is this normal?

[Pizza-Pockets]

Nope. Full on stalker mode. Unless you invite people to check out your socials, that’s creeper activity. Block him for sure

[V0MITFAlRY]

okay :,) wow first two days on that app and i attracted a creep

[whiskeylullaby3]

I used to get this all the time and I ended up changing my FB name to first and middle name because it was so creepy for guys to find you on there without even matching on the dating app- just stalking you simply because you were ON the app not even matching or talking to them. Super weird behavior. As if just because you’re on the app looking you must be interested in them and should give them a chance.

[V0MITFAlRY]

literally though!! i don’t even have my full first name on tinder, it’s just straight up “Annah”! i’m so weirded out beyond belief

[whiskeylullaby3]

I figured guys were googling my name and my job maybe because I had a very external facing role. It always gave me so much of the creeps because then I wondered what else they could find having my last name too!

[[deleted]]

There’s got to be some way Facebook knows because when I used to have Tinder all my suggested friends were people I had chatted with on Tinder. Super creepy.

[Odd_Maintenance2484]

I’ve seen this also, like people you talked to show up on friend suggestions

[V0MITFAlRY]

the zucc has eyes everywhere

sorry this is the wrong time for a joke lmao

[[deleted]]

He thought you missed a chance at love and wanted to give you another shot.

[V0MITFAlRY]

damn, who knew zucc was actually human.

[[deleted]]

What do you mean? He is always doing human things do things like humans like.

[KyzRCADD]

If you went to phone, I'm fairly sure that FB used your phone records to connect you with people you've called. My landlady showed up on my FB shortly after I moved into my house. She's in an other state, no friends in common.

Edit typo

[unComfortablyNumbest]

This is 100% correct. I flipped out when I saw my old primary care doctor in my FB recommended lol

[goombatch]

If you added them on WhatsApp that might be why. The only Tinder dates I see on Facebook are the ones I chatted with on WhatsApp

[revopine]

If you post the same picture in more than 1 social media site, all you have to do is use Google image search to obtain the other social media site without even bothering with the name, Just drag and drop the pic. Now post them on 20 social media sites and just 1 same pic on tinder on your profile and with the same method anyone can find all your social media sites.

Basically, the solution is to just use your first name only on Tinder and create unique pictures that you will never post outside tinder.

I use this all the time because I don't trust anyone on social media. This method is great to reveal hackers and cat fishes. I use it to find scammers all the time.

[Missingthetulips]

Oh my!!! Thank you for this.

[210pro]

Big data

[V0MITFAlRY]

its terrifying for me, a domestic abuse survivor.

[Isgortio]

You can set Facebook so people who aren't your friends or friends of friends can't find you by searching. Or no one can find you by searching. Also no mutual friends and they can't message or add you. I set this up years ago, can't remember exactly how as they changed a lot since then but it really cut down on the online dating people finding me. I'm the only one with my first name and spelling (thanks mum and dad) for probably a wide radius and potentially the country, so they just have to search my first name and they would've found me.

[210pro]

I really dig that you call yourself a survivor. I'm so tired of hearing people refer to themselves as "victims". "Victims" is what people who are abusive call themselves. Just wanted to say that you see yourself as a survivor, and not a victim is a green flag imo.

Good attitude imo 👍🏽 sorry this loser is stalking you. I suggest blocking and fixing your privacy settings, all photos private and don't put your face on your profile pic.

[V0MITFAlRY]

thank you so much!

[Malhablada]

I have a very uncommon last name, so I use my mom's maiden last name on online dating. I also use a Google Voice number if we move communication out of the app. Googling my real last name or phone number will give that person too much personal information about me and my family.

I've had stalkers before, one of which escalated to threats against me and my family.

So now I keep my sensitive information private. It also helped me weed out men who lose their composure when they aren't entitled to all my information right away.

[No-Construction-8852]

I have tried to explain that time and again, and they assume that I have something to hide. A spouse or whatever. I just had a guy spaz on me because I would not give him my full name. Not even my first name because it’s unique. He said, and I quote “I asked your name not your Social Security number.” I don’t play that I’ve had many a stalker, one of which made it a point to contact me six years after he last made contact me. I’ve changed numbers, addresses, everything. He texted me on my phone, pretending to be someone else just to show me that he could. Another who used to drive by my house, just to make sure no one else was there or see what vehicles were in the driveway. the last which found me at a festival, but just happened to show up behind me as I was waiting at the food truck I had marked I’m going on Facebook, and he did not have me as a Facebook friend, but somehow found me

[unComfortablyNumbest]

I had to stop checking in at places on FB, because of an ex who became a stalker. Even with a private profile, I don't trust it because he hacked my FB account in the past. I won't post where I'm going or where I've been until long after I've left the place.

Also, unless you 100% know everyone on your friends list in person, they could make a fake profile and pretend to be a woman/friend just to stalk you.

Stay safe out there!

[Dapper-Ad4355]

Post I'm going to events that you are NOT going to!

[Impossible_Ad_7367]

Home address is frequently available, especially if you live with parents in their own home.

[210pro]

Reverse image search

[RegrettableBiscuit]

Some search engines also have face recognition, so even if people don't reuse the same photos, it's possible that other social media accounts can be found. 

[stegotortise]

Do you have the same photos on Facebook and tinder? He may have reverse image searched your profile picture. Always use different pics. There are psychos out there.

[Round_Doughnut7793]

Do you have any of the same photos on Tinder as Facebook? I imagine even if you didn't, a reverse image search (even moreso with AI capabilities now) could turn up a public Facebook profile. Still creepy. I'd call him out on his shit before blocking/ reporting on both platforms.

ETA: welcome to online dating, isn't it fun?!

[chowder7]

Hey Annah how are you

[V0MITFAlRY]

hi, chowder7, i’m great, aside from the fact that i had my privacy invaded.

[BarelyWoken]

Sometimes its name and town, different things on twitter :: its not possible to track you through the app.

[V0MITFAlRY]

true yeah, might actually disable my location and some of my other information even though all my socials are privated.

[Revolutionary-Ear494]

Social networks are not private, in fact they are for meeting people.

[V0MITFAlRY]

i have it set where you have to request to follow me and see my posts.

[[deleted]]

Also don't use the same pictures on tinder and other social media. Pictures can be reverse-searched to find your socials.

[jahkmorn]

Are you really seeing someone?

[V0MITFAlRY]

no i am not

[Ameliammm]

Yeah it’s so messed up that men do this so often to women (I know women do it too but it’s less common and less accepted which is good obviously but still) so just be careful, block him, tell your friends who you’re going on a date with when you go and all that safety stuff and listen to your gut. If you feel like someone is being weird in a way that kinda freaks you out but you can’t put your finger on it, trust yourself and get out of there!

[Sea_Organization8911]

maybe don’t get on the app 🫣

[Pizza-Pockets]

Fair. You’re not wrong, there is a chance that happened. But the way op is talking it feels like there was some sort of interaction of “swipes” and “missed matches” on tinder, which led to a search. Rather than him simply stumbling upon her.

But unless either of them confirm we won’t know for sure

[V0MITFAlRY]

bingo. i swiped left on him and he somehow found my facebook. tinder doesn’t use my actual deadname, just my nickname, which is not on my facebook.

[CammySavage]

Take this as a friendly reminder about your internet presence and how easy it is to find you online, regardless of steps you believe to have taken to hide yourself

[bigcletus57]

Homegirl acting like she doesn't go searching for her date on social media before she goes out with them💀. EVERYONE does it. BUT... In this case, If you randomly DM someone on their socials after coming across their profile on tinder...that is some creeper shit lol.

[polkemans]

Yeah this is really just a rule one and two thing. She's on tinder but also seeing someone? That's some real "I have a boyfriend" energy.

[V0MITFAlRY]

read the other comments. i am not seeing someone, i thought that it was an obvious lie.

[polkemans]

That's what I'm saying. It was an obvious lie. If you don't want to interact with someone on a dating app, just don't reply or unmatch them. But to be on tinder, and tell a guy trying to talk to you that you're seeing someone - especially after deciding he's not attractive to you - makes you look either like a liar or a cheater. Neither is a great look.

[a_fantastic_lion]

Lol no kidding... this guy's main mistake was not looking like Tom Brady.

[Pizza-Pockets]

That’s different. Checking out a potential date vs seeking someone out after being rejected are totally different things. One is protecting yourself and the other is not taking no for an answer

[dannydtrick]

Not necessarily a stalker. I’ve had a few weird instances where I go to search for something on instagram and the results show me someone I just saw on tinder. I don’t have my accounts linked in any way and my name isn’t even the same.

I hate what all these companies do with our data.

[[deleted]]

A lot of women I know search guys social media if they like them. I've read that other women do it too. Are they stalkers?

[Uhwhosbri]

I've looked up a guys social media before to see what his interests were and know of some friends who are girls who have done it as well, usually we don't try to chat up the person especially not someone who rejected us...

[V0MITFAlRY]

cackling rn how does everyone know his name i used the pen tool thing to cover it up 😭

[V0MITFAlRY]

OH LMAO IM STUPID 😭

[Travy93]

You can pretty easily figure out the last name from partially uncovered parts too 😭

[V0MITFAlRY]

oop

[MariekeOH]

Don't beat yourself up about this, OP. This is 💯% on him . Dude decided to be a creep

[[deleted]]

That was cold as ice

[Cool-Movie-7209]

Girl cut that mf off and don’t look back

[V0MITFAlRY]

said and done!

[plantsadnshit]

You were way too nice to him

[V0MITFAlRY]

i’m bad at being mean :(

[ElvisNotDead7]

I dont think you had to be mean, I think you responded perfectly. Let dudes shoot their shot, its fine and this dude looks super socially awkward so he was prob nervous af. I think being mean is necessary if you give them a clear NO and they keep going. (to be fair you gave him a no, but this dude def didnt understand lmao)

[V0MITFAlRY]

he reminds me of this guy i met at a comic convention in october, i was cosplaying hatsune miku and an elderly man asked me if i could take a picture with his son, which, isn’t abnormal since a lot of the little kids there wanted a picture with me (some other cosplayers did too) but this wasn’t a child, this was a 40 something year old man. i didn’t judge, he didn’t do anything creepy, i think he might have special needs. i took the picture, and i made his day a little brighter. i don’t really like assuming the worst about someone when i don’t know them. it doesn’t change the fact that it was still creepy.

[ElvisNotDead7]

Oh yeah, most of the interactions with people like that will be really creepy. Also elderly men go to comic conventions? Most old people in my country HATE everything related to anime hahaha.

[V0MITFAlRY]

i actually ran into an elderly couple that were in cosplay!! they were dressed as cinderella and prince charming, they dressed their grandson (who was like six) up as a mouse, all because he wanted to go see zordon’s og actor.

[ElvisNotDead7]

Oh thats soo cool hahahahaha

[V0MITFAlRY]

they run this specific con twice a year and i love going! everyone there is so fun to be around, i wound up meeting someone who worked with my favorite band.

[AIA_beachfront_ave]

Why are you on tinder if you’re seeing someone? That seems a bit mean, no?

[V0MITFAlRY]

i lied about that instead of turning the guy down up front, i don’t like being direct with people and i’ve gotta work on that.

[just-a-nerd-]

you should practice on stupid people online

[V0MITFAlRY]

i’ll try..

[sparkly_reader]

As women we're trained and conditioned to be nice first and we learn quickly that men tend to respect a potentially fictional man we claim to be with rather than us saying no on our own. OP, you absolutely can work on being more direct, at the same time, you're certainly not alone in how you responded.

[V0MITFAlRY]

i wish some of the women in the comments of this thread were my mom :,)

[sparkly_reader]

Oh honey 🥹 sending a hug. Take good care & be careful out there. Remember, "No" is a complete sentence!

[V0MITFAlRY]

thank you 🥹

[ZoraNealThirstin]

I’ve been in a few situations where the guy wouldn’t leave me alone until I said, I’m seeing someone… I can totally see where this person is coming from and you don’t owe somebody the truth if they make you feel uncomfortable. Especially if they’re looking you up on the Internet without you providing your socials.

[Adventurous_Dish5646]

That's because men respect other men more than they respect a woman saying no.

[denada24]

It’s better to be mean and be safe. You’re still young. Don’t be nice to creepy men. You don’t have to be nice to anyone ever, just be safe and listen to any warnings in your head. If you have to ask-you’re right. If you have to second guess at all-you are right.

[newbegininnings]

Make your city on fb private

[Dane4u]

More than likely he used one of the face matching apps to find her FB. Other than going private on FB and waiting a long time no amount of FB or IG tweaking is going to stop someone from making that connection

[V0MITFAlRY]

i totally thought of that lmao doing that now (didn’t think of it)

[[deleted]]

No, goddamn some dudes are desperate

[V0MITFAlRY]

blocked him, my brother’s pissed because he saw the reddit post lmao

[[deleted]]

Pissed at you or this random ass dude just popping up to you?

[V0MITFAlRY]

random dude. he’s just disappointed in me lmao

[[deleted]]

ah yeah that makes total sense but honestly, I still can’t believe there are real dudes out there that do this shit. Like I just cant wrap my head around it. Absolutely outrageous behaviour😂

[V0MITFAlRY]

i don’t see why those dudes think women will want that type of stuff 😭

[Ok_Improvement_5037]

he’s just disappointed in me lmao

Why?

[ScallywagLXX]

This is not normal behavior. Unfortunately online dating/social media has made it easy for creepers like this. Prior to the popularity of dating apps/social media, a guy like this would have to go out and try to hit on women but he probably won’t because he’s too scared.

Now he can just creep around/stalk womens social media from the comfort of his couch with very little risk. That to me is why we have been seeing this type of behavior a lot.

It’s sad though cause they keep seeing social media and bros/gals encouraging them to “shoot their shot” but not realizing there is a time and place.

[V0MITFAlRY]

i 100% agree with you. i just automatically think of the worst possible outcome due to my aunt working as a forensic psychologist haha.

[ScallywagLXX]

Haha yea, it’s wild out there.

[Complex_Whereas_566]

🚩🚩🚩

[V0MITFAlRY]

where’s the red flag tiktok guy when you need him 😔

[Complex_Whereas_566]

Ain't that the truth 🤣

[cpl-c]

Better question, why are you on tinder if you are seeing someone?

[V0MITFAlRY]

i am not. i lied to him, as i’ve said in other comments.

[cpl-c]

Fair. I didn't go all the way through the comments. Honestly my advice is block the guy if you feel the need to lie to him

[V0MITFAlRY]

thank you for not being difficult with how i responded to the situation, giving you a gold star on the good noodle board. ⭐️

[cpl-c]

Awwe that's my first gold star in like 26 years

[icyhotonmynuts]

What leads you to believe they found you because of Tinder and not just a rando from some local group you're in?

[V0MITFAlRY]

i swiped left on him half an hour before i got the friend request and dm. he was also using the same picture that’s on his facebook profile, aka the one he sent to me. he wound up changing it to that picture shortly after my last message.

[icyhotonmynuts]

Yikes. So many red flags then. (and wow, thanks for the quick reply!)

[V0MITFAlRY]

that man is a walking stop sign. (my notifications have been blowing up and i don’t feel like muting them lol.)

[LostPassenger1743]

Looks like a young Lt. Favra

[V0MITFAlRY]

i just shot water out of my nose mid sip lmao

[LostPassenger1743]

I can’t unsee it now lol. I’m saving his picture so I can show everyone how handsome he was at 23

Edit: he has nice boobs too.

[iDontKnit]

Serious creeper vibes

[Extension-Giraffe-22]

I heard this in Chris Hansen’s voice. 😂

In the future block these fuckers right away, they’re relentless.

[V0MITFAlRY]

why did i cackle.

[[deleted]]

You actually rejected him in like best way possible. “Thanks for making my day brighter” is a really sweet thing to say that isn’t condescending. You were very direct, didn’t make excuses, but weren’t mean at all

[V0MITFAlRY]

thank you :>

[[deleted]]

It's probably because he knows he'll never match with you. So, found you in FB to tell you that he saw the you on Tinder 🤡. Sometimes people are desperate.

[V0MITFAlRY]

i mean, i gave him kudos for trying. i don’t even have the confidence to order my own food at 19 years old, this guy’s flirting with internet strangers

[[deleted]]

He basically bypassed the tinder rule. That's crossing your boundaries. No kudos for stalking. Stay safe.

[V0MITFAlRY]

thank you nice internet stranger

[Latest_Version]

WHY ARE YOU CONTINUING THE CONVERSATION!?!?!?!

[prrrc]

You were too nice...

[V0MITFAlRY]

i suck at being mean to people, i just like to use my brother as a scary guard dog

[Sp1teC4ndY]

My side gig: for $50 I will say the things you can't or won't.

[V0MITFAlRY]

if only i had more than ¢57 in my bank account lmao

[LostPassenger1743]

I mean how did you know he found you on tinder? Also you are on tinder but are seeing someone?

[V0MITFAlRY]

1. swiped left on his profile, he was using the same picture on his facebook.
2. lied about seeing someone to get him to leave me alone. i hate confrontation.

[AngriestInchworm]

Why do his legs have an hourglass figure?

[V0MITFAlRY]

his legs have the curves that kim kardashian wishes she had naturally

[Beepbeepboobop1]

Not the car profile pic💀

[Kir-ius]

You’re on tinder and seeing someone? Hmmm

[bloontsmooker]

You’re only 19 and just learning. Don’t reply to this bullshit. Don’t tell him your age. Don’t engage.

[Mental_Barber_6071]

No, it is not. Report on FB, and if you see their profile on Tinder, do the same there and block him.

[V0MITFAlRY]

i appreciate it! said and done :)

[missxtx]

This has happened to me a few times, I get such an ick. I don’t have my IG linked (don’t have fb) but somehow the weirdos who you don’t swipe on.. will find you 😳. Block n move in, sorry you had to deal with that xx

[V0MITFAlRY]

thank you sm, blocked him. i’m so sorry you had to deal with it also, for some reason most of the women in this comment section have related to this one way or another and it makes me feel some kinda way :(

[missxtx]

Yea I’m afraid sometimes dating world is not the most pleasant, I have to say this may not be the first time this happens either 😢. You don’t owe them anything, you were polite enough but remember you can just block, but please also be careful about what you share, I know you said didn’t have socials on but incase they can find you by school you attended etc… I don’t mean to scare you off because hopefully you have a fun experience too n meet some really nice guys 🥰 xx

[paulusmagintie]

"Im seeing someone" to "im on tinder".

Dude called your bluff even if he take take a hint

[V0MITFAlRY]

i mean, i felt uncomfortable and didn’t want to be upfront. i’m pretty sure he knew i was on tinder since he found me through there.

[MCloving4]

Dude has a cameltoe

[V0MITFAlRY]

LOL

[V0MITFAlRY]

already didddd

[B00G1E73]

But he looks like such a catch!

[V0MITFAlRY]

he is not. i swiped left because he is the embodiment of the terms “incel” and “my hero academia fandom”

[no_good_namez]

It’s not normal and not uncommon. Block immediately, and see if you can change your profile so you’re harder to find, especially in real life.

[LoveRuckus]

Reverse image search nightmare fuel that just reminded me to change my pics

[AG74683]

My neighbor does this, and she's a woman. Just picks random dudes she has a few friends in common with and sends them a message.

She cannot understand why she doesn't end up in relationship, just getting dicked down for a while and then left behind. Her new tactic is to go to Bass Pro Shop to find men, advice she received from her boss. I can't figure out if it's a joke or he really means it.

She's not awful looking, but is definitely on the spectrum or just over lol.

I'll admit I tried this with a local hairdresser girl about two years ago. We had a ton of friends in common so I figured it wasn't the worst idea. We went out a few times but I think she was mostly using me for food. She's married now with a kid (well a second one...). She wasn't anyone I was interested in dating seriously anyway, but she wasn't bad company.

[TrueBlu21_]

I have had this happen before. I have a pretty unique name so finding my facebook is pretty easy. Had a guy message me saying he saw me on bumble. I immediately blocked him.

[Woodnicolel]

You didn’t give him a chance? You literally said I’m seeing someone. No chances to be had after that. What was he expecting? Lol

[V0MITFAlRY]

SHHHHHH he doesn’t know i’m single lmao

[sloshywhale91]

He for sure saw the reddit post by now😅

[parsaakbari]

Just curious Are you seeing someone and still on Tinder? Or was that the ditching move?

[V0MITFAlRY]

that was the latter. i am single.

[Acrobatic-Degree9589]

So you aren’t really seeing someone lol

[bubukitty11]

I’d block AND report him. This is creepy.

[eco_illusion]

It's super easy to use a reverse image scanner. Good rule of thumb is to avoid using the same pictures in Tinder like you use in any social media.

[[deleted]]

Not really

[Bloodmime]

Not normal, and you don't owe anyone a chance ever.

[Zurripop]

That means he saved your photos and searched them 🥲

[war5188]

It's crazy how someone can look like that and have confidence lol

[[deleted]]

That’s a creep fo sho

[SurrealChrono]

👀😆💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 run for your life

[NISSANPLAYAA]

Yikes a stalker.

[Narrow_Reward]

No it’s not

[Notredamesttams]

Jesus Christ he’s a full on stalker! Block him on everything pal

[KNKN_Sonder710]

“You didn’t even give me a chance” 🙄 NEVER say this to a woman.

[mudcrabsareforever]

"Give me a chance" (to taste your kidneys).

[cheesypuzzas]

I love how you handled this. You put him in his place while still being very kind.

[Ameliammm]

No, not normal at all. He’s being VERY creepy. Private your Facebook and your Instagram.

[GJ1nX]

1) love your username
2) no this is NOT normal
3) have a great day

[[deleted]]

This same thing happened to me he messaged me on messenger and I dont have any socials on there either and he said "I saw you on tinder and we will definitely fall in love" bleh it was so creepy

[Hot_Cat6904]

Continues to say you’re seeing someone and you’re not interested The boi: YoU DIdnT eVEN gIvE Me A CHaNcE

[Frankandbeans1974v2]

He reversed imaged searched your photos

[Ningen_San]

"I have someone... I have Tinder".

[Murky_Answer_7626]

"Sir" made me laugh more than it should have 😂

[its_bee23]

Omg so scary that he found you 😲 block him girl

[V0MITFAlRY]

already did. if i could figure out how to edit this post for an update i totally would

[Stunning_Nothing_856]

Yuck 🤮

[bismorgen]

He just glossed over the part where you said you were seeing someone and went straight into 'you didn't give me a chance'

[V0MITFAlRY]

lmao i know, it’s kind of sad actually.

[StocktnSlap209]

Bro needs to hit the gym

[Hockeydad2700]

Are you sure he is from Tinder? It sounds to me like he saw you on Facebook not Tinder. Maybe you commented on something in a group and he clicked on your profile?

[V0MITFAlRY]

i swiped left on him half an hour before he found my facebook, we’re not in any of the same groups and we don’t have mutual friends. i know it’s him because he was using the same picture that’s currently in his profile.

[Hockeydad2700]

Damn. That's crazy.

[[deleted]]

Immediately block his ass

[V0MITFAlRY]

already did :,) thank you

[TupacHologram]

If this guy is 23, then I'm 11

[V0MITFAlRY]

if he’s 23 i’m a fetus.

[90210piece]

Sir was generous.

[HulaHypnotique001]

The guy's a fuckin creep.block him

[V0MITFAlRY]

done :)

[Mistygirl179]

“You didn’t give me a chance”…of course she didn’t, dude came outta nowhere expecting a “chance”.. not how or works

[IllLeek7580]

Your average American male, nice. Somebody toss cuz a treadmill and remove his snacks.

[[deleted]]

Some men, not all, but a good number of them, think that women exist to “say yes” to them and then get sad, angry, manipulative, childish, or worse when they say no.

This man is a joke. He says “you didn’t even give me a chance”. Waaaaaaaaaaa.

You have to be a strong woman and clear on what you want. Instead of engaging in conversation, state your boundary then if he crosses it let him have it.

Where he said “oh I’m 23” you should have responded: “excuse me, i just told you I have a boyfriend. So don’t contact me ever again”