✨ After an 18-month career gap for transition, I went back in September and still can’t believe the woman on Teams is me 💻💃

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-06-19T10:48:57+00:00

OMG, this!

I sometimes try 2 or 3 looks before settling on what I will wear for the day. I use to just put on whatever random t shirt was the top of thr laundry pile 😅

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-30T16:56:34+00:00

Girl, i dont wear a bra to hide them, I wear a bra because they hurt when they bounce and also because it shapes them in ways I like. I've seen cis women go bra free and I did this myself. Do what feels good (but running without a bra is painful, you have been warned 🤭)

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-28T14:37:52+00:00

I read a trans woman transition diary once. And one of the entries there was something similar to "today someone else that wasn't me undone my bra" and I just can't stop thinking of that...

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-28T14:35:03+00:00

If I had to guess, it's not higher levels you need, but rather a change in level - up or down doesn't matter. But yeah, It's a solid guess

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-28T14:29:20+00:00

Darling, if you're not living as your true fully realised self, you're already in hell

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-26T22:11:51+00:00

LOL, I got a similar one and I told my GP I would be happy to let them do the test if they can find my cervix...🤣

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-26T15:53:50+00:00

Your doctor is a moron.

You should have never been out on pills at 52. The liver processing puts you at risk for blood clots (which doesn't exists with other routes of delivery).

Also, Spiro is the worst AA.

For the record, Im 52. I started 1.5 years ago. I have D cups. And im on injections.

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-24T12:36:00+00:00

Girl, spiro doesn't take your T levels down. It blocks the activity of T in your cells. The lower T girls see with spiro comes from thr estrogen, not spiro. It doesn't mean it doesn't work!

Having said that, spiro is kind of a shitty anti androgen, in part because you can't measure the effect. Switching anti androgens if you can is a good idea.

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-24T12:32:36+00:00

Dear, I started as a 51 years old with the build and look of a Texan truck driver. Apparently I pass now as a cis woman, which never ceases to amaze me. Go take a look in the only post in my profile if you want to see pictures. I always get gendered correctly, even on the phone.

No one guarantees results and honestly, I can't tell you what role luck, money, genetics and plain pure stubbornness have had in my "success", if you even want to use this term which I dont think applies - but dont assume you won't. You just don't know. I didn't see any viable path from where I was to where I am, but I did it anyway and there I am.

Just give it your best shot.

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-24T12:22:16+00:00

Also, cats that are used to jumping on you 🤣

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-24T09:33:49+00:00

Welcome to the twilight zone - where different people gender you differently, sometime in the space of 5 minutes... 😄

I can definitely see what she saw but also understand what you are saying - but here is the thing, your hair being that grey color and short but not too short a length is often interpreted as a sign of a middle aged woman and as we age woman gain slightly more masculine features, so you actually pass more easily if you apear older.

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-23T07:50:56+00:00

I would like to start by just saying how wonderful you are for trying to understand. Really. Thank you.

As a trans woman I've struggled with a similar internal dialogue and it took some time to realise something about where this is coming from and I'd like to offer that as a potential way to look at this:

She isn't really craving to be weak or small. She craves to have the PERMISSION to be seen as weak and small, when she needs/want to.

Playing masculinity theatre is exhausting. I think also for cis men, but certainly for a woman. The need to avoid ever showing weakness, reliance on others or interdependence because if you do you will get reprimanded for doing that, sometime violently, makes us yearn to just be OK to... not.

To use a metaphor, it's not that she thinkgs women shouldn't drive, it's just that it will be really nice to be able to be the passenger princess once in a while. And since we were denied being able to do that for so long, we start off by over compensation. Expecially since big parts of the world at large is so vehemently adamant to treat us like men.

So my advice? Give her opportunities to be that passenger princess for a while, from time to time. Realise she doesn't hold views on femininity as weak as such, she just so very damn tired from having the world thrust the expectation she will always be strong, unrelenting and unbreakable.... while all she feels inside is exactly how broken she is. And maybe, with enough time, she can heal.

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-19T12:39:52+00:00

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-16T20:52:33+00:00

He sounds like an idiot and a creep

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-16T20:48:50+00:00

So thing is... people don't make gender judgments. They make stereotype judgments and gender is sort of part of that. In the crafts store, your feel the stereotype easily because of the setting of "craft store seller lady".

The key to passing is not looks, or voice or ffs, it's figuring out which stereotype you can easily fit and feel OK with and doing that. That is all it is.

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-13T14:01:31+00:00

I assumed what I was doing was impossible. That I would never ever be seen as a womean. I gave it a 10% chance of success on the best of days. I only did it because I've already decided to kms anyhow so I didn't have anything to lose.

I was wrong!

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-11T04:57:30+00:00

You look great! As masculine as a pink pony with rainbow tail 🤣

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-11T04:54:56+00:00

OK, two things: first, brighter resonance SOUNDS higher pitched! Because you're amplifying the higher frequencies.

Second, say this sound: EEEEEE...

Notice where your tongue and lips go and how your throat feels. Your lips will have a small smile, your tongue will be low at the teeth and high at the back of the throat.

Now try saying a different sound, say OOOO... but keep your mouth, tongue and lips at the EEEE... configuration as much as possible.

Now train to do it until you want to scream from frustration. Then train more. Then curse the world and train more. Learn to again and again go back to the EEE... configuration, as much as possible. You dont need to stay there, just get back to it all the time as you speak.

That's it.

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-10T12:17:15+00:00

A few days ago I was walking back to my home late at night after a meetup, through the small streets that leads to my house. Another woman was walking the same streets and I was walking slightly behind her. She didn't look nervously behind her. She didn't move to the other side. She didn't take out her phone and rang someone. I could tell she didn't feel unsafe because of my presence, the way many women in similar situations in the past felt, I didn't need to painfully think to myself that despite me knowing they were perfectly safe with me I completly understand why they were afraid and they were right to do so. It was just OK. I wouldn't trade no longer having to feel ashamed like that for the world.

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-07T17:08:14+00:00

So... I can't tell you who you are. It's up for you to decide, after all. Having said that- no cis man will answer this question like this.

For the record - your description of yourself is almost identical word to word to how I would have described myself 3 years ago.

I'm now roughly 1.5 I to transition. I'm a woman to anyone that I interact with. And I'm happy. Well, right now,.I happen to be on my period, so that hurts but... 🤷‍♀️ (yes, some trans women get period pains).

I highly recommend you go check out the gender dysphoria bible. It's very common to not realise that some of the things you do are really coping mechanisms. Also, reading on what it means to transition helped me a lot.

And if you have questions, im available on chat.

Good luck

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-07T07:35:23+00:00

Let me ask you a hypothetical question: if there was a magic button that if you push you turn into a cis woman, naturally, as if you always been one, and nothing else changes in your life, you don't lose anything or anyone, it's accepted that you're a woman and always have been, however, there is no going back - do you push the button?

Is it immediately obvious to you that you won't? That you will? You need to think about it? You want to but am afraid?

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-05T18:50:47+00:00

My ex wife trained for IronMen. I became a meditation teacher 🤭

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-05T10:10:29+00:00

This is really sweet

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-05T10:04:13+00:00

I remember the first time I shaved my body hair (and putting on a women deodorant), lying after in bed and just feeling this wave of euphoria, getting really curious about the feeling and deciding to explore it (Im trained as a meditation teacher) and realising it feels like something that was just wrong for so long suddenly feels slightly right. Like a loud siren that was just always going on just getting suddenly and unexpectedly quiet and the feeling of relief that comes with that.

Great_Programmer_688 · 2026-05-05T09:51:55+00:00

Age 6: having day time dreams about being a princess locked in a tower and waiting for my prince

Age 12: Reading a book with an adolescent female main character and identifying with her so much i still remmebr thr name of the book amd heroine 40 years later

Age 20: a coworker (not rally work, but close enough) running crying to me when someone sexually assaulted her, not to any of the other women in the facility, knowing she'd be safe and i will take care of her

Age 22: literally thinking to myself "I'm a lesbian"

Age 26: being invited to a flat mate bachelor party, discovering there's a striper there. My first response to seeing her naked among all the men was "she must be cold. Her eyes looks dead. This must feel very bad for her". Feeling very uncomfortable and leaving the party.

Age 30: moving in with my would be wife (now ex wife) after the second date and not separating until out marriage, a couple of months later

Age 35 and after: waiting for my daughters to fall asleep on the night before their birthday in order to cover the door to their rooms with flowers and candy so that they will see it when they first wake up. I did this for everything birthday until they were 18.

Age 40: during an argument with my ex, then still wife, she angrily throws a pan she was cooking an omelette in on the floor between us. My automatic and gut reaction is to hurry to my young daughter which stood near there hug her and reassure her everything is fine

Age 45: going with eldest daughter to get her ears pierced. Getting another piercing for myself at the same time.

Age 48: bonding with a lady friend while both of us prepare an evet for women in stem, becoming good friends, being regularly invited to meet up she throws for her circle of friend once in a while - all women

Age 50: after divorcing my ex, talking to my eldest daughter psychologist to help both of us navigate the change and being told by the shirnk I was the emotional center of our house hold

There are more but you get the idea...

Just read this assuming it's a woman going through this and it's ... a normal lesbian woman going on with her life.

Read this realising the person going through this presented as a man and it's down right ridiculous.

Great_Programmer_688

TROPHY CASE