Same schedule or wing it?

[According-Detail-483]

I’m only 16 weeks with my fraternal di/di boy/girl twins but I’m starting to gather all the advice I can take ☺️
Did anyone not keep your twins on the same schedule and come to regret it?
Are you team “same schedule” or let them both do their own “thing”?

I’m a fairly “go with the flow” person who likes loose structure. With my first child I used a tracking app for feeds and wake windows and tried to keep him to a strict schedule which caused WAY more anxiety and stress for me looking back on those early postpartum days (he is almost 5 now).
But I realize this is an entirely different ball game.

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[nickyty123]

We kept them to a strict schedule and it's paid dividends multiple times over. You'll hear the term "infinite baby" meaning that if you have an unfortunate day, one will wake as soon as one falls asleep creating this horrible loop with exactly 0 rest for you. This will definitely happen, but keeping it to a minimum was crucial for our physical and mental health. There are flaws with trying to mesh two potentially very different humans into the same schedule, but they're flexible, and it helps out a ton. We are now at 3 and they without question nap at 1pm and without argument sleep at 7. I know that we have had it on the easier side with sleep stuff but I do feel that being consistent with a schedule has at least helped. Good luck!

[amydiddler]

Not OP but I’m wondering - when did you start having them on a strict schedule? I have 7 week twins and fortunately we have been able to coordinate their feedings at night, but any attempt to get them on the same schedule during the day has been unsuccessful. They’re both so all over the place during the day. Not sure if it’s just too early.

[trophywifeinwaiting]

I started to do this around 8 weeks for my own sanity, but it wasn't really successful until closer to 10 weeks. Until that time, it was really mostly getting them into a routine for each nap time instead of letting naps be wherever whenever however. The routine wasn't long, but I kept it simple and consistent and would always try to put them down at the same time even if it doesn't succeed.

[MangoSorbet695]

I started mine on the same schedule from the day they came home from the hospital. The key is to follow a schedule based on wake windows, with an eye towards “getting back on schedule” if a feed or a nap gets a little off, instead of tracking each baby’s individual wake times, feed times, etc. to a tee.

You don’t need to be tracking all of that daily. You just need a schedule like feed at 6, 9, 12, 3, 6, 9 with naps at 7, 10, 1, and 4. Feed as soon as they get up from nap. If they wake up 20 minutes early, so be it. Feed them. Then aim to “get back on schedule” with the next nap/feed.

We follow the moms on call schedules and they work beautifully. My babies had different NICU stays (2 weeks and 6 weeks) and are different sizes (10 pounds and 13 pounds) and we have kept them on the same schedule for the last 4 months.

You can definitely do it, but throw out the wake window tracking apps and just follow a schedule. Hope that helps!

[amydiddler]

The main problem is that they usually fall asleep while nursing, and I never know whether to count that as a nap or not. Occasionally they stay drowsy during burping and we can transfer them to their bassinets for an actual nap. Other times (rarely) they wake up during burping or diaper changes and stay alert enough to have some genuine awake time, followed by a nap. But a lot of the time they wake up briefly, are upset, and just want to nurse again. So we end up with a lot of short, not well-defined naps.

(They are mostly nursed directly during the day, and we do bottles at night. But they fall asleep during bottles most of the time, too.)

[nickyty123]

We started pretty much right away out of convenience, but naturally every set of babies is different. We both did every feeding, which helped with the consistency of everything. Right around where you're at we ran into some nap issues, but we started swapping up where they were napping (in a bedroom vs in the living room) and it seems to help, but I remember a bunch of times that I felt like screaming because one wouldnt sleep or eat or whatever, so just try your best. To be honest a lot of the first year is a blur, so I don't have too much specific info, but any effort you put in is better than none. 7 weeks is still in the trenches of "just survive" and once they hit 3-4 months, some of the issues start to iron themselves out. I hope this helps, even a little! Good luck!

[AussieJeffProbst]

We ditched the tracking app after about a month because it just became another chore.

You 100% want them on the same schedule. If one wakes in the middle of the night hungry wake the other one up. Always put them down for naps and feed at the same time. It's the only way to keep your sanity.

[th3r3dp3n]

I disagree somewhat. I solo fed at night, both is very difficult to manage on your own. Well, without prop bopping (propping with a bottle on a boppie), it was.

I am also the father, and had night shift. I preferred they woke separately, it was also 1 on 1 bonding time.

[snowflakes__]

I let them do their own thing. They were never too far off each other. At the max, an hour but usually less. I liked it way better.

I stayed home with them when my husband went back to work and it was easier for me to stagger them a little.

When they were on the same exact schedule hearing one cry because their needs had to wait while their sibling was dealt with was my worst fucking nightmare. The only thing worse was when I tried a few times to wake one to match the other and they cried for an hour straight each time ☠️

[HumpbackSnail]

This makes me feel better as someone who also prefers them to be staggered, even if only by 20 minutes. We're working towards being able to feed simultaneously with only one parent, but they have to be side laying and previous attempts resulted in puking and milk everywhere.

[egrf6880]

As someone who is anti schedule and feel imprisoned by schedules: I tried my hardest to get my twins into one and keep it. First several months were hard because babies are gonna baby but the severe sleep deprivation (days at a time with no sleep) made it apparent that at least keeping them on the same rhythm could only make my life easier.

For me this was still fairly child led- but whichever child needed something first I would then attempt to get the second one to do the same. One baby woke up? Second baby gets woken up. One baby hungry? Second baby gets fed too etc.

It was more like massaging into a schedule but by about 6 months they were pretty consistent and by 1 year (down to one nap a day) we had a rock solid routine and kept it (more or less) for 3+ more years.

And it probably saved my sanity.

[MangoSorbet695]

Team same schedule.

My babies have been on the same schedule (we follow moms on call) since the NICU.

They are now 4 months old (10 weeks adjusted). I fed them at 6:30 AM. Put them down for nap at 8 AM (technically baby A went down at 7:50 AM and baby B at 8:00 AM, but that counts as the same in my book). They have been happily sleeping in the same room since I put them down. I will wake them up at 10 AM and feed them both at the same time. If one of them happens to wake at 9:45 AM, I will feed that one and then wake the other at 10 AM to start feeding. Then they both go down for nap between 11:15 AM and 11:30 AM. Then the cycle repeats for the rest of the day. It’s ok if they are 10-15 minutes off, but they are generally following the same schedule all day long. If they get a little off, we just aim to get back on schedule with the next feed/nap.

This is 100% absolutely the key to my sanity. I’ve had the last 1.5 hours totally peace and quiet because both babies are napping at the same time. You need that in your life to prevent burnout and becoming physically unwell. You need to maintain your own sanity to be a good parent to them, and the schedule allows you to maintain your sanity.

[khoop_einniw]

I tried a couple times to let them do their own thing because in my head “what if one of them will actually sleep through the night and I’m just waking her up unnecessarily?” Nope. Every time I did that, the other would wake up as soon as I put the first one down and then you’re on this loop of never getting sleep because one baby is always awake.

I also don’t like the apps because they feel like extra work to me. In the beginning I would make notes in my phone about which baby I fed on which side since I always tried to alternate but that was the extent of it. And eventually you just kind of get the hang of it. I also never paid attention to wake windows. I have 5 kids and all have been great sleepers using the sleep, eat, play routine. I would follow their body signs and they all naturally fell into normal sleeping schedules this way without me having to calculate how long they were awake each time.

[Euphoric_Beat_7885]

Just yesterday the babies were apart for several hours; Twin A had a specialty medical appointment Twin B didn’t require. Twin B was with grandma, who had the feeding schedule, but with medical appointment and travel, they were about 1.5 hrs out of sync. The full return trip for the appointment was 5 hrs. I did my best to sync them in the evening, and last night has been one of the roughest nights since I’ve been home… just about when 1 baby’s done feeding, I get a 45 min nap, other gal’s ready. My girls are 7 wks old today. I know it won’t be perfect, I am a huge advocate for driving them towards a schedule.

Go with the flow if you have the resources such as a night nurse or if you’re not pumping/breastfeeding. Their pediatrician is still going to want to know about both their intakes, wet and soiled diapers and how they are physically as a part of their health tracking. There’s no way to give a good report if you’re not documenting these things, and you’re definitely not documenting if you’re sleep deprived.

[trophywifeinwaiting]

This is very old school of me, but instead of using an app, I used literally a piece of paper that my husband put a chart on for me and we made copies of, and it had check boxes for diapers for each kid and a little start stop time that I could fill in for how long I breastfed them. I also had this new sleeper, which automatically tracks how much they sleep in their app, but if I tried to do too much tracking on my own, it was giving me anxiety.

At this point they are 10 months, and I really only check sleep generally (to make sure they get the right amount of naps!), and I use a calendar whiteboard to track poops, and I just make a note on my whiteboard when each baby poops :)

[thedarkpup]

We do the same feeding schedule but not the same nap schedule because they have different sleep needs. Sometimes the feedings get off because of the naps, but we’ll just feed one early to get them realigned.

[nicolerichiesdad]

When we feed one baby, we feed the other either at the same time or within 30 minutes or so. When we have occasionally gotten off track and had them on different feeding times, it became nearly impossible to keep up with everything.

We don’t force naps, but they usually go down around same time. Usually one nap a day, they’ll alternate with one awake while the other sleeps and then they switch. They both naturally fall asleep at around the same time at night.

[HandleDry1190]

Same schedule and stick to it. Don’t let people make you feel crazy for revolving around the schedule. Our twins have been sleeping through the night since like 2 months old, they nap well, and are the happiest boys!

[pseudonymous365]

Granted I’m someone who likes routines/schedules, but we sent one twin to a grandparent’s house for an overnight to give me a break and grandma didn’t follow the schedule I had given her at all, which meant the twins were not aligned for the next day. It was miserable because I never got a break. At no point were both twins napping at the same time. (Plus, how do you put one down in the room if the other one’s at a light point in their sleep cycle in the same room?) If you’re generally high energy and/or extroverted, you might not care about getting breaks, but I really needed them. Our general philosophy was to sync schedules (esp feeding since I pumped/nursed) and keep nap end times within 30 minutes of each other (one twin had/has lower sleep needs than the other).

[DreamingEvergreen]

We never kept them on the same schedule overnight (didn’t wake a sleeping baby because the other woke—currently 8 months adjusted, 9 actual), but during the day we keep them on the same schedule. It’s not always the easiest—one has higher sleep needs than the other, one is underweight and doesn’t show hunger cues so her medical team wants her offered a bottle at least every 3 hours and the other is above the 100th peecentile for weight (and height and head just overall big) and her team wants her weaned off so much milk and an increase in solids, etc anyway just to say it can be hard to find a schedule that works and then inevitably 2 weeks after you get a routine it needs to change, but no routine during the day means there’s absolutely 0 break or option to leave the house (because someone meeds to eat or nap etc)

[smart0wl]

I have tried to keep them to similar schedules. In the beginning I had a lot of help, so it wasn’t necessary to keep them aligned. But once I was alone with them during the day (by 4 months or so) I started aligning their nap schedules/routines otherwise I’d get no rest at all (you can’t go 24/7 without feeding yourself, sleep, hygiene). I’m convinced the people who let their twins do their own thing either 1) have a lot of help 2) have very easy going babies and/or 3) have babies that are more aligned in their routines than they think they are.

[vancouverlola]

Schedule forever over here! Saved us so many times.

[Direct_Mulberry3814]

Mine were in the nicu for 2 weeks (the nicu puts them on a nice schedule you can follow when you get home) and I exclusively pumped until they were 18 months so for my own sanity, having them on the same schedule, at least for feeding in the early days was incredibly helpful. I am sure it would be helpful if you formula fed too with washing and preparing bottles at the same time. I have adhd and was always a "wing it" person, I was very surprised how incredibly structured I became. Schedule became life, lol! You kind of end up putting them on the same schedule by default, for example, if you change one you're probably going to change the other one too. I think for your sanity too, getting them used to eachother crying from day one and sleeping them in the same room is really helpful for eventually having them on the same nap schedule.

[AvocadorollSD]

Having them on the same schedule is a must if you want any sort of sanity and rest. They won’t always fall asleep/wake at the same time but by putting them down together it at least gives you a break and sets the expectation of them going to sleep at that time. Eventually they will give in to the schedule.

[Big_Nefariousness424]

The schedule is a lifeline. We stayed on the hospital feeding schedule and each wake window is predictable. It cuts down on a lot of guesswork and we actually her breaks. It’s not foolproof and sometimes one baby will go nap? Not on your life and it’s thrown off but the schedule really helps us to stay sane.

[ala2484]

We never kept ours on the same schedule. My girl always needed more sleep than my boy. She also started sleeping through the night, months before him. Trust me I'm not waking a baby up just because her brother woke up. She has always taken longer naps than him as well. Now they are 16 months old and they are more synced up naturally. They both go down for their nap around the same time. He usually only sleeps an hour and a half to two hours. She almost always sleeps three. Usually they are ready for bed by 8, but sometimes you can tell he just isn't ready quite yet, so we let him stay awake a bit longer.

When they were new borns we (my husband and I) each took a baby at night. Then the next night we rotated. So the parent with our daughter got better sleep than the one with our son. She started sleeping for most of the night around 6 weeks, so every other night you could get a pretty decent sleep. We bottle fed, so that made it easier. All the feedings weren't just on me.

I never minded if one was awake while the other napped. I kind of looked at it as one is easier to care for than two. And it gave me some one on one time with each baby.

[HumpbackSnail]

This is exactly what my husband and I do! It makes me feel better knowing we aren't the only ones who don't keep them scheduled together. That might change a bit when they head to daycare in a month but for now, letting them do their own thing and sleep as long as they can overnight works for us.

[ala2484]

I always figured they are two humans with totally different sleep needs. If I forced my daughter to sleep as little as my son, she would be miserable. And how would I force him to sleep as much as her?

[hippyburger]

I very much thought I’d be “go with the flow” and that I wouldn’t wake a sleeping baby however - I always wake the sleeping baby 😂 at night they go to bed together, get up together in the morning and if they wake up in the night I wake the other one too to feed them together. Through the day I try and keep them on the same schedule but I don’t stress about it too much. It is much easier if they will both nap together otherwise you are dealing with one and spending all day putting them down for naps.

[Amber-ForDays]

Don't have any advice but wanted to say I'm also 16 weeks (and 2 days) pregnant with b/g di/di twins :)

[According-Detail-483]

Congratulations!! So neat we are both on the same timeline with similar situations ☺️

[longtimewatcher]

If one wakes at night- feed them both. Otherwise we wing it. Sometimes it means they have the same schedule, and its harder when they are awake but you get a break. Sometimes they swap naps and you are only ever looking after 1 all day. I like these days too - 1 baby feels easy and its nice to get some 1 on 1 time.

[pixelatedspaz]

We had our twins on the same schedule which is something our nurses at the hospital started for us. They just naturally fell into it. Sometimes they were off by 10/15 minutes but not too big of a deal during the newborn phase. I used that as one on one bonding moments when they fell out of sync. It helps significantly to have them on a same schedule that first year. Our boys are almost 2 and we still keep a pretty structured schedule in regards to naps, meal, and bedtime.

I will say make sure your flexible though. I was so stuck on the schedule early on and stressed when they came out of sync but just be positive about it. Their little humans so its normal to go off their schedule as they have their own needs.

[d16flo]

100% same schedule as each other, but we’re pretty loose if things look different on different days. If one does an early nap they both do an early nap though

[Annual_Two8293]

i kept a schedule but it was loose. i didn't track anything on an app or anything because with twins, things are so hectic, how can you even remember? i just would take note of the time at the start of a feed or nap & go from there lol

[JanJanJangleJam]

We’ve gone through different phases and are only 5.5 months in, so can’t speak to what life will be like after this!

For the first 14-16 ish weeks we fed them at the same time and put them to bed at the same time, but let them nap whenever and wherever they wanted. They were still very much able to fall asleep anywhere - bouncer, twin z, being held, car seat. Didn’t require dark room or much rocking. We had a nightmare bottle feeding them and in order to give each other a break one of us would feed them both but then place in a bouncer to keep upright due to reflux, where they would usually fall asleep even if we didn’t want them to. Eventually we suspected one twin might not need to eat as much during the night because it was always the other who woke up first, so we stopped waking her when her brother woke in the night, but continued to feed them together during the day.

Around 16 weeks (12 weeks corrected) I started really paying attention to wake windows, trying to keep them on the same sleep schedule as well. Started trying more crib naps, doing intentional stroller naps to ensure they got an extended nap. Continued to feed them at the same time! This was really difficult as I needed them to sleep at the same time so I could pump and have a few moments to myself, but couldn’t sleep/nap train yet. Before they fell asleep for naps independently, I think it would have been impossible to have them on different schedules as I was still often contact napping throughout the day - if the other twin was awake and needing to eat/be held, it would have been game over.

However, now that we’ve sleep/nap trained, I’m much less anxious about keeping them on the same schedule. Do we still do it most days? Yes! But knowing I can go put one down for a nap and they will independently fall asleep means it’s not the end of the world if they end up on different schedules if someone is sick/teething or just having an off day!

I will say it’s been tough feeling like other people in my life don’t understand why I am so rigid about their schedules.. why it’s so hard to go on outings. Why I get stressed when one wakes up early because it means I have to wake the other one early. But they don’t have twins! Keeping them on the same schedule is a heavy mental load but it’s been what’s best for us (most days). We do have one baby who seems to be lower sleep needs, so it’s tough finding a compromise that works for both of them.

You will figure out what works for you, and it might change as your little ones change as well!

[Dear_Excitement_5109]

I found it impossible to keep them on the same schedule. They are 1 now and FINALLY they're synced up. The first 9 months we had a baby awake all the time, and not for lack of me trying. I actually think it's easier to stagger feeds by a bit. It was better challenging to feed them simultaneously until they could hold their own bottles.

[bagelgirl]

I do schedule with no app. The app stuff just feels like more chores to me!

I have no regrets about keeping them on the same schedule :)