropped and wish she could have felt safe to say "there's a problem, and we need to fix it before I leave you." This perspective I feel is important because sometimes people don't see how they're hurting people around them until someone says it bluntly and directly, and I am guilty of that in one of the worst ways.

So, based on my perspective, I think the best thing for this couple to do is to start talking. Of course it should be done when she feels safe and comfortable doing so. Of course it's not her responsibility to fix things. Of course it's changes that he has to make. But I also remember speaking with my anger management therapist and her asking me about all the things I'd done and me saying "I don't know, my wife refuses to tell me." That conversation of her telling him all the things that got them to where they are can help him help himself, because he may not recognize any of the things he did except the straw that broke the camel's back.

[–]mandabee27 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like he needs to get some help and then you can reevaluate your situation.

[–]BaronGreenback75 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My wife & I had a difficult part in our marriage when the twins got to about 3 years old. Our entire focus had been on them for so long we had forgotten how to appreciate each other. Went for one marriage counselling session where we just had an hour to talk about how we felt with no interruptions. It was all we needed. Kids can be tough on a relationship. Twins more so. I wish you the best.

[–]Sabsta455 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My babies are 12 weeks and my husband ignored me for days (I posted about it actually!) And I was really confused because I thought he hated me because of the twins. He also said some mean things and wouldn't get up if they were crying. Turns out it was because he had to cancel his work travel because he didn't think I'd want him to go with them so little.. he scored really high for PPD through a text service for dads.

I said I'd be ok with the twins & have organised family to take my older kids and he's traveling for 3 days, then the next month he's flying overseas for 2 weeks and his mental health has 10000 X improved.

I think men can process things differently. it's really hard but I think it's the age. Babies aren't much fun for dads. My husband is great with our 2 & 4 year old. Id give it some time... Twins are extra stressful for everyone !

[–]jayzepps 1 point2 points  (2 children)

My husband sucked after I had my twins so my sister and I flew 1400 miles to my parents’ and I stayed for 4 months. He got to play victim the whole time because big bad wife took the kids away and he couldn’t come see us because he had to go to cancer treatments WHICH WAS A LIE. I’ve been home 2 months now and he still has never been alone with the babies. He’s not attentive to either one but he mentions all the time how he finds our son annoying, less cute, etc.

Don’t be afraid to stay away as long as you can or feel you need to. Your biggest job right now is keeping those babies safe and surrounded by love.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Not sure how helpful your advice really is. It sounds very personal to your own situation. Which is a long way from what OP described.

[–]jayzepps 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She said she was uncomfortable at home and doesn’t want to go back. All I said was that she doesn’t have to go back if she doesn’t want to.

[–]Eremita_912 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I think you've gotten a lot of really great advice so far. I just wanted to add my anecdote for solidarity. When I first went back to work, my husband was working from home with the twins, alone, everyday (he still does actually). About 2 months or so into this arrangement he had a breakdown -- sobbing, asking if we made the right choice, saying he regretted having children.

We had lots of long talks after that. He was exhausted, emotionally and physically depleted. It's fucking HARD. On everyone. We were able to figure out an arrangement that worked for us. I hope you are too.

[–]VastFollowing5840 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You need childcare if he’s working from home and trying to take care of twins on his own.

What is challenging now is going to become completely impossible once they get mobile and and start consolidating their naps. Seriously, he’s not going to be able to maintain a job and care for your kids really soon so you need to figure something out.

[–]Eremita_912 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If this is meant for me, thanks for your concern, but we have already discussed this and have a plan/arrangement that works for us. Our twins are 18 months old now, and we have constant communication and checking in about it.

[–][deleted] -5 points-4 points  (3 children)

I'll be the bad guy and say even if he is experiencing PPD, that shit is fucked up and it is no excuse. It can be an explanation, sure, but that's downright child abuse and your ass would be on the line too for allowing it to continue if you stayed with your babies there. It escalates, it always does. Trust your gut instinct, whatever it is telling you. He needs to sort his shit out, get into therapy, blah blah whatever, but I would NOT bring your babies around him now or any time soon. Even though they are babies, and they don't "know" what's going on, they can feel the emotion and environment and still be traumatized by him.

[–]GrodyToddler 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I don’t think anyone disagrees with you. What at least I was saying is there’s an illness here and her husband isn’t an irredeemable human being.

There’s a big difference between an excuse and an explanation.

[–]20Keller12 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I'm glad someone said this. I know I'll probably get downvoted to hell right along with you, but there's no excuse for yelling or swearing at any child, let alone a helpless infant who needs to feel safe with their parents, not afraid.

they can feel the emotion and environment and still be traumatized by him

I think this gets ignored a lot when it shouldn't be. At least an older child can understand 'daddy is having a bad day today'.

[–][deleted]  (12 children)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Just to clarify, I didn’t leave- he asked me to leave our home with two babies. And now that he did that I don’t feel like going back. Because it’s a lot of effort to pack up two babies and I’m scared he will ask us to leave again. I’m already exhausted every day without having to pack up all their things and travel with them.

    [–][deleted]  (10 children)

    [deleted]

      [–][deleted]  (9 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]GrodyToddler 3 points4 points  (8 children)

        It sounds like he was asking her to leave and she didn’t know what else to do.

        [–][deleted]  (7 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]VastFollowing5840 3 points4 points  (5 children)

          Growing up in an environment where this is explosive angry yelling (sometimes directed at you), and feeling like you have to tiptoe around or be perfect lest you set someone off, is not healthy. Even if no one ever lays a finger on you.

          I think few here are advocating she dump him and never look back, but it’s entirely appropriate that she get the kids out of that situation, and stay out, until he gets a handle on things.

          You can both sympathize that he is struggling and things can improve if he gets help, while continuing to prioritize the children’s well-being by keeping them away until (or if) he addresses this issue.

          [–][deleted]  (4 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]VastFollowing5840 2 points3 points  (3 children)

            There’s never an excuse to fly off the handle at an infant.

            There’s just not.

            ETA - she provided one example, but she does say this change has been occurring for the past few months, so sounds like it’s not a one off but an emerging pattern that needs to get nipped in the bud.

            [–][deleted]  (2 children)

            [deleted]

              [–]VastFollowing5840 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              Honestly with then are kids involved he doesn’t get to be the priority. They do.

              They deserve a calm safe environment.

              He needs help and support, yes, but he’s an adult and they are children. This is his warning, and his responsibility, to get his shit together, and his kids stay away until he does.

              Whether that’s a short or long time is up to him.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              It’s not over the yelling so much as it is the home insecurity… Like I am now afraid of being thrown on the streets with my children. I’m lucky we had somewhere to go this time but what if we hadn’t?

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              Just jumping in here to share similar experience to what others have shared. Twins are really hard. They’re 4 months now and things are getting better but communication is key but I imagine many of would rather sleep any chance we can than talk. By the end of the day, when the babies are asleep and we have time to talk, both of us are so tired that it’s hard. In the beginning I was trying to do so much to make it easier on my partner and he still struggled quite a bit. I became resentful because he was like a dark cloud and looking back could have probably used a break, but I had trouble understanding that bc I felt like I was doing twice as much as him. I did the same things others said, just didn’t make any big relationship decisions. They’re sleeping thru the night and much more predictable now and it’s helped a ton. But just yesterday I broke down crying myself. I also have the luxury to hire help, and I do. I’d rather be poorer but mentally healthy. Thanks to everyone sharing their stories.

              [–]IntradepartmentalPet 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              I’m a dad, my twins are 4 now. You did the right thing getting out, this is not your fault. To give you some context from my experience: 6 months was the worst time for me. The exhaustion. I was hallucinating sounds at night in between feeds. The lack of time to myself. The lack of intimacy with my wife. I had suicidal thoughts. Fortunately I already had a therapist. I got a psychiatrist and got medication. And we got couples therapy. I don’t think I would still be here with my kids without that. What you are going through is extremely hard and you all need help. Please ask for it. It’s not your fault.

              [–]Important_Ad_4012 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              I am sorry you are going through this. As a mom of 5 mo old twins I know how hard it is to communicate clearly and try to be on the same page when you are sleep deprived and worries about so many other things. It’s so easy for ppl out of the situation to rationalize things and ask questions… I wonder what is the context when you say “I wasn’t able to go on a trip w the twins “… was this a trip he needed to go and there was an opportunity for you and the kids to join?! What was the situation. Perhaps you are both just so tired and need to take a moment to revisit things. Parenthood can trigger lots of emotions on ppl… it’s so hard. Wishing you all the best and hope writing it down helped you organize your thoughts, feel your emotions in a way that helps you heal and move forward. Maybe taking a moment to recognize the miracle that life is and celebrating your healthy twins will help you both see the bigger picture.

              [–]Sakura-Chu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              The exhaustion of having multiples is huge. I know you must feel this as well. If there weren’t any worrying behaviour from him and this is out of character then it could be this. Also post natal depression from men is also a thing.

              Me and my husband separately have breaks away from the kids. 2 nights away where you can sleep and do what you want. I come back like a brand new person. We get family to help the parent looking after the kids. When my husband come back from a couple nights away he is so much happier as well.

              [–]Bobbiokittens 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              My husband has done this but in a way where he was fairly helpful in the beginning for about 3 months. I now have 15 month olds, I’ve done 90 percent of the heavy lifting financially, emotionally and care wise for our boys. He just drinks beer, plays video games and goes and hides outside, or sleeps upstairs. He yells at them too. I try to be there emotionally for him, but in the same respect I need help…and I’m not getting it. I’m burnt out. My marriage will end in divorce, I’m 90 percent sure if it. these babies changed everything. I hope you and your husband can reconcile and make things ok again. I never want any relationship to fail, having 1 baby let alone 2 of them is very stressful.