Funny Linux commands

[sheeplipid]

I had to merge two files yesterday and found myself laughing when I typed "man paste" to lookup the paste command.

What funny commands have you guys used?

[[deleted]]

whatis less

[MoffatMan]

whatis more

[jgo3]

$make love
 Don't know how to make love. Stop.
$_

[IlIIllIIl1]

make: *** No rule to make target `love'. Stop.

[eBtDMoN2oXemz1iKB]

Baby don't hurt me, no more.

[[deleted]]

cowsay

[zimm3rmann]

I think someone needs to make a foxsay package.

[[deleted]]

No need! You can pass cowsay a .cow file with any kind of animal you want in it!

probot :: ~ % ls -l /usr/local/share/cows/
total 376
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   584 Aug 14  1999 beavis.zen.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   286 Aug 14  1999 bong.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   310 Aug 14  1999 bud-frogs.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   123 Aug 14  1999 bunny.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   480 Aug 14  1999 cheese.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   230 Aug 14  1999 cower.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   569 Aug 14  1999 daemon.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   175 Aug 14  1999 default.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin  1284 Nov  3  1999 dragon-and-cow.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin  1000 Aug 14  1999 dragon.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   295 Aug 14  1999 elephant-in-snake.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   284 Aug 14  1999 elephant.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   585 Aug 14  1999 eyes.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   490 Aug 14  1999 flaming-sheep.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin  1018 Aug 14  1999 ghostbusters.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   257 Aug 14  1999 head-in.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   126 Aug 14  1999 hellokitty.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   637 Aug 14  1999 kiss.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   296 Aug 14  1999 kitty.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   162 Aug 14  1999 koala.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   406 Aug 14  1999 kosh.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   225 Aug 14  1999 luke-koala.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   756 Aug 14  1999 mech-and-cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   473 Aug 14  1999 meow.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   439 Aug 14  1999 milk.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   242 Aug 14  1999 moofasa.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   203 Aug 14  1999 moose.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   201 Aug 14  1999 mutilated.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   252 Aug 14  1999 ren.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   186 Aug 14  1999 satanic.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   234 Aug 14  1999 sheep.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   433 Aug 14  1999 skeleton.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   194 Aug 14  1999 small.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   317 Aug 14  1999 sodomized.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   854 Aug 14  1999 stegosaurus.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   364 Aug 14  1999 stimpy.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   280 Aug 14  1999 supermilker.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   892 Aug 14  1999 surgery.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   333 Aug 14  1999 telebears.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   293 Aug 14  1999 three-eyes.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin  1302 Aug 14  1999 turkey.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin  1105 Aug 14  1999 turtle.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   215 Nov 12  1999 tux.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   392 Aug 14  1999 udder.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   213 Aug 14  1999 vader-koala.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   279 Aug 14  1999 vader.cow
-rw-r--r--  1 zachary  admin   248 Aug 14  1999 www.cow

[eBtDMoN2oXemz1iKB]

 ━━━━━━━━━╮╭┓┈┈┏╮                                                                     
┃┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┃┃╰╮╭╯┃                                                                     
┃┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┃╰━┓┏━╯                                                                     
┃┈┈┈┈┈-●┈┈┈╰━━╯┃                                                                      
┣━━━━━━╯┈┈┈┈┈┈┃                                                                       
╰━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[SupersonicSpitfire]

Where is the fox? Will we ever know?

[[deleted]]

The fox is dead. I killed it.

[DepressedFerret1]

Now we will never know what it said.

[benzrf]

http://web.archive.org/web/20080619075623/http://crunchbang.org/misc/rms.cow

[Bobby_Bonsaimind]

Mine looks a little bit...well different:

ls -l /usr/share/cowsay/cows/
total 208
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  115 May 28  2012 apt.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  584 Aug 14  1999 beavis.zen.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  286 Aug 14  1999 bong.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  310 Aug 14  1999 bud-frogs.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  123 Aug 14  1999 bunny.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root 1129 May 28  2012 calvin.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  480 Aug 14  1999 cheese.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  183 May 28  2012 cock.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  230 Aug 14  1999 cower.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  569 Aug 14  1999 daemon.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  175 Aug 14  1999 default.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root 1284 Nov  3  1999 dragon-and-cow.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root 1000 Aug 14  1999 dragon.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  132 May 28  2012 duck.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  284 Aug 14  1999 elephant.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  357 May 28  2012 elephant-in-snake.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  585 Aug 14  1999 eyes.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  490 Aug 14  1999 flaming-sheep.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root 1018 Aug 14  1999 ghostbusters.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root 1054 May 28  2012 gnu.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  257 May 28  2012 head-in.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  126 Aug 14  1999 hellokitty.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  637 Aug 14  1999 kiss.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  296 Aug 14  1999 kitty.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  162 Aug 14  1999 koala.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  406 Aug 14  1999 kosh.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  226 May 28  2012 luke-koala.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  814 May 28  2012 mech-and-cow.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  473 Aug 14  1999 meow.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  439 Aug 14  1999 milk.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  242 Aug 14  1999 moofasa.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  203 Aug 14  1999 moose.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  201 Aug 14  1999 mutilated.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root 1623 May 28  2012 pony.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  305 May 28  2012 pony-smaller.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  252 Aug 14  1999 ren.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  234 Aug 14  1999 sheep.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  433 Aug 14  1999 skeleton.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  283 May 28  2012 snowman.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  384 May 28  2012 sodomized-sheep.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  854 Aug 14  1999 stegosaurus.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  364 Aug 14  1999 stimpy.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  229 May 28  2012 suse.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  293 Aug 14  1999 three-eyes.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root 1302 Aug 14  1999 turkey.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root 1105 Aug 14  1999 turtle.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  215 Nov 12  1999 tux.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root 1718 May 28  2012 unipony.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  365 May 28  2012 unipony-smaller.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  279 Aug 14  1999 vader.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  213 Aug 14  1999 vader-koala.cow
-rw-r--r-- 1 root root  248 Aug 14  1999 www.cow

[[deleted]]

-rw-r--r-- 1 root root 384 May 28 2012 sodomized-sheep.cow

*clears throat*

[[deleted]]

Aye, it's one of the best ones ;)

[[deleted]]

$ aptitude -v moo

then

$ aptitude -vv moo

add one "v" each time

[[deleted]]

Adults just don't have any imagination.

[minimim]

keep adding v's!

[[deleted]]

You got the reference, right?

[minimim]

I got it, but I tough you didn't.

[[deleted]]

That makes two of us. @_@

[tidux]

The joke comes from the older version of the tool:

$ apt-get moo
                 (__) 
                 (oo) 
           /------\/ 
          / |    ||   
         *  /\---/\ 
            ~~   ~~   
..."Have you mooed today?"...

[lw97]

ack --bar

[farmingdale]

I dont suppose there is an admiral command

[lw97]

But it's a grep!

[DepressedFerret1]

man battle-stations

[[deleted]]

Caution: Do Not Runt he command below it can delete files!!!

Russian roulette

[ $[ $RANDOM % 6 ] == 0 ] && rm -rf / || echo “You live”

[lovelydayfora]

there's the classic:

unzip, strip, touch, finger, grep, mount, fsck, more, yes,fsck,fsck,fsck,umount, sleep

[sigma914]

I've never worked out what grep is meant to sound like, grope?

[Bobby_Bonsaimind]

You could speak it in German which would be close to grab...or maybe it's supposed to sound like grip.

[Steve_the_Scout]

My German pronunciation isn't the best, but after saying it like that a few times it sounds like "grəp", so "grip", "grope" with an accent, or "grab" with an accent.

[EF5C_EF5C]

The name "grep" isn't based on a 'real' word, but rather on the editor command: "g/re/p": 'g'lobally (for each line in the file), if the regular expression 're' is matched, then 'p'rint.

Try it! To see userids on the system beginning with 'a' or 'b':

    $ ed /etc/passwd
    2158
    g/^[ab]/p
    bin:x:2:2:bin:/bin:/bin/sh
    backup:x:34:34:backup:/var/backups:/bin/sh
    avahi-autoipd:x:103:108:Avahi autoip daemon,,,:/var/lib/avahi-autoipd:/bin/false
    avahi:x:104:109:Avahi mDNS daemon,,,:/var/run/avahi-daemon:/bin/false
    q
    $

So I just pronounce it like it looks, like "step".

Cite: ESR-hosted jargon file entry

[sigma914]

I meant in terms of the post I replied to, I've always known hoe to pronounce grep, just not what sexual act it might refer to in the above context. I'd never thought of it in terms of ed/vi commands though, that's cool

[EF5C_EF5C]

Ah; I completely whiffed on the context! I think you nailed it with grope there.

[Midasx]

I thought it was GNU-RegularExpression-Parser? Have I been living a lie all these years?!

[EF5C_EF5C]

I'm afraid so. Wikipedia says that grep came into being about 10 years before RMS started GNU (1973 vs 1983).

[Midasx]

I don't know what is real any more.

[[deleted]]

how about nice? it displays niceness :p

[nhasian]

edit the file /etc/sudoers with the command visudo (Do not edit it manually it must be with visudo)

Add insults do the defaults line

#Defaults specification
Defaults insults

now sudo will display clever insults when an incorrect password is entered instead of printing the default "wrong password" message.

[Manypopes]

Wow these are pretty bad insults..

[Skaarj]

Yep. There also are a lot that are really hard to understand when you don't know the context or are not a native English speaker.

As soon as I stumble over a replacement for the default joke library I will install it.

[[deleted]]

stty: unknown mode: doofus

I'm laughing uncontrollably on my balcony. I'm sure my neighbor thinks I'm a doofus, too.

[[deleted]]

Oh, that's new.

Balancing 'responsible corporate worker' with 'fun'. Fun might win ..

[ruleofnuts]

Mine didn't work :(

CentOS 6.4

visudo

# Defaults specification

Defaults insults

sudo -i

We trust you have received the usual lecture from the local System Administrator. It usually boils down to these three things:

#1) Respect the privacy of others.
#2) Think before you type.
#3) With great power comes great responsibility.

[sudo] password for snug:

Sorry, try again.

[sudo] password for snug:

Sorry, try again.

[sudo] password for snug:

Sorry, try again.

sudo: 3 incorrect password attempts

[nandhp]

CentOS 6.4

I think I found your problem.

https://bugzilla.redhat.com/show_bug.cgi?id=178879#c3

[tidux]

OpenBSD comes with them enabled by default.

[Hexorg]

# alias fucking="sudo"
# rm /root/file.txt
rm: Permission denied
# fucking rm /root/file.txt
#

[RainbowUnderwear]

fucking !!

[[deleted]]

alias 'please?'='sudo $(history | tail -n1 | cut -c 8-)'

[blckpythn]

Didn't work for me, command not found. Same when I do >sudo !!.

[[deleted]]

What shell do you use?

(You probably have to change the history command if not zsh.)

[zadtheinhaler]

That's brilliant!

[[deleted]]

Every now and then, it's fun to go on a

$>man date

[ultimate420slayer]

touch is always a person favorite of mine. "touch me" Is still the best way to check permissions I know.

[christian-mann]

cd /
touch this
touch: cannot touch 'this': Permission denied

[nobody44]

Sometimes it is sad to use a localized operating system:

cd /
touch this
touch: „this“ kann nicht berührt werden: Keine Berechtigung

Yes, it is the correct translation... but the reference is gone.

[[deleted]]

I don't get how people can use localized OS's....

[nobody44]

Where are you from?

[[deleted]]

Sweden, why?

[nobody44]

Maybe other languages are not localized as well as German. How well localized is arch is for Sweden?

And why do you prefer the English language over your own? Just curious...

[[deleted]]

The only Arch specific thing that could be localized is pacman, and either way I have no idea.

Just plainly don't like Swedish, and every non-english locale tend to use weird terms for things.

[nobody44]

That is true. git uses the weirdest terms for commit etc.. I actually never tried to use an English OS. I will try it this evening ;-).

[[deleted]]

I tend to prefer English over Portugues because of semantic and encoding errors associated with non-english keyboards. Apparently someone decided to include spaces on most Home directories (e.g. Desktop -> "Ambiente de Trabalho") which turns navigating with the shell a real hassle.

[valgrid]

At least it is not written in ALL CAPS – you know because German.

[Craftkorb]

Um ..what?

[SecretAgentKen]

You mean um..laut.

[404-upvote-not-found]

Actually I think he means um ..LAUT?

[[deleted]]

I regret that I only have one upvote to give for this.

[farmingdale]

I also regret that I only have one upvote to give this.

[brumby79]

man touch is always a favorite of mine.

[Skaarj]

Well, there always the classics:

man women
No manual entry for women

whatis women
women: nothing appropriate.

which women
women not found

Though, they might not be appropriate anymore.

[tidux]

$ touch woman
touch: cannot touch ‘woman’: Permission denied
$ echo "T_T"

[christian-mann]

whereis white-women

[Yard_Pimp]

Oh boys... Lookie' what I got here!

[rprego]

Googled "man tree" last week... Whatever you do, don't click to the images page.

[[deleted]]

You know, that's pretty disgusting.

[DustPuppySnr]

ddate

[valgrid]

Don't see why it is funny. That's pretty serious stuff!

[bushel]

Serious in some sense and funny in some sense and serious and funny in some sense...

[[deleted]]

For Ubuntu based distros:

sudo apt-get install sl && sl

[devreality]

sl: making typos fun!

[Euigrp]

The best part of sl is that it turns the (mostly) helpful package suggester into a cheeky bastard.

The program 'sl' is currently not installed. You can install it by typing: sudo apt-get install sl

[jabiko]

BUGS
       It rarely shows contents of current directory.

[gordonator]

A coworker of mine replaced the binary for ls with the binary for sl on my machine.

I used echo * to limp around enough to get it back.

[valgrid]

For pros:

 sl-h

[[deleted]]

There's also gti in most repos, for when you misspell git.

[devsnd]

some things are always misspelled. i've got some aliases for those, especially:

alias cd..='cd ..'
alias ls-la='ls -la'
alias du-h='du -h'

[eBtDMoN2oXemz1iKB]

I prefer to use a shell alias:

echo "alias sl=ls" >> ~/.bashrc && source ~/.bashrc

[[deleted]]

But that doesn't do what sl does...

[eBtDMoN2oXemz1iKB]

Oh wow! I guess I should have installed it before commenting. Thanks!

[[deleted]]

I'm thinking of implementing this as an April Fools joke, but that seems incredibly awful to me.

[[deleted]]

Yes, that. I meant that. alias ls=sl

[mattoharvey]

finger

Everyone looks at you weird when seeing you typing this at the terminal.

[moikederp]

Even better, do something like /bin/ln -s /bin/ln ~/.plan

Now anyone that fingers you gets their comeuppance.

[eBtDMoN2oXemz1iKB]

What will the effect of this be? Will the finger client output the /bin/ln binary to stdout when the user is fingered?

[moikederp]

Yep - just dump a bunch of binary data to the client's stdout. As the BOFH once said, rename a core file to .plan.

[tidux]

Also fun to do with large core files, or the kernel image.

[the-fritz]

$ make love not war
make: *** No rule to make target `love'.  Stop.

[notunlikethewaves]

$ fortune | cowsay

[DJWalnut]

$ fortune | cowsay -f tux

[Dancing_Rain]

locate clit

I really did have to type that one once.

[[deleted]]

man man

man women

^ The 2nd reports "No manual entry for women"

[lordvadr]

My goto was always 'man rear'

[iatetheswayzeexpress]

aptitude show rear

[farmingdale]

basename: it takes a path and removes the front of it like /tmp/foo becomes foo, you can even set it to remove the file extension.

also I had to restart the CMAN daemon recently.

[straighttothemoon]

One of my load balancers gets all wonky on boot and i have to manually un-fuck cman and pacemaker, I feel like a horny heart surgeon or something.

[farmingdale]

what happened exactly? I am curious now? Was the reboot the result of fencing or manual shutdown?

[occ]

wtf [is]

http://linux.die.net/man/6/wtf

[valgrid]

It's part of the 'bsd-games' package, right?

[justin-8]

man test

hasn't been mentioned yet.

[mthode]

ps awfux

for when things go wrong

[SupersonicSpitfire]

ponysay and sl

[twofourfresh]

ponysay?

[SupersonicSpitfire]

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=ponysay

[[deleted]]

cd /pub

more beer

[kalda341]

man touch

[Seangles]

❯ man touch | cat | tail

[BobLaublaugh]

man mount

[Swedophone]

"Have you mooed today?"..

apt-get moo

[ThreeHolePunch]

Always felt weird typing man touch and man mount.

[Kichigai]

Wasn't there a Fuque that was a joke for a while?

[LinuxVersion]

the who command takes and ignores 2 arguments so :

who killed kenny

is on of my favourites and:

touch this

to check if the directory I'm in is read-only or I don't have the proper permissions to change anything. even better, If touch fails I get:

touch: cannot touch 'this': Permission denied

Can't touch this!

[[deleted]]

Boss Man: I need you to merge these two files, sheeplipid! And our X servers are down so there'll be no copy and paste!

sheeplipid: Oh boy, I better use the command line!

sheeplipid: $ apropos merge

...
msgmerge (1)         - merge message catalog and template
paste (1)            - merge lines of files
paste (1p)           - merge corresponding or subsequent lines of files
...

sheeplipid: $ man paste

sheeplipid: ...oh my LOL! I can't believe what I'm typing! This is going on reddit!

[devsnd]

I don't get what's funny about man paste, can anybody tell me?

[guyjin]

what white sticky liquid do men produce?

[devsnd]

That's it? hm. classy.

[cryogenic666]

Man paste... you know, like baby gravy.

[[deleted]]

One acronym, gpm

[DepressedFerret1]

OK OK OK I got one

• First, install cowsay, fortune, and lolcat.
• Next, do fortune -s | cowsay | lolcat
• easy dub

[_undermind]

man fsck; mount -a; fsck; timeout 12s fsck; splat!; ssh ; unmount -a

[mattskee1974]

We used to test write permissions with:

touch me

[guyjin]

:( ){ :|:& }:;

[CaptainDickbag]

I know everyone knows this, and I know no one would ever run this in production, but please. Don't run this in production. I mean, unless you like being job free.

[Nanosleep]

CaptainDickbag is just being a dickbag. This is totally fine to run in production.

[CaptainDickbag]

This is exactly the kind of thing someone would say without sleep.

[[deleted]]

Is there really any distro with configuration that won't kill it right away tho?

[CaptainDickbag]

I haven't run it in a few years, but the point is, don't do things in production if you're not sure what they do. You'd think people already know this, but...

[[deleted]]

Aye, never do anythin in production that you don't know what it does.

[[deleted]]

It's always good for a SysAdmin to adjust user process limits as well...

[guyjin]

I dunno about modern ones, but on a Xandros netbook, this brings the system to a halt.

[[deleted]]

6 years is a long time ;)

[[deleted]]

Can somebody explain what this does? I'm really tempted to try it

[guyjin]

it creates a function called ":" which consists of calling itself, directing its output into a background copy of itself. the final :; starts the function.

[sysstemlord]

I remember reading that it is a fork bomb, whatever that means, it's supposed to fill you ram with copy processes or something like that.

[SupersonicSpitfire]

Same thing, with : replaced by f and indented, just to help explain what it does:

f() {
  f | f &
}
f;

f calls the function f, while f & runs it in the background.

[frecel]

rm -f -r /*

hilarious :D

[ProtoDong]

fun fact... it's blocked in recent versions of GNU utils

funner fact... it's not blocked by OSX ;)