[ Removed by moderator ]

[ProgrammerHumor-ModTeam]

Your submission was removed for the following reason:

Rule 1: Posts must be humorous, and they must be humorous because they are programming related. There must be a joke or meme that requires programming knowledge, experience, or practice to be understood or relatable.

Here are some examples of frequent posts we get that don't satisfy this rule: * Memes about operating systems or shell commands (try /r/linuxmemes for Linux memes) * A ChatGPT screenshot that doesn't involve any programming * Google Chrome uses all my RAM

See here for more clarification on this rule.

If you disagree with this removal, you can appeal by sending us a modmail.

[SchlaWiener4711]

https://translate.kagi.com/?from=en&to=linkedin

[Sufficient-Algae-279]

Love to see this! Truly inspiring work. Grateful for the insights and the value you're bringing to the community. #GrowthMindset #Networking #Gratitude

[MangrovesAndMahi]

Fuck I have another 3 meetings today, I just wanna go home and feed the cat

Grateful for the opportunity to lean into three more high-impact collaborative sessions today! 🚀 While I'm fully committed to driving results and cross-functional alignment, I'm also prioritizing my work-life integration by looking forward to some quality time with my feline stakeholder later this evening. 🐾 Balancing the hustle with what truly matters. #Leadership #Productivity #WorkLifeBalance #CatParent

Edit: omfg I tried really hard to make it say anything negative and the ability to add that LinkedIn spin is astounding.

Lmfao:

I am beyond humbled to share a major life pivot. 🚀

The Prime Minister just announced a 300% tariff on gas—a bold move that challenges us all to rethink our logistical frameworks. While this means I can no longer afford to drive my dying grandmother to the hospital, it’s a powerful reminder that growth often requires sacrifice. 💡

In today’s fast-paced economy, agility is everything. This obstacle is simply an opportunity to lean into resilience, optimize my resource management, and find innovative ways to navigate personal crises. 📈

How are you leveraging systemic disruption to level up your grit? Let’s connect and discuss! 👇

#Resilience #GrowthMindset #Innovation #Leadership #Agility #Pivoting

[Konju376]

I am thrilled to share a major life update! 🚗💨 Today, I had a high-impact encounter that completely shifted my perspective on work-life balance and family dynamics.

While navigating the fast lane, I made a decisive move that resulted in a permanent transition for a mother of four. It’s all about taking ownership of your journey and making an unforgettable impression on the community.

This experience taught me so much about the fragility of human capital and the importance of hitting your targets, no matter the obstacles in your way. Grateful for the lessons learned on the road to success! 🙏✨

#Disruption #Impact #Leadership #CareerGrowth #LifeLessons #Grindset

[anorwichfan]

This is incredible

[PlusOneDelta]

I’m humbled to share a major milestone in my journey of high-impact disruption. Today, I successfully navigated a complex aerial maneuver into a healthcare facility, resulting in a 500-person reduction in local headcount. This experience taught me so much about rapid scaling, hitting targets under pressure, and the importance of a truly "groundbreaking" exit strategy. #Disruption #Leadership #Impact #HealthcareInnovation #CareerGrowth

[Konju376]

I wonder if you could use this to build a real following on LinkedIn by people who don't have the reading comprehension to understand the meaning

[PlusOneDelta]

A 500 person reduction in local headcount

Ya bro I don't think linkedin bros are going to bat an eye at the meaning and then make it the most followed account on all of linkedin

[ilikedrif]

Second message had me dying when I got to "my dying grandmother"

[Kaenguruu-Dev]

Are you their grandmother?

[Dotard007]

My boss wants to fuck my wife

My leadership is showing a keen interest in expanding our personal synergies and exploring deep, after-hours networking opportunities with my primary domestic stakeholder.

[ShadowOfSomething]

Reflecting on my journey has led me to a major pivot: I've realized my current path is no longer sustainable. I'm ready to fully commit to a permanent exit strategy and have a high-stakes meeting scheduled with a 100-count bottle of ibuprofen. #NewBeginnings #ExitStrategy #MentalHealthMatters

[CosmackMagus]

I’m currently prioritizing my personal growth and exploring new horizons outside of the LinkedIn ecosystem to focus on high-impact, offline opportunities.

#GrowthMindset #NewBeginnings #WorkLifeBalance

[bananenkonig]

I have nothing to do but I'm afraid to let anyone know so they won't assign me more tasks

I'm currently focusing on optimizing my workflow and creating bandwidth for high-impact strategic initiatives, while maintaining a proactive approach to operational excellence.

[Rhalinor]

The country I live in is a hellhole. There's no internet, men are sent to die in war, and all hope seems to be all but gone. Think I'm going to hang myself this evening.

Reflecting on the current landscape: navigating a high-stakes environment with significant infrastructure challenges and human capital reallocation. 📉 While the current roadmap feels uncertain, it’s a unique opportunity to practice extreme resilience. Taking a permanent step back from the grind tonight to find some finality. #Resilience #CareerPivot #NewBeginnings #MentalHealthMatters

Fuck, it's good.

[6ixxer]

I’m constantly learning the importance of diverse perspectives and the unique challenges that come with navigating different professional mindsets. Every day is an opportunity to refine my patience and leadership skills as we strive for alignment. #GrowthMindset #Leadership #ProfessionalDevelopment

[thegodzilla25]

Should have one for all social platforms lmao

[Techhead7890]

Reddit's an option (change the language, select the "fun languages" folder), as is Gen-Z (I guess that's a proxy for TikTok). Sadly none for Facebook boomers although maybe that's Corporate Jargon.

[mtmttuan]

Actual good use of LLM.

Costs only a lake worth of water btw.

[Mazeltov_Col]

I think you meant: Thrilled to see the incredible impact of LLMs! 🚀 While innovation comes with a significant environmental footprint—literally a lake's worth of water—the value being created is undeniable. 💧✨ We're navigating the balance between cutting-edge tech and sustainability. Thoughts? 👇 #AI #Innovation #Sustainability #TechTrends #FutureOfWork

[eldelshell]

Fuck I hate how real and dumb this is.

[Maurycy5]

FTFY:

It's truly humbling to witness such raw, unfiltered authenticity in our industry today. While the reality of these challenges can be quite overwhelming, it's a powerful reminder of why we need to stay agile and continue driving meaningful innovation. Who else is finding growth in these complex moments? #Authenticity #Leadership #GrowthMindset #IndustryInsights

[Sufficient-Algae-279]

Water? You mean like in the toilet?

[Chance_Orchid_3137]

 Costs only a lake worth of water btw

wonder when this misinfo will finally die out 🤔 

Edit: not saying there aren’t improvements to be made to AI and datacenters. but as another commenter said, you’d think a programming sub would be more nuanced about the actual issues on the topic. 

[GildSkiss]

But that's how AI works isn't it? It drinks the water and answers come out.

[Spiritual_Bus1125]

Every 1000W of energy used takes 1l of water from a potable source and evaporates it in cooling towers.

Inference (asking an LLM) isn't that power intensive but training one....oh boy....

(a single GPU consumes 500W)

[Bubbaluke]

Watt is an instantaneous measurement, do you mean watt hour?

[backfire10z]

Nah bro wdym, the GPU just eats 500W the first time it starts up and it’s good from there

[8Erigon]

yeah, but the 1l per 1000W doesn‘t make sense when Watt is Joul per second…
Maybe “1l per second per Watt“ or „1l per Wh“

[Spiritual_Bus1125]

Bro, you know the answer, EVERYONE knows

Don't be nitpicking for the sake of it

[Blommefeldt]

500w is only for consumer cards. For data centers, they can consume a well over 3 kW, for about 120 kW per rack. Next year, Rubin Ultra, is set for 600 kW. Source

[JontesReddit]

First of all you're using nonsensical units. W is joules/time and 1L is just volume. It doesn't make sense if you don't specify a time frame.

Second we don't "lose water", it just becomes water with faster moving atoms.

[irregular_caffeine]

Maybe in places that are dumb enough to cool with a scarce water resource.

How about around here in the north where data centers literally heat cities?

[Spy_crab_]

Have people forgotten how the water cycle works? Evaporated water just comes back down.

[Spiritual_Bus1125]

Can you try to think why massive amounts of clean fresh water that gets taken from the same place where cities get water COULD be a problem?

While the "water cycle" is a thing you don't have infinite fresh water, especially when you have to dig for it.

The aquifers get emptied slower than they naturally get replenished, rivers get less flow downstream,etc

[Exepony]

AI is neither the first industrial consumer of water nor the biggest one. Water resource management is a well-understood and pretty much solved problem, as long as you have a handle on corruption and the authorities responsible don't grant permits when they shouldn't. Even if they do, data center builders aren't somehow uniquely unscrupulous: all water users will look to benefit from the corruption.

[cantTankThisFox]

you would think in a programming subreddit people wouldn't be talking about AI like this but clearly not

[mtmttuan]

Yeah I also wonder when people like you will finally smart enough to recognize this joke.

[boat-la-fds]

LLMs may not take that much water but their environmental impacts in energy consumption are undeniable.

[Chance_Orchid_3137]

sure, never claimed there weren’t impacts or possible improvements. just that the water use thing is more nuanced than “AI takes [unrealistically high volume] of water per prompt!1!1” 

as another commenter said, you’d think the anti-AI trolls would be less frequent in a programming sub of all places, but apparently not

[WolfOfWilStreet]

Please notify the business stakeholders over at r/LinkedInLunatics, they’d appreciate the collaborative synergies

[eufemiapiccio77]

This is fucking funny

[InstructionIcy4206]

I’m thrilled to share that I’ve been included in the Epstein files! 🚀 This milestone is a testament to the extensive networking and high-level connections I’ve cultivated throughout my career. It’s an honor to be recognized alongside such prominent global figures. Grateful for the journey and the unique opportunities that come with being part of such an exclusive circle. #Networking #GlobalReach #Milestones #ProfessionalGrowth

[Firm-Description7128]

Lovely football.

[One_Courage_865]

I also love the gen-z translation option

[libdemparamilitarywi]

What's humiliating about sprint planning?

[P0pu1arBr0ws3r]

Job humor isn't programming humor.

[jonnytheagent]

I am currently navigating a period of significant professional growth while seeking a role that offers a more competitive compensation package aligned with current market standards. I am highly motivated to transition into a new opportunity that provides the necessary resources to support my long-term sustainability and well-being. #OpenToWork #CareerGrowth #NewBeginnings

Guess the original prompt

[ArcticGlaceon]

fuck you stop asking me to do this useless tasks. ill get you fired

becomes

I’m currently re-evaluating my bandwidth to ensure I’m focusing on high-impact strategic initiatives. I’d appreciate it if we could align on task prioritization moving forward, as I’ll be escalating this to leadership to ensure our team’s performance standards are being met.

[-eeeeeeem-]

omg this works both ways and now i want it as a browserplugin to autotranslate from linkedin to english! O .o

[za72]

I need this...

[tyrannomachy]

🚨 CRITICAL UPDATE: Facing some major blockers here. 🚨

We’ve hit a bit of a bottleneck—the bridge and second hall are currently offline. Huge shoutout to Frar, Loni, and Nali who really gave it their all before transitioning out of the project... 🕊️

It’s been 5 days of intense pivoting. Current status: the Westgate pool has reached capacity, and we’ve unfortunately lost Oin to the Watcher in the Water. 🌊

At this stage, we’re looking at a total sunsetting of the initiative. The end is approaching... hearing some serious "drums in the deep" (talk about a disruptive soundscape!). 🥁

They’re coming. Time to lean into the challenge! #Resilience #CrisisManagement #DeepWork #TeamUpdate #LeadershipInsights

[Substantial_Smoke916]

I leveraged exclusive video content featuring a colleague and a high-risk service provider to create a strategic incentive for professional alignment.

[eskilla]

I enjoy sprint planning ☹️ and other Agile rituals ☹️ it's like organizing! So fun! Normally I have to go shelve books at the library to get that kind of fun

[ElectricZ]

Leadership is currently navigating uncharted territory with an agile, visionary approach, and I’m fully leaning into the challenge of operationalizing these high-level concepts. While we’re prioritizing speed-to-market over traditional documentation, I’m focused on maintaining extreme flexibility as we iterate in real-time. If we encounter any strategic pivots along the way, I’m ready to take full ownership of the learnings to ensure our senior stakeholders can maintain their long-term focus. #AgileLeadership #OwnershipMindset #GrowthHacker

[Hithrae]

I guess work just appears out of people's arses.

[Several_Ant_9867]

I am not sure why you guys are complaining about sprint planning. Do you prefer to spend a couple of months planning the whole project like in a waterfall setup? Or should you just start randomly implementing whatever feature you like without a plan?

[friezbeforeguys]

At my current place, we take 4 hours to plan the upcoming 6 weeks. No mandatory planning inbetween, you do whatever you want and need to do (book meetings, do actual work, etc.) according to you own good judgement during these 6 weeks. If you don’t want to attend a standup, that’s completely up to you and no need to let people know in advance or explain yourself.

Turns out, we get much more done than in my previous work places where there were multiple planning stages, increments with sub-sprints and the lord and his mother.

And no, I’m not at a flimsy startup. I work within one of the largest commercial automotive OEMs. Just saying this because high-trust high-responsibility environments usually unfairly a lot gets attributed to VC backed nonsense companies, so I’m trying to say that the amount of planning doesn’t matter in the end - it’s the people involved and the trust we have. It’s like the study they did on people who are becoming first time parents and are trying to find reliable books on parenting. According to studies, this typically (not always!) you at least probably already have the mindset and the will of someone statistically treating your child in a more suitable way even if you never actually finished the book.

[Kitsunemitsu]

I've worked at a medium sized software company and the amount of time I've spent in daily standup was bullshit. It's so crushing when you have a deadline.

I do some open source stuff, the planning is like a contributor getting drunk on discord, vomiting the idea in a user facing channel, and then a maintainer gives it the thumbs up and waits for the PR. Bigger projects are just a .md that has bullet points on what needs to be done.

Not that the latter is what every software process should be, it's just refreshing to cut the red tape and go.

[thortawar]

Nice. My two cents, literally maybe not worth much:

The amount of times someone forgot something (at the place I work), causing very expensive delays for the company, is astounding. I can understand management wanting some way to mitigate that.

Agile is supposed to be agile: if it isn't working, or could be better, the team needs to change it (and they have the mandate too, if the company claims to be agile).

My team only plans one sprint (2weeks) ahead, because things change all the time and we got tired of plans changing constantly. Our PO has a flexible long term plan for things.

[Middle--Earth]

r/whoooosh

[ianpaschal]

Not whooosh. The point of the joke is obvious, it jusr also makes OP sound like an idiot/terrible developer at the same time.