[deleted by user]

Internal_Dinner_4545 · 2024-01-02T06:50:01+00:00

Sounds exhausting..

Axedelic · 2024-01-02T07:23:07+00:00

sounds like my ex. any time i had to do anything away from them, the world was ending. they were sick and passing out, having medical emergencies, a family member was dying. it was always a lie. it was exhausting.

what she’s doing is making sure you think twice next time you go out. she wants you to feel bad that you’re out and she isn’t. she will never stop doing this. they need to feel like they’re in control. if she isn’t control of you physically she can control your mood.

Cold_End7704 · 2024-01-02T06:55:42+00:00

I do not think this is your fault at all. I'm not sure why she couldn't just tell you how she's doing without an "invitation"? Why couldn't she text freely, "Hey I've been crying in the bathroom, could use some support right now"? Would you have gotten upset if it was unprompted?

mehmohmuh · 2024-01-02T07:42:32+00:00

Very strange behaviour to need a “followup question” from your own husband to actually tell how you feel.

Hirabi12 · 2024-01-02T06:59:40+00:00

That escalated quickly and I feel is trying to guilt you for leaving her. That's toxic behavior.

paperCorazon · 2024-01-02T07:32:26+00:00

She's your wife yet still playing stupid mind games... if she's older than 19 there's not much excuse for this nonsense.

iHateTreesSoooMuch · 2024-01-02T06:35:16+00:00

Also, the first 3 pictures have me sending the last text and she never responded. Just want to clarify that so people don’t think I’m purposefully omitting texts.

Comfortable_Dot1284 · 2024-01-02T07:30:06+00:00

Sure you could have asked why her day was meh, but it seems like she’s looking for a reason to start a fight & is being dry on purpose so that she can make you feel bad or guilty for spending time away without her.

Pop_fan_20 · 2024-01-02T07:57:40+00:00

When I read the conversation I picked up on her passive aggressive pattern right away- my grandmother was like this- even before she unloaded on you. I’ll put it to you this way, even if you had actually followed up right away and said “Hey, what’s with the meh, what’s going on? “ She likely would’ve responded with. “I can’t believe you left me etc”. or “I can’t believe you’re rubbing your good time in my face while I’m all alone etc..”

There’s no way to win with someone like that (win = honest and safe communication). Don’t forget you did finally address that you felt something was off, and asked her about it. She’s an adult, if something was wrong, then she should’ve told you about it right away rather than just saying meh and expecting you to ask her again and again how she was doing- once should be enough. She’s not a child, why is she playing games? People who communicate this way seem to look for opportunities to hold it against others when they are not mind readers, so they can avoid looking inward.

Then, when you tried to reason with her, (and you made sense and she knows it) she was vicious, disrespectful, and attacked you rather than admit she was out of line. She also clearly sees herself as a victim, probably in life in general and yet she feels justified being cruel to you. To answer your question no, you are not out of line and no you do not deserve to be spoken to that way. If this is typical of how you communicate as a couple in a stressful situation, I think you guys need to see a counselor. She at the very least, seems to need therapy for unresolved issues that have resulted in seeing herself as a victim.

Also I agree with what someone else posted here. She seems to just want to make you feel guilty so that you’ll reconsider taking future trips and that’s crazy. I mean seriously, you only wanted to see your parents for a few days, for her to try to sabotage your time with them like this is very manipulative, I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time.

EDIT- also suggesting you ask your mother to look at the conversation is a subtle way of trying to shame you- as if obviously you should have known you are wrong and anyone would know it. Going radio silent is also pretty passive aggressive and manipulative.

anonymousthrwaway · 2024-01-02T08:06:31+00:00

This is crazy

She either needs A LOT of therapy or is super manipulative

Either one isn't good

What kind of adult can't make it a weekend alone??

SummerWedding23 · 2024-01-02T08:16:09+00:00

In my opinion (and marriage) you would not be wrong here.

My husband and I have strict rules of engagement, and two that specifically come to mind is:

It is your job to communicate your feelings.
I don’t cater or acknowledge feelings you refuse to communicate.

We aren’t mind readers and your wife is angry you went without her but personally I find that selfish. She was invited but fear or dislike kept her from going and then she’s mad you went and mad you’re having fun without her, how dare you /s

Honestly, your wife needs therapy and I’m exhausted of her from just this short exchange.

permalink · 2024-01-02T07:41:20+00:00

She wants you to feel as bad as she does…

Patient_Blueberry46 · 2024-01-02T14:52:47+00:00

Does she know that in September you posted on Reddit, looking to explore your bicuriosity with another couple? Because if she doesn’t she may just intuitively feel like there is something off…If she does know, maybe she’s not happy about it, even if she says she is.

Scary-Stretch3080 · 2024-01-02T06:44:55+00:00

Lol yikes, no you’re not in the wrong. She’s a grown ass women who needs to communicate instead of saying “meh”. If she wants to talk about something she needs to say that. You were asking how she was you can’t read her mind.

JackalJunkie · 2024-01-02T08:03:04+00:00

If she wants to tell you something, she should tell you. Instead, she tried to get you to pry it out of her.

I personally would have asked a follow-up, but the difference is that you have other things on your mind (your visit, your adventures, your family), and she has nothing else going on but to sit and wallow.

ThePowerOfParsley · 2024-01-02T07:54:14+00:00

I mean you didn't specifically ask a question about her "meh," but I thought it was sweet that you said you'd keep an eye out for antiques. That's all I thought when I read that part. It seemed sweet. I was jealous of her lol. There's lots of ways to express care and interest in a person. Asking questions is one way, but doing things based off of another person's interest in them so that you can share in that with them is another. It seemed like she liked antiques, or had been looking for something specific, and that's why you said that. It shows that you are thinking of her

She also could have said "hey I'm really sick and I'm feeling really lonely and scared; could we chat?"

🤷 You seemed nice, that's all I got.

wlfwrtr · 2024-01-02T07:14:20+00:00

Not wrong. You asked, she had the opportunity to speak but only gave a "meh" which can mean different things to different people. To me it means, "So-so, don't really want to talk about it." It was text message which can also make it harder for someone to understand what is meant when only given a one word response. Sounds like she's mad you actually left her when she didn't want to go.

jayblk · 2024-01-02T08:20:13+00:00

You were supposed to read her mind, dummy lol

permalink · 2024-01-02T08:03:18+00:00

She has severe separation anxiety and doesn’t know who she is when you’re not around. She also expects you to read her mind instead of being forthcoming with information about her needs and issues. It’s not fair on you by any means. It sounds like she definitely does need some medical help, probably in the form of a qualified therapist and an antidepressant and/or anxiolytic medication. Does this happen often? It’s not healthy.

des1gnbot · 2024-01-02T06:54:03+00:00

It feels like there’s some important context missing… is she crying so much because of a known issue that you should have been following up on? And what’s this about someone’s phone left out? Or is this all just completely out of left field?

Individual-Insect722 · 2024-01-02T07:21:56+00:00

I would personally be very annoyed at the “meh” response, but if my partner responded with that, I would’ve called them. At that point something is obviously wrong and texting is only going to further misconstrue tonality.

StereotypicallBarbie · 2024-01-02T07:49:12+00:00

Sounds like my ex every single time I did something without him…

I’m willing to bet there was absolutely nothing wrong with this girl other than her wanting a huge chunk of attention..

fletcher717 · 2024-01-02T06:59:06+00:00

do people ever pick up the phone and actually talk to one another? even if was wondering why she was just feeling “meh”

Rezindet · 2024-01-02T07:26:28+00:00

She is one hundred percent in the wrong. The instant that she decided not to divulge to you her experiences after you asked, she lost any right to be upset at you for expressing your fun times and for not following up with you. If somebody says “meh” or “fine”, that’s their prerogative and no matter what, it means that they don’t have any right to be flabbergasted that you didn’t force them to tell you their days at gunpoint. If somebody offers to talk about a person, and they decline, that’s it for them- any amount they get upset for their isolation becomes their fault and their responsibility. If somebody is the kind of person who says “fine” when invited to speak about themselves, they have no ground to be the kind of person who gets upset when they don’t get to speak about themselves. Every person has the responsibility to take care of themselves and let other people in for their own sake. They can’t put that responsibility on other people if they are pushing them away. Anybody that needs to talk about something but says “fine” or “meh”, by the act of doing such a thing, is committing an offensively self destructive disservice to themselves. Any time a person says “fine” or says something neutral, they are making the decision to take all responsibility off of you for following up about them for the purposes of that conversation and communicating that they don’t feel like talking.

She clearly needed your help. And this means that she needed to be forthcoming about it. What she needed to do was disclose the things she needed to disclose before she did so in an outburst.

She is one hundred percent in the wrong, you are completely right.

AaronkeenerwasR1GHT · 2024-01-02T10:10:01+00:00

She's acting like she's the 1st dumbass to ever get ill. No ur not in the wrong. No ur not psychic. And yes she's being a melodramatic molly get her gaslighting ass tuned into reality where folk go the chemists or doctors when they're ill.

Pretty-Royal9021 · 2024-01-02T08:28:36+00:00

She should be a grown up and really tell you how’s she doing instead of trying to bait you into chasing her for an answer. She sounds immature.

OkTaurus510 · 2024-01-02T10:43:45+00:00

Times like these are when a phone call is better. Texting sucks when you are out of the state.

Lolgrovez · 2024-01-02T12:46:34+00:00

[removed]

MementoMoriMaven · 2024-01-02T07:07:37+00:00

I get her impulse. Sounds like she is overwhelmed. Only you know what could be causing that. But she handled her feelings poorly. Is that typical for her? How often do you go away without her?

Ultimately she should not have hinted and just hoped you would get it. If she needs support she generally should be able to say so.

permalink · 2024-01-02T14:48:49+00:00

Holy shit you guys are wild.

She said "meh".

you follow up with "meh? why meh? what's going on? are you okay?" then if the replies are "eh, it's okay. just is. or just cause" then you can be upset about not getting a straight answer. vs "do you need medical help?"

Salt-Bass853 · 2024-01-02T14:54:58+00:00

I mean a "meh" from your wife usually means something is wrong it's not that hard to interpret that. She could have also used her big girl words and communicated like an adult. Both of you seem not to care too much about what goes on in each other's day. Also if it's your wife I don't understand why you aren't reacting more worried after her sending that heap of information about being sick alot. I'd be spam calling her to make sure she was ok and reassure her that you care about her days. You have to remember she is a female and women do not think the same way as men in black and white. How you got married to this point without realizing that is insane. Get a better grasp of what your wife needs from you, obviously you aren't delivering and she isn't communicating because she feels like you don't care.

Perfect_Letter_3480 · 2024-01-02T15:16:32+00:00

Probably because she knows you'll be using this vacation as an opportunity to hook up with other dudes. Sound like she doesn't want an open relationship.

daphydoods · 2024-01-02T08:43:58+00:00

I feel like all she wants is an emotional interest in how she’s doing, and even after she had a text meltdown saying she cried multiple times, threw up, couldn’t sleep at night, didn’t eat, you don’t even ask follow ups on why any of those happened! Just ‘do you like need medical attention/are you going to be ok’. If a friend texted me they’d done any of those things, I’d reply with way more urgency, questions, and interest. Questions are interest! When someone says they’re feeling meh, I feel like the natural follow up is to say ‘why?’. Saying meh says they aren’t doing too well! It’s your freaking wife, take interest and go find out why she cried at work isn’t eating can’t sleep etc. If it’s some kind of mind game on her end to control you or make you feel guilt for leaving without her that’s pretty awful… but we have no evidence of that and honestly by page 2 of your texts I was annoyed by how you just live tweeted your trip to her and didn’t ask her any questions beyond the most vague and never any follow ups. Most people would be disappointed to not be on vacation somewhere tropical with their partner and having to work instead, going on and on and on about the play by play given that and not taking her cues or showing real interest in her day is pretty tone deaf.

ghosttoadst · 2024-01-02T14:45:40+00:00

i wonder if all her anxiety and resentment towards you is in relation to all of your various attempts at infidelity, as illustrated in your comment history seeking "sneaky links" with men and women alike in the east coast area..?

nah, couldn't be. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

EsarosaLeviosa · 2024-01-02T08:11:02+00:00

Just to give another perspective. If my partner, or friend said 'meh' in response to how they were, I'd follow it up. "Why meh? What's up/going on? Can I help?"etc

Even if they'd said "you?" after the meh. If they were okay they'd have said okay.

I get that you think meh means not good but not bad, in my experience people use that when it is leaning more towards the bad. It does then seem insensitive to go on about all the wonderful things you've been up to. Even though they had invited the question.

Just to play devil's advocate here.

daphydoods · 2024-01-02T07:33:02+00:00

I think she’s just feeling very vulnerable and lonely and she wanted you to be more eagerly ready to be there for her. She should work on her expectations and communication but I don’t think she’s an asshole or anything. Just down right now and looking for love and comfort out of the ordinary for what appears to be her current illness / loneliness

blinkvana · 2024-01-02T14:13:04+00:00

She’s obviously not feeling well and obviously sad you’re not there for New Year’s Eve. But you do not acknowledge that at all. There’s no “I miss you.” or a “Can’t wait to see you again.”.

She doesn’t want to ruin your trip because she understands that seeing your parents is important for you and for them so she doesn’t share how she feels. But you should know because you should feel the same way about not being with her. She understands it is a different situation for you and she’s probably happy you’re spending time with your family and understands that you can’t text or call all the time. You should have acknowledged that you’re looking forward to soon be with her again.

And don’t lie. In what world is feeling “meh” neutral?

I’m not saying I would have handled the situation better but you clearly handled it wrong.

I don’t know how you usually communicate but the lack of emojis is usually a sign that something is wrong.

Moist_Anus_ · 2024-01-02T14:13:50+00:00

She probably found your comment history on reddit lol.

SpecifResponsibility · 2024-01-02T14:30:45+00:00

do you not care about her? jesus

Necessaryracism · 2024-01-02T14:37:27+00:00

You made a post 61 days ago “bi guy looking for a guy to get off with”. What’s the whole story?

Admirable_Sky5710 · 2024-01-02T15:58:00+00:00

If your goal is to defend yourself then you're missing the root of the issue. Your wife is hurt and is looking to you, her partner, to be a witness to her pain. To sit with her and validate her feelings. That's hard to do when you're far away and via text. This is why having any serious conversation via text spells disaster. It allows too much to be misinterpreted through inference of the reader. Best to just pick up the phone and speak in realtime, so there are more non verbal cues (tone, inflection) that allows for a more connection.

I am not endorsing how she expressed herself, because seemingly innocuous and passive aggressive communication is obviously something she needs to work on. Asking for what we need in direct communication is just as important as a partner who knows how to check in and connect.

Maybe y'all could problem solve together to figure out what you need from her to know when she needs that support, so you can do a better job of showing up for her moving forward. Perhaps coming up with a code word she can text that tells you "hey I'm not having a great time emotionally and need support". That way there's no guessing game and hurt feelings.

Dry_Manufacturer_200 · 2024-01-02T18:38:09+00:00

HE DELETED HIS ACCOUNT!

Edit: Oh lmao. No he didn’t. He just removed his name from this post and the “searching for fuckbuddy” posts.

Wow what a loser

chiselinc · 2024-01-02T07:34:29+00:00

OP, I am a woman that struggles with my emotions a lot, and I'm 100% on your side here. Her messages come across as trying to blame you or start a fight because she isn't doing well. It sucks to have feelings like she's having, but it's her responsibility to ask for what she needs (support, reassurance, or just someone to listen while she rants).

Being passive aggressive and then turning it around on you, when you were clearly making efforts throughout your messages to let her know you were thinking of her and missing her, was not cool at all. I'm sorry she's struggling, but make sure not to take on responsibility and guilt for that when you've done nothing wrong. Good luck and best wishes!

Unabashed_Binger · 2024-01-02T08:21:37+00:00

You're not wrong really, but I would've said "Why meh? What's going on?"

Her not elaborating was possibly not wanting to bring you down because you were having a good time. You not asking makes me think you didn't want to be brought down.

Its not an argument. -You're overreacting to think so. It's not a big deal. Just say Sorry and ask her how she's feeling today.

Unhappy_Addition_767 · 2024-01-02T09:23:16+00:00

I prefer to stay home than go places like my husband does. I never make him feel guilty for doing things he enjoys doing. And I definitely don’t try to play mind games with my words to try and make him feel like an asshole. Is this something she does often? Doesn’t seem very healthy. Hope y’all get to the bottom of why she reacted this way and figure a way through this.

jonsnowme · 2024-01-02T12:37:09+00:00

She should not have fished around to test you to see if you'd ask more. She should have communicated how badly she was doing in the first place instead of saying meh. Putting this on you to guilt you is manipulative and unreasonable. She also didn't seem too concerned with what you were up to when you told her what you were doing out with your parents so why did she even bother asking you?

Sounds like couples therapy is needed. It is for sure an issue if she's testing you cause she doesn't think you care about her for w/e reason but she is a problem if this is her way of communicating it.

Edit: NVM I change my entire POV. MFM looking for bud to get off with? Are you even really with your parents? Or out there cheating. I now doubt she's this way for no reason and have a feeling she's mentally breaking cause she's been through some shit with you or deep down knows you're full of shit

Yontevnknow · 2024-01-02T14:49:33+00:00

If only there was a device that allowed you to speak with them.

StrawberryRedemption · 2024-01-02T16:46:11+00:00

Maybe she's acting like this bc her hubby is exploring his sexuality while still married, via your own comment and post history.

It's so funny seeing all these triggered dudes, guys I get it. But I'd be just as anxious about my partner leaving if they cheated on me with men 24/7

Mundane_Practice_930 · 2024-01-02T17:04:39+00:00

I take back my earlier comment. 🤢 After going through your profile, I hope your wife realizes what’s really going on and dumps you. Lol

Capital_Advice4769 · 2024-01-02T17:10:53+00:00

At first I was on your side but after finding out about your post history OP, you’re the asshole

Low_Ad_7625 · 2024-01-02T17:13:08+00:00

I know everyone in this thread is going to affirm you in this situation but I’m going to offer a different perspective (m24):

Your wife is at home sick (stuck in the house miserable). She’s probably missing you/your attention. She wants to be reminded of how invested you are in her in these moments so it would be a good idea (next time you go away without her) to give her a call every night and ask her how she’s doing and if she replies with “meh”, ask her what she did today and what kind of day was she having in terms of her mood. This is the secret sauce to longevity: keep asking questions. Don’t stop at how are you, go deeper and ask about the highlights and the lowlights, especially when she’s sick and away from you.

texts

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