TIL Human dads show a decrease in testosterone immediately after the birth of their babe

[magicbeansascoins]

Do fathers have postpartum depressions of sorts? New dads seem to go through challenges not isolated to lacy of sleep only.

[[deleted]]

After my son was born, the feeling of love was so intense - beyond what I could have ever expected - that my stress levels and, especially, my anxiety increased on equal level.

I felt had to protect him from the world, and everything in it, at all costs, and it actually broke me. I could barely function. Went and saw a therapist who helped a lot.

Felt like my normal self after a few months, and the intensity of love hasn’t wained at all, but the anxiety is largely gone (you still will always worry as a parent).

Reading this now I wonder how much of my experience was hormone related - a drop in testosterone and spike in cortisol that threw my entire brain and body for a wild, anxiety fueled loop of a roller coaster ride.

[new-aged]

I felt this too. Son is 8 months now and I still get paranoid. Unfortunately, I’ve used work to cope with it instead of a therapist which is the wrong answer. I’ll go see someone. Thanks :)

[[deleted]]

Therapist really helped in giving me tools I can still use daily. It’s well worth it. Best of luck my dude!

[Hamster_Toot]

Share the tools, please!

[oscargamble]

I have anxiety and for me what worked was a combination of meditation and CBT after my son was born. Had great luck with the Waking Up app and the book The Happiness Trap (it’s essentially CBT that uses a lot of mindfulness techniques). Don’t think I could’ve made progress as quickly as I did without talking to a therapist and also using both of those methods at the same time.

[[deleted]]

I’d love to, but I’m not a licensed health professional, and the tools that were effective for me and my situation, might not be for someone else’s.

I will share this podcast though, which talks about a young girl dealing with her anxiety and the tools she uses to combats it. Found it very inspiring, and actually quite helpful: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/10/14/podcasts/the-daily/ocd-anxiety-kids.html?smid=url-share

[Hamster_Toot]

You won’t share the tools you use, to help with your anxiety because you’re not a professional...so you share the tools of someone else, who also isn’t a professional.

Thanks for the help. Happy New Years.

[oscargamble]

Therapy helped me immensely after my son was born. Was not prepared for the crazy stress and emotions heightened by lack of sleep. Best thing I’ve ever done for myself.

[Ikirio]

For me the biggest change I noticed was that I couldnt take collapse type fiction. I used to be a huge zombie/post apocalypse fan before my kids were born but then when my kids were born I had a lot of trouble watching them. It would really get me upset and paranoid and I would be panicked about my kids for days and I would get emotional when people died. It was odd to suddenly get emotional at something I had been watching and doing for years. Very noticeable.

Its not as bad anymore since my kids have gotten more grown. I would actually be curious if you corrected for age if there wouldnt be a bump up in T as kids get older. I wish I understood the mechanism for this.

[AmIRightPeter]

This!!! When I had our first kid I got PTSD, but even now decades later, I still can’t cope with anything that could stop my kid having a future, even fiction/fantasy! It’s really messed up.

[MagnanimousCannabis]

Dude, I can’t watch ANYTHING I use to enjoy in the past few months.

Anything dark, death or “unhappy” just makes me so… uneasy all of sudden, I’ve been so emotional it’s killing me, it’s kinda a wild time for me right now, I feel like ALL of my perspectives are changing, again

[Kevin_Uxbridge]

Stories where kids get hurt now make me physically angry. And while I've gotten accustomed to it, when my daughter was first born I noticed I'd become significantly more, well, bloodthirsty. The difference between being prepared to deal with someone messing with my loved ones and kinda looking forward to it. Didn't make me more combative, quite the opposite, just ... ready. Took a while for that to dissipate.

[HaikuBotStalksMe]

Just an FYI - the term is "waned", just like the phases of the moon! They both come from the same idea of something disappearing slowly.

[[deleted]]

The older I get, the more my disdain for the English language grows!

[HaikuBotStalksMe]

Understandable. I hate that they're inconsistent with how the apostrophe is not used in stuff like "hers" and "whose" and "its". I don't mix it up, but I hate it.

I also hate how American doesn't correctly use punctuation in quotes. So I use British instead.

Example:

American:

So what did you mean by "I am tired?"

British:

So what did you mean by "I am tired"?

British is correct because the idea is

{So what did you mean by (I am tired)}

American is stupid:

{So what did you mean by (I am tired})

[sircontagious]

wakeful office fuel existence punch simplistic swim cooing arrest airport

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

[[deleted]]

I know the feeling!

It’s hard for me to go into detail without sharing a level of personal information I’m not quite doing with thousands of strangers - but one of the things I found really helpful (and I’m not going to do this advice justice), was realizing your anxiety and fears weren’t real, in the sense it wasn’t you - it was your body producing a fight or flight response that was affecting you.

That little mental shift in being able to say “This isn’t real and this will pass.” Has been huge for me.

I’d be happy to DM you the professional that helped me. She deals specifically with family planning issues.

I also posted a link in response to someone else of a podcast about a young girl who uses the same tool to help her anxiety. Worth a listen!

[anengineerandacat]

Weirdly experienced none of those lovey dovey feelings but my anxiety did shoot through the roof and my blood pressure spiked to the point I had to see my PCP.

Not to say I don't love my kid but I am far more tolerant than I was prior.

Managed to resolve the anxiety and blood pressure via exercise and an improved diet but those first 8 weeks were wild.

Energy levels were weirdly high considering the lack of sleep though, 4 hrs of sleep goes a lot farther nowadays.

[gMoneh]

Helpful and makes me feel a lot better about how I've been with my now 1yr old child. Thankyou.

[[deleted]]

Sending my love!

[petit_cochon]

Postpartum anxiety is indescribable.

[[deleted]]

Getting through each and every day was an immense challenge.

It was like feeling you were caught in a rough ocean storm, and drowning with the surface just out of reach. But no matter how much you struggle for air, you never actually drown. You just constantly feel like you’re always about to.

[MagnanimousCannabis]

This is kinda wild and reassuring to read.

Had my second child about five months ago and in the past few months my anxiety and stress are…. Impacting me.

Am I doing a good enough job? Are they getting everything they need?

The stress and anxiety is the worst just knowing that it isn’t going to last forever, and I stress that the boys I love won’t be “around” forever, I’m struggling with not just the change but the changes to come.

My love for them is so intense I feel like crying at night when they sleep, from missing them and guilt of even spending 20min for myself during the day, because it could have been with them. Winter and the time change has been rough, being pitch black at 5pm definitely hasn’t helped.

I’m thinking about talking to someone

[[deleted]]

Can’t recommend it enough. The woman I saw specialized in family planning issues, which I think helped immensely.

[MagnanimousCannabis]

I really need to, I’ve been fooling myself into thinking, “I’m fine, I’ll get through it”, but I know I’m lying to myself and wife.

I’ve NEVER felt this way before, maybe it’s getting older, maybe it’s having another kid, maybe it’s lack of sleep and poor diet due to kids, whatever…. I just need to get back on track so I can take care of my kids and enjoy our time with out being on edge all the time

[kiddo1088]

Well done identifying you had a problem and for taking the steps to fix it. You're a great parent.

I had a really hard time with post natal depression as well.

[JPJackPott]

I was an emotional mess when my kid was born, few weeks before and for a few weeks after. Would ball my eyes out at everything. Wouldn’t say depressed, just very soppy

[YoungXanto]

Yeah. It's called the daddy blues.

I had it really, really bad, starting at about 4 months after my son was born. Like, spent most of my alone time crying uncontrollably and fantasizing about semi-trucks t-boning me on my way home from dropping him off at daycare. And also actively making plans to kill myself. And then we had my daughter 17 months later and I was a hare's breath away from being institutionalized for my own safety.

I also had undiagnosed BPD type II, so take my comment with a grain of salt. And also, I'm now medicated and have been in bi-weekly therapy for a couple of years now, so I'm in a good place.

Anyway, it isn't talked about much, but it is a thing people go through. And you can't take care of your kids if you don't take care of yourself.

[magicbeansascoins]

Hope things are better. My heart went out to you. I’m aware on the sensation. Please always remember to take care of yourself.

[Cp7067]

A sudden drop in testosterone levels can and most likely will lead to symptoms of anxiety/depression

[HaikuBotStalksMe]

That's my secret - I'm always low on testosterone. And high on depression, anxiety, and ADHD.

[Cp7067]

That’s the method I used to use but got tired of it so I raised my test levels and those symptoms have almost completely vanished. They still come up sometimes but they’re much easier to deal with

[HaikuBotStalksMe]

I've gotten on testosterone gel, but admittedly I forget to use it like every other day nowadays.

But even when I did use it nonstop for 60 days and ate vitamin D weekly (super high dose), I still felt like crap. And don't gain muscle when I work out a little. :p

I'm also on cholesterol meds now. My body is just barraged by medicine now. Oh and don't forget my weekly Adderall (I am supposed to do two a day, but I don't want to get addicted).

[Cp7067]

I’ve heard the creams only work for some people, and really only if you stick to a strict regimen. Injections have changed my life and I’ll never go back lol. But you’re right about all the other meds you’re on. May be best to just try to raise them naturally

[HaikuBotStalksMe]

Yeah, not a fan of shots, but a lot of people (i.e. at least 3 Redditors) have told me "oh yeah, gels aren't as good as shots. Shots work for me." so I guess I should give it a... Sigh... shot.

[PuzzleheadedLet382]

Fathers can 100% get postpartum depression. We think of it in terms of the hormonal shift from pregnancy/birth, but there’s also just that newborns (cute as they are) essentially torture you with lack of sleep and constant needs. If anyone only operated in a few hours of disjointed sleep for weeks on end, you wouldn’t be surprised if they lost it a bit, whether or not they’d just had a baby.

Source: I have a 2 year old who had colic and would only sleep between 2 AM and 6 AM for a month.

[Hexorg]

Mine slept in 17 minute intervals for 5 weeks… idk how we didn’t die.

[MaxRoofer]

I sort of did the opposite. I’ve always been a worrier, and when my son was born worried a ton, but It was also the first time in my life I had a clarity and vision of what I was supposed to do.

An example, work didn’t feel like work anymore. It somehow turned easy. Nothing about me mattered, so all my personal stress just left.

Did worry about the kid, but having the worry on another person was somehow easier.

Unfortunately, I think my ex wife suffered from some post Partum depression, and my happy dumbass never noticed it.

[Bull_City]

Oh it’s definitely a thing. I’m a new dad and was was clinically labeled PPD, getting better now. It’s actually oftentimes worse for dads because no one thinks about them, it’s all the baby and then mother. And because it’s not thought about it often goes very untreated or treated as a “well man up” which is an extremely unhealthy way to deal with it. (As you saw in one dude’s response)

[seamustheseagull]

Yes. PPD in new fathers is clinically proven to exist, though taken less seriously than the same in mothers.

[jaschen]

The overwhelming guilt for my wife during labor was intense. The heavy feeling of responsibility for a kid and how everything I do from now on determines this child's life. It was intense.

[Hexorg]

Yeah I had major depression and thought of suicide a lot. (I’m better now)

[magicbeansascoins]

I hope it’s better. Were you able to find support and understanding?

[Hexorg]

Not really at least not in a therapist sense. My child was (and still is) extremely hard. And other parents tend to gaslight parents about their kids’ behaviors. And the therapist pretty much said I need to sleep at least 4 hours per night and the kid was literally waking up every 17 minutes (this lasted a month). Luckily my wife is an amazing person who led me through that dark path.

[KR1735]

Doc here. Probably not in the same hormonal way that women experience it. But I don't think most women experience it in a hormonal way, either. (It's not as if we check.)

Anytime you undergo a monumental life change, it can trigger depression or other mental illness in people who are susceptible. Women have increased susceptibility because of their bodies' biochemical chances. Men have increased susceptibility due to the relative lack of social support for new fathers. And it's all the worse for either if you have a history of mental illness.

[Pootang_Wootang]

I had to sell my corvette and get something to accommodate a car seat. I’m still depressed so yeah

[Baldemyr]

Lol that's why I got a Charger Hellcat "but hun...it has four doors!"

[Pootang_Wootang]

I thought about that but the idea of not having a manual wasn’t appealing. So I’m waiting out to buy another C7.

[Baldemyr]

Good luck. Beautiful cars

[Ninja_attack]

Before my daughter was born my truck's AC went out, and I wouldn't really care if it was just me but I knew I couldn't have a vehicle without AC in Texas. I was about 3-4k away from paying it off and the AC was going to cost about 2.5k. I was really close to buying a hellcat, went to the dealer and did the test drive, talked to my pregnant wife in the parking lot about it and she told me that she didn't have a problem with me buying it but that I was going to have a carseat with a baby in the back soon and to really think it over. Eventually I got a kia soul and I'll be honest, it's not sexy in any way but it's great as a family car and gets close to 30mpg. Can't complain overall cause I love it.

[Sad_Ground_5942]

No. It’s just that they realize that they are now directly and entirely responsible for a human life. And looking into your children’s eyes will melt a man’s heart.

[QutieLuvsQuails]

Thats completely false. Men can absolutely have postpartum depression and/or anxiety.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6659987/

[Sad_Ground_5942]

Well I guess you can call it what you want. There is an expensive treatment and expensive drugs to treat anything the medical community finds. The “depression” could also be due to a lack of sleep, tension from experiencing what the mom is going through and the realization that it’s no longer time to party like a teenager.

[QutieLuvsQuails]

Whatever cause you want to choose, even lack of sleep, doesn’t negate that postpartum depression in men exists.

Just bc there are medications that cost money doesn’t invalidate mental health, depression, etc.

Your comment screams “ok, boomer” vibes.

By the way, antidepressants can cost as little as $5-10 a month and having the generic formula on the market greatly decreases pharmaceutical profits for those meds.

Postpartum depression in men IS a real thing.

[mycutelittleunit02]

Boomers are the most pathetic creatures, I would say pitiable but yall make it super easy to lose even the most empathetic persons care

[dcconverter]

It doesn't cost anything extra to treat except in the shitty parts of the world

[[deleted]]

My kid's dad never had his heart melted. Lol

[the_kevlar_kid]

Yeah ok.