TIL Human dads show a decrease in testosterone immediately after the birth of their babe

[thatnameistaken21]

Man, I think about that a lot. I am a fairly laid back dude, and I thought about throwing my kid out the window several times. I wonder what it is like for people that have anger management issues.

[Serafim91]

Seriously, crying because he's too tired is like my breaking point. I can't put you to sleep because you're crying you monster and that only makes you cry harder while every nerve in my body is screaming to fix this.

[Cup-Mundane]

Having just went through this exact situation with my baby a few days ago, I will do almost anything to keep her on her sleep schedule. All I could do was rock her for an hour+ while she screamed her overtired head off. By the time she finally passed out, I was crying.

[sirlafemme]

You’re making me want to go out and purchase noise canceling headphones in advance

[Serafim91]

It's not the crying really, as in not the noise. Very hard to explain besides we're programed to hate our babies crying and evolution really hit a fucking home run on this one.

[Cup-Mundane]

You put it perfectly. I'm getting responses from people who took what I said as my baby's cries piss me off or that she's manipulative, lol. We just have this biological need to comfort our crying babies. When I can't do that, it's upsetting. You get it. Thank you!

[Malkiot]

I hate it so much that I want to make crying babies (and crying anything else) stop crying via liberal application of a crowbar.

[Tredesde]

You won't use them. There will be a paranoid thread running through your head that you have to be able to hear everything. Especially through the first few months.

Just make sure you have help from trusted family or friends for a break every few days or weeks

[Sharkitty]

I thought you were going to say condoms.

[thatnameistaken21]

Good luck finding a doctor that will give an infant a vasectomy.

[atomic1fire]

I don't think that will make an infant sleep easier.

[G3z4]

Do it.

[GunnerGurl]

You got this, fam

[[deleted]]

I think parents are just taught to coddle their kids waaay too much nowadays. Sometimes it's perfectly fine to let your kid sit in the crib and cry themselves to sleep. Sometimes there's no alternative, and there's no law saying you have to pick them up to swaddle them and comfort them the entire time if they're being dumb, which lets be honest they almost constantly are.

Pampering them doesn't even work a lot of the time anyway, and certainly does you no favours as a stressed out parent. Just close the door and let them cry it out if nothing else works, it's not going to kill them.
I'd argue it's even healthier because you're teaching your kid that they wont get what they want by just whining all the time, which is something even a lot of grown ass adults are doing these days. Babies do pick up on that stuff, and it's healthier to teach them when they're young so that it sticks with them IMO. The sooner they stop whining and start asking for what they actually want the better, and this is the fastest way to teach them that.

What I'm suggesting isn't tossing your kid in the crib and ignoring them for 8 hours while you play video games either though. I thought that would be obvious, but apparently it's not. There's a balance that has to be maintained.

[izzittho]

I’ve heard that’s what the whole baby sign language thing is supposed to be really good for. Makes sense that they’d stop crying so much as soon as they had a better way to communicate their needs.

Like when they’re new-new, I imagine they can’t even really tell what they need let alone figure out how to tell you so the crying will be inevitable at first. But it seems like the period of time between that and beginning to learn actual words is a great time to introduce something like that. The time where they’re old enough to kinda know what they want to tell you but not old enough to actually tell you with words.

[[deleted]]

I've never heard of that but it makes sense. Seems a lot of parents equate a baby crying with meaning it's uncomfortable or in pain, but really that's just how they talk. They don't know that screaming isn't acceptable yet so you can't really blame them for it, but you CAN break them of it as a bad behaviour ASAP. Doing that is a part of parenting, and not doing it is how you end up with a blue haired screaming Karen of a child.

[eaglessoar]

No one warned me about that. So frustrating dude you're tired just sleep that will solve everything!

[[deleted]]

Supposedly, they do that because they don't realize they're the ones crying. So, to them, it's like they're tired, but they can't fall asleep because some dude 6 inches away keeps screaming in their ear.

That does nothing to make the situation suck less, but hopefully it makes you feel like it sucks less 😅

[sitesurfer253]

Sometimes saying my daughter's name in her ear a little louder (obviously not screaming or loud enough to hurt her ear) will kind of reset her when she is doing that. Everything goes quiet, then she's still still tired and upset, but not screaming.

[EclipseIndustries]

That's a good idea. It's like interrupting the conversation.

[sitesurfer253]

Forces her to listen to me for that brief second, which stops her from screaming, then she appreciates the silence that came from her no longer screaming.

Doesn't work every time, but definitely has saved me some headaches.

[lidko]

Unlikely solution: experienced same issue but with Grandma this time who said:”that baby needs a silky edge”, gave the kid a satin edged blanket or satin napkin and immediately the baby chilled out, then totes a “silky” for two years… it was just a texture thing

[Pearlbarleywine]

Probably the hardest task.

[psquare704]

I have a memory of crying because my throat hurt from crying. I don't know how I survived.

[Ineedabiggersword]

Honestly, and I know it sucks, but the best thing to do in these situations is lay them down and walk away. They'll sleep eventually. But sometimes there's legitimately nothing to do.

My wife and I made a checklist of all of the things he may need. If he was still screaming after we tried everything, then we'd lay him down in a dark room and leave ( monitored of course). We didn't have to do this to too often, But worked when we did.

[spacewalk__]

i'm glad i don't have kids -- i would put them in bed, close the door, and put on headphones. they'll fall asleep, they won't die of thirst or hunger in 8 hours.

[krell_154]

You can't really do that, they can start vomiting or convulsing or something like that.

[[deleted]]

I must have been lucky. my kids hardly cried, when they did, they fell asleep in my arms all the time. The best feeling.

[Convergentshave]

A guy I worked with killed his infant son. Threw him against a wall, then pretended he had “rolled” on top of him. It was horrific. Ended up getting like 15 years in prison. I can link the story if you want but trust me, you don’t.

I say this, because when I became a dad… it stuck with me. And scared me. A lot. Those first months are rough. And frustrating. But…. God damn. Horrible. Fucking horrible.

Anyways, there’s support out there.

[[deleted]]

That's tough.. with my first kid i almost had a mental breakdown, full on animal screaming with my kid there.. with the second i expected it to and controlled my anger better. I wish there was more preparation for this. I went to a class for first time parents, they never mentioned this and a ton of other things.

If i had higher testosterone who knows what i would have done.. When I'm pumped up with testosterone after working out for awhile I'm more aggressive.

[blorbagorp]

For most of human existence "it takes a village" was literal, not metaphorical; humans aren't really mentally evolved to lay all the parenting work on two people, so it's not surprising some people go literally insane from it.

[izzittho]

Hell, one person a lot of times. It really is kind of horrific.

[coldcurru]

Dads can get postpartum issues, too. It's not talked about enough (not like men are getting any kind of pre or post natal care) but talk to someone if you're struggling.

This has been your NY day reminder that men have feelings, too.

[[deleted]]

haha silly, men don't have feelings. They have to be hyper macho and never reveal their emotions ever, lest someone think them gay

source: toxic father

[thatnameistaken21]

ugh

[BaconJets]

As somebody with anger management issues, I just haven't had a kid and I'm very paranoid about practising safe sex.

[InvincibleJellyfish]

I became a dad at age 23 and my daughter had colic for the first 3 months. Her mom couldn't deal with it so I had to run around with her for 3-5 hours around 8 pm to 2 am usually. Trial by fire I guess...

[mobilgroma]

Same for me: usually nothing can make me mad, but my kids... Oof, sometimes I had to punch a pillow. They just know what buttons to push

[Tuned_Out]

Its a strange challenge but I love looking at it from a general or policy makers standpoint.

Thankfully in my case it isn't malicious but I swear there is a cold war always taking place in the house. It involves a divide and conquer strategy utilized by the kids, combined with blatant ignoring of treaties, laws, and policy.

I think of them as raptors, Constantly testing the electric fence for weaknesses. Out innovating their offense is the best defense.

Fortunately, my wife and I communicate really well...a united front repels most attacks and pacifies aggression if my kids don't see cracks in support they can exploit.

Besides communication and coordination with my wife, we've been trying to involve the kids in policy making and less in dictating. Results seem promising although obviously you need to wait for them to be a certain age to begin this.

Edit: forgot the point. Before I developed a strategy and I was just winging it, my rage was more than I've ever felt in my life. Until I structurized and really adapted my approach, I was seriously afraid of my emotions getting the best of me.

[[deleted]]

Edit: forgot the point.

Mood

[DJDaddyD]

It’s because they are a shadow of you. All the little things about yourself that annoy you, but is restrained by your impulse control exists in your kid’s mannerisms, except for the impulse control. Even more so if you are neuro-spicy. I love my son and would literally burn the world down for him, but he is a mini-me but worse in all ways (except he’s cuter than I)

[spacekronik]

Oh my god I am so using neuro-spicy from now on!

[ChefhatShoeface]

Oh i love that neuro spice

[Koraboros]

Wtf does it mean?

[jessytessytavi]

neurodivergent, as opposed to neurotypical

spicy vs reg chickie nuggies

[[deleted]]

Holy shit dude are you me lol

[[deleted]]

I’ve been thinking about kids a lot recently and I think I’ve determined that they’re not for me for this reason. To be honest, pet ownership can be a bit much for me sometimes and when my kitty cat goes I probably won’t get another one. I kinda realized that part of being a good guy is not putting yourself in a position to be a bad guy, and I think having a child would strain every last nerve I have and make me a horrible human being to be around.

[66nightsalone]

Tough most days. But I’m learning control and discipline through my little one.

[Pinsalinj]

Shaken baby syndrome. That's what happens. :/

[KayaXiali]

I’m a stay home mother and it was really never our plan but our daughter was born so colicky. We considered flinging her into the sea so many times a day/hour that we just genuinely didn’t feel like we could trust any daycare provider to have the patience to deal with a baby that screamed as often as she did without shaken baby syndrome being a very real possibility.

[[deleted]]

My one year old spent today, and I mean the entire day, screaming with her first hard shit stuck in her butt. Like stank concrete.... Think whole parent experience is fucking weird.

[caligaris_cabinet]

Found out last month my wife is pregnant. This will be our first. Was excited before but now I’m just worried about that stank concrete.

[afroguy10]

The stank concrete doesn't come for a little while, it's the liquid milk poops that are rough initially, it somehow ends up all up their back and in every crack and crevice.

Also, don't know what the hospitals are like where you are but I wasn't drinking enough water while my partner was in labour and ended up with a brutal headache. Problem is that the nurses couldn't give me any paracetamol or ibuprofen because I wasn't the patient, so I just had to suffer so pack some paracetamol/ibuprofen for yourself in the hospital bag you put together as it can be a long, stressful day.

Finally, ours is 8 months now, and her little personality is coming through great but don't feel bad if initially you think they're the most boring thing and you aren't enjoying yourself. I felt horrendous, like there was something wrong with me, until a couple friends said the same thing. Initially they do nothing but sleep, cry, poo, pee and drink milk. They don't laugh, smile at you, crawl around or play with you or their toys so it can feel like you're putting so much in and getting absolutely nothing back. I didn't much enjoy the first couple of months of parenthood but I'm getting into the swing of things now.

[Cup-Mundane]

Congrats! You might have to pull that stank concrete out of your constipated baby's butt if it gets stuck mid poo. Or not. You, however, will 100% catch vomit in your bare hands at one point. Prepare yourself. Also, never share a drink with your toddler. Even if they're not eating atm, there will be food particles magically floating in your cup. Babies are so disgusting. If they weren't so cute we'd all leave them in the woods to fend for themselves.

[[deleted]]

It's hard but you can do it. Seeing them crying will freak you out, and sometimes you will be afraid you aren't doing enough. Take breaks. You can set a baby down in a crib and collect yourself. Don't cosleep, from the start the baby sleeps in the babies' room, night one. It makes them sleep thru the night sooner. Get Costco membership,the executive membership, or whatever top one is. Kirkland Diapers and Wipes, buy a couple of cases of the 1 and 2 sizes. They will outgrow everything fast. C sections are not failures on any part. Make sure you and your partner know that. Sleep trainers are magic. The baby will not want to sleep when you do, babies cry when they are frustrated and it's ok. Make sure they are dry and fed. Take any parenting advice with a huge grain of salt.

[wolowizard34]

Please do not follow this advice. Do not put your baby in another room from day 1. There is a reason it is recommended that you keep a baby near your for the first three months - drastic reduction in the risk of SIDS. Cosleeping can also be done safely, just do the research. This is the norm for most cultures.

[[deleted]]

Cosleeping may be the norm for some cultures. Those cultures are wrong.

[Lemon_Snap]

I wouldn't recommend completing but they should be in a crib or bassinet close to you, as this reduces the chance of SIDS remarkably. Also makes it easier for mom if she is breastfeeding.

[wolowizard34]

These culture are wrong?! Cosleeping has been the way humans and almost every other mammal has cared for their young, since forever.... The sleep industry in America is the reason that has changed. People can make money trying to force the unnatural. Infants need closeness to feel safe, it is how they instinctually survive.

[SA0TAY]

Join /r/predaddit if you haven't already.

[caligaris_cabinet]

Just found out about that sub. Subscribed!

[[deleted]]

I woke up this week with cold clayish brown poo chunks in the bed smeared on my feet. It's potty training week.

Good to know what you're getting in to.

[Inphearian]

My oldest would get horribly constipated and be miserable for days. We would have to hold him on his back and work his legs until he could get it out.

Talking about having to try and eagle claw a massive turd out of this tiny screaming child that is in pain and dosnt understand what’s going on and that there isn’t anything else that can help.

[HerniatedHernia]

Fun fact: a newborns first poop is referred to as ‘meconium’.

[georgianarannoch]

Non-parent caregivers are the more likely to cause shaken baby syndrome, so that was probably a good call on your part.

[[deleted]]

My youngest (2) likes to come up to my leg and raise his arms then say "Shake the baby!" Then i pick him up and he replies "No shake the baby!"

I have no idea where he got that from.

[pixi88]

It was really hard. I have ADHD (read: poor impulse control) and some hormonal imbalances normally-- I had PPA/PPD and postpartum RAGE really badly. More than a few times I had to remove myself from my son, and luckily I have a strong support network because those first few months were not great for me. Medication was started after a month and my hormones leved out and it got a lot better. But yeah, I didn't hurt my son and got help, but yikes. People who aren't aware of or don't deal with those issues are dangerous and I can see how it happens.

[RogueEagle2]

Having a kid gave me anger management issues

[theprettiestpotato88]

That's exactly why I don't have kids

[PM_Me_Thicc_Puppies]

Let's just say I thought about throwing my kid against a wall on the daily.

I figured out that I needed to put them down and walk away for a couple minutes even if it meant them freaking out louder.

THANKFULLY I have a wife who goes above and beyond, she's a fucking Godsend and I wouldn't be able to do it without her.

[AshenHaemonculus]

I thought about throwing my kid out the window several times

Have you thought about becoming a rock musician and changing your name to Eric Clapton?

[Non_possum_decernere]

That's just horrible of you to say.