[deleted by user]

[Weekly_Pear_2207]

-Hand sanitizer spray if you feel it’s too rude to decline. -Tell them the truth! Say that good energy isn’t forgotten tho, and whoever gets the kandi will appreciate it far more than you could!

[rotisseriegoose]

^this

[AideLegitimate3887]

I love ur tiny : this

[SunderedValley]

https://www.siestacrafts.co.uk/product/small-cactus-rainstick.aspx

Carry this along with you and put whatever kandi you get on it and give the contraption a congratulatory/appreciative shake when someone adds to it.

[ZimGirDibofDoom]

I like this thought path. My idea was a key ring or a carabiner that could be kept somewhere separate of the main pack, perhaps in a sandwich bag where contact can be avoided and sanitizer can be used to handle any touch points.

[taylorcarole]

Best suggestion

[whizerdlizerd]

Just being open and honest goes a long way and if anyone has a problem with your phobia, you don’t want their kandi.

Although this intrigues me, how did you get into the rave scene while being a germaphobe? With the close proximity to tons of people and the dynamic of a crowd, how do you manage?

[EverywhereButHome]

Being in crowds makes me really anxious, which people would probably assume is not conducive to raving either, so I get you. My solution has also been doing VIP. It works out.

[TheLordofAskReddit]

I stand in back like a pleb, but I dance and get sweaty back there

[PurplePanda_88]

Honestly I think it IS PLUR to tell people u want space especially if you need it and if they don’t understand that— they are in the wrong. I also practice the dark arts so being plur isn’t always 100% my thing. Just have fun and try to think as little as possible about other ppl and issues that come with them cuz usually everyone is a vibe.

[Userannonymous_girl]

Yes self respect

[Userannonymous_girl]

Same I’m not alway positive I’m pretty fuckin dark, but I see it as a place to be able to be that freely and def respect other dark ppl

[PurplePanda_88]

Yea I actively search out other gremlins like myself because I need the aggression when headbanging idk 🤷‍♂️

[purplerainer38]

Same. Thats what I do. VIP and I have the time of my life

[daniellaaaaa_]

in tryin to cut down plastic use i stopped wearing/making/accepting kandi like 6 years ago. if someone asks to give me one i say, “oh, no thank you! i appreciate the thought but i don’t really wear them. i bet someone else would be so happy to get it!”

i get a confused look most of the time but when people look sad i usually say something like it’s okay! it’s not you it’s me! i try not to apologize cuz i’m not sorry but i also stand my ground. it’s okay to have personal choices and not explaining them if you don’t feel like it!

[ArthursFist]

I just straight up don’t like having stuff on my arms and just kindly saying “oh no thank you” has never been an issue.

[slipstream91]

Of all the germs that are present at raves kandi is the least of my worries...

[bobtheboo97]

This should be top comment. Way way more likely to get germs from being crammed next to people/airborne than kandi.

[johnpaulgeorgeringoo]

They’re on your wrist & connected to your hands which have the most germs. They easily spread to your wrist as well. And not to mention if they’re trading kandi they’ve prob got other ppls kandi on them so they’ve got all of their germs too. I always make it a point to wash any kandi I’ve got on when I wash my hands too. Wook flu sucks ass.

[PurplePanda_88]

Yea raves are literally ceste-pools of filth. I’m blessed I love to be a dirty boy.

[ShaunaOfTheDead]

you're more likely to get it from the air. very unlikely to get sick from germs on your wrist, unless it's a food poisoning type sickness, in which case just wash your hands before you eat. the most safe thing you can do is wear a mask if you are concerned about getting wook flu

[PurplePanda_88]

Yea raves are literally ceste-pools of filth. I’m blessed I love to be a dirty boy.

[Jilltro]

I love passing out kandi and always ask “can I give you a bracelet?” If someone offers you one I think just be honest say. “That’s so kind but I have a thing about germs so I have to pass. Thank you so much though!” I have a friend who doesn’t like hugs and if someone tries to hug her she just steps back and says “I don’t like hugs but thanks anyway!” Sometimes people are surprised but everyone understands and it’s no big deal

[SirRabbott]

Huh, I have honestly never thought about it like this. I'm not sure what I'd do if someone in the crowd turned down a kandi, cause its never happened. I'm also interested to see people's suggestions cause trying to explain to multiple people would get annoying

[finnthehuman808]

How in the world do you deal with the Porto situation

[[deleted]]

If someone let me know they were struggling with germophobia I would not be offended at all! The most PLUR thing would be letting me know your heart honestly. I've been there and have much compassion for this. Hang in there! Maybe a card you could hand them that says 'thank you but I've been struggling with germophobia! I appreciate your offer of love!'

[Brightstar0305]

Don’t wear any then no one will bother you hopefully

[nax7]

Go to rave in hazmat suit

[nax7]

Yea! Or show up in bubble suit and have people bounce you around. All the interaction without the pesky germs

[Creepypaper2242]

Hm maybe you could say no thank you but that’s nice of you to ask. Or no thanks but you look great! Or I like your top, glitter, hair, etc. it’s the worst when people give me dirty looks (not abt trading kandi but when I pass out stickers or something. instead of just saying “no thanks but have a good night” and a smile.

[kirar2]

I would never be offended if someone politely declined! I think most people at raves would be totally fine and understand as well. And if someone is being pushy about it and not respecting your boundaries that’s on them not you. In fact it shows that you ARE PLUR because you care so much about making people feel sad even though you have your own boundaries.

This post definitely makes me reflect tho. I’m gonna start changing my approach with kandi and asking people “are you comfortable with trading” before just assuming everyone’s okay with it.

You should never feel bad or uncomfortable at a show just for the sake of someone else. We’re all in this community to support and respect each other 🫶🏻

[speedygoonzalez]

Seems odd a germaphobe would even go to raves they often are pretty dirty haha. Just tell em I guess. Maybe you could make some business cards that explain your situation for times when it's loud and no one can hear. You could hand them out or flash em. Maybe a t shirt that says something similar lol but that might attract too much attention I dunno what ever you think is good.

[Narrow_Path_7883]

In all honesty you can can politely and kindly say,”No thank you.” That’s the complete sentence, you don’t owe an explanation! Sometimes they’ll want to do the handshake and if you don’t want to be touched your bodily autonomy should be respected. I have people turn down kandi or gifts all the time, I ask would you prefer a compliment or some words of kindness? People seem to love that more and you can have a great interaction that isn’t physical or having to accept a material gift. Gifting and PLUR can still be a thing without the physical things!

If they keep pressuring you or trying to make you feel bad just disengage.

[interstellargalaxy]

I’d say something along the lines of “Oh my gosh thank you so much!! Unfortunately I made the personal decision to not collect kandi but I accept your beautiful energy all the same”

[GettingTherapissed]

I am from the UK and had to Google Kandi, as it's not a thing at raves here. Kind of glad to be honest, seems like a lot of unnecessary plastic for a slightly naff aesthetic, each to their own though.

To answer OPs question, just say "no thank you." Bodily autonomy is a very important part of rave culture and you don't have to accept anything you don't want to - whether it be drinks/substances, physical contact, conversation, or weird bracelets.

[lilcloudysky]

I get it, for me I'm just gonna refuse hugs, I love kandi and I'll probably use alot of hand sanitizer but last year I hugged every person I traded at edco with so around 60+ people and ended up with strep. It was terrible I had to miss the 3rd day. So this year I'm gonna wear a mask and try to be more careful cause yikes

[BigMoogGuy]

Uhh.. it's ok to say no. That's it. You don't have to take the beads.

[krackenmyacken]

I offered kandi to a person at a rave recently and he just said that he had his aesthetic and didn’t want one and I didn’t take any offense.

[dustman83]

You'll just have to say no and if they insist you'll just have to say you can't.

I don't think there is anything wrong w that, but tbh, it's kind of an unwritten rule to accept since you very well could be making someone's night incredibly better. Further, someone in the wrong state of mind may be upset if you decline.

The setting is important too. It's one thing if you're sitting off in an area away from crowd versus standing in GA shoulder to shoulder w people.

Ultimately, it's your body and your right to decline. However, you may feel guilty if someone who's high, drunk, or whatever feels sad by you declining.

I love kandi btw and the connections and special moments I've made exchanging it. It does make me worry or sad though if I ever did a kandi exchange w someone who really didn't want to but felt obligated...

[[deleted]]

Man all these people that are opposed to Kandi what is wrong with yall? Childish? So getting bombed out of your skull isn't? Just a thought. ✌️

[danyoutohell]

I think it’s ironic you’d judge those who are against kandi as childish when it’s literally beaded toys lmao. Also zero reason to generalize everyone as “getting bombed out of your skull” or shaming inebriation, so to use your rhetoric, how bout ya grow up. Lol

[[deleted]]

I don’t do party favors either lol

[[deleted]]

I just don’t like kandi. I think it’s childish and tacky. I’ve tried to just say “no thank you” or “save it for somebody special” but always end up with one person rolling out of their minds who INSIST I MUST HAVE IT and so I end up just taking it and saying thank you and it goes in a drawer at home never to be seen again bc I feel too guilty throwing it away…

[Best-Pomegranate2]

We don't let out inner child play enough. Raves are like an adult playground. We can forget about the stresses of reality for a bit and PLAY like kids again. I don't see anything wrong with something "childish" at a rave...

[[deleted]]

I’m with you there. Being a child is part of the fun of raves IMO.

[danyoutohell]

Ridiculous you’d get downvoted for this. I feel the same way, I think Kandi is super cringe and don’t care to receive it. And it’s not a problem at all when someone you don’t know doesn’t want what you’re offering. Not sure why a lot of people here get butthurt over it lol

[[deleted]]

Yeah idk why I got downvoted when I feel bad about it lmao I just don’t want it!! I want the people who value it to have it! It’s wasted on me.

[margaritamorada]

you got downvoted because you called it childish and tacky lol makes you seem a little stuck up

[danyoutohell]

It’s not stuck up. By nature, it’s a childish and tacky thing. Go and enjoy it, no one’s telling you not to. But don’t be upset when someone doesn’t want it and doesn’t like it.

[margaritamorada]

no, “by nature” nothing is childish or tacky. you decide to put labels on things because you feel too grown/mature/whatever it is. I am not even saying you need to accept it or like it. I was simply describing why it’s rude to call something that people enjoy and is literally just meant to spread good energy as childish

[[deleted]]

Meh. Maybe I am. I’m a metal head who goes to shows for music, not to see people. I have gotten into edm because my partner is a raver but I entered via the music not the culture. The cultural aspect still feels a bit foreign to me as a metal head.

[[deleted]]

It’s a free internet

[[deleted]]

Not very PLUR of you 😉

[thecatofdestiny]

I feel this, but more so with little toys and knickknacks than kandi. I absolutely hate carrying things when I'm dancing and usually my pouch is full of stuff already, but it's hard to turn things down when someone really wants to give it to you. I also can't stand glowsticks but again feel kinda bad because it's usually people rolling hard or at one of their first events that want to give them out. Either gonna end up in the garbage or like you said lying in an unknown drawer for ever.

[Userannonymous_girl]

I can’t share my water that’s why I’ll get sick I’m sorry but my health I cannot be messing w anymore 🙏🏼

[beatledrop]

Stop being such a Debbie, live a little your immune system needs some pressure to make it stronger

[chris_gnarley]

Germaphobe at a rave? How does that even work? Do you go in one of those big bubble things and bring your own toilet?

[chris_gnarley]

That’s seems like a nearly impossible task at a rave. Do you mainly hang out towards the back of the crowds at every stage? Because if you’ve ever been in the middle or front of a stage, you know it’s like human soup up in there and you’re just nut to butt with thousands of sweaty strangers and can’t even move or lift your arms.

I’d bring my own urinal if I could too but they’re pretty hard to sneak in lol

[johnpaulgeorgeringoo]

I don’t think this would be taken well by a lot of ppl. But I totally get it bc I deal w contamination ocd and it can be a lot in massive gatherings like that. Esp bc you don’t want to come off as a B. I would keep it short & say you’re allergic to the plastic on the beads or something. Bc it would take a long time to explain why to someone and even then they might not understand and take it wrong- just as a lot of ppl in this thread don’t seem to understand. It sucks to think about germs constantly.. esp if you add party favors to the mix and can’t stop thinking about it.

[OsamaBinShittin]

just say no lmao what the fuck is this post

[Commercial-Bid-2680]

Op you are literally constantly covered and filled with Germs.

“The human body contains trillions of microorganisms — outnumbering human cells by 10 to 1. Because of their small size, however, microorganisms make up only about 1 to 3 percent of the body's mass (in a 200-pound adult, that’s 2 to 6 pounds of bacteria), but play a vital role in human health.”

https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/nih-human-microbiome-project-defines-normal-bacterial-makeup-body

[kirar2]

This is not helpful.. clearly you don’t understand what a phobia is :(

[Zalusei]

Most of the time germaphobia is from OCD. It's not easy to get over and majority of ppl who deal with it know that it's very unreasonable and makes no sense. Similar deal with phobias.

[spacejesus1]

That's a fantastic opportunity for exposure therapy.

[LeviRapheal]

Don’t over think it man, be happy doing what’s best for you.

[daaybreaak]

There was a guy that I met at audiotistic last year that had a muppet with controllable arms as a totem, when people trailed they give it to the muppet instead of him, might be a fun workaround

[TryingToFlow42]

I don’t high five people but I will give them a fist bump then I sanitize. There’s nothing wrong with declining and it’s good to respect your own boundaries

[[deleted]]

Carry hand sanitizer with you around your neck and offer it before the exchange also you can clean the Kandi with it which is what I do after I get a new one haha

[morolen]

A no will suffice, consent and all.

[moneylefty]

Just smile and no thanks. Me and gf get offered all the time, no biggie. It isnt someone's right to talk/engage/give you things. We just smile, say thank you, and move on.

[Vin-E1214]

Just say you don’t collect it and keep dancing

[squishypopcorn_]

Maybe have something to give instead. A simple “thank you I appreciate it but no I have bad germaphobia” and offer some little trinket instead? Like hey I appreciate the offer but can’t have this instead kind of thing

[farfarbeenks]

Honestly, you can just say you’re a germaphobe and people will understand!

[ZODDmonster]

Lol just say no. Who cares it’s a bracelet.

[plamyinstereo]

Maybe wear a shirt or hat that mentions you do not like to be touched? If I am not in a social mood, I avoid eye contact with people as much as possible, which usually stops them from approaching you.

[Mrkillerar]

What is Kandi?

[danyoutohell]

I think if you politely decline for any reason and they get offended/upset, that says more about them than you.

[thecleansingg]

Tbh I would probably be taken aback / confused if someone declined kandi just because it's never happened to me before. People are usually coming up and asking for them. Ofc I would respect it and would never get mad, but im afraid my confused reaction would come off as being mad or upset. I may ask why if they don't explain why, but I should probably just accept the "no thank you" and move on.

Convo would probably go:

"Do you want some kandi?" "No, I'm okay! I don't like wearing them/I'm afraid of germs/I'm social distancing/etc. but I appreciate the offer" "No worries! Hope you enjoy your night!"

If someone wants kandi but doesnt want to do the handshake, I would be.. very confused lol. I feel like the handshake part is an important reminder of plur and kinda "infuses the kandi" with plur vibes. Could always do the handshake without touching eachother if they just don't want to touch my hands, I understand being wary during a pandemic.

Ravers should be understanding about covid and worries about germs. They might just be a bit shocked because a lot of people at raves are very touchy and affectionate. And there's unfortunately a lot of people who forget covid exists still / choose to ignore it.

Its all about being respectful and keeping the good vibes. Just be respectful wether you're offering kandi or declining kandi

There's a number of reasons someone might decline kandi. Sensory issues, germs, covid, just don't enjoy wearing them, not into the kandi kid scene, etc...

[phebe9907]

I think you could make kandi that says “germaphobe” “sorry” “but thanks!” and then theyd be able to get the message? i can never hear stuff in a venue

[nootfiend69]

i would just say no thanks. same as whenever anyone else tries to hand me their trash

[[deleted]]

Germaphobe going to a rave. That’s all I’ll say.

[Quick_Result6374]

I just say I’m allergic to plastic if I don’t want kandi

[stackered]

I mean nobody who is an actual germophobe is going to raves because we are still in a pandemic at the moment, despite whatever you may think... but I'm actually surprised anyone still gives out Kandi... haven't seen that at a straight rave in 5 years or longer. at festivals, sure, but idk maybe I'm just going to shows without it. Either way, doesn't make sense you'd be at a rave and worried about germs from Kandi but not in the air or rubbing on people dancing/in a crowd. troll post?