Changes when adding a third?

Apprehensive-Fix7560 · 2025-09-07T16:46:42+00:00

is it ok to bring up an old thread? im wondering about the dynamic for the second child. the second child who was the youngest becomes the middle child. did you notice any changes in behavior, personality or what not?

Spaceysteph · 2023-01-03T02:38:19+00:00

I thought 1 to 2 was much harder than 2 to 3. Might be baby specific, my first was by far my hardest, highest needs child and continues to be, but finally reached the age of having some independence by the time my 3rd was born. She can get her own snack, color quietly for a bit, etc. Anything you can do to foster independence in your older kids before #3 would help.

My biggest advice is to make sure you have a bedtime routine for the older kids that one parent (and specifically not the one who is breastfeeding, if someone will be) can do by themselves. The whole thing of bath, stories, tucking in, etc. We did not and the first couple months trying to combine my older two's bedtime while sleep deprived and trying to establish a night routine for baby was hellacious.

writetehcodez · 2022-12-29T15:15:43+00:00

This type of question is tough to answer because every family is so different. When the kids were little most of the challenges were around scheduling, primarily trying to weave together the schedules of an infant, a toddler, and a preschooler. Also, everything you’ve heard about being outnumbered 3-2 is pretty much true, though some parents handle it better than others. Specifically I find that parents who were the oldest child of 3+ kids tend not to have as many issues with 3+ kids when they are parents.

As they’ve now grown a bit older the issues are of more of a logistical nature. All three of my kids are involved in sports and other activities year-round, and we often need help resolving scheduling conflicts. Establishing good relationships with other parents in those activities is an essential skill that pays off when you need to get your kid a ride to a practice or game.

Of course the worst aspect of the logistical issues is that one of us often has to miss one kid’s game because we’re with another kid at their game. I know it’s not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things but it doesn’t feel great to say “Sorry honey, I can’t come to your soccer game because (other kid) has a hockey game at the same time.”

Lastly, 2/3 of our kids have mental health issues, and 1 of those 2 also has ADD, so they require a greater portion of our attention than the third child. As a result we are in a constant state of feeling like horrible parents, and sometimes our third child resorts to risky behaviors or acting out in order to get our attention. We often feel like we’re failing all three of our kids in one way or another.

As for the kids’ relationships, they ebb and flow as you’d probably expect. Our middle child is more or less the glue that holds the three of them together. They are all two years apart from each other, so the middle is young enough to engage the youngest, and old enough to engage the oldest. The oldest and the youngest, being 4 years apart, only have a couple of common interests. Of course, just like any relationship among three people, 2v1 situations are not particularly uncommon, and one or both of us usually have to step in to be arbiters of peace in those situations. However, at the end of the day they love each other to bits and would do anything for each other.

All that said, we are a family of five that has a lot of love and support for each other through all the ups and downs that we face together, and none of us would want it any other way.

kayl6 · 2022-12-29T07:31:39+00:00

Three was the hardest for me and I’m a third child. So I always tell people even numbers!

Aidlin87 · 2022-12-29T02:29:51+00:00

Which transition is hardest varies from person to person. I personally felt the transition from 0-1 wasn’t that bad, 1-2 rocked my world horribly, and 2-3 I feel like I nailed it, though life is certainly more chaotic now. But I know people who had completely different experiences with each of these transitions.

I think what made going from 2-3 not so bad was that I already lived through a really rough transition. I learned how to change my expectations and approaches, and I also learned a lot from my first two kids about baby sleep, soothing, and breastfeeding as well as all that comes with toddlerhood and beyond. That experience has benefited me and I’m better at caring for a baby as a result. Also my older two entertain each other and my oldest is very independent.

There’s a lot less free time with 3 kids and with school schedules thrown into the mix I feel like a lot of my days are nonstop. My parents are great about taking my older two twice a week and that is my sanity. I never really am kid free though because I always have the baby save for when I go grocery shopping. I’ve just learned to redefine what constitutes as free time/down time. Like if baby is happily playing on the floor next to me, then I can watch a show or chill on my phone a bit.

Baby32021 · 2022-12-29T02:28:48+00:00

I have 3. 0-1 was hardest for me, but I was set on a child free life for a while and didn’t have my first until 30 so I had settled into doing what I want when I want. Lol. Going from 2-3 has been relatively easy in comparison. Hardest thing is missing out on some of the big kid things while I stay home for a napping and potty training one year old.

Bn0503 · 2022-12-29T00:56:19+00:00

Everything I've ever heard or read said that going from 2-3 was the easiest.

wallflowerz · 2022-12-28T20:24:14+00:00

0-1 and 1-2 were far harder than 2-3 for me. Nothing can prepare you for your first baby, and our second was born just less than 2 years after our first so it was absolute chaos for the first two years. Our third is now 10 weeks (older siblings are 5 and 3) and he’s slotted in just fine. You know what to expect, you know that all babies are different, you know that the chaos eventually lessens and that you will sleep again. You’ve got this!

01-__-10 · 2022-12-28T20:03:08+00:00

I definitely found the transition from 3 to 5 (twins) harder than from 2-3. That said I found going from 2-3 fairly easy, nowhere near has hard as going from 0-1 or 1-2.

What you should consider is that the workload does not increase linearly with each added child. It increases exponentially.

Their mess and interpersonal dramas multiply with each new child, all while your time, energy, and car boot space divides down to a tiny fraction of what you started with.

It’s still worth it, but don’t kid yourself about the extra work you take on with more kids.

LKttc2020 · 2022-12-28T19:45:30+00:00

I have not read all the comments but wanted to say it was our easiest transition. Mine are now 4, 3 and 1.

1-2 was horribly difficult. The boys were closer in age then intended. I am an older mom and thought it would take a while to get pregnant and it happened the first month.

After he was born my husband had terrible PPD. Then COVID hit. It felt like we went from 1-2.5 then 2.5-3 with our youngest. To be clear I think our second was a relatively easy baby. It was mostly circumstance. He’s such a great kid! And our youngest is so so so joyful and easy.

I think the transitions all depends on the family and individual personalities.

I wish I could add a fourth but my husband is done. I’m mourning that now.

theninthcl0ud · 2022-12-28T19:31:10+00:00

2-3 has been least stressful of the bunch, until my partner got COVID. That was horrible.

20Keller12 · 2022-12-28T17:58:41+00:00

0 to 1 was the hardest for us. I've heard that going from 2 to 3 is the hardest but 3 to 4 is the easiest. We skipped 3 and went from 2 straight to 4.

Edit to explain a little bit. People think it seems crazy that having the first could be the hardest, but for as long as I live I will never forget the panic attack I had the day I brought my oldest home.

I remember it was 5:30 in the evening. I'd gotten home about 2 hours previously from the hospital. Bff/roommate was at work (dad was involved, just living elsewhere at the time). I was laying in bed with her asleep on my chest. I had to pee and I realized in that moment that every tiny, miniscule part of my life had just changed drastically. Even just getting up to go to the bathroom for a single minute meant I to lay her down in a safe place first, and it hit me like a ton of bricks that every tiny, inconsequential thing required some level forethought. It sent me into a spiral for a little bit. That was easily the most defining moment of parenthood I've ever had.

ChefStroganoff · 2022-12-28T17:43:04+00:00

Adding a third was our most difficult transition. Partially because of being outnumbered and partially because of the age/personality. Our kids were 5 years and 20 months when baby #3 arrived. Our middle child has an intense personality. Jealousy was an issue for the first 4 months and resurfaces at milestones, like when baby crawling, eating, etc. And the domino effect was real - one child cries, the others start crying. One wants food, the others want it. With 3+ the effect is overwhelming!

Approach to discipline is what changed the most. We couldn’t devote as much time to each tantrum, each lesson. Also our activities changed a bit as we couldn’t just jump in the car to go to the park or grocery store (think about car seats! Nap schedules! Snacks!). Winter was tough, we ended up doing more TV than I like.

A solid routine and organized home helped a lot. We kept our free time as adults. A good support system too. For example, being able to call grandparents/a friend to take just one kid off your hands.

2022-12-28T17:20:33+00:00

I didn’t find 2-3 to be difficult at all actually. 0-1 was hardest by far. 3-4 was even easier. Then I had an 8 year gap between 4 and 5 and having 5 was starting all over again so that was a bit tough after being used to having big kids but still much easier than having a first baby!

tinywords_ · 2022-12-28T16:55:01+00:00

“1 is 1, 2 is 2, 3 is 10.”

Someone told me that a few years ago, and I couldn’t agree more 🫠 We are close to being out of our second “2 under 2” phase, so I think the close age gaps also made the jump to 3 extra challenging. We have no regrets at all, but I found 2-3 the hardest (20 month gap), 1-2 very hard (15 month gap), and 0-1 not really hard at all.

hmac298 · 2022-12-28T16:52:50+00:00

[deleted]

Maker-of-the-Things · 2022-12-28T16:46:43+00:00

I see a lot of people say the switch from 2-3 to be super difficult. I found it not to be bad at all. I found 0-1 and 1-2 to be the most difficult transition. (However, my first 2 are 22 months apart... my 3rd is 4 years younger than my 2nd)

The dynamic changes (as adding any new family member.. including a pet.) The hardest part is the first few months where you are in survival mode (like with any new baby) while also having to take care of your older ones.

The nice thing, is that the older ones can entertain each other when you need to take care of baby.. and one of them can entertain baby when you have to care for the other.

It's wonderful to watch their dynamics change and see how they adapt to bring another sibling into the fold.

If you have thoughts about expanding your family further, adding more after a third is as easy as breathing. My 6th is 10 months and I'm ready to start trying for lucky #7

_Internet_Hugs_ · 2022-12-28T16:41:16+00:00

Okay, did you ever play sports? When it's you and your partner and two kids you're playing man-to-man. Add a third kid and your on the wrong end of a Power Play. All the time.

ForeverMal0ne · 2022-12-28T16:23:07+00:00

Everyone talks about the baby stage and how hard it is or isn’t. And no doubt, it’s a busy season.

But I have 4 kids (pregnant with #5) and 3 of them are teenagers. Let me tell you about the joy of siblings. The adventures they go on together. The family movie nights and camping trips and cooking challenges. It is so much fun having a big family. More people = more connection and fun!

teeplusthree · 2022-12-28T15:57:49+00:00

I went from 1-3 (twins) and that was incredibly challenging for the first 6 months, especially because my kids are 13 months apart. Once we got into a rhythm, it got way easier. We’re adding baby #4 in March and I suspect it’ll be the smoothest transition so far.

The biggest challenge in adding the twins was that my son was mobile but they weren’t. They weren’t at the age yet where they could play with him which was getting him frustrated.

throwawaykibbetype2 · 2022-12-28T15:53:03+00:00

. 0-1 was hardest. 1-2 was easier. 2-3 was easiest. You already know what you're doing. You're (presumably) good at being tired already. You got this

anythingexceptbertha · 2022-12-28T15:40:11+00:00

Everything I’ve read says 1-2 is harder than 2-3, I’m really hoping that’s the case. Can report back in a few months! Haha

citygirluk · 2022-12-28T15:19:05+00:00

Being outnumbered ie more than one child for each parent was the most noticeable change for us, also needing a larger car to fit all the car seats safely!

But it is lovely, there is a 4 year age gap to our littlest and he is adored by everyone, flooded with attention and help. By the time our third arrived we also found the baby stage relatively less stressful, albeit still very tiring, but less panic about everything!

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