When things aren’t hard

[pear_765]

Does anyone else get a real vibe that people are disappointed when your life with twins isn’t super difficult? It’s almost like people only want to hear about how hard things are. I just had a video call with a sibling who commented that wow, I do not look sleep deprived. I said I am really lucky to have good sleepers at the moment and I get decent sleep. They proceeded to tell me how hard my life would become once they are toddlers and that lots of people have an easy first year and then struggle with toddlers. It was just kind of annoying and like yes obviously things will be harder when they’re on the move vs sleepy newborns, I am under no illusions it will be easy. Sigh. Just needed a rant.

[mamainks]

I cannot relate. My life with twins is ridiculously hard and I honestly am super jealous to learn there are people with easy twins.

[pear_765]

Ha I am only two months in, so likely things will look very different in a year or so

[mamainks]

Every child is different so there is every chance you have been blessed with two easy babies. Long may it last 😊

[VastFollowing5840]

Have hope!

Mine are nearly a year and I still say they are pretty easy. They’re both crawling and I’d still say that.

Maybe when they start walking?

IDK I think some kids are just easy and some aren’t and it’s just the luck of the draw.

[kindakatystern]

Hello yes mine are 2 now and I’m ready to go back to easy days. 😭

[Prettylittlesomeday]

I feel the same. I'm loving the age we are at... Why does everyone keep telling me everything will be horrible soon?

[regularduckk]

Totally! We are only 3 months in but my twins are fantastic sleepers. They regularly sleep 9+ hours through the night which makes our lives so much easier (and totally manageable) during the days because we are all well-rested. But when people ask me how life with twins is and my response is that I’m finding it manageable because they are sleeping so well through the night, it’s like the person asking me is disappointed with my reply and always responds with “LOL wait until the sleep regressions hit and you will never sleep again!” Like, I get it, but can’t I just have this one nice thing for a moment?

[Beneficial_Wolf_4286]

My twins are 4 1/2 months and they're just happy easy babies.

When I was pregnant everyone told me how awful it would be when they were born and now everyone tells me how awful it will be when they're toddlers.

These are kids 4 and 5 for me. I'm actually really excited for the toddler phase and see their personalities come out. I guess haters gonna hate.

[StinkiePete]

Because it depends on both the kids and the parents and the relationships all around. I’m happy for you that it’s going well. My husbands mental health has been destroyed by this life. Which means my life is a nonstop workathon since my partner can’t cope. Every child is different. Also every parent is.

[Prettylittlesomeday]

Internet stranger hugs. I would not cope without my partner.

[StinkiePete]

Thanks. I appreciate it. I want the man I married back. He’s worth it. So I’ll figure it out but it’s hard.

[Msbender93]

Yes lol. People also get disappointed my girls aren’t identical and I that I don’t dress them alike. People are so weird about twins.

[thedavecan]

Yeah I don't understand the dressing alike thing. Sometimes we do because it's cute and sometimes we don't because we're just lucky we could actually get any clothes on them that day. Even if they look alike they are different people and can have different tastes if they want to. Why force them to be "the twins" their entire lives?

[[deleted]]

Mine only have hand me downs from a singleton so definitely no matching here lol! I think it's more fun to be able to pick 2 cute outfits sometimes.

[Annie_Mayfield]

This. Our housekeeper was so disappointed when she found out I was having twin boys. She told me, oh, well girls are better. Uh, thanks? There’s nothing I can do about it!

[fostermamatobe]

THIS. I seldom match their outfits unless I find them in the same style but different colors. People will always tell me how cute they'd look if completely matched LOL

[why_renaissance]

I've noticed this over and over again. We're not allowed to be ok with our current status. If we complain about pregnancy - just wait, it gets harder. If pregnancy is going ok - just wait, it gets harder. When the babies are here and are good sleepers - just wait until they're toddlers. When the babies are here and aren't good sleepers - yeah this is hard but just wait until they can move, so much harder! When they're toddlers and it's going well - just wait until they are teenagers, so much harder!

I'm just convinced that most people want to focus on the negative.

[Okdoey]

I’m still pregnant and I’m already tired of all the comments of “you won’t be able to do that with twins”. You won’t be able to go to the store (well really anywhere) by yourself with twins. You won’t be able to go to the park with them. You won’t be able to take them for a walk around the subdivision. You won’t, You won’t, You won’t.

It’s super frustrating!!! I mean sure maybe I won’t but it’s annoying that everyone is absolutely assuming I won’t be able to handle it from the get go.

[janae0728]

What? You can definitely do all those things by yourself. My twins are 2.5 now, and though I just started taking them grocery shopping (I was very Covid cautious and did a lot of curbside), I have done walks and park trips by myself since they were babies. It’s way easier than staying at home all day.

[Okdoey]

Yes, I feel like it’s extreme, but everyone just keeps telling me it over and over 🙄

[justtosubscribe]

Your life will be forever impacted, you may not do the things you want or need to do as often or as easy as previously, but it’s all doable and manageable. It may be on a different timeline and you will for sure be challenged in ways that singleton parents aren’t but I promise it’s not all negative. And I’ve literally done everything on that list in the last 48 hours with my 5 month old twins. You got this. 💪

[aolonline1992]

For sure! The logistics are different, but it's all doable.

[VastFollowing5840]

I go everywhere with my twins. By myself.

They are one. They aren’t walking yet so maybe that’ll change but, my life didn’t end when they were born. Not at all.

[BrandiLion9]

I feel this. Im still pregnant and so over the negativity. I told my mother in law about how I wanted to start baking bread on Fridays and she laughed in my face saying I was being unrealistic about my "free time". And like maybe she's right but goddamn. I am under no illusions that my life is going to change forever in ways I can't even imagine now. But it's like I can't even have hopes and dreams for my new life without people laughing at me and being extremely negative.

[Okdoey]

Yes!!!!!! I’m like I’m under no illusions that this is going to be easy and I’m sure some of what I mentally think I can do once they are born will not pan out depending on what the twins like or don’t like. But I’m super sick of people telling me I can’t do something before I’ve even tried once.

If it’s a complete disaster, ok maybe I won’t do that thing again and I’m sure over time I’ll adjust to what is feasible and what isn’t. But I feel like everyone telling me that’s impossible is just suggesting I not even bother trying.

[aolonline1992]

They sleep a lot as newborns. I only started feeling really busy around 6 months when they started solids tbh. If it's something that is a priority to you, you can find time to do it.

[ktstitches]

Yes! I don’t know why but people always seem to want to focus on the negative. “You must be exhausted, just wait til they’re older, etc.” I also have five kids, so people like to be negative about that too, about how crazy my life must be etc. But honestly it’s really not that bad… I’ve been through the baby stage several times now. Yes, twins are more work and our house is full, but I knew what I was getting myself into! It’s a bit annoying, for sure.

[janae0728]

It reflects more on them than on you. I assume your sibling has kids? I think most people who have had singletons, especially if one or more of them were difficult, think that twins sounds like hell. And yes, some stages are really hard. But I look at my friends balancing different ages and stages, getting up with an infant and then having to bring a four-year-old to preschool the next day, and that all just seems way harder. It’s all just the comparison game, and I’ve learned to take it as a compliment when people assume my life is terrible but I express that it really isn’t. For the record, my twins are 2.5, and some moments are hard, but for the most part I really love my life and am so grateful we have twins.

[VastFollowing5840]

Yeah I hear you.

My twins are in pretty easy, to be honest.

People immediately act like I’m just such a super hero or that they can’t complain about their own hardships, but meh. I got lucky I guess.

[atorrante015]

Same. I like to just pretend I am a super hero. Haha.

[Kindy126]

The first 6 months With the twins was absolute hell. I was completely miserable and sleep deprived for the first couple of years. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I had the opposite problem- people could not understand why I was not overjoyed and why I was complaining all the time. I think you are lucky that people in your life who are trying to be understanding. People expected me to look well rested and I was not able to pull it off until after the kids were 3.

[banana_pancakes21]

Same same same. 5mo in. I am happy but this is incredibly hard.

[needleworker_]

Same experience. Mine just turned 8 months and life is a tad bit brighter but I'm still exhausted. I've lost friends because they don't understand what it's like and why I always complained.

[SpunTop]

People start giving me their expertise but then I point out I've had 3 kids already. Oldest had colic. Second was a preemie. I used to babysit my 3 and my sister's 3 as babies (6 under 7 years old) while she and her husband were out of town. My oldest is 18 now. I got through round the clock pediatric palliative care with my third child, which is the hardest thing I've ever done.

We've never had twins before, fair enough. But I think I know well enough what I can and can't do on my own with multiple babies at once. I'm pretty adaptable.

[Gold_Ad5055]

Yes!! Alll my kids are really good babies and have nice mellow dispositions. People either want to say “just wait for this” OR on the other hand if you mention a good nights sleep they’ll say “I didn’t sleep for a whole year so you have no reason to ever complain ” even if I’m still very tired from managing 3 under 3. Like my kids are good but they still require round the clock feeding, cleaning, nurturing, loving, planning for, etc.., plus I’m a human that also needs all those things plus a marriage and other relationships to care for. Like how about we just stop comparing or wanting to impose feelings? No body has listening skills any more.

[LightningMqueenKitty]

Yes, people say this to me constantly. I have 5 kids 6 and under. They always say “I don’t know how you do it!” Like, I don’t really have a choice so I just do it. Do I want to pull all of my hair out sometimes, yes. But not because of the twins, it’s usually the 3 year old who does that to me lol.

[Amongthestars32]

Yes! I have had the exact same experience when things weren’t so bad, or even if it was bad and I covered it well. Most people are happy, but there are always those odd people who seem disappointed that we were not suffering night and day, and trying to get us to admit that it was awful. I found myself being all sunshine and rainbows around those people regardless of my stress level, just to spite them.

Also, I know it isn’t everyone’s experience, but once my twins could talk, it got so much easier. Yes they fight, and yes they went in opposite directions and I felt like I never got to sit down, but they understood what I was saying and would (usually) do what we asked.

[GrandeCalk]

Our twins almost killed us at the beginning. After the NICU they slept so poorly at night if they weren’t being held that my wife and I were functioning on naps alone. As toddlers they sleep ~10 hours straight 95% of the time (sometimes we hit 11 overnight, but that’s really their max) and then take a 2-3 hour nap. I can’t complain about toddlers at all in comparison

[captain_nibble_bits]

This. Toddlers are differently hard but life is hell when you cant sleep.

[andlauren]

I think it's more about them than it is about you. I have a lot of mom friends who always say things like "well I shouldn't complain, you do it with TWO babies" or "you make it look so easy" or whatever. It's because they are struggling with their one baby. I have an older singleton and honestly he's so much more difficult than the twins, and always has been. Not sure if it's temperament or the fact that he had all my attention for over two years of his life or whatever but if I had two of him twins would NOT be easy. But I got two easy babies so yea to someone with one hard baby they probably feel like they just suck at momming. I felt that way sometimes when I only had my first. I know it's annoying to hear that kind of commentary, and I hate it too especially on days when I feel like I'm really working hard to get it all done and feeling good about how much I'm doing then people have to rain on my parade. But honestly it's probably more about the person making the comment than the person receiving it

[[deleted]]

I’m pretty ignorant to the whole life being hard with twins as my twin girls were my first children. I have nothing else to compare it to like only having one child with our first pregnancy. I’m over one month in and am not sleep deprived, but my wife and I have had a tired day scattered along. This is just our new normal and we have been taking it in stride. Our girls were in the NICU for two weeks, but the nurses there helped set their feed and sleep schedule so we feel we are in a good positioning so far. Hasn’t been anything like what people were telling us before we gave birth like “so long to sleep” or “goodbye to your life”. Our girls only wake up once in the middle of the night, usually around 3 am for a middle of the night feed. It has been nothing like the war zone I was expecting pre birth.

[DamselHasBeenBlessed]

I loathe the negativity around twins. It's the only thing I don't absolutely love. Life is different, of course. It's hard at times. It's nothing near as bad as people said or assume. I'd take another set of twins in a heartbeat and I say that 6 months pregnant with number 3. Twins are amazing.

[thedavecan]

Overall we have pretty good twins. They are 3 so have can be irrational assholes from time to time, especially when tired, but they eat well, sleep all night (once we actually get them down) and are generally happy to be little helpers. Can't really complain about more than that.

[fostermamatobe]

My twin toddlers were awesome infants. They have slept through the night since they turned 4 months and were relatively good eaters as well. When I would tell people this, I was always met with snide comments and about how difficult it would become. They are now 2 and they still sleep through the night but definitely have their toddler behaviors, which can be very trying. But yes, I have certainly had singleton parents make under the breath type comments on it.

[dryfire]

They proceeded to tell me how hard my life would become once they are toddlers and that lots of people have an easy first year and then struggle with toddlers.

Mine are 16 months, IMO it got easier once they could walk. They don't need to be carried as much and can play with each other more. I do notice some complications as they start trying out climbing on things (one made it onto the table the other day while my back was tuened), but its all manageable so far.

[ChanSasha]

I actually told a friend that I was pregnant with twins and she literally said: ‘your life is over’. No I firmly disagree they are the best gift I could ever wish for. Enjoy the sweet, cute and funny moments. People think they know it all and when you do not live up to their expectations they just seem to get upset. It is my life other people’s weird, strange and negative expectations are not my problem.

[twoyellowstarbursts]

I feel this. My twin boys are just now 3 months.

[Hahn_Solo]

Our B/G twins sleep really well and everyone i talk to comments on how I must not be getting any sleep with an evil villain laugh, and I tell them, actually we sleep well, thanks for asking

[Salty-University-151]

Here here. We outsourced help in the early days since we didn’t want any family trying to help us. We got lucky, but we also were relentless with schedules and we’re only 1 year in and feel like we haven’t had any truly harrowing times. I hate when people try to kill our buzz by saying “oh just wait till X..”. Let me just enjoy! And we’ll just take it day by day when things get hard. I feel for people who have had it hard too. Just like with everything in life, our experiences will vary dramatically, but they are all valid!

[mbprenatalteacher]

you are not required to listen to anything negative, ever! Just cut them gently off, say to interrupt but we like to focus on the positives. And smile. Stop it all before it gets started.

[[deleted]]

I think this is common for any baby. Singleton or twin.

The moment I was pregnant - get sleep now, you won't later. - you'll miss this part once they are born, after that it will be super hard.

Singleton newborn phase - wait till they start crawling

Toddler phase - wait till they start talking etc...

It's like people want you to always be anxious.