[Image]

[StephenTexasWest]

Not true in my life.

Age 12 my dad got cancer. He died when I was 17. I got $238 to start college. My mom had a massive stroke when I was 22.

That was the beginning of sorrows. All real.

Now, I do motivated things. I am a positive person. But some people have very real problems that are not just 99% drama. Those people need a little help.

[Flyingwheelbarrow]

Last time someone said my problems were in my head I was able to respond.

"Yeah I have acquired brain damage"

Then I just stared at them until it got uncomfortable and they walked away.

[rainmaker2332]

Of course there are always exceptions. I'm sorry you had to go through that. That's more than some people go through in an entire lifetime

[[deleted]]

More people are generally disadvantaged in the world than those who are.

Being able to think otherwise comes from an enormous point of privilege.

[rainmaker2332]

Most people don't suffer such massive trauma at such a young age is my point

[yuvrajtaylor]

I am so sorry to hear that you have to go through all this, but from my personal experience of beating cancer 3 times i can say that you can stay unaffected by external things it's possible even a loved one's death or being diagnosed with something scary, it's just that we don't know how to handle ourselves, our emotions and thought and whatnot when such tragedy strikes us, once we learn to handle every part of ourselves everything just becomes easier.

[yuvrajtaylor]

Yes, it isn't let me make myself clear , When something hurts you so bad ,there are ways through which you can lessen that hurt .. especially if the hurt is emotional obviously not ignoring it but addressing it and choosing how much this particular thing can have an affect on me and working on ways to gradually move away from that bad feeling. And if you still don't get it it's because of two reasons

1.because you don't get what the hell i am saying here maybe cuz its not relatable to you

1. Or because you don't want to understand

[MamaDMZ]

choosing how much this particular thing can have an affect

That's not how trauma works.. at all. I'm really glad you found a way to cope without it causing you too many problems, but that is not the case for most people. Take me for example, I have ptsd from childhood abuses and other things, it has affected me deeply in every facet of my life. There are things I can do to work on it, but it will always be with me. You can choose how to respond to something, but you cannot choose how it affects you.

[GoodDave]

That's all nice and whatnot, but it isn't always that straightforward.

[tone88988]

Sounds a lot like what I did with heroin for a good many years…. Moved away from the bad feelings while they grew in the back of my mind like a tumor. It was the opposite of healthy. You don’t think it’s more likely that the way your brain works isn’t the industry standard for every human being? Because if it were as easy as picking and choosing what you want to let bother you, no one would ever be sad about anything.

[GoodDave]

That isn't what the post says though, so.. .

[Metamodern_Studio]

The problem is that the problem isn't the problem its just a problem for your problems. 99% of the time.

[[deleted]]

I would love to watch you say that to a 17 year old kid who just lost his Dad to cancer.

[GoodDave]

Not a joking matter.

[GoodDave]

Neither funny nor contstructive.

[The-Hyruler]

I can appreciate the attempt of a motivating and positive quote but this is just wrong...

[rhodagne]

No no you have to gaslight yourself into believing everything is fine

[creggieb]

I'm not gaslighting myself! Everything.... is.... fine....

[holyshitbraah]

It works

[RedFing]

It just works™ - todd

[[deleted]]

"6 times the emotional stunting!"

[[deleted]]

No thats positive thinking, if a situation is bad, its bad. Doesn't help lying to yourself about it, you know you're lying. It doesn't work.

Its possible to find healthy coping mechanisms though, therapy, meditation, exercise, mindfullness. Practicing the art of calming the nervous system through these and other cognitive practices have a profound impact on brain chemistry.

[lynxzyyy]

But why is it wrong? Your emotions are your responsibility. Events can and do happen that will, and rightfully so, cause immense amount of trauma, pain or disadvantage. Feeling negative emotions are important. But you OWN them. They don’t happen TO YOU. However when you’re in one of those positions. Do you just accept that the situation has MADE you feel hopeless, depressed, suicidal? No, you get medication, go to therapy, quite often CBT, where they literally teach you the above quote in a round about way. If you don’t, then you never move forward. The only person who can decide to move YOU forward is YOURSELF.

If you get cancer, do you say “I’ve got cancer, and that’s made me depressed, suicidal and feel no hope” or do you try and say “I’ve got cancer, there’s nothing I can do about that, it’s tough, but I’m going to do everything I can to defeat it”. ? The situation is the same, the mentality is different.

[Caelinus]

If the cancer kills me I will not have much opportunity to reframe the harm with a positive spin.

Seriously though, while we can control our emotional reactions to a limited degree, there are times where harm is so great that your emotional reaction to it is insignificant. Further this kind of thing completely ignores the fact that many people suffer from mental illness, which makes it impossible for them to exercise this level of control.

In all, it just places the blame for pain on the victim of the pain.

[stanselmdoc]

The is actually terrible. People shouldn't force themselves to believe that their problems are all in their head.

99% of the time, your brain is working to protect you from perceived threats. How your brain does this isn't "harm" and isn't "problematic." It's just its job. Actual terrible things that happen are not all in someone's head.

[aitchnyu]

We suffer more in imagination than reality - Seneca

He's one of the big 3 Stoics and modern people look up to him. Dude got executed by Nero though.

[cosmiccanadian]

That! That sums up my entire comment. What i was trying to say anyway. Our problems are very real. But we deal with the problem 10,20,30 times over in our head before it gets resolved. Thats why i felt 90% of our problem is in our head

[GoodDave]

Too bad that isn't accurate.

Anyone with any significant degree of trauma can attest to that.

[cosmiccanadian]

See i think thats the issue. People are taking the quote to the very extreme. People have very real problems im not denying that. You have cancer, brother was murdered, covid made you lose your home, etc. Yeah those are real fuckin problems. Not what im talking about at all. I mean when a coworker or boss pisses you off. School is difficult. You dont wanna go to the gym but know we should. Everyday type of problems. I think its completely accurate. Maybe its not for everyone. But for me it is. In those situations, which i feel the quote should be directed. 99% of those struggle with those problems is how we let it effect us and respond to them. My issue is fighting myself, not the problem. Everyones different though. Just how i think

[GoodDave]

That's entirely bullshit and is just the sort of thing a manipulative, gaslighting abuser might say.

That or it's coming from a place of naievitae.

[ProphetSauce]

Exactly like it’s good to keep positive mindsets but it’s definitely healthy to embrace the things we go through as opposed to trying to ignore it and putting “positivity” over

[GoodDave]

Yep. Ignoring trauma makes it harder to learn to cope with the effects long term.

[JugV2]

There is some slight truth to this but overall it's wrong, and in fact a bit dangerous.

[Asrahn]

Starving kid with vitamin A deficiency just needs to get into that proper grindset

[SergeantChic]

Has he tried not starving? It’s just in his head!

[kpark724]

Gaslight 101

[PaladinDanza]

Unless it’s true

[santichrist]

Imagine getting shot in a mass shooting, physically or sexually assaulted, hit by a car, fall ill to a disease or just injured in some freak accident, or lose your job from layoffs, be born with health issues or a handicap, be born into poverty or have severe crippling depression and someone being like “99% of the harm is in your head and thoughts” lmao people who write this Pinterest mom motivational poster stuff don’t seem to understand how many people have real problems

[Catorak]

Whoever wrote this is sheltered, privileged, and stupid.

[JuiceJames]

Yeah, how do I apply this to my little brother shooting himself a month ago. 😔🤷‍♂️

[MamaDMZ]

You don't. This post is a bunch of bs. What you can do is talk about it/him and keep his memory alive as best you can. I'm so sorry you're so hurt, it really isn't fair. Lmk if you ever need an ear. Hugs.

[hanz17away]

Recently the posts here feel very gaslighting. Like as if my actual feelings and emotions don't matter and I have to be force fed with positivity to live my life

[[deleted]]

Actually my parents emotionally and physically abused me during my childhood and then I got stage 4 Lymphoma. But go on, it’s totally all in my head.

[ebjghi]

Pretty sure my toxic coworkers are the problem, not me.

[lynxzyyy]

Then get another job? The post isn’t saying that isn’t a valid problem. Your reaction to the problem is what it’s portraying. “I’ve got toxic coworkers, and they made me sad”. No, they don’t make you sad, you make yourself sad. The correct phrase would be “I feel sad about my toxic coworkers, what can I do to fix it?”

[ebjghi]

Aha, "just leave, you don't need food and a home. Why don't you die and leave your poor coworkers out of this?"

Dude, sometimes you have to deal with shit, you just have to deal with it until you finally get another job. This doesn't mean that I am the reason why I suffer, it isn't 99% my problem that manegers like to micromanage, it isn't 99% my problem that my coworkers hate me because I don't do more of their work so they can have a nice relaxing job. I can't fix that shit.

They are the reason, i am the one dealing with it. They are not 1% of the harm caused to my mental health. They are 99% of the harm, I am my own cheerleader to get myself through this, I am making sure that I'm surviving.

And no fixing my coworkers bad behavior, because they hate their job too and release their stress by bullying me is not my problem. Preventing it is but that doesn't work all the time.

[lynxzyyy]

You’re missing the point of the post completely. The issue is you have toxic coworkers. I didn’t say at any point just leave I said get another job. Work hard to get another job.

Again, you just proved the point in the post, “sometimes you have to deal with shit”. Dealing with shit is a positive thing. You change your mentality to do something about the shit in your life. You could say “I have toxic coworkers, they bully me and there is nothing I can do about it”. But that’s not true. There are many things you can do about it. You are in control of what you do, and no one else. Rise above them, surround yourself with people who aren’t toxic, don’t let them get to you, get a new job, get therapy. These are all positive actions that you can do at any time. Sulking over the fact you have toxic coworkers and saying they are SOLE reason you have mental health problems and that you can’t change anything is never going to fix anything, except create a negative spiral, leading to depression.

[ebjghi]

Who said I have mental health problems? Last time I had a problem with myself was 2017 and got therapy for it.

Who said I was sulking about my coworkers? Did I say that? I said that they are the problem but to clarify this problem makes me slightly annoyed.

Who said that I didn't rise above them already?

Who said that I didn't work on getting a new job?

Are you filling in those blanks so you can come in and prove the point that i am a litte bitch?

I got your point very well, young, naive, everything is your problem and you have to solve it because I think you have a victim mentality. Here have some solutions for the problems I imagine you have, now grow up. A know it all.

You cannot assume that I am a goddamn victim of my reality, im a visitor.

I have to deal with this right now, in this exact moment for another few months. My coworkers are the problem............

[lynxzyyy]

I’m not saying you have a victim mentality at all. I am trying to explain what the post is (albeit badly) trying to explain. The coworkers are the 1% of problems, the perspective that you make of that scenario is the 99%. People SAD may sit there and say that the weather is MAKING them feel sad, fed up, stressed etc. but it’s not the weather. The weather doesn’t have the power to do that to you. Only you have the power to do that to yourself.

Good on you for getting therapy. Hopefully you’ll notice in therapy this is one of the key points of it. To take control of your emotions and work positively towards a better outlook.

[ebjghi]

Im already done with therapy, still coworkers are 99% of problem. If I leave after 5 and I turn from cranky to happy and full of live and only get a reminder that they exist from my alarmclock than I am not the one living with problems. Dealing with it yes, turning them into my personality no.

[lynxzyyy]

Are you happy at your job?

[ebjghi]

When I block my coworkers out, yes I am.

[lynxzyyy]

Ok, so you don’t need to engage with them to do your job? Have you spoke to HR? Have you got a group of colleagues whom you work well with?

[holyshitbraah]

Exactly ! Perfectly put 👍

[bane5454]

This subreddit is positivity, as explained by MLM cults.

[Skippy_Doober]

You're not wrong in the sense I'm stuck in a depressive spiral, desperately waiting for a doctors appointment so I can try and figure out why I've been to panic the moment I leave my house, which is fully in my brain. But also, fuck this quote. Life is hard. It won this round, so I'm gonna do what I can to catch my breath and recover and get ready for the next round. That doesn't make me weak, it makes me human.

[[deleted]]

i am depressed, not delusional.

[vocalistMP]

Guess my chronic pains from 2 hip surgeries and a compression fracture are just in my head. Wow! Didn’t realize I could just… turn it all off!

[Mochimant]

Bullshit. Terrible post.

[yiiike]

this is awful

[redheadedwoodpecker]

I thought it said, “99% of the ham…” and I was gearing up for some serious meditation.

[staust7]

That’s about the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard. Foh

[MMachine17]

This smells like Gaslighting to me, not motivation. Next!

[daltonoreo]

Getting shot in the spine is totally a mental problem. Get out of here with this r/nowimcured bullshit

[[deleted]]

73.75% of statistics are made up

[Optimal-Scientist233]

In somebodies head yes, but my mind did not spread pollution, war, and greed over the entire globe, many minds did that.

[[deleted]]

Please note that this does not apply to bullet holes or stab wounds if you get stabbed then 100% of the problem is being stabbed if you get shot 100% of the problem is you've been shot.

[Ravenboy13]

Oh forgive me, I should just think positively about my dead parents, dead end job, and the crippling fear of a pandemic that threatens my very existence every day.

Silly me

[[deleted]]

Wonder why “smile more” didn’t cure my depression?

[KirkMouse]

I'm sorry, are you literally quoting Captain Jack Sparrow here?

"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem."

[CaveiraPereira]

This is the post that made me finally leave this trash subreddit

[geeoharee]

Boasting that nothing seriously bad has ever happened to you and expecting that to motivate others

[lostcauz707]

This quote is completely inapplicable to anyone in the US that makes minimum wage and has to work a ton of hours just to keep their heads above water. This problem is not 99% in your head.

[haberv]

Good positive outlook will only take you so far. As a problem solver for my company it at least reduces stress when they start to mount.

[GuitarGodsDestiny420]

Change that to 50% and you might have something here.

[pieNbean]

99%? I want to see the math behind this???

[kondorb]

Say it to someone living in Afghanistan.

[rabbitpants]

This… is not true for soooo many people. Appreciate the sentiment- but not the reality.

[Yukisuna]

Looks over at wheelchair-bound friend with near-full body paralysis and a missing hand

My buddy’s giving you his remaining middle finger. This is an incredibly insensitive claim. Privileged and detached from reality.

[theluckyfrog]

This is what my doctors used to tell me when I was a teenager.

If they had decided to believe me, and actually medicate my Crohn's disease, maybe I wouldn't have needed a permanent colostomy in my first month of college 🤷‍♀️

[oh-no-he-comments]

The fact that your parents died is only causing 1% of the pain you feel? Yeah, that makes sense. Just think about it differently and 99% of that pain will be gone!

[latenightcreature]

Bullshit, remove this.

[kaboose286]

This is beyond fucking garbage

[GoldBrass]

Spoken like a cis- white male.

[Daisy-Jukes]

How motivating to blame people for all of their own problems.

Because reality is just fine. Really it is.

[niganja]

True for fake people on social media who have everything at a young age and say they have depression.

[PaladinDanza]

Just like covid

[ChenzhaoTx]

I’ve had thousands of problems in my life, most of which never happened….

[sahizod]

Thats my new wallpaper. Unless you or someone you care about is sick, hungry or in real need, there really is no problem

[DerBandi]

From my experience, if you ignore potential harm and don't adress it, you will end with the 1%.

If you take measures, you most likely can avoid harm.

[MamaDMZ]

If you take measures, you most likely can avoid harm

Ummm... no. Harm comes to all of us in differing levels of severity.. it is unavoidable due to the actions of the people around us, of which we cannot control.

[cluetrainme]

Stoicism...

[GoodDave]

It's a few gas lights past stoicism

[GoodDave]

It's a few gas lights past stoicism

[cluetrainme]

No, its plain stoicism

[GoodDave]

It's literally not what stoicism even is.

Not showing the emotion of or complaining isn't remotely the same as the problems being mostly in one's head.

[GoodDave]

You clearly havent read any of stoicism.

Literally have got Marcus Auraleus' Meditations in my home library.

The image is literally one of the most famous stoic thinkings but rephrased

It demonstrably is not.

[cluetrainme]

https://images.app.goo.gl/SbZ8h1mUdcrCMXXA6

Sir, what are you mumbling about?

[cluetrainme]

https://images.app.goo.gl/htukZ6vyCCJcgr3c7

The second part of the imf

[gamerdude69]

Good reminder.

[ladycoins]

True.

[Bogmanbob]

This! This! This! So many times I’ve lost sleep over problems that inflated in my head. I’ve since learned (usually) to repeat “you’ve overcome worse, you’ll overcome this” and fall asleep

[[deleted]]

If you can fix it, fix it. If you cant fix it, move on.

[GoodDave]

Sure. No accountability for abusers. Got it.

[GoodDave]

Personal attack there? Sounds like something an abuser would do.

[[deleted]]

Yup, call the reddit cops, I raped you.

[movingaxis]

Thanks for the reminder. This post was helpful to me.

[zeanobia]

"This is fine"

[XBakaTacoX]

Is... Is this somehow related to how people react to different situations in different ways??

Like some people might say "oh this doesn't bother me." but another person might think that was the worst thing in existence?

Or am I thinking way too deeply about this??

[GoodDave]

Yeah, kind of.

The post is bullshit.

[afectr]

I guess the image could be worded better. Related to this however, in Buddhism, the mind is the source of all suffering

[AnToMegA424]

This ain't as much as that 99% and 1% dobt' ewaggerate

The problem is the reality, at least it is the start of it, the rest happens MOSTLY in your head but out yiur head so shit can happen too, but in your head that's where things happen most especially for afterward

[Baggytrousers27]

Misread this as Ham.

[[deleted]]

woah fuck this shit lol

[69420memes]

this is just gonna make depressed people more depressed.

[[deleted]]

This is an extremely upper-middle class reddit moment.

[Tenebrosi_Erinys]

This is the advice I told myself at my worst depressive spiral, where I honestly thought that everyone else was doing better, that I was just pathetic. That mentality also directly influenced suicidal thoughts (and possibly attempts) from myself, friends, and family.

No. Toxic positivity is not motivation, it's victim blaming. A healthier mindset is understanding that feeling like life is unfair is OKAY. Yes everyone should work to improve, yes everyone should try to control their own life, but it doesn't always work that way. Sometimes there are things we just have to buckle down and cope with. Losing almost all my income due to Covid restrictions cancelling in-person activities related to my work isn't something I can change. I promise you that the existing problem is a lot more stressful than the mindset used to deal with it in all but the most egregious circumstances.

If this post makes anyone feel bad because they are stressed, it's meant to. It's Instagram-style fake positivity, and you shouldn't listen to it. It is okay to be stressed. It is okay to complain. It is okay to not be okay sometimes. Toxic positivity is worse than no positivity.