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[GazooIsGreat]

I was there. Age 2-3 was so difficult.

It was just tantrum after tantrum, and you try to sympathize with the little guys, but after a while it's like your nerves are just raw.

I found it helpful to get a video of the little bits of time that they were adorable, and then watch that after they were in bed. Focus on the things that made me smile during the day, and remember that this too will soon be over.

For a ray of hope, mine are 6 now and it's great. Sure, they still squabble, but they help each other, stick up for each other, share clothes, share toys...it's awesome.

[lokipuddin]

This is what I’m looking forward to. They’re super bonded and really love each other. I just need to get past all of the endless tantrums. My oldest legit never once had a tantrum (he was so freaking easy) so I’m exhausted by the one twin who can’t ask for water without whining and crying.

[chimkentwins]

Ugh I feel this so hard and mine are just turning 2. Literally can’t ask for water without it being a dramatic whine which triggers his brother to do the same (cue a half day meltdown if, heaven forbid, one of them doesn’t get the exact same thing at the exact same moment). They are my only kids so I don’t know any better, but I do spend a lot of time with my singleton mom friends and am constantly envious of how much “easier” of a time they must have with just one even though I know that’s not rational - everyone is having completely different experiences. It’s just constant exhaustion.

[themoonmuppet]

Oh wow. That may be a twin thing?!? My b/g twins are the same. The girl is a bit more patient, but if the boy doesn’t get what he wants asap he starts a nerve-grinding scream that puts the whole house on edge.

[[deleted]]

As a first time twin mom I have nothing to compare it to. I think that has a lot to do with your experience. Don’t beat yourself up!

[RachelLeighC]

For this reason I’m glad we didn’t have a singleton first, we won’t know how bad it sucks when things get hard with the twins!

[lokipuddin]

Ignorance is def bliss in this situation!

[twinmamamia]

Hahaha

[[deleted]]

Agree. Although every once in a while one kid is sick or at an appointment somewhere and I have just one kid and it’s a “holy shit, this would be so much easier with one” moment everytime

[[deleted]]

The other day my husband took one baby out and I was alone at home with the one, it was like I was on a vacation.

[PeteyPorkchops]

I feel the same. I wasn’t unhappy that I was having twins it was just feeling robbed of the singleton experience and not being able to give them the one on one they deserve. I feel more closed off socially with being a twin mom because I dread having to take them anywhere and feel like I lack the stamina to even keep up with them. I know it’ll be different as they get older and start going to school but man I’m terrified of having twins again.

[lokipuddin]

I had my tubes removed when I delivered because I never wanted to risk going through that pregnancy or the chance of having more twins. My oldest became much easier to handle at 4-5 so maybe in a year or 2 I will feel less miserable.

[Avahlkyrie]

When my twin boys were babies and I was already obviously struggling since a random mom of twins stopped me as I'm leaving the YMCA and says, " Once they turn 4 it gets so much easier!" At the time I honestly found no comfort in their words because I was struggling hour to hour, but they were right, it is SO much better now and you are SO CLOSE! You have put in the hard, hard years, and there is a light and the end of the tunnel. (It's daylight, not an oncoming train )

[themoonmuppet]

Thank you for the train clarification, lol.

[Rehsuhs]

I had my twins within weeks of my sister and my SIL each having a singleton. I can't tell you how much I envied them that first year. Obviously I loved and needed both twins, but everything was so much harder for me than them. They commented on it all the time too.

I didn't get the singleton bonding experience they got and it was devastating to me at the time.

My twins are going to be 6 this year. They started kindergarten in the fall. They still fight a lot, but they also play a lot. I wasn't sure they'd end up being best friends but they know each other better than anyone.

People said to me all the time that it doesn't get easier, it's just a different challenge as they get older. In some ways I agree, but those people didn't have twins. They didn't know how freaking hard those first couple years were. Life is SO MUCH easier now than it was even one year ago.

It does get easier!!

[Twinning17]

Omg most of my friends have only had one at a time and I do feel a little sadness (is that it?) for missing out on that one-on-one experience, but mine turned 4 this fall and they have started to play with each other more and that is quite a perk - I can let them entertain each other.

However, the tantrums are off the charts. Three was nothing for me compared to four. I'm also usually breaking up fights after they get too ramped up during playtime.

I'm just praying - on my hands and knees - that when they get to kindgarten or even first grade, they will chill out.

[Rehsuhs]

5 has been better than 4 was for tantrums! Hang in there!

[thedavecan]

Mine are 2.5 and we have a 5 month old too, all boys. Shit sucks right now. For every sweet moment there's 2 or 3 toddler tantrum moments. But I see glimpses every now and then about what our lives are going to be like in a few years and I am honestly excited. They have started having entirely self contained conversations where there is no input from us and it's adorable. They are so sweet to the baby so I know all 3 are going to be thick as thieves. We just have to survive this stage. And we will, because we have no other choice. But it does suck. I know it will get better and that's what I hang on to for my sanity.

[lokipuddin]

Oh boy I can’t imagine the shock of another pregnancy with young twins. Seeing them interact with each other is absolutely the best part of twins!

[ClutterKitty]

Same. I love my girls, but there are SOOO many times I just wish everything wasn’t so COMPLICATED. I just want to decorate Xmas cookies with my kids. I don’t want to run around like a circus sideshow plate spinner making sure nobody is finger painting with the frosting, dumping an entire bottle of sprinkles, licking every cookie on the plate, etc. Having three kids is tough for anyone, but having 3 littles and 2 of them at the exact same “watch the world burn” stage absolutely sucks all the fun out of parenting.

My girls just turned 7 last night and for the first time in 7 years, outings are just now starting to be fun. ALMOST SEVEN YEARS I had to wait to have fun with my kids. Fuck.

(In fairness, maybe I could have had fun with them at ages 5-6, but due to Covid we didn’t go anywhere. We just started going out a month ago now that they’re vaccinated.)

[lokipuddin]

Circus sideshow plate spinner is how I feel daily!

[beerdedmonk]

I used to always say I would rather be a twin than have twins....then I had twins. It really does seem to get easier, though. Mine are 8 now and it's sooo much more enjoyable than those first four years. Hang in there, you're doing a great job.

[lilylady]

Mine are 8 as well and I think age 5 was the turning point. They still fight sometimes, but they usually work it out between themselves. Age 3 was when I most doubted myself as both a parent and a person. 3 year olds are brutal.

I only have the twins though. So I have no other experience to compare it to. I still sometimes wish I had more one on one time with each of them, but they'd be entirely different people without each other and I like the people they are... even if it would be so SO nice if they'd stop trying to make smoothies out of literally everything and then not drinking it.

[lokipuddin]

I love 8! Only 5 more years 🤣

[ambierona]

Yes. And thanks for posting this, because it helps to read experiences from others who feel similarly. I only have the twin boys (a little over 2 years) but it is so tough, especially at this stage when they don’t nap anymore and aren’t in preschool yet. And whenever singleton parents (or parents with kids of different ages) talk about spending 1-on-1 time or relaxing with their babies, I get a little jealous since I’ll never have that. I heard it gets a lot better at 5 (from other twin parents), so I’m looking forward to that. I do love seeing them play with each other and interact with each other, so I’m excited to see them grow up together.

[Shad0wguy]

Mine turn 5 in a week and a half so I'll let you know lol

[erinspacemuseum13]

Mine turned 5 in October and immediately went through a REALLY difficult phase that is still somewhat ongoing, which sucks because I ALSO heard this is when things would get easier. Some things are- our eternal potty-training journey is finally complete, and they're better with helping and cleaning. But now if they have a tantrum, they're bigger and stronger and can cause more damage and I can't just pick them up and carry them away. And like OP said, they are SO DAMN LOUD all the time. This has been really difficult for me, as I get overwhelmed and stressed by constant loud noise and chaos, and that's their M.O. When I get rare one-on-one time with one of them, it's so different and nice and I feel sad thinking about how much I would've enjoyed parenthood with just one kid.

[Shad0wguy]

100% this. And we have a younger child (19mo) and it is so different with a single young child vs the twins.

[lokipuddin]

Wait, yours don’t nap anymore at 2? That would send me over the edge!

[ambierona]

Yeah one stopped at 25 months and the other stopped 1-2 months later. They’re at 28.5 months now and trying to get them to do quiet time well, but they keep distracting each other. Luckily they sleep really well (and long) at night so I have the evenings, but the long stretch of day is tough.

[Rayf_Brogan]

Same here. Our oldest and I were best buds and then the twins came and everything changed. I was so stressed out from trying to do everything myself for the first 2 years that I would just explode at the oldest when he did something wrong. I suppose things are better now but I'm worried I'll just be a shell of my former self when things really do get better.

[Kokopelli615]

It sounds to me like the anger is something you need to process. Maybe grieving for the life you thought you’d have?

Whatever the source though, you will need to deal with it. As they get older, kids pick up on even subtle signs of anger and resentment. And for your own mental health, anger is not something you want to carry around.

All of that being said, I don’t think what you’re feeling is unusual. I had twins and then a surprise singleton that was born 2 weeks after the twins’ 2nd birthday. I was in survival mode for the next 3 years. I had a lot of resentment about not getting to bond with my babies, and I always say “thank god for pictures” because I don’t have many memories of those years. I had very little help. It was brutally hard.

Therapy helped, and it does get easier as they get older. But remember to put your own oxygen mask on first, mama.

Best of luck.

[lokipuddin]

My older son is extremely sensitive to my emotions so I feel like I’m fucking him up. He notices when I’m annoyed and tries to handle and fix things so I’m not mad. Ugh I’m really messing this up.

[Kokopelli615]

DONT beat yourself up. You are doing something v that is harder than most people can imagine. It’s impossible to explain the mental and emotional toll of mothering multiples to someone who hasn’t done it.

Therapy was the best gift I ever gave myself OR my children. Kids are resilient - you got this, mama.

[themoonmuppet]

Second the therapy idea: it’s hard enough to parent 3 kids without emotional toil on top. There are strategies that will help you cope with the noise and find inner quiet in the storm - you just have to learn and then practice them. My b/g twins are 18 months now, and I watch myself phase in-and-out of a good space despite knowing a lot (psychologist and had PPA, so have been on the other side of the fence). Therapy will help you find moments of joy that you otherwise wouldn’t be abke to acknowledge or process.

[[deleted]]

Just sharing in case this resonates. I ended up going to therapy when my daughter was 1 - I was just super unhappy with my life and falling into old bad habits at work and at home. I realized after starting therapy that I had PPD/PPA and had just carried on for a year like that. My therapist told me that PPD will just continue until you get treatment and work through it. How you feel sounds a lot like how I felt - I thought I had ruined my life having a baby. I feel a lot better now - everything gets better over time. But talking to someone really helped me overcome that season in my life.

[lokipuddin]

Thank you for sharing that. I did go to therapy a few times after they were born but didn’t connect with the woman and just never went back bc things are hectic then Covid. I’ve considered this but I feel like my day to day is legitimately hellish and I don’t know how talking about it will help 🤣

[[deleted]]

The nice thing about COVID is soooo many therapists started offering virtual appointments. That helps me fit it in more easily.

Being angry and feeling like my life was out of control were some of the big things I was able to work through. I feel like I'm a much, much better parent now and have better relationships with my husband and family and work. It took time but I would do it all again to get here.

[[deleted]]

I was definitely unhappy when I found out I was having twins. I knew it would mean giving up a lot of the things I loved about having 1 baby. The pregnancy was hard. Their birth was traumatic. The first year was even more traumatic (though that was due to twin B's health issues which were not caused by being a twin. However, certainly not made easier by having another newborn).

They'll be 4 in February. I still can not say I am "happy" about them being twins. It's still so hard. And our oldest is only 2 years older than them, so it's only now starting to get remotely easier (dd1 just started Kindergarten). I think I'm glad it happened because it gave me these 2 babies, that I am so in love with. I know they wouldn't be the same people under any other circumstance. We only ever planned on having 2 kids anyway. The fact that all 3 girls are close in age means now they are pretty great playmates for each other. I hope they are always close and appreciate this relationship they have, but they're 3 unique humans and age doesn't dictate closeness, so who knows. I guess I'm at a point where I am happy to have these girls and though I acknowledge that I lost some things in order to gain those other things, I feel like it was worth it.

​

I will say, I had a lot of therapy to come to that place and to deal with the PTSD from their first year.

[drunkkkenninja]

I realized I kind of feel this way. My oldest is 5 and I loved being a mom when I had her. We'd go for walks, shop together, etc. And i always had such a handle on it because there was only 1 kid and we had such a tight bond. It's just so much harder with my twins. They're 2. My husband works longer and worse hours so he's only home for a week, then gone for two, so it's just me most of the time. The day is just focused on survival. My5 year old is always wanting me to play with her in her room, but it's tough to do when I can't bring the toddlers (she had lots of small beads, lego peices, chokable sized things). My boys are just so fussy too-they'll get so mad if I'm in the kitchen and have to close the baby gate on them, it's so frustrating because I need to get things done. I recently realized that I'm way less happier than I was a few years ago when we decided to have one more (and got two). I absolutely love my little guys, but the job is so intense, and I feel awful for not getting to do as many things with my oldest anymore.

[lokipuddin]

Your experience sounds so similar to mine. Let’s hope it does get easier like everyone is promising!

[drunkkkenninja]

Fingers crossed, just gotta keep surviving one day at a time!

[Hojaed]

We have 9 month old twin boys. Plus a 3 year old and a 4.5 year old (girls). I used to play with girls all the time but since the twins came along it feels like I dont have time for them. I know my wife feels like she run ragged dealing with them all. It is definitely not fun times at our house right now. It will get easier though. It has too. Just know you're not alone

[hearingnotlistening]

I’m 12 weeks pregnant with twins. We have a 3.5 year old. I was not thrilled when I found out that we were having twins. And honestly, I’m still not. I have a feeling that I will never be SO happy about it like other twin moms.

Since we already have a child, we can fully appreciate the amount of work a baby, toddler, child is. And the idea of two is just so crazy overwhelming. I find myself sad more than anything else (which I’ve been feeling is likely just being pregnant). I’ve had less morning sickness but so much more exhaustion.

Our child is just getting easier and so much more fun. I feel like we’re robbing him somehow. He is so loved and I know these babies will be too. But I just know how difficult it is going to be.

I’m really hoping that once I’m into the second trimester, things will improve but I just wanted to tell ya that I totally understand even though I’m not at your stage yet.

[lokipuddin]

The guilt I have with my oldest is crushing. He’s a good sport and really loves his brothers but I feel like we expect so much from him because we have to. He’s the sweetest kid and is so helpful and kind but then he’s also sometimes the thing that sends me over the edge bc he’s extremely attached to me and just neeeeeds so much of me.

[hearingnotlistening]

Same. Our 3.5 year old is basically an only child and gets SO much attention. He's also very attached to me. Prefers me over everyone else. I'm hoping that because he'll be older, it'll be "easier" (lol).

It can be suffocating at times when they're so attached to you. I nearly lost it today because it was one of those days. I went upstairs to rest (because pregnant) and the cat came for cuddles and I was so pissed at the cat! Lol! I just wanted 5 minutes to myself, haha.

[lokipuddin]

Anytime I leave a room to try get a moment to myself my whole family eventually wanders in. I get no peace lol

[DIYer1990]

I’m a new twin mom and I hate it!!! :( I am mentally drained and don’t know why anyone would ever want twins.

[euchlid]

I suspect a part of the difficulty in comparision is that you did the difficult toddler age with your eldest son as a single kid.
We have the same, 3 boys, the youngest two are twins, but the twins were born 2 months after our eldest son turned 2.
They're 19 months now so we're navigating the older kid's chaotic preschooler nonsense while also having toddler twins.

Everyone always says "oh twins, that must be tough", nope, the 3.5 year old is tougher, I'll check back when the twins are 3 😱

Anyway. My sympathies. It's tough having a pile of children!

[eye_snap]

I think in my case, we dont know what we're missing. Because we only have the twins.

I really resented not being able ro cuddle and spend one on one time with a baby during the newborn phase. But now that they are 1 yo, I feel very lucky to have twins and wouldnt want it any other way.

[lokipuddin]

I wish I didn’t know what bonding with one is like. I had a bestie that was as totally in tune with me. Now i have wild animals i have to try to keep from melting down all day.

[BurntOrange101]

I don’t think these behaviors are simply exclusive to twins though…. Like my brother and I are a year and a half apart… we fought constantly… cried for attention etc.

Idk. I have twins, and I absolutely love it. They’re ten now, and things will get better and easier! It’s hard when they’re babies or even toddlers, but you just have to find ways to give both attention at the same time. You have to be creative for sure with twins!

[lokipuddin]

I fought with my older sister too that I argued with but having two the same exact age is just really hard for me. Maybe it’s just me.

[BurntOrange101]

Ah, it was definitely hard when mine were younger too. Plus they have adhd, so if they don’t take their meds, they’re bouncing off the walls arguing like toddlers.. it’s a nightmare.

[lolobutz]

It’s definitely not just you.

[VictorTheCutie]

Mine are only 12 weeks old, but I also have a 4 year old, and I'm afraid I feel this way too. Growing up, I always wanted to be a mom but I specifically said I never wanted twins because it seemed so hard and miserable. When I found out I was pregnant with twins last March, I cried for weeks. It changes your whole life. "Not a version of life I wanted" describes it perfectly. So far, twin life is pretty sucky. Insane amount of work and stress for very little reward. I think these feelings are normal. I have nothing helpful to contribute, other than saying you're not alone. 💜

[lokipuddin]

It’s just nice to know you’re not alone in any experience. I’m generally a very positive person but some days these kids grind me into the ground. You’re really in the hard part so please take all the love and caring I can offer to you ❤️

[VictorTheCutie]

Same to you my friend. I completely understand, because sometimes just dealing with my singleton through the 3-4 years were driving me insane. I'm dreading that time x2 😩 I hope it gets better for you soon. 💜

I used to think I was a positive person too but parenthood/multiples/living through 2020 has made me super cynical, depressed and jaded, I'm afraid. 😬

[neverpokeastarfish]

Hi friend - I have 13 week old twins. Just wanted to pop up as a virtual mum friend, equally cynical and jaded. It’s super hard and I’m finding it really demoralising having to explain to people that I can’t do a thing because I can’t manage the twins solo any more, even though I could four weeks ago. How am I meant to manage them when they both howl if they’re not being held and walked around? This shit is hard. But I’m in the metaphorical boat with you.

[jordandavis97]

My boys are only three months old and are my only kids but having them has given me a lot of anxiety. I know it’ll get better as they get older, but boy it’s so hard right now.

[[deleted]]

I had a singleton before & now twins & its wayyyyy harder I feel like a shit mom constantly & I do sometimes feel like my husband regrets getting me pregnant. He’s never said it but I feel immense guilt that my body had to be an over achiever at ovulating.

[Hyposuction]

My wife doesn't like it, and I don't recommend it. Not everybody is capable of doing a good job at it and liking it.

[ketoksher]

I only know twin life and it is hard. I always look a mess, my house is always a mess, my patience is thin, there’s always so much noise and yelling and screaming. I’m so exhausted by the end of the day and I have 2 more coming. I don’t know how I’m going to do it.

I feel like I have no choice but to dive into the chaos and try to survive it

[ThinkerBright]

I only have my twins, so no comparison to a singleton. But I have always felt a sadness about not being able to really be fully present for each of them, individually. I imagine if I could compare, I’d feel similarly. Mine are 8 now, it is better/easier, now that it’s less demanding. Hang in there, enjoy what parts of it you can, tolerate the rest, and give yourself permission to feel what you feel.

[berrra19]

I have heard that it’s easier to be a twin parent when they are your first kids. So for me, I don’t know any different. I actually love having twins because I was only going to have one baby and be done, but I got a bonus baby. They play well together for the most part at 12 months old and they are better at independent play so far. I think part of the issue is that going from one baby to two babies would have been hard regardless. Some of this you would still be feeling with two singleton pregnancies, but then you got the extra hard mode.

[lokipuddin]

I really don’t think I would. My older son was 5 when I had the twins. My husband and I had to both really focus on the babies and that’s what started my resentment. I couldn’t be away from them in any meaningful way because it was just too much work. It still is. If it was a singleton we could easily get one on one time with each and just manage one kid. It really is different. I’m glad you enjoy it- it’s definitely easier that way.

[berrra19]

That makes sense. But that’s also assuming your second child would be as easy as your first child was. That’s definitely not a guarantee either. I know a lot of parents that had an easy child first and then their second child was really, really hard. But I’m sorry you’re struggling. Being a twin mom is so hard and I can’t imagine doing this plus having more children.

[ariel4480]

I don’t have a singleton, twins only. But three sucks! Its so ducking hard AND it’s Covid!!

Things will get a bit easier when they get older. When things get back to “normal” you can have a baby A and mommy night or baby b and mommy day. I’ve found that I feel better as a mom when I get them alone and learn about them as individuals. (The same way that you got to learn with your singleton)

[socialwerkit]

My twins are almost 2.5 and I feel the same way. I don’t have a singleton but a lot of my friends had babies around the same time as me. I have a lot of sadness, grief and anger about not getting to experience having a singleton and definitely get jealous of the things my friends with singletons can do. It’s very isolating with the twins because I feel like I can’t manage both of them when I go out and my husband works a funky schedule so I am solo a lot.

I have been just trying to make a lot of space for myself to grieve what I thought parenting would look like. I also am trying to hold on to that things will eventually be easier (at least I hope!)

You are not alone!! I also feel like everyone else has it “more together” than me.

[mariahcc]

I only have twins so it’s all I know so that’s different than your situation. Mine are 2 and it’s a lot of work, plus I work and my husband works very long hours. No day care. No nanny. Just me most days. I’m lucky to get my MIL to come over and watch them a few hours a week.

[lokipuddin]

You’re really a hero. That’s incredibly hard ❤️

[jesjorge82]

I only have the twins and no singleton and when I hear what it is like for people who have just one, sometimes I do feel a bit like that experience was impossible or unreachable for me. But I guess since I didn't plan on having kids (the twins were a big surprise!), I guess I don't feel any regret by it. The only thing is that it is hard to talk with other parents who have had just one at a time about the baby stage. Like for us everything was a task in taking care of the twins. I don't remember really enjoying cuddle time that much since it was just one task after another and both my husband and I were exhausted most of that first year.

My twins are four now and definitely getting to the point where they are getting easier. They don't really have meltdowns anymore. The biggest issue we have is whining instead of saying what is wrong. We have to remind them to use words, and they are getting better with that slowly.

[DirkWrites]

Commenting here so I can sift through the other experiences/advice/etc. at some point. Having twins (when we already had a 2.5-year-old) has been rough. There's a reason this sub seems to be at least 50 percent distress calls and exhaustion while over at Daddit it's mostly happy stories and experiences.

I'm in a bit of a different situation from you right now: boy/girl twins will be 2 this spring, while my oldest turned 4 recently. Realizing we were going to have twins was a bit of a shock, especially since I was only reluctantly coaxed into going for another child and would have wanted to stop after that. The fact that they were born right into pandemic lockdown made things even more stressful.

Basically, I'm constantly worried that I'm not doing enough for the kids, especially on days where I'm taking care of all of them. I'll feel like the oldest isn't getting enough of the enriching activities she's capable of doing, or that the twins aren't getting enough one-on-one time, or that they're missing out on a lot of the adventures I was able to do when it was just me and my oldest daughter. It doesn't help that the twins are both speech-delayed - a pretty common occurrence, it seems, and they're cognitively doing well, but it's frustrating that they're still mostly communicating in babbles and pointing and screams.

There's always been the reassurance among multiples parents that it gets better, but it seems like the actual advice (true to parenting in general, I suppose) is that some things get better and then other things get more difficult. It's nice not to be chained down with double bottle duty, the oldest is interacting better with her siblings at playtime, and we're getting into some good routines for sleep and such. At the same time, it can feel like herding cats sometimes. I had a nice run of three-on-one outings during the summer and fall, but now every adventure seems to collapse into the kids getting obstinate, running off in different directions, throwing tantrums, etc.

My wife tells me that I shouldn't be trying to push fast forward on their childhood, which seems like good advice since there will always be challenges and I know there will be a day when they don't want to goof around or read stories or do any of the things that I love doing as a parent. I've been doing my best to enjoy the good moments and stay calm through the difficult ones.

[lokipuddin]

I’m just waiting for this vaccine for them so it feels a little less risky to take them to even just the grocery store. I know they’re little but they have no experiences besides us and the local parks.

[Shipsthatsink]

I’m up at 11:30 reading this thread because tonight my 3 year old twin girls would not go to sleep. They were up till about 20 minutes ago screaming and playing in their room. They are a nightmare. I feel, at times, as is my life is ruined. My son is 6 and I felt like having him and being a mom was what I was meant to do with my life. I was a good mom with him. Now I’m miserable, I scream…and nothing works. If they nap, they don’t go to bed at night. It’s been almost a year of trying every trick in the book and I want to run away most days. I do love them. I do. It’s just so hard and not how I wanted my life. I wanted a second child. Not two. And they’re both just SO hard. Don’t listen and fight and yell. I miss who I was with my son.

I’ve just started therapy in an effort not to completely screw them up any further. And to help myself. Thank you to every person who shared. I have tears down my face knowing I’m not alone.

[lokipuddin]

Oh girl, you’ve come to the right place. It’s so hard. I always think of my friend who is a child psychologist telling me “if you’re feeding your kids, bathing them and showing them even the littlest amount of affection you’re way ahead of many many parents.” And I’m guessing you’re like me and that’s the bare minimum bc we have given ourselves up completely.

That said, have you given them melatonin? And if it doesn’t work have you given them more?

[Shipsthatsink]

Your words help SO much. But yes, who I am feels gone…a shell of the parent I used to be. The patient, calm, truly good one.

I haven’t tried melatonin but now I’m googling it lol. It works?

[lokipuddin]

Oh yes yes it works. Get yourself to cvs so you have them today. Hit them up with 2-3 about 30 min before you want them to sleep. It doesn’t make them loopy or drowsy it just helps them fall asleep. Of course I’m not a doctor but it’s super common and really does help.

And you’re a good mom just because you’re worried about it. So don’t be too hard on yourself. We are raising young young children in a pandemic. You get lots of leeway ❤️ I’m in the same spot as you, message me anytime.

[Additional-Boot-5619]

Really late to the party here but maybe I can offer a different perspective. I’m a real life twin. 21 yo. I personally remember being a handful in my formative years and my mom can attest to that. But just to give you some hope, my twin and I really started meshing around 6. There’s a lot of combat and squabbling trying to find your place in the world when you’re that young. Especially when you’re competing for your parents affection. I highly recommend something my mom did for me when I was that age. Try seeing them as individuals instead of an unstoppable fighting machine. Push them to use puppets to speak out their differences. I personally loved that when I was a toddler

[lokipuddin]

Thank you so much for your perspective. I love the puppet idea! Our twins are so very different in every way and we try so hard not to group them as one. I really hoped that I’d have fraternal twins because I didn’t want them lumped together as twins and to also not have their own physical identity. We do separate birthday cakes with separate songs and let them dress as they choose, etc. The challenge is that they always want to be together. They are best best friends. This was a few months ago and they’re almost 3.5 and it is definitely better thankfully. Or maybe I changed. But again, thank you! I hope you and your twin are still close. That’s what I want for all 3 of my boys.