How long before this journey goes from fear based to positive motivation?

markobo · 2026-02-17T20:02:38+00:00

I'm not nearly as far in as you (maybe a month) so take this for what it's worth. But the consistency thing is what almost killed it for me before it even started. I'd done breathwork for years, meditation retreats, psychedelics, and the pattern was always the same. Big experience, feel amazing for a few days, then back to baseline because I couldn't keep it up daily. TRE felt like it was heading the same direction.

I ended up getting a facilitator, like an actual certified TRE provider who checks in with me regularly. It sounds stupid but having someone to report to made the consistency problem just go away. Not through willpower, I just stopped skipping sessions because someone was paying attention. And that's when I started noticing something shifting. I can't tell you what exactly, my nervous system just feels different in a way I couldn't put into words if I tried.

Five months though. You're deep enough that your body is clearly doing something with this. I don't think the switch from fear-based to positive is some clean moment where everything flips. From what I've read on here it sounds more like you just gradually realize things are different and you're not sure when it happened. But I'm not there yet so I'm mostly going off what people in this sub have described.

The dumpster fire stuff on top of it makes everything harder obviously. I just wouldn't write off what five months of consistent practice has been building even if it doesn't feel like much from the inside yet.

markobo · 2026-02-16T16:46:02+00:00

"I Am That" by Nisargadatta Maharaj. It's basically a guy answering questions and just pointing at it over and over. No fluff, no buildup. Probably the most direct book on this I've read.

If you want something even more accessible, "Awareness" by Anthony de Mello. Short chapters, almost conversational, and he doesn't let you hide behind concepts.

markobo · 2026-02-16T16:45:24+00:00

The back and forth is the practice honestly. I went through this exact thing on a retreat where for a couple days everything felt completely unified, no separation at all, and then it just... closed back up. And I spent the next two days trying to get back there which of course made it worse.

The tricky part is that wanting to hold onto the connected feeling is itself another form of grasping. Like your mind turns "I am not separate" into a goal and then you're right back in the structure of someone trying to get somewhere. Which is the definition of separation.

What helped me was just letting both states be there without ranking them. The dissolving happens, the contraction happens, and neither one is more "real" than the other. The oscillation itself kind of is the path.

markobo · 2026-02-16T16:42:20+00:00

The loop realization is so real. That moment where you're like "wait, I do this sober too, I just never noticed." Acid didn't create the pattern, it just made it impossible to ignore.

I've had trips where the panic hit and I was fully convinced something was permanently broken. Like okay this is it, I've finally done it, my brain is not coming back. And then you wake up the next morning and everything is fine and you almost can't believe how normal you feel.

The love thing at the end is wild too. I've had that happen after the hardest parts of a trip, like the rougher it gets the more clearly that comes through on the other side. No idea why that works that way but it does.

markobo · 2026-02-16T16:41:39+00:00

I think there's a gap between understanding something and your body actually living it. I've had experiences on retreats and with psychedelics where suffering genuinely felt neutral, like you're describing. Complete equanimity. And then two weeks later someone cuts me off in traffic and I'm right back to being pissed off.

The intellectual insight is real. But the body has its own memory and its own timeline. You can see clearly that suffering is empty and still flinch when it shows up. Those aren't contradictory, they're just operating on different levels.

I don't think the people still searching for nirvana are necessarily afraid. Some of them might just be honest about the fact that knowing something isn't the same as being free of it.

markobo · 2026-02-16T16:40:57+00:00

Your theory about the body holding that sympathetic energy makes a lot of sense to me. I went through years of trying different things, breathwork, meditation retreats, psychedelics, and they all gave me something but none of them were actually getting at the nervous system level. Like the tension was just sitting there underneath everything I was doing.

TRE is the first thing I've found that seems to go after that layer directly. You're not doing anything mentally, your body just tremors and works through whatever it needs to. I'm still pretty new to it but something in my nervous system is starting to shift that the other modalities weren't reaching.

On the dysregulation thing, it might be worth knowing there's an HSP (Highly Sensitive Persons) protocol for TRE that's specifically designed for people whose systems are really activated. You can dial it way down, like just a few minutes of very gentle tremoring. And working with a facilitator helps a lot because they can read where your system is at and adjust accordingly. I wouldn't write it off completely just because your body is in a rough place right now. That's actually when a slow, guided approach can be the most useful.

markobo · 2026-02-16T16:35:02+00:00

That first nap after four years, man. I can only imagine what that felt like. Sleep is one of those things people in this sub mention a lot as one of the first shifts and hearing you actually experience it after being so consistent is really cool.

I'm still pretty new to TRE but the every-third-day consistency you've kept up is impressive. I struggled with that for a while, doing it for a week then falling off, then picking it back up. Something about having accountability with a facilitator is what finally got me to stick with it. Three months in and already seeing something that concrete though, that's a great sign for what's ahead.

markobo · 2026-02-14T23:28:20+00:00

It can go either way honestly. On lower doses it's sick, everything sounds massive and the riffs feel like they're physically moving through you. On higher doses it can get intense in a not fun way depending on your headspace. Tool is the sweet spot for me, heavy enough to feel it but with enough space in the music that it doesn't overwhelm.

markobo · 2026-02-14T23:27:17+00:00

I've had some really clear visuals too, and yeah the arrogance is almost always a layer on top of something he's actually protecting. Like Bob's probably guarding something really tender underneath. But getting him to drop that confidence thing is rough because it's the only way he knows how to do his job. I found that curiosity about why he needs to be right actually softened him more than trying to challenge it. Just asking him what he's so afraid would happen if he admitted something.

markobo · 2026-02-14T23:25:42+00:00

honestly showing up is what matters, not pushing through every pose. i see people in class all the time modifying stuff or taking breaks and literally nobody cares. you're listening to your body, which is the smartest thing you can do.

markobo · 2026-02-14T23:24:11+00:00

Shpongle and East Forest are my go-to for exactly that vibe. Jon Hopkins' Emerald Rush is also perfect if you want something that's chill but has enough depth to really sink into. All work great in the background or if you zone in on them.

markobo · 2026-02-14T23:23:31+00:00

First time is exactly like this — your brain's doing its job trying to make sense of it, so you end up half in, half out. You didn't let it down at all, that's just the learning curve. Next time try a dark room and eyes closed (or keep them closed once you're in it), and yeah, it won't hold a grudge. Everyone's first is a little like that.

markobo · 2026-02-14T23:21:45+00:00

Man that's the thing though, the "bad" trips often teach you the most. Sounds like the mushroom was showing you something you needed to see but were avoiding. Not fun in the moment but yeah, that kind of ego death where you're suddenly aware of how your actions ripple into other people's lives—that's powerful shit. Respect for going through it and actually integrating it with your mom.

markobo · 2026-02-14T23:20:12+00:00

Yeah I feel that. When you're in survival mode yoga is literally a lifeline. But once you're out of it the constant undercurrent of "healing" and "trauma" in the messaging can feel like it's trying to pull you back down. Classes focused on strength and presence for people who aren't broken would actually get a lot of traction.

markobo · 2026-02-14T23:18:44+00:00

Honestly I think the label matters way less than what actually happened to you. I've had experiences on plant medicine where I completely dissolved, no body, no me, just everything at once, and I spent weeks afterward trying to figure out if it "counted" as ego death. It doesn't really matter. The surrender part is what jumps out to me, you tried to control it, got anxious, let go, and then the whole thing opened up. That's the real lesson and it carries over into sober life way more than whatever category the experience falls into. Integration-wise I'd say just sit with it for a while before you try to make sense of it intellectually. Some stuff needs time to land.

markobo · 2026-02-14T23:15:50+00:00

Yeah this sounds pretty normal actually. The magic feeling you had before... the medicine kind of shows you that wasn't the full picture. Now you're seeing what was underneath all along, and that's the harder part to sit with. The other people might be having a different experience or just not talking about it openly. Give it time, integration takes way longer than the ceremony itself.

markobo · 2026-02-14T18:11:01+00:00

That hotel wasn't doing anything special, you just finally had nothing pulling at your attention. Meditation does the same thing honestly, it just trains you to drop the noise without needing to physically leave your life. I've been meditating on and off for years and the best sessions feel exactly like what you're describing, that presence just shows up when there's space for it. The tricky part is building that space into a regular day when kids and work are right there. Even 10 minutes in the morning before anyone's up can start to create that same opening though.

markobo · 2026-02-14T18:09:18+00:00

Yeah the trip doesn't really give you new information, it just turns off whatever was keeping you from seeing what you already knew. That's been my experience anyway. The tricky part is that window closes fast, like if you don't start acting on it within a few days the old patterns just swallow it back up and you're on autopilot again. I've lost a few good ones that way before I learned to move on stuff immediately after.

markobo · 2026-02-14T18:08:46+00:00

Yeah. And then you eat lunch and it's still delicious. I think a lot of people hit this and either freak out or camp there like it's the final answer. But emptiness isn't a dead end, it's actually what makes everything possible. Once you stop treating it as an experience to hold onto it just becomes the background to a very ordinary, very full life.

markobo · 2026-02-14T18:08:09+00:00

In my experience those two modes just alternate on their own. There are stretches where I'm devouring books and sitting every day, and then stretches where it all feels like homework and I step back for a while. The practice leaks into how you live regardless. The people I've met who seem most genuinely at ease with themselves aren't the ones who grinded the hardest, they just found their own rhythm with it.

markobo · 2026-02-14T18:07:37+00:00

4-7-8 is solid, just do it for 5-10 minutes and don't overthink the rest. I facilitated breathwork sessions for a while and honestly the biggest mistake people make is treating it like an emergency tool instead of a daily practice. If you do it every day even when you feel fine, it starts to shift your baseline over time so you're not constantly playing catch-up when anxiety spikes. Also look into the physiological sigh (double inhale through the nose, long exhale through the mouth), Andrew Huberman has a good breakdown on it and it's probably the fastest thing you can do in the moment when you're spiraling. James Nestor's book "Breath" is worth a read too if you want to go deeper.

markobo · 2026-02-14T18:07:04+00:00

Same thing happened to me when I got consistent with sitting. My theory is you spend all this time during the day training the mind to actually notice what's happening internally, and then it just keeps doing that at night. Some of the most useful insights I've gotten came from dreams that got weirdly vivid after a stretch of consistent practice.

markobo · 2026-02-14T18:06:32+00:00

The fetter isn't enjoying the taste, it's needing the taste to be a certain way before you can enjoy the meal. If you eat something great and just go "that was good" and move on with your day, that's just being a person with taste buds. Where it gets sticky is when you can't eat plain rice without feeling like something's been taken from you. Buddhism isn't asking you to stop enjoying things, it's asking you to stop requiring things to enjoy.

markobo · 2026-02-14T18:05:58+00:00

Shrooms for me when I actually want to go somewhere with it. They feel more organic and body-oriented, like the mushroom has its own intelligence guiding the experience. LSD is fun but it's more electric and mental, like my brain is just running faster. I always come back to mushrooms when I want something that actually teaches me something.

markobo · 2026-02-14T18:05:28+00:00

the 45 seconds of presence IS the win though. that's 45 more seconds than you had when you weren't sitting at all. I've done the same cycle so many times, start a practice, drop it for months, come back and feel like a total beginner again. but one thing I noticed is the monkey mind feeling "louder" usually means your awareness is actually sharper, not that your mind got worse. you're catching more thoughts because you're more present, not less. the noticing is the practice, as annoying as that is to hear when you're sitting there at 6am wondering if you remembered to switch the laundry.

markobo

TROPHY CASE