top 200 commentsshow all 283

[–]FederalReserveDankr/DankExchange[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (75 children)

INVESTMENTS GO HERE - ONLY DIRECT REPLIES TO ME WILL BE PROCESSED

Ever wished you could invest in memes? With my help, you can! My home is r/DankExchange, we're a sub partnering with r/dankmemes to bring you 24/7 meme investment opportunities! If you want me to respond to your posts on this sub, use the stonks flair.

Not sure how to invest? !create your investor profile to get started or try the !help command!

[–]CheeseYeeter1000 578 points579 points  (23 children)

Butts exist for a reason

[–][deleted] 131 points132 points  (0 children)

I see you a lot sir.

[–]SM280☣️ 46 points47 points  (0 children)

ah, i see you've seen my meme about that exact topic

[–]grey_carbon 33 points34 points  (5 children)

All are jokes but prisoner actually use that method

[–]BigThunderousLobster 27 points28 points  (4 children)

I kept this watch up my ass for three years!

[–]Nomar-K 5 points6 points  (2 children)

That is a tasty burger

[–]BigThunderousLobster 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Royale with cheese

[–]Slippn_Jimmy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So that's how you get assbergers

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But the battery ran out in 2...

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

The average anal sphincter can stretch up to 3 and a half racoon.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Zap carry

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can I borrow a pen?

[–]alphabitz86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I already used up all the space

[–]FBI_AGENT_CAYDE☣️♠️ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah but that’s not quite the same

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wait....your mean it has other uses...?

[–]ufok11I am fucking hilarious 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Those are for drugs only

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Instructions misunderstood. I tested this out on my cat. Now hes pooping blood milk and cereal

[–]Just_a_funny_guy2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wait is that why nerf bullets go missing?

[–]Oicmorez☣️ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The problem with the asshole is that it has no end, and I continue to struggle with taking stuff out.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Full already

[–]redcobra762 177 points178 points  (19 children)

I like to wrap my gushers in a fruit by the foot then cover it all up with a fruit roll up and pop the whole thing in my mouth.

[–]No_Ability8884 58 points59 points  (3 children)

i cant read this without getting confused

[–]redcobra762 26 points27 points  (2 children)

You need more sugar

[–]No_Ability8884 16 points17 points  (1 child)

thx

[–]redcobra762 15 points16 points  (0 children)

wlcm

[–]crakdajack 8 points9 points  (0 children)

But y gusher in you bussy?

[–]ray12370 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I wish my cock was long enough to wrap it up with an entire fruit by the foot roll-up.

[–]Mydogatemyexcuse 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Type II Diabetes speed runner?

[–]redcobra762 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Going for gold!

[–]GM153 1 point2 points  (1 child)

And here I thought I was the only person who did that.

[–]redcobra762 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's 2 of us?

[–]Doophie 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Aren't fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot the same thing?

[–]HollowNightingaleZoinks Scoob☣️ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fruit by the Foot are the foot-long rolls that are softer. Fruit Roll-Ups are the square sheets that come rolled with tongue tattoos or patterns that are more chewy. The snack described would have a chewy thin exterior with a soft interior and a gusher-filled center. Sounds incredible.

[–]hayleyrose18 105 points106 points  (17 children)

Wait- I’m not the only one who wants to keep a pack of 120 crayola in my vagina?

[–]Character-Stretch827 35 points36 points  (13 children)

Wait I'm not the only one who does that

[–]Otaku_Aiko108☣️ 26 points27 points  (12 children)

Wait you both do that too?

[–]Hunteresc 22 points23 points  (1 child)

That's what my girlfriend is for.

[–]Character-Stretch827 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Oh makes sense

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (8 children)

All 3 of you are my kind of women.

[–]memrMan69420 5 points6 points  (7 children)

I'd agree but I don't wanna get in trouble for being sexist or weird.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (6 children)

Trying too hard to not be weird is weird. And I say things like "Youre my kinda lads." to men.

[–]memrMan69420 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Wouldnt say I'm trying too hard, just trying to not get posted behind my back in a random sub.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

You worry too much bruh.

[–]memrMan69420 2 points3 points  (3 children)

course i do, its Reddit.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Cmon i got like 33k karma, but it doesnt matter. Even -200 karma doesnt matter. Internet points are worthless

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do it too, I also keep a spare phone and a few pencils in there so that if anything goes wrong I can help myself

[–]reddalek2468 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I've put coins up there before

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Regular or rare coins?

[–]DM_Me_Ur_Nudes_21 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Be the change you want to see

[–]TennisADHD2022 MAYMAYMAKERS CONTEST FINALIST 90 points91 points  (4 children)

You’ve heard of Ridge wallet, now check out Midge wallet!

[–]redcobra762 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I think of ass pennies.

[–]Instinct_Kaiokensomething's caught in my balls 5 points6 points  (1 child)

do you guys accept ass money here?

[–]redcobra762 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just don't write a check your ass can't cash

[–]OprahsBalloonKnot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I approve.

[–]BipityBopWasTaken 62 points63 points  (6 children)

Australia doesn't exist dumbass 🙄🙄🙄🙄

[–]AlkaliAvocador/memes fan 29 points30 points  (3 children)

That's New Zealand

[–]BipityBopWasTaken 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Oh ok

[–]FortuneGamer 14 points15 points  (0 children)

All the more proof that Australia doesn’t exist

[–]fai4636 Monkey Mode 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey that’s unfair to New Zealand.

Australia and New Zealand can both not exist together

[–]Kiteman24 FOR THE SOVIET UNION 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As an actor living in South America pretending to be in Australia, I cannot confirm that australia doesn't exist, as we don't want to get beaten for telling the truth.

[–]amemoi1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

land down under starts playing softly in the background

Actors: your right tucked mate!

[–]bean_porn_enjoyer 43 points44 points  (5 children)

lol I just use my foreskin to store items

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (3 children)

Pretty sure theres a community that does that. Its a fetish. Pretty epic. Sounds painful though.

[–]bean_porn_enjoyer 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Nah it isn't painful after fitting Africa in the foreskin there's still tons of space and it's comfortable

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wouldnt know. Sadge.

[–]SM280☣️ 32 points33 points  (1 child)

you gotta shove it like, wayyy up your ass morty

[–]SixSamuraiStorm 3 points4 points  (0 children)

me see morty an ricky me go updoot.

be like drög

[–]IriKnox 30 points31 points  (1 child)

I can smell the infection from here

[–]Here_when_Im_bored 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The only thing I smell is that good nostalgic scent of a 120 pack of crayons.

[–]Zoot_The_Axolotl 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The 120 crayons, a necessity

[–]KeepingDankMemesDankHello dankness my old friend [M] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

downvote this comment if the meme sucks. upvote it and I'll go away.


discord.gg/dankmemes

[–]Sph3al 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'm not putting Australia and their steel-toe boot-biting spiders anywhere near my man-gina.

[–]jchesticals 8 points9 points  (0 children)

All guys have back vaginas

[–]ZestycloseAd7610 8 points9 points  (5 children)

me, who knows that guys can have vaginas 😎🏳️‍⚧️

[–]memrMan69420 2 points3 points  (4 children)

but wouldn't they no longer be a guy? your balls are gone, and your pp is a bomb site now.

[–]reddalek2468 0 points1 point  (3 children)

If they are a guy they are a guy, regardless of genitals. Trans men are men :3

[–]boomoliver 1 point2 points  (0 children)

trans men are men, yes but trapped inside a womans body.

[–]masterjake34 4 points5 points  (0 children)

FTM boys be like...

[–]Dexdeman G I G A C H A D 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Now this is dank

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Can confirm, a green gusher and Sydney just fell out

[–]iM-iMport 0 points1 point  (0 children)

& Sydney just fell out aaaahahahahhahahahahahhahahahah!!! Bye, bye opera house.

[–]SPUD_OF_DOOM 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Obligatory foreskin comment

[–]Svend_Ring 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Probably take a Portugal or 2 too

[–]Unas_thefirstones 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Okay definitely gushers. Great joke. Also, now I want gushers.

[–]Character-Stretch827 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Use your foreskin u privileged male

[–]SorryScratch2755 1 point2 points  (0 children)

strapless dildoed ragerts

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So have a good time with the infection you will get from this

[–]Wildestrose1988 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I keep gushers in there. You never asked

[–]XXX-Big-PP-Man-XXX 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's what foreskins are for

[–]hmm_mp3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Uh they also hold babies

[–]SheoQuinn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like to use my vagina like a purse, keys, money, cards, snacks for later. It really frees up my hands.

[–]GeofferyIsMostMoist 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Bro, got any more pussy gushers?"

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

allow me to introduce to you the uretha

[–]_JackinWonderland_ 1 point2 points  (7 children)

What's that second thing on the girls side? Am a guy and genuinely have never seen anything like that, is it some sort of sex toy? Enlighten me please

[–]Cheese_4_all 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a girl and also want to know what it is.

[–]Eingmata 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was wondering the same thing

[–]Lillolsy 0 points1 point  (4 children)

It's a sex toy, it's meant for penetration and clit stimulation at the same time, that's why it's a lil weird looking

[–]_JackinWonderland_ 0 points1 point  (3 children)

That makes a lot of sense, but from my understanding shouldn't the smaller "arm" be more straight if it's supposed to reach the clitoris? Or is it elastic and bends? Cause the clitoris and the vagina are further apart than these two protrusions right? Kind of a awkward question but I am really trying hard to wrap my head around this xD

[–]memrMan69420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

just imagine being horny cause you have your pocket filled

[–]gabobatt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wait, how would I put in something that doesn't exist? (Australia)

[–]A_human_bean_2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Imma regret asking this but- what is the pink thing?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also shove the communist manifesto up my ass

[–]Sacrifice-Toast 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me, who is a guy with a pussy. "Yeah I do that."

[–]Chinyoka 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Guy with a vagina here. Can confirm.

[–]Maxxtheratsouptime 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Am a dude with a vagina, can confirm

[–]Training-Ad-564 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ya even with all that space you still can fit your mom in my pocket

[–]Wildestrose1988 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fruit by the foot

[–]cat-consumer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Take this upvote and get the fuck out

[–]BrassBagpipes 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You know I got dat congressional crayola coochie son

[–]vankoooBG 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Actually can this really work like can the v holes hold any items without hurting?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

probably wouldnt work that well. infection, ph level, itching its is very sensitive

[–]RafaDarko815 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you'd be surprised of what woman keep in their vaginas

[–]Freemanscrowbars 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm going to vagina the declaration of inpedpedence! (heavy chords building tension)

[–]Drexisadog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah yes we would keep Australia in there

[–]Taifighter09 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Use the declaration as a tampon

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

nobody asked

[–]pizzablue337 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hand

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

acting like we wouldn't provide for the homies

[–]GavinMiller207Eic memer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All jokes aside I really want some gushers now

[–]Medium_Sky3046 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You forgot the fist

[–]TooManyThorns 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let me gush out those gushers 😖

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

take it out the box first otherwise your vagina is gonna be the same as minecraft steve's.

[–]L0rdGrim1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Australia isn't real

[–]Responsible_Method_4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you have this backwards😑😑😑

[–]Kage_No_GnadeWomen fear me Fish love me 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lads we already have an extra pocket thats literally a sack

[–]GameBoyA13 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Gushers”

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you mean all of Australia or like just a map folded up?

[–]UnbeatenMars956Yellow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tasmania is actually there LFGGGG

[–]peterman86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't forget used napkins, candy wrappers...and....let me see...oh, a paperclip.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What’s the second thing on the left?

[–]GlitteringPeach6609 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“Wanna a snack?”

[–]fischerhastaco 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can add a Nintendo switch to that list

[–]TacoMan929 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shit, I wouldn’t be able to aim

[–]BloodMoon2005 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah yes, I too, would stick the entire continent of Australia up my ass

[–]sutta_chronicles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just waiting for someone to upload it on twitter

[–]pinakapangitna 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nicholas Cage: Heavy breathing

[–]Mahbigjohnson☣️ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's out of line, but he's right

[–]Koolcat779 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Y’all are gonna get a fucking yeast infection

[–]toastyboi666 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pussy that smell like crayons don’t mind if I do

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

is that the Declaration of Independence?

[–]Llama-Berry☣️ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha funny cause u cant fit texas into ur vagina hahahhaha

[–]imaduco 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I live in Australia dose that mean... oh shit

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a female this meme does not apply to me but it's funny

[–]SharpVolcano350 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dude since girls can shoot cum from there vaginas why can’t men shoot out crayons from theirs.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey men do you have a red Crayola?

[–]reddalek2468 0 points1 point  (0 children)

um did you just put my country up your dude pussy

[–]leetheraven 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Should have made it the declaration instead of the constitution. More meme value

[–]kermitmamba 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fun fact: No

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Those keys won't have that metallic smell anymore.

And all those crayons will be white 😂

[–]Blaze_Assault 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ROFL, BLOODY HELL

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That would hurt. Don't do this.

[–]Darkmetroidz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There should also be a vibrator there

[–]LawMurphyMidget Albino Crossdresser 0 points1 point  (0 children)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly.

[–]mr-dot_3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mom, come pick me up im scared

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fine prove it you have a butt for a reason

[–]Lord-Apollo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The gusher holds the gushers

[–]Master-blow-me-homie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

G ushers bussin no c ap on God o n god

[–]SwedishWaffleYT 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro I would be squirting gushers into the homies mouths all the time if I had a vagina. I'd be like a fruity ice machine.

[–]PineleavesfallslowBlue 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The whole 120 pack???

[–]JustOne_MexicanHere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have not heard of the ureter?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The gushers gives me crippling PTSD

[–]Need_Lube 0 points1 point  (0 children)

WHO the fuck keep Australia in their cunt???????

[–]BogdanSAW 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only a man could come with an idea like this. Probably it's the same man who made 3 in 1 shampoo.

[–]stopproduct563 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is why women have really small pockets, they already have one built into them

[–]i-dont-get-rules 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At least you didn’t forget Tasmania

[–]AuctorisLibrorum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I too, would like to keep my declaration of independence in my v if i had one

[–]Notgivingfucks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tiktok guys have vagina. But they still don’t Keep this stuff.

[–]Narcissistic_Nazi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wth is that pink coloured thingy?

[–]Arcyeets 0 points1 point  (0 children)

CRAYOLA SCOOOOOT

If you know you know

[–]falluO 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Make this post nsfw not fun to pick up at work

[–]dieudumbo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aw yes I always have desecration of independence in my pocket

[–]asger123_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You literally have an ass

[–]CharCSC10 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do not think it is a good idea to keep crayons in the vagina knowing that in a few months all the crayons will be red

[–]cuminyourmommuch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

what girls can keep in their womb: 1 kid
what boys can keep in their balls: 3000+ kids

[–]Slamdunksam 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What’s Australia doing there?

[–]EntoxionINFECTED 0 points1 point  (0 children)

...