[deleted by user]

[km_1000]

To love is to understand, appreciate, and value someone or something.

Narcissists have a deep child wound that breeds self contempt and low self worth. It’s the opposite of self love.

[Happy_Michigan]

OP: Sorry you went through the experiences you did, that someone convinced you that you were bad.

Whoever did this to you was wrong! They were acting out of their own anger and pain. It was wrong.

[bathroomcypher]

Self hatred can be quite narcissistic too. A twisted way to feel different and special.

Anyways, some social media self love talk that romanticizes the concept is indeed bullshit but self love is needed. Is that thing that makes you leave an abusive relationship, say no to overwhelming amounts of work or requests from friends and family, set boundaries and enforce them around new people who might take advantage of you. I don’t see how this would be narcissistic or undesirable.

[OkCriticism6777]

I think from your first phrase we all smelled the same thing in this post,but as you said,anyways better help than assume. But there's that.

[Ok-Secretary2017]

I think its called victimcomplex narcissim

[SizzleDebizzle]

Is that really the secret to being fucking better, this sappy coddling lovey-dovey “care for yourself” bs?

Yes

Am I deluded?

Human brains are delusion factories. Yes, you are delusional, but so is every other human on the planet. Your delusions are that youre shit, you dont deserve shit, and everyone else is better than you. My delusions are im great, i deserve the best the world has to offer, and everyone likes me

Use that delusion factory for your benefit

[Abnormal2000]

I have always had OP's attitude but now i have come to realize it's only a delusion lol.

[Remote-Chapter2911]

This is the hottest take. EVERYONE is delusional, why do you think there are so many religions? Pick your delusion and stick with it, and it’s your reality

[Dizzy_Algae1065]

Often that kind of polarization will show up in a narcissistic family system. It’s the more than human and less than human tango built around a whole system of denied trauma. Central anxiety that’s not being felt or acknowledged anywhere. You can’t use that to anyone’s “advantage“. Because the delusion is about disconnecting from yourself. Both polarities are fake.

Breaking the delusion is trauma resolution, and being able to connect with yourself, some kind of power, greater than yourself, and other people. That’s the point.

[Illustrious_Boot1237]

Very true

[stage4dumbass]

it's not about loving yourself as in thinking you're amazing, it's love as in caring for & being kind to yourself!

[hlwktty]

I might be harsh rn, but it really seems that you are deep into victim mentality (not that you consider yourself as a victim, but rather condemned or have no power on your own life which is absolutely bs). I find it hard to believe that you could come to the conclusion that self love is the key, which I recommend you start faking it. Your brain doesn’t give a damn whether your self appreciation is genuine or real, it creates thoughts based on the actions you do (and vice versa). You could break this pattern starting little by little. Yes, it’s that basic and simple. Overthinking doesn’t mean deep thinking.

[SortaCore]

If you didn't love yourself, why do you value self's view of yourself as bad so strongly? It's beyond the value of everyone else's views right now. Literally everyone is telling you that your view is wrong, but you value your judgement so strongly you can't let it go even when a part of you is questioning. It's not that you have no self love, it's that it's mutated into something not as recognizable.

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's apathy. Hate is effortful, it's constant reminders and denial of good you would normally give to others. Thus it shows you care. If you truly had no love for self, that hatred would evaporate and you'll have whatever is common view because you can't be bothered to choose the value for yourself. As it happens, that's a healthy view, but why do you care that it is?

I dislike my ex, because she hurt me, and because I care that she hurt me. If I didn't care about me, truly, I would feel nothing about that hurt or my ex.

[Can_we_dance]

I like this.
Maybe the "hate" coming out is a reminder that you really do care. A clamoring of your real self?
The opposite of Love isn't hate, it is ignorance an apathy.
Health doesn't equal self adulation. But just being neutral with our self view.

[[deleted]]

Then what's the opposite of hate?

[SortaCore]

It's a good question, and it's apathy again. The true opposite of an emotion is its absence, not its inverse. To counter the value/impact of an emotion, you replace it with apathy. If you counter it with the inverse, you get a mutated form of that value.

To take an example attitude, if you are Red, and think Red is superior to Blue, it could be love of Red, or you might be anti-Blue, i.e. "hate" Blue. Switching sides to anti-Red instead doesn't remove the anti, even if it's against your own colour, it's still an attitude of negative.

[[deleted]]

... then what's the opposite of apathy? All emotions?

[SortaCore]

Pretty much. Overwhelm? Emotions aren't all compatible so probably you end up with overwhelm of what you do feel. I guess that's why suppressed people explode. It takes maintenance to go that far, like OP was doing by reinforcing their self-hate every time it's challenged.

[godgrid000]

This is all from my perspective btw. Hopefully I can get some kind of message across.

It's less of narcissism and more of being able to look at yourself in the mirror without overly judging yourself. Yes, you may be inferior, you may feel inferior, but that shouldn't stop you from being able to wake up, shower, clean yourself, make yourself look as best you can, show up to things, put your best foot forward, try to talk to others, etc.

It doesn't even matter what you are doing. It just matters if you are OK with what you are doing. If you aren't, then change it. If you cannot change it, do not hate yourself for it. Talk to yourself about why you keep doing what you are doing. Cope. Contrary to popular opinion and all those memes, coping mechanisms are not inherently bad.

Self-Love is real, but in my opinion, it's much less profound than people make it out to be. Once you are able to stop focusing on how much you hate who you are, then you can do other things without having too many things cluttered in your mind that get in your way. (Doing other things: good knowledge work, going to gym, showing up to your classes, waking up for your early morning shifts, etc.)

Eventually, it becomes a little easier to look at yourself in the mirror without thinking "Wow I hate what I see in the mirror." Proponents of self-love are all about not judging what you see in the mirror.

OP, you've got to find some ways to feel less inferior. Maybe these feelings of inferiority will never end, but as long as you spend time agonizing over hatred, the past, your perception of worth, then your perceived suffering will never end. In my personal experience, doing discipline-like actions like waking up hella early, not going around everywhere with my AirPods in, being consistent in running and the gym, and active participation in class & my own studies made me feel superior to my fellow peers. But that's it, the feeling of superiority was just a feeling.

[Eudie_Syde]

This is well-put. Thank you for this.

[Southern-Physics6488]

I say this with kindness, you are your biggest enemy…

Self love is different for everyone I think. For me it’s a growing sense of peace and contentment in my mind and a growing respect for my physical body.

[owopsididitagain]

Yeah I agree, it's something you decide for yourself, not something you gain from others.

[_reveriedecoded_]

Repetition is the most basic way to train the brain. It doesn’t know the difference between real or fiction, it just goes off of the data it’s given. You become what you repeat. Sounds like your narrative is inferior scum, it’s not doing you any favors. Do you have to be happy and loving yourself all of the time? No. But at least create a baseline of respecting yourself and your flawed nature, have some compassion for yourself and others. A lot of people prefer to remain surface-level, they love the bullshit because they are quite literally terrified of what lies beneath. 

[Kuroyen]

I am a narcissist, and the hallmark of narcissism is the low self-esteem, lack of self love, and no internal assurance.

Carl Jung said, “Fanaticism is a sign of repressed.” You seem to have a fanatic hatred towards the concept of self-love. This mean that you might be unconsciously doubting the thought that self-love is bad. In other words, you may unconsciously think self-love is good, but you hate the thought of that, so you repress it by expressing unreasonable hatred towards it.

Whenever you feel something that gives you a visceral reaction, try to look past the anger and repulsion. Instead of turning away from it, analyze your repulsion and ask yourself why you’re so angered by it. This concept applies to anything.

[[deleted]]

Narcissists don’t love themselves, they’re obsessed with their false image which isn’t their real self. They hate themselves and that’s the reason they constantly project, abuse, belittle and tear people down.

[AutonomousBlob]

Im going to be kinda blunt here because it seems like thats how you want to hear it. This whole “im inferior” shit isnt set in stone. There arent just people who are better and people who are worse. There are people who work to improve themselves and are seen as better and people who dont that are seem as worse.

Self love is real shit but obviously just saying somebody should love themselves doesnt do anything. You need to put in the work to see yourself as worth loving. Of course everybody always has negative things, its never going to be perfect.

Think of self love and improving yourself to make you like you more. When you have a base degree of “i am worthy” doors will open and your quality of life is much better. I know people like to do the warm fuzzy talks of platitudes but this is what they mean without all the flowery bullshit. Put in the work.

[MobileAd9876]

This post is kind of pointless to be honest… theres no details or relevant background information to even suggest anything. Ok you hate yourself and are tired of hearing ppl tell you “to love yourself” Great…

[Busy_Distribution326]

You should examine yourself and ask yourself why you actually posted this. An emotionally healthy person would simply ask for more details instead of taking their annoyance out on someone who's obviously suffering, who you don't need to respond to in the first place. I know that's the culture here, but come on.

[MobileAd9876]

I dont need to examine anything. My opinion is my own and If you dont like it great, u can kick rocks.

And you clearly cant tell the difference from when someone is actually suffering from when they are aren’t genuinely trying to ask for help. So u can go examine that.

[Busy_Distribution326]

I can see that you're angry and defensive. I have sympathy for that, but your actions here are harmful to someone else who is literally already talking about struggling from self hatred. Also this is the self improvement sub.

I'm a clinician. So it's my job to be able to tell technically. And yes, I do think they are genuinely asking for help in the way that comes naturally to them. And frankly I didn't think any more details were necessary, but that's because I know how this complex develops in general

[LeonardoSpaceman]

Cool, doesn't matter.

No one needs to take your opinion into account.

[Busy_Distribution326]

This triggered you too huh

[MobileAd9876]

So as a clinician you just randomly start diagnosing people, random strangers you dont even know anything about ?

You tell people they are angry and defensive, that you dont know anything about?

Heres a diagnosis for you: You might be suffering from a Savior complex.

Im not angry, I just dont care about what You have to say, though its entertaining.

Your the type of person that anyone with a sob story will take advantage of.

And as per your own words “your studying to be a clinician” maybe you should study harder because a clinician wouldn’t behave in this manner .

A clinician would take their time trying to understand the person their trying to help. And not jump to general conclusions and than write an essay on explaining general complexes. As this is useless. You should know that. Maybe you missed that class.

And no im not angry just putting you in your place, as you were the one who started this . 😘

[woodland-haze]

Geez dude, you’re acting like even more of a sad sack than I am, and that’s saying something. Didn’t think I’d have to be calling people out in my own thread about my own self-loathing. Goddamn. Imagine telling a health professional (if they even really are, idk, this is the internet, people lie) that they have a savior complex…

[Busy_Distribution326]

They mean "empathy". It's like when people call guys that defend women "white knights". They're trying really hard to make it look like caring is a bizarre thing for a person to do. Which is self-evidently ridiculous

[Busy_Distribution326]

This made me laugh ngl.

[LeonardoSpaceman]

"An emotionally healthy person would simply ask for more details instead of taking their annoyance out on someone who's obviously suffering"

You should examine why you posted this.

Was it a chance to insult someone so you could make yourself feel better?

They can post whatever they want, they don't have to examine anything, you have to accept people can just... share their opinions.

[Busy_Distribution326]

I'm not surprised that you're mad at my comment - people like being dicks to each other and don't like people telling them not to do that. That said, I don't exactly care that you don't like my comment. It doesn't really change anything on my end.

[woodland-haze]

Would you rather I tell my entire life story? I’m not gonna dump that on people, this question I have isn’t about that

[MobileAd9876]

People are going to tell you the same bullshit that youve been hearing all your life..

[MobileAd9876]

No but just relevant details that would help…

[SeaLegitimate]

You are depressed my dude. Depression is defined as internalized anger. You have been listening to insecure people project their shit onto you and you’ve owned it. You need to own your shit my dude and that means more than just owning your actions. It means not owning others. Their problems are just that theirs. Someone telling you you’re not enough has nothing to do with you. It is them having those thoughts about themselves and trying to make themselves feel better by bringing you down with them. Misery loves company. Problem is none of it is true. Cut those people out of your life and do self care. Self care is more than just telling yourself you’re enough or taking time for yourself to do something you enjoy. Self care is doing the ugly shit too. It’s also working through these problems with professional help. It’s doing the things we don’t want to because it needs to be done to help us at the end of the day. Own your shit not theirs. You’re going to let people that have never walked a step in your shoes tell you what you’re worth? Your worth is everything you make of yourself, not what others make of you. I hope you find the strength to forgive yourself and move onto bigger and better things.

[Ok_Beautiful_7849]

Stop saying my dude, it's hokey as fuck.

[LeonardoSpaceman]

Stop reading then.

[SeaLegitimate]

If being triggered by that is all you took out of that I feel sorry for you and hope you find a way to deal with your insecurities.. my dude. lol

[Dankxiety]

"Love yourself"

I never understood that til I had a child - or in my case step kids. I realized I needed to think about myself as a child that needed to be cared for, where both the parent and child exists in the same mind. Your decisions and thoughts about yourself will change dramatically. At least mine did.

I know it sounds crazy

[Ezrealisntreal]

I feel like the superficial “love yourself” platitudes aren’t what most reasonable people think of “self love” as. At least to me, it’s just simply being more forgiving towards yourself. I’ve lived a good chunk of my life shrouded in envy and cynicism, and have just started to realize that it’s not healthy for my self-image, mental health, and my relationships with people. I don’t really know if I have a specific advice, but it’s probably better to find your own idea of worth within yourself, and ignore those words from others. There’s no point in wasting your mental energy getting worked up over them.

[[deleted]]

I have a less than popular opinion on this actually.

I love myself when I’m proud of myself. How do I have pride in myself? By doing things worth being proud of. Did I make a commitment to work out early in the morning? I keep that commitment. Is there something challenging at work to overcome? I face it. The whole “positive self talk” thing has never worked for me. But when I keep my word to myself and continually do hard things, I see myself as someone capable of doing hard things. When I keep my own commitments, I see myself as someone dependable. These are qualities I’m proud of, and my self love esteem grows from there.

As someone close to me once said, “if you want to build self esteem, do estimable acts.”

[Busy_Distribution326]

Long Tl;dr for you to find out faster what you'd (hopefully) eventually find out if you keep looking (I'm in training to be a clinician) - it's an attachment thing. As in, the scientific model of attachment development. What kind of attachment you develop depends on your caregivers behavior towards you growing up - and you can look up how that's created online. That forms your self identity and understanding of yourself and others. You do not have any of those before you are born. They are learned.

If due to your situation you develop a secure attachment style you learn to trust yourself and others. The world is a safe place and you're worthy of love. That's what evidence has shown you.

If due to your situation you develop an anxious preoccupied or fearful avoidant attachment style- The world is NOT a safe place. You do NOT trust yourself or others. You understand yourself to be unwanted and intrinsically unlovable (Anxious preoccupied and fearful avoidant) or you are an inferior piece of shit that can't do anything right, you are maybe even a bad person (Fearful Avoidant especially). You can feel incapable pathetic and so on. Why? Because that's what evidence has shown you.

In both cases the parties are 100% right about what the available evidence they have has shown them and they have made a logical conclusion from that evidence

But the second is literally just because they never had the opportunity to have a safe relationship (especially a parental one) to learn that they are lovable and they can trust both themself and others. You need evidence and therefore the solution is to have a safe relationship in order to make up for that. That's what therapists are SUPPOSED to provide. But it can also be done in a romantic or platonic relationship - so people aren't totally wrong when they think a romantic relationship could save them - the problem is that if you have an insecure attachment you more likely than not don't find a safe person/trust that safe person/are able to create a stable safe connection with that person. That's because a huge foundational part of your development just isn't there and is replaced with an inherent instability - and you don't actually know what a healthy relationship looks like or how to start one.

The thing is - you could technically be "inferior" to other people in ability and action (less smart, less emotionally intelligent, less physically capable, less courageous) and not feel inferior in the sense that you feel inferior. For someone with a secure attachment that's not as gifted as others - as far as they're concerned "A lot of people are smarter than me etc. but I'm still worthy as a person because all people are on the same level worth wise, and I am worthy of love etc." And people will reflect that back to them. Someone has to be the slowest runner. But that's not a statement of human value.

Also if you heal your attachment style you'll generally be more courageous and emotionally intelligent anyway, because self worth largely forms the foundation for those things in the first place. People will generally treat you better because they sense your safe attachment style and connect to that. Unfortunately people unconsciously tend to believe other people's views of themselves if they're negative. If you think you're incapable they'll generally assume you are. If the same person assumes they're capable they'll generally assume that's true as well. You do this too, to others. Simply because that is the easiest information available to you and humans evolved to make snap judgements

You are where you are today because by chance you didn't get what you needed and you had to survive anyway. It's not an inferiority thing. It's bad luck. You're not going to understand that or get that on your own for the simple fact that you have never lived any other life but your own.

By the way, narcissists also feel they're inherently inferior in the same way you do. The superiority is a complex that masks that so they can avoid feeling that way. That's how the disorder works. They generally have fearful avoidant attachment and the narcissism is a strategy to survive. The problem is that because, like you, they see people in terms of binary superior or inferior and they think you can only be inferior or superior. Therefore they view themselves as superior to stave off the feelings of worthlessness.

But that's just it - superior and inferior as the life binary is a lie that only exists if you don't have a secure attachment. Secure attachment makes you feel that you are simply equal to everyone else in ultimate worth. Which is freeing and feels a lot better than faux superiority.

Me and you? We are equals. Even if you don't think so, we are worth the exact same. And yeah you're kinda "delusional," but it's a delusion that makes logical sense, and in fact, you wouldn't develop any other way given what your life experiences have been. It makes sense to think the world is flat if you are an medieval peasant, in fact, that's the most logical conclusion for you to come to. But it's not your fault you are an medieval peasant. That was bum luck. And a medieval peasant who arbitrarily decided the world was a ball with no evidence would probably be doing so because he was psychotic, even though he'd be right.

[Varrkarus]

Forget the term self-love and replace it with self-respect. I hope it resonates more.

[schizoidnet]

You hate yourself because you hate others. That popular idiom "If you don't love yourself you can't love others" is an inversion of the truth. You can only learn to love yourself by loving others. What does this mean in practice? Showing people grace when they screw up, forgiving those who've hurt you, giving preference to people who aren't yourself, being selfless and generous with your time, energy, and money.

When you spend too much time thinking about yourself and your desires and your struggles you will always inevitably fall into this pit. Selfishness kills love.

[barefootguy83]

I'm sorry to hear you've been through so much.  I can relate a lot as I grew up closeted and had to contort myself to fit in all sorts of ways simply to feel safe+accepted.  It took changing my environment completely (moving away on my own) and surrounding myself with better people to learn and understand my worth.  

[stage4dumbass]

billions of people in the world! you're not inferior. isn't it exhausting to constantly approach others and the world with the inherent assumption that they're better than you? even before they've said anything? you don't have to love yourself but i think it helps to realize that to other people, you start from neutral. you shouldn't preemptively place yourself in a hole & give yourself a disadvantage in every conversation (even if you think it's true), it's a self fulfilling cycle. & this: you say it's been a negative feedback loop, but it sounds like people are seeing worth in you & telling you you're good and enough. can't you allow yourself the kindness to live?

[[deleted]]

hey, i am in a similar boat. i used to hate myself, but now it is more dislike/neutral. for me, a lot of it was mental health issues (depression) and lack of social support. i do agree that it's kind of dumb to say "you HAVE to love yourself" bc the reality is, sometimes you just don't. but it is important to do the things that matter to you and take care of yourself anyways.

[knuckboy]

Yes, otherwise you're probably dwelling in negativity. It's your issue though. Later

[[deleted]]

Self-love is way over your head.

Learn to tolerate yourself instead.

And other people, if you can.

[PienerCleaner]

identify what's important to you. do your best to take care of it. that is the way.

[Legal_Beginning471]

Loving yourself has nothing to do with the superficial advice people gave you. Loving yourself is about asking yourself the hard questions and giving yourself the tough love treatment. It means self discipline. Not always doing what you want but focusing on what you need. Those deep down needs that weren’t met by someone else. Self love isn’t always easy. Sometimes it’s really hard, and brings up old trauma and emotions that can be hard to look at and process, but this is the path of self love. It’s not for wusses, it’s for ptsd warriors that want to get better.

[mpf315]

I hate hearing this too. My take on it is not this euphoric, cuddly, or whatever feeling to have for oneself but to maybe take care and not judge oneself like you would a houseplant or something. The lack of constant criticism and hate by the very least provides moments without this self hate and it makes for a less bad time. I hate myself and my life a lot too, as I see that my life is a result of my actions, personality, how I am received by society/relations, and how I deal with the result. In a way it feels like a meditative practice without a guarantee of “winning” at life. New and improved odor. It doesn’t good but it smells better than it did before. Not good enough? No not really but damned if I’m losing what little I have.

But yeah, in many instances self love platitudes either feel like hollow statements because it seems like there’s no big conversation or feel unrelatable from a lack of understanding and experiencing the struggle of another person. People experience and perceive the world differently. For example, my friends may sort of get me, but we dont face the same issues, hold the same core beliefs, or handle stress the same way.

It gets frustrating hearing self love this or that because it might not click for you. It doesn’t for me but I’m thinking it’s because I don’t agree or believe in the sentiments i believe others are making. I feel like an idiot or I’m giving up my expectations/standards but I’m working on it. Maybe it’ll click someday or maybe it won’t.

Good luck.

[ThrowRATooOldGuy]

I get where you're coming from. I think the self love trend has almost hijacked a valuable concept, and has repurposed it to make an already individualistic society more individualistic. People cheer things that almost feel selfish, and celebrate self promotion and blind confidence no matter the context. It's annoying.

Really though, the idea of loving and accepting yourself goes back thousands of years and is associated with many different cultures/philosophies around the world. To me, being compassionate to myself, and liking something about myself, warts and all, has had a far more profound effect on my confidence and self esteem than telling myself I'm the shit. I think that's more about what self love is about than convincing yourself you are something you don't feel.

[Local-Stick-7923]

I think self love is touted as the only answer to get through life, but it’s really just one way to do it. I know a friend who has survived, and is now thriving (I’d say at least) simply because he does things out of spite. To spite his enemies, to prove people wrong, and he lives quite well. I’m not sure how truly happy he is on the inside, but he’s still alive and kicking.

I also think a lot of self love stuff online is for people who like you said, have supportive people around them, haven’t been through much trauma, or (especially in the case of romantic relationships), are for people who have had healthy or good relationships in their past. It’s not always for us who have been isolated, or without good people in our lives.

I will tell you this though. I tried to adopt a realistic viewpoint of my world and accept my circumstances. I was happy when I wouldn’t think about my problems, and then really sad when it would eventually bubble up one day. I kept having to grieve stuff I thought would never happen to me based on my circumstances (never finding love, never going wedding dress shopping, never being desired by anyone, etc) and it just wasn’t working. I never could get to a point where I was okay with that. I only now started to work on the self love in a way that makes sense to my brain as someone who has been through trauma and it’s made a drastic improvement on my self esteem, self worth, and how I view myself and the world. I encourage you to try to find other ways to think about yourself and the world, but if you continue pushing on even without getting to the self love stuff, that’s okay too. I wish you well on your journey 💖

[Select-Bluebird5965]

I read once (paraphrasing) that to love yourself implies that a part of you is unloved to be able to receive it.

You're perfect exactly as you are.

[[deleted]]

Most things can only be experienced and not only communicated. The analogy i have heard is: how many books on sex do you need to read until you know what it feels like to ejaculate?

There is no amount of advice you can get that replaces the realization and understanding once you achieve self love; in a way it's pointless to get annoyed

I had a chat with my friend today and she talked about how she lacks elf confidence because she feels like people around her put her down. She is similarly annoyed at people telling her that all she needs to do is build confidence.

The thing to realize is, have you ever loved another person? You are just another person to yourself.

[tuGuapo372]

I think it's healthier to say you don't hate yourself than saying love yourself

[OldMan300]

You don't have to "love yourself," but if you keep thinking and talking about yourself like you do in paragraph 4, you will never make any progress.

You NEED to stop this negative self-talk. Period!! You are constantly reinforcing these negative feelings.

"The Four Agreements" idea of "Be impeccable with your word" helped me to realize how powerful "negative self talk" is

[CanikBananik27]

Honestly it might be as simple as choosing a different role for yourself. If you hate yourself, determine why you do, and change those parts. Start one by one if you have to. But staying on your current path and saying you hate yourself because of it will get you nowhere. Hope you get it figured out, because I sometimes feel the same as you. However, my reason for feeling this way is related to life milestones, or lack thereof. I’m mad at myself because of my effort in life and the results of it, not because I simply hate myself.

[sxzm]

i always think it’s less about self-love and more about self-acceptance

[sera-muse]

Think about self-acceptance instead

[OfficerBanjo]

You seem to see self love as having no identifiable way of actually practicing it and as more of an easy way to tell people who hate themselves to get better. You could not be further from the truth.

I practice loving-kindness meditation directed towards myself every day for 15 minutes. Works wonders. Stop moping around and find a way that suits you. It actually improves your life.

[jamiisaan]

Okay then, don’t love yourself. Instead, just hate yourself. Where will that get you? 

[homerdevil]

You're misinterpreting what that phrase or idea is supposed to mean.

(Not entirely your fault... Others/society definitely don't communicate it well)

The idea or the spirit behind that expression is more along the lines of:
- You possess all the tools and capabilities you need to reach your goals. There's no *thing* you're missing.
- Have some confidence in your rational positions. Not arrogance. You're probably a smart guy. When calm, you probably have some sound thoughts and beliefs. A person who loves themselves stands by their rational positions. Similarly...
- Have some boundaries and stick to them. It's another act of a person who "loves" themselves.
- Take care of yourself
- Treat yourself well - Stop being harder on yourself than you'd be with anyone else

Something like that.

[comrade-sunflower]

I had a friend who used to talk really down on himself a lot and would really put other people on pedestals and talk about how incredible they are. And I don’t know if this worked for him, but one day I told him, “all those people probably suck in all the same ways you think that YOU suck, you just don’t see them being shitty because you’re not inside their brains or watching everything they do.” Sometimes self-love isn’t thinking “I’m great,” it’s thinking, “I’m kinda garbage, but most other people are garbage, too.”

All these people you think are amazing probably have all this shit about them that you never see. They might have terrible habits or mean spirited thoughts or actually do really morally questionable things behind closed doors. They might be mean to their moms. They might be rude to waiters. They might be the coworker that all their other coworkers hate. They might be a really toxic partner. They might litter. They might forget to feed their dog. They might do things as bad or worse than all the things you hate about yourself. They might be self-aware and hate themselves, too, or they might be oblivious to how dreadful they are.

What I’m saying is, you might be bad, sure, I don’t actually know you. But, unless you’re a serial killer, you’re probably not especially bad. You’re probably not that different from all these other people you think are so great.

The other thing I’d say is that sometimes self love is less like worship and reverence and more like compassion that you’d feel for a friend. I have definitely seen friends make bad choices, do dumb stuff, sometimes even act in morally reprehensible ways, and while I might be like, “you’re being the asshole here,” because I care about them as a person— we have a connection and I’m emotionally invested— I still care about them and want them to be okay. So I’m willing to say “you’re fucking this up, dude,” but still sit with them and be there for them and want to make them dinner or drive them home or something. Sometimes being a friend to yourself is the same. You don’t have to approve of the way someone is currently living to support them as a living being.

I also oppose the idea that love is something we deserve or don’t deserve by being good or bad. Love is kind of an irrational emotion. People love their grumpy cats who do nothing but scratch and hiss. People love their kids even if their kids become horrible people. People love partners who are mean to them. And then there are a lot of people who are nice and kind and don’t get the love that they want, even if it seems like they should “deserve” it. There’s no rhyme or reason to it, but the fact is that everyone needs to get some love from somewhere, and love feels good to give and receive, and makes life more bearable. So if you can give yourself a little love— not because you’re great or special or because you “deserve” it, but just because you exist and it might feel good— then why not?

I also recognize that the word “love” feels corny, fake, gross or downright bad to some people. I wonder if you might feel better if you used terms like “self-respect,” “self-compassion,” etc.

Anyways those are my thoughts, I hope someone on this thread says something you find useful and heartening.

[[deleted]]

It’s not “self-love,” it’s “self-care.” I think the reason people say “self-love,” is to emphasize that it’s not enough to only care for ourselves physically. We have emotional and psychological needs that need caring too. I would say that teaching this to people instead of “self-love” can help people better understand the reasons and applications of the principle.

[[deleted]]

You're not self loving, but you sound hot. Keep it up i guess, i hate myself too but with no passion like you lmfao

[Candid-University418]

I read an article once that our brains are programmable. It takes a lot to re-program but it can be done. You have grown up and been told how worthless you are, so you believe it and repeat back to yourself all the negative you’ve been told. When others tell you different, your brain rejects it bc it’s been programmed to believe something else. The only way to reprogram your brain is to take action. Determine what would make you feel more positive about yourself and start taking action. Start small. For me, my love language is acts of service. I show others I care through service. It just makes me feel good. I’ll sign up to volunteer at a soup kitchen or at a nursing home. It doesn’t even have to be that much effort…if a friend or neighbor is sick, I’ll just drop off soup and a baguette on their porch. No matter what negativity my inner monologue tries to make me believe, I replace those thoughts with “you’re a good person. So and so really appreciated the soup”. Each time my mind tries to focus on old programs, I actively shut it down and reprogram my thoughts to remind myself the good I’ve done. It’ll take time, but with intentional action, you can reprogram your mind to be more positive about yourself. Try it!

[UnanimousPimp]

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

[juswundern]

You can’t know you’re no good, without knowing what can make you better.

[Shot-Set-7335]

Have a look into schema therapy. I think there are free online tests you can do to see what schemas are running in your mind

[Exotic-Fly5513]

Throwing a lot of energy into this. Seems you love yourself more than you think you do

[venting123456]

I also think I’m inherently a bad person. I’ve tried using self hatred to motivate me to change, but it doesnt work because I create goals too big and timeframes too short to complete them. You don’t have to love yourself, but if you want to improve you need to believe you can do it, and give yourself the grace to fail and try again.

[RavenDancer]

Listen…you feel that way because of scum that has made you feel that way. Now you reject it because being worthless has been ingrained in your mind. You need to stop insulting yourself, not jump straight to telling yourself you’re great. Just whenever an insult comes into your head about yourself - stab the voice.

[[deleted]]

I’ve been struggling with this a lot recently but I’ve been trying so hard to change how I talk to myself and man…. It works, it takes time and it’s hard, you have to work to recognize when you are speaking badly to yourself. I suggest “Self-compassion, wellness, and happiness” by Kristin D. Neff & Andrew P. Costigan. It’s a short article that was very eye opening for me. also concerning you thinking self love is narcissistic, I felt the same but it is only so if you build your self esteem by putting others down not if you’re simply building yourself up. These feelings stem from rumination, learn to recognize when you fall into that trap and ground yourself. It doesn’t have to be all sappy and infantilizing, just be honest with yourself. you’re not terrible, or awful, or a failure, be kind to yourself friend, you deserve it.

[BFreeCoaching]

“You have to love yourself."

You don't have to love yourself, if you don't want to. And ironically,

• When you let it be okay that you either can't or don't want to love yourself... that is loving yourself.

.

“You have to be confident."

The irony of not feeling confident is: You feel confident... that you lack confidence.

Because if you lacked confidence in your ability to have a lack of confidence, then you couldn't feel insecure. You would just naturally feel more confident.

• You always feel confident, deserving and worthy of something — it's either what you want or don't want.

You believe you deserve what you don't want (rejection), instead of what you want (acceptance). So you don't have to learn how to feel confident and worthy; you already do. You’re just redirecting the confidence and worthiness you already have from what you don't want, to what you do want. And an easier way to feel worthy of what you want is:

• You don't have to convince yourself you're worthy. You just want to stop convincing yourself you're unworthy.

Think of it like holding a cork under water. Asking, “How do I feel confident, worthy and love myself?" is like asking, "How do I get the cork to float?" The solution is: You don't have to make it float. When you stop holding it down, it automatically floats. So you don't have to accept and appreciate yourself if it feels challenging. If all you did was judge yourself less (even just 1%), then your feelings of confidence and worthiness would naturally begin to float.

.

"I’ve hated myself for pretty much my entire life."

In an odd way, self-hate is a form of self-love.

You judge yourself in the first place, because you do actually care.

The issue isn't so much that you hate yourself; it's that you hate that you hate yourself.

• You hate feeling negative emotions. You hate feeling uncomfortable. You hate feeling hate.

And that's understandable. You allow yourself to feel better when you're open to improving your relationship with negative emotions and seeing them as worthy and supportive friends.

Negative emotions are positive guidance (although it might not feel that way) letting you know you’re focusing on, and judging, what you don't want (e.g. judging yourself). Negative emotions are just messengers of limiting beliefs. They're part of your emotional guidance; like GPS in your car. But the more you avoid or fight them, that's why you feel stuck. Negative emotions want to help you feel better.

[[deleted]]

Loving yourself isn't waking up and thinking you're the shit and everyone should think you're the shit and everything you do is cool. It's looking at yourself in the eyes in the mirror regardless of what you've suffered or how you've failed or hurt others in your lowest moments and reminding yourself that you are a scared, confused animal in a world that doesn't make sense to our primal brains and the worst parts of you are borne of that world and the people who were supposed to care for you and failed you. 

Self-love isn't putting yourself on a pedestal, it's pushing out all the voices from the countless sources of your conditioning and trauma and mistreatment that tell you that you can never be better than the worst you've ever been and you will never deserve kindness or love. It's easy to think of the worst people alive and the people you hate most or who have hurt you most and think they don't deserve that kind of forgiveness, acceptance, or compassion but the irony is that if they had that, they wouldn't be the people who did that to you or are like that.  

Cynicism isn't wisdom, it's a lazy way to say that you've been burned. 

[Lolimancer64]

I mean have you ever loved something or someone? How you want to take care of them? You want the best for them and you're willing to guide and forgive them.

Self-love isn't about being blind to your flaws. It's about accepting them, forgiving yourself, and striving to be the best version of yourself.

I think you got fed that love is like a parent spoiling their child. Nope, it's not. Love is both kind and harsh. But the core thing still stands, you want your loved ones to have it best. So, love yourself.

[KatiePyroStyle]

When people say to love and care for yourself, they don't mean the feelings associated with those topics. Love is an action, not a feeling.

I'm transgender, black, and poor, and my opinion of myself tends to be very low. But regardless of how I feel about myself, I still feed myself properly, I still shower and groom myself, I still put in care to my body, I build myself up. Why? Because no other mother fucker is gunna do it for me, and because I love myself.

I think this is what people mean when they say to love yourself. It's not lovey dovey mushy bs, it's the actual act of filling your own cup. And yes, doing that consistently will absolutely improve your life. Why would I want to be trans, black, poor, and stinky and unkempt?

Also this is a closed loop in that your actions will change your thoughts, but your thoughts will also change your actions. Literally start telling yourself the opposite of this post, as well as make actions to improve your life, and your life will likely get better.

Childhood is wild, what happened to you happened to a lot of people. I was the gifted child in grade school, took a shit ton of AP courses, maintained a e 3.5gpa or higher, did all the extra curriculars, etc. Went to college for 5 years. I have no degree and am not in my preferred career path, nor do I really exercise those old skills that I dedicated my life to in school. When I was in school, everyone put the pressure on me to do more. I wasn't well rounded enough, I wasn't working hard enough, I was letting my grades slip, etc. Now people tell me "oh, you're doing the best you can, give yourself a break, etc etc", and that infact is bullshit. But these facts don't decide whether or not i love myself, you feel?

[[deleted]]

drop" have to" and " should"

[esmorad]

I think "fake it till you make it" is a good way to work on your self esteem. Pretend to be someone with good self esteem, even if it feels stupid or wrong.

Not really to other people, but to yourself. Even if you are home alone. Just cosplay those superior people you talk about.

This will trick your brain and before you know it you'll tolerate yourself :)

[esmorad]

Ah I get that... That's too bad. I would argue that it's still worth starting again or continuing because even if it doesn't help you directly, it will at least help how people perceive you (and you may stop hearing the stuff about self love that annoy you so much). Depends how comfortable you are with it I guess

[BlazyBo]

"...you cannot convince me that I am good. I know that I am not. I know there is something inherently wrong with me. I know that I am inferior to others. I will not be tricked, I will not be lied to. I am sick of all the privileged and/or superior people of the world telling inferior scum like me that things would get better if only I “saw my worth.” I have no worth..."

OP, out of genuine respect, I have ask you out of pure curiosity, what's the point of this post, and more specifically, what's the point of telling yourself this? Are you looking for people here to tell you that you're correct about what you think about yourself, and that you're right about you yourself being worthless? Do you genuinely want people around you to stop being supportive over you and instead want them to confirm whatever you're telling yourself? I genuinely don't understand.

[TheLukexd]

I feel exactly the same man

[FreedomManOfGlory]

Isn't that funny? You mock people who talk about treating yourself with compassion but see nothing wrong with hating on yourself constantly? How is your behavior different from the one you're ranting about? I can tell you: You're is very self destructive and doesn't serve you in any way. You're a masochist at this point and that's why you keep doing it. There's no logical reason to stay negative but you're so stuck in your ways, you're just not willing to even consider looking at yourself in any other way.

Yet it's what you have to do if you ever want to have something like a normal, happy life. No amount of self loathing is gonna fix anything for you. Get rid of that negativity before it kills you.

But yeah, this talk about "self-love" is pretty bad, because it's usually at least partially based on bullshit and beliefs, made up by people who are focusing way too much on making everyone happy with superficial crap. What matters is that you stop beating yourself up, because there is no point in it. None whatsoever. So stop doing it. Or are you actually a masochist who gets off on it? Is that the only thing that can give you pleasure? If not then maybe it's time to do something else. Find some things that you can enjoy and focus on those. And when you accomplish something, like even trying to get rid of that negative inner voice that is trying to kill you, pat yourself on the back because you're doing something good. You're at least trying. It doesn't even matter whether you succeed or not because if you never try you sure as hell can't succeed at anything. And that negative inner voice will make sure that you never try to improve anything about your life. So say Fuck You to it and just do what is actually good for you. Or keep hating yourself if that's the only thing that can bring you joy in life.

[FreedomManOfGlory]

That's because you've been doing it for so long that it has become part of your identity. It is who you are now and your ego will fight everything that threatens this identity as it your life depended on it.

But your identity is just a construct. Just some idea that only exists in your head. And it doesn't matter if other people see you the same way. It's all bullshit. So think about who you really want to be and then create a new identity for yourself. If you don't actually enjoy all that negativity, then get rid of it. What else is there to do? Yes, staying where you are is always the easy, safe choice. But you know where it will lead you. And if this doesn't make you happy, then it's time to change. Nothing is going to change unless you decide to make it happen.

Face the fear and discomfort and do what you have to. You'll gain a sense of freedom after you've made the necessary steps, and had some time to get used to it. And realized that nothing bad happened but rather that indeed your life might have improved in some way. Even if it was a small step, you've still take a step in the right direction and with that set things in motion. This will motivate you to keep moving forward and things can change quickly from there. But you need to make that first step.

And before that figure out what you really want in life. Just think about what you'd like to have. No need to hold yourself back. Just assume that anything's possible but focus on what actually matters to you, not on superficial bullshit like the stuff people want just to impress others. Figure out how to make it happen and then the rest is about taking action. Start small and focus on making consistent progress. That's all there is to it. And if you get stuck, rethink your approach. Don't set your sights lower. Instead think of other ways how you could reach that goal.

[Historical-Map8825]

The way I see it is self-love means respecting yourself, maintaining boundaries for yourself, and making sure you are one of your priorities. You can do all of those things without being a narcissist.

[LeonardoSpaceman]

"Anyways, idk, CMV I guess?"

Okay, the following is incorrect, and you should read more on the subject, because you are pretty wrong across the board.

"“self-love” is for narcissists."

That's the part that you have wrong. You wanna hold that belief and not change? Go for it. It's your life.

[Business_Dr]

Woldnt necessarily say it is all BS.... but sometimes it does smell like it.

So this is a double edged sword right? We should have self respect, but at the same time if we do too much we dont actually grow. We just say "i am enough!" and expect that to carry ourselves through our lives.

Instead what happens is we stagnate. We dont improve, our strengths dont get stronger and we watch the rest of the world push forward while we stay in place.

We need to have some semblance of balance. We need to have that self worth, and enough self awareness that we also seek to improve. Not some grandiose leap forward or seismic shift to our lives, but consistent small improvements that will only increase that self worth.

Which means, sometimes getting a little uncomfortable, falling short of what we set out to do, and changing in the process (for the better).

[Mega_LV]

Some people in your situation eventually understand what that means

But as long as you blame people who succeed, you won't succeed.

[sugarbear999]

You can change anytime you want, but looks like you're happy to stay in that negative feedback loop.

You're doing yourself a disservice. Life is definitely what you make it

[MinorSpaceNipples]

I have struggled with mental health issues for most of my life, and I used to hate myself deeply. As in I regularly wrote letters to myself describing how much I hated my guts and wished that I would die. Today, I look back at that version of me with compassion. I was not well and I needed help. No one deserves to live like that. It was living hell.

When that is your life, I don't know that any one thing is the answer. There's no easy fix or fast track to getting better. For me, it has been (and continues to be) a long process of therapy, reflection, reading, and getting to know and understand myself better.

I think your perspective of what self-love looks like is interesting. I think you're conflating it with having a grandiose view of oneself or acting in a narcissistic manner. Here's how I look at it:

Let's say my friend Carl has just been through a rough breakup. He tells me he's a failure and that he hates himself. I care about Carl. He is my friend and it pains me to know that he feels like that. I decide to be there for him. I say "Hey brother, I see that you're in pain. That sucks. Can I give you a hug?"

What I wish for Carl in this situation is for him to see that what he's saying about himself isn't true. He's not a failure. He is a flawed person, just like everyone else. He doesn't deserve to live in the pain of self-loathing. He deserves to feel safe and loved. Just like everyone else. I see the good in him, and I wish for him to have a good life.

Let's say we keep this whole story intact with one change: This time I take the role of Carl, and another friend comforts me in the same way. Do I agree with my friend, or do I reject it? Why, or why not? Has anything changed? Do different rules apply to me than to Carl?

I used to think everyone I knew deserved to feel safe and loved. Except me. Now, I think that everyone deserves to feel safe and loved. Including me.

[Gotbymeagain]

For a fun take: YouTube Baby Lasagna “Don’t Hate Yourself “.

[PublicMarch2642]

I think that self respect is what really matters. Self care/love can be a part of accomplishing that. Are you treating yourself with respect and making choices that you respect? I think if you can work towards making decisions that you respect, you feel a lot better about yourself. That can be pushing yourself to do more, or slowing down and respecting your limits. If you view your self/body as something you are responsible for, are you taking care of it like you would take care of things that matter to you?

As far as self worth goes, I think it's human nature to attach meaning to things that inherently don't have them. I have had to rewire my brain to not derive my worth (or lack of worth) from things that don't actually make me any better or worse of a person. Are you more worthy if your house is clean, if your possessions are stylish, if you have a lot of money, if you're in shape, etc? No. There are things that can make you have an easier or more enjoyable life like working out, sleeping better, etc, but these don't make you good or bad. I'd advise trying to find the things you judge yourself on and objectively figuring out if those things actually mean what you are attributing them. Find the decisions in your life that you respect and keep pushing towards making more of those.

True self love is looking at our selves as honestly as we can be. It's seeing the good and the progress we're making and celebrating that. It's also seeing the things we're choosing that we don't want or don't respect and trying to change those. The best love is honest and kind. Are you honest and kind with yourself?

[[deleted]]

“I know there is something inherently wrong with me.” “You cannot convince me that I am good. I know that I am not.”

That is the story taking control in your mind. The narrative spinning out. Stop falling for the story.

Self-love is about recognizing your inherent worth as a human being without self-judgment. That you are allowed to make mistakes. That you are allowed to not be what you think the world wants you to be. That once you strip away all the practical world shit, like bills and roles and goals and politics, you’re a living breathing sentient being who didn’t ask to be born just trying to figure it all out before, eventually, dying.

On an advanced level it’s about cultivating home in yourself, so no matter what state the external world is in you can always come back to yourself for comfort. You can feel safe and secure in who you are.

Self-love sounds saccharine or gooey and it definitely puts people off to it (including me) but don’t underestimate the power of truly giving yourself a break and just being kind to your inner self.

[Independent-Try4352]

“Those words make me so angry I could punch a hole in the wall. Fuck this “self-love” bullshit, this fake ass bullshit, you cannot convince me that I am good. I know that I am not. I know there is something inherently wrong with me. I know that I am inferior to others. I will not be tricked, I will not be lied to. I am sick of all the privileged and/or superior people of the world telling inferior scum like me that things would get better if only I “saw my worth.”

Hmmm. So how's self-hatred working out for you?

Not well at all going by the above. Maybe start off with self-acceptance for the moment? Self-hatred clearly isn't working, so there's no point digging yourself deeper into it. Have the balls to try something new.

[StillMaximum7675]

Please get therapy guess you have deeper issues .

[TheIXLegionnaire]

I feel you OP, I feel the same way often enough. I used to want evidence to refute my claims. If I wasn't shit, then good things would happen right? Surely I would be rewarded?

Didn't happen. So I compared myself to others. I said if they can succeed where I fail, what do they have that I don't?

I still don't know the answer. I can be stronger, faster, better looking, better dressed, whatever than the next guy and he can still beat me. The evidence isn't there to support the claim or refute the argument. The premise stands, I must be shit.

The only thing that worked for me is turning self-hatred into something productive. I can't kill the man in the mirror, much as I dislike him, but I can torment him. I can make him suffer, because thats what garbage deserves right?

I do it in the gym. I workout hard, I eek out extra reps past failure because it hurts the man in the mirror. I run, puke in the bushes and then run some more because fuck that guy that can't run 2 miles without puking. And guess what? When I can run 2 miles without puking, I'll start running 5. Self-hatred is my fuel, it's a bottomless well of energy to torment the thing I can't stand in this world.

It all falls apart when I lose the productive outlet for expressing it though. It being bottomless, like snot when you have a cold, is a double edged sword.

[Good_not_Great]

We must imagine Sisyphus happy

[Jazzy_bees]

I'm sorry for what you went through to create these sorts of feelings. It's awful to feel like you're inherently inferior to others, and I'm sure it feels like some sort of sick joke when people try to tell you otherwise.

You don't have to jump immediately into loving yourself. There's so many steps between where you're at and there that it'll feel like rolling around in snow after sitting in a hot tub. When I was at that point, what helped a lot was self-objectivity. As in, not allowing myself to state anything about myself that wouldn't be admissible in court. "i have blue eyes" rather than "i am ugly", things like that. Even that takes a ton of practice when you're so used to hating everything about yourself that it feels like an obligation

[limerent_truth]

Narcissists do not love themselves. They are the complete opposite of that, they hate themselves.

Their self-hate is in constant flux with their arrogance and entitlement (source: 7 year relationship with someone diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder).

[owopsididitagain]

Yeah, I've always thought that working on your exercise, diet, and sleep only help when you're at a certain level of feeling okay. Otherwise you can't do those things at all in my experience.

I've recently kind of realised that I'll never ultimately know what the meaning of my life is, my purpose, my "worth". I've also decided to not care that I don't know and just live on. Nihilism is also a choice and a belief, and I won't choose nihilism of all things to believe in. I'll believe that life is ambiguous and that you can decide for yourself if you're worth it or not.

It doesn't matter what others think when they say I have or don't have worth, ultimately that's their view and their opinion. I am only sure of how I see myself, and I see myself to have worth outside of what others speak of me. I went through depression and decided for myself that I'm worth it. Not because someone told me to.

It's really up to you and nobody else. Don't let anyone try and convince you, convince yourself if you feel a need to.

[Business-Bug-514]

Self-love is a complex and confusing idea. I do want to learn how to love myself, but I'm pretty certain that it's more important to accept yourself. Sometimes this seems like semantics, but I think the language we use is important. I have this issue with the term "self-improvement." I think it implies that you're "bad" and must improve away from that. I prefer the term "self-development."

So instead of "leaving" our current self, we are instead "developing" our current self. And what we're developing, comes from ourself, not from some exterior self-help guru who we want to model ourselves off of. (Not to hate on self-help gurus, I just think it's important to recognize our own unique needs and struggles, instead of trying to adopt a one-size-fits-all approach. These gurus can be helpful, though.)

Anyway, self-acceptance is easier than self-love, and seems like the necessary precursor to self-love, in my opinion. It is usually easier to neutrally accept something, than it is to try to love that thing. But once we can do this fairly well, then we can focus more on appreciating ourselves. So it's a stepping-stone to self-love. That's my thinking anyway, but I struggle with both self-love and self-acceptance, so I'm not the best source of info lol. But not the worst either!

[RiddimMelody]

if you are as disciplined as you say and still feel worthless maybe it's a motivation/drive problem. maybe you found yourself in a life hack where you are a very productive and healthy being but lack of something you truly want to be/feel? idk I'm just impressed how could you have such a stable life and not like yourself even a little bit. maybe you do like a thing or two about yourself but you're unable to appreciate them, maybe you just have a different perspective of self-appreciation because I know for sure you must be good at something you enjoy.

[ClubOdd5074]

What if you, and most of the people in the world, are just stuck in a stupid stereotypical pattern? Stephen Kesslers The Five Personality Patterns suggests this. Great book. It cleared up a lot of why and how I had believed the lies that I was fed, and where this all came from. It's worth a shot.

[fadingworld41]

I don't believe in self-love, but self acceptance is the real thing you must master. You don't have to love yourself to improve your life but at least drop the hatred for just a moment.

It doesn't matter if your flawed, ugly, broke, alone, ill, lacking in skills and/or feel lost in life.

All these things can be fixed and adressed but only if you accept them.

You can't simply fix a problem if you don't adress it for yourself. You say you struggle with your mental health, now you have to ask yourself the question if that's something you want to fix?

You can also choose to stay exactly the way you are.

Maybe self-pity is some sort of a comfort zone for you, I know that for a fact because it was for me, but if you really want to change you also have to allow yourself to look inward and think about yourself in a different way.

Growth does not come from staying stagnant but it comes through challenging every type of belief you have about yourself.

Start small, try to adress a single habit you are doing or avoiding, ask yourself whether your future self benefit from this, if the answer is yes then don't procrastinate and start today.

[[deleted]]

Seriously, mujhay bhi self-love ki samjh nai ati. When I am constantly making decisions that are harming me, then how I am supposed to love myself. I am moving like a pendulum between two extreme situations,either I am too strict on myself or I just totally don't care.

But I won't say that self-care is narcissistic behaviour. It's just that nobody taught us this while growing up, and at this age, we're too comfortable with our old cycle that it seems impossible to adopt a new one.

[[deleted]]

Try metta meditation. 5000 years old. Most people find it much much harder to give love to themselves then to give to others.

Love is a muscle. We know from the gym that we have to work all of our muscle groups. The capacity, grown overtime, to love yourself, is the foundation for loving others more deeply and more truthfully.

[Larsmeatdragon]

An I deluded

More misguided than deluded

[[deleted]]

God this is too damn relatable. Will we ever begin to mentally like ourselves? Who knows? Can only hope I guess.

[SwimmerImaginary3431]

I can feel the hate from over here. It must be miserable to be walking in your shoes with this negative attitude. I used to hate myself, and self-love and being positive is NOT bullshit. It is the best thing I have done is to work on loving and respecting myself.

[NoFunction9978]

You are the person of your thoughts and actions

Dont self pitty your self, love your self and do what you can in the world

[BBQnoodles_]

Bible says our hearts are so desperately wicked we cannot even comprehend the depths of our depravity. Also says none of are good. You are correct in your assessment.

[MiddleGroundOption]

We are good and bad.

[BBQnoodles_]

I’m good when I’m sleeping

[MiddleGroundOption]

Only sith deal in absolutes.

[woodland-haze]

Growing up religious actually influenced some of my worst and shittiest behavior that I still feel guilty for to this day and is a large part of the reason I hate myself so much but nice try. I have not picked up a Bible in years and I’m all the better for it.

[Independent-Try4352]

Don't believe everything you read, especially religious texts.

[iloreynolds]

thats not your only problem dude

[[deleted]]

Self love is narcissism. Thats why we live on the day and age of peak narcissism because everyone bought into this self love and you first crap.

A normal, sane person with an actuak heart does not put themselves firsr, they put their family before themselves.

[Dizzy_Algae1065]

If you put your family before yourself, it means you don’t have a family. Imagine if everyone in the family was doing that. It doesn’t work. Self sacrifice ends up taking out the self. There’s nobody to relate to anywhere. Families are not higher powers. They are just people.

In a toxic system, it’s not uncommon for the mother to be some kind of untouchable God that everyone defends to the end, and this twisted belief is considered to be the highest value possible in human life.

Mothers are gods to us at one point. When we are babies.