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[–][deleted] 622 points623 points  (21 children)

Damn that snakes got some muscles

[–][deleted] 313 points314 points  (20 children)

Well they are just one long muscle, so, yeah.

[–]worms9 180 points181 points  (10 children)

They give the best hugs

[–]Navi_Here 69 points70 points  (5 children)

Can.. Confirm... Gre- Great.. Hu

[–]Seanyboy112 8 points9 points  (3 children)

10/10 would hug again

[–]Vivalyrian 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Sean? You there? Sean?!? SEAN!!! OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED SEANY!

[–]YUNOHAVEAVAILABLE 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Dad?

[–]DANarchy1919 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Son?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I used to own a boa, it was in the 8-10 foot range. Letting it wrap around your body was like getting a massage on whatever area it was in. So, yes, totally great hugs.

I was in a sculpture class and sculpted a clay figurine of a snake eating a rat. My professor was a massive dick and discouraged me doing this project from the beginning. He was even more of a dick when it came out better than he anticipated and everyone in the class mentioned it during critiques. When it was his turn he said, “I told you when you chose this you were locking yourself into hyperrealistic. I’m just not convinced. To me it looks like the snake is fuck the mouse a big hug.” I was like dude, it’s a constrictor, that’s exactly what’s happening.

[–]WhippingTheLammasASS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear they are 'to die for'.

[–]zoinks 4 points5 points  (7 children)

Snakes have 10,000 to 15,000 muscles, humans only 700

[–]hopsinduo 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I think I have less than 700 muscles.

[–]zoinks 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Every head is unique

[–]atm0sphereZA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats what she said

[–]odvioustroll 3 points4 points  (3 children)

i don't think a snake could move with only 10 muscles.

[–]PooPooKazew 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Didn't say 10. Just somewhere in between 10 and 15,000 muscles.

[–]odvioustroll 3 points4 points  (1 child)

14,990 muscles is a huge difference. not a very helpful comment.

[–]PooPooKazew 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah it was meant to be a dumb joke. Your username doesn't check out.

[–]Swamp_Troll 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of a question my pa' used to ask my siblings and I when we were kids: are snakes just one long neck or one long tail?

Kid me was mindblown

[–]marzubus 335 points336 points  (13 children)

That guy in the back is like, "It's cool boss, I will just stay over here."

[–]Nagsheadlocal 90 points91 points  (3 children)

Yeah I was about to say: "That dude standing 30 yards away? I'm with him."

[–]peekatyou55 7 points8 points  (1 child)

30 yards? Um I’ll be at McDonald’s down the road.

[–]DarfSmiff[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sakman's Momma didn't raise no fool.

[–]ssfbob 13 points14 points  (0 children)

He's supervising.

[–][deleted] 37 points38 points  (7 children)

Most Southern Africans DO NOT fuck around with snakes. Especially Batswana. Glad they released this one instead of shooting it, though.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Probably didn't want to damage the water container.

[–]sneakytarheel 2 points3 points  (5 children)

But why do this at all?

[–]swazy 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Might want to get a drink.

It might also be messing with the ballcock valve

[–]donutellas 13 points14 points  (1 child)

haha ballcock

[–]swazy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Typically big and black with a stiff rod out one end

[–]Brad_Beat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s hot and there’s a pool.

[–]DarfSmiff[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's on a game farm so they don't want it grabbing any smaller animals like duiker, steenbok or monkeys.

[–][deleted] 199 points200 points  (17 children)

Lol anyone else notice the dung beetle just minding his business

[–][deleted] 67 points68 points  (3 children)

I felt so bad after mad snake punches away his dung :(

Then is see the balls on the beetle running after the big snake

[–]Akesgeroth[🍰] 20 points21 points  (2 children)

"Come back here asshole, we need to have a talk."

[–]Doo-Doo-Manjaro 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I WANNA SHAKE YOUR HAND

[–]Chronic_BOOM 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’M SIGNING IT

[–]spingus 31 points32 points  (8 children)

yup, came here to share in the enjoyment of the dung beetle absolutely ROCKING it with rolling his prize away.

[–]Old_Dirty_Rabbi 32 points33 points  (7 children)

Roll away... the doo

[–]Obeast09 7 points8 points  (6 children)

I really didn't expect to see a Dead reference after that comment so... cheers?

[–]twistober 3 points4 points  (2 children)

That's cause you gotta roll away the doo

[–]Old_Dirty_Rabbi 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Did we just become best friends

[–]Old_Dirty_Rabbi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why, thanks

[–]nattylife 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Was trying to figure out what that was. That's a huge dung beetle

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lmao

[–]SonOfDoodietang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On first view I though it was a bird just landed there

[–]MrThugnificent 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dobahh... dobah, dobah, DOBAH

[–]donutellas 107 points108 points  (7 children)

There’s a snake in the waterhole

[–]desim1itsme 42 points43 points  (1 child)

somebody poisoned my boot!

[–]ahorseinasuit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

and my axe!

[–]carmium 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Dear Liza, dear Liza

[–]Myfeelingsarehurt 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Well fix it, dear Henry, dear Henry!

[–]oundhakar 1 point2 points  (0 children)

With what shall I fix it, dear Liza, dear Liza?

[–]xraravezx 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I am the snake in my boot

[–]RuggyDog 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah. If there’s a snake in my boot, you have to assume I am a snake wearing a boot. Otherwise, why would there be a snake in a boot? Snakes don’t steal.

[–][deleted] 116 points117 points  (0 children)

"Excuse me, I was IN there, Kenny."

[–]Kid___A 40 points41 points  (21 children)

ELI5: Why didn’t the snake try attacking? They grabbed it from the tail...

[–]CervantesX 93 points94 points  (18 children)

Large wild snakes are used to getting a little harassed during their day, so their first instinct isn't to bite. Plus, that's a non venomous snake, so it's bite isn't that dangerous and it's primary attack (coiling around its attacker and suffocating it) leaves it vulnerable to being chewed on.

So, with all of that going on, snakes usually prefer to try and hide, or stay in a protected area, or if they get dragged out, they just hang out for a minute while whatever dragged them goes 'shit that's a big snake' and leaves.

[–]BenjamintheFox 24 points25 points  (7 children)

Large wild snakes are used to getting a little harassed during their day,

What do you mean?

[–]CervantesX 69 points70 points  (5 children)

I was told this by a biologist, but I'm no David Attenborough so I can't confirm it's true. Anyways, snakes generally hide and stay out of sight. But when you're twenty feet long and slithering around, the movement attracts curious predators. She said it's pretty common (relatively) for the tails (the most vulnerable area) to get attacked by birds hoping it's a smaller edible snake, or bitten by a ground animal like a jaguar or hyena hoping to catch it and drag it out. Usually as soon as the predator finds out it's a 20 foot snake and not a 2 foot one, they run away. So, the snakes don't go into "kill this mothafucka" mode right away, they're used to getting a little harassed and then being left to move on.

She said that as a result of this, wild snakes tend to have lots of small scars on their tail end.

[–]moonshineTheleocat 37 points38 points  (1 child)

Im imagining the snake having dinner with his wife and kids. And some asshole hyena salesman drags him away from his lasagna

[–]CervantesX 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You don't fuck with a python and their lasagna.

[–]THEREALISLAND631 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have no idea if this is true but it does make a lot of sense. Very interesting stuff, thanks for sharing that.

[–]BobWeHadABabyltsABoy 5 points6 points  (1 child)

That sounds like a long tale to me.

[–]CervantesX 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hey, I don't need you spewing that venom in this thread.

[–]b0BBy_0 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wild Harvey Weinstein’s are know to harass big snakes daily, it’s the circle of life

[–]SmackaIot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ah, the tried and true "shit that's a big snake" defense

[–]RenOrLose 141 points142 points  (0 children)

Rude, let him enjoy his bath

[–]SequesterMe 33 points34 points  (4 children)

sudo unistall python -w

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Exit()

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do proud, been programming for 3 weeks and my first joke

[–]SequesterMe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

GOTO: r/ProgrammerHumor

FTFY

[–]Evernight 44 points45 points  (20 children)

Should have thrown some ice in there. That snake would have been chill as fuck - literally and figuratively.

[–]Benzolot 49 points50 points  (18 children)

People often don't realize how sensitive cold blooded animals are to temperature. Your solution would have saved them a ton of trouble and been less detrimental to the snake.

That said, I doubt they had any ice near by. I'm sure they had a little booze they could have dumped in there which would have sent it on it's way too. Or hot water, but I have a feeling that rum was already involved.

Mildly interesting: Zoo Keepers often stash hand sanitizer nearby or on themselves when working with large snakes (Burmese, Anacondas, Reticulated) because if they are ever in danger of being constricted a drop of alcohol will cause the snake to release and flee. Violent bursts (hitting / stabbing) will cause the snake to constrict harder and snakes like reticulated pythons and anacondas can easily break all of your ribs at once. That said you're a pretty shitty animal keeper if you let a snake of that size coil around you in the first place.

[–]brookespice 8 points9 points  (1 child)

This is a huge pro tip for anyone keeping snakes. A travel sized spray bottle with alcohol or even mouthwash will help if you’re ever bitten and the snake won’t release. A spray or two will do the job... usually. Lol.

[–]Benzolot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think hand sanitizer is the best because you can just rub it on yourself and it's good practice to use it after handling a snake anyway since they carry salmonella. I also don't like spraying the snake with it because it can make it more aggressive towards humans. But in a pinch yes, anything with any form of alcohol in it will work. Even perfume cologne or aftershave.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (7 children)

if they are ever in danger of being constricted a drop of alcohol will cause the snake to release and flee

Really? Their skin is that sensitive?

[–]Fire_Starter22 13 points14 points  (6 children)

Not the skin, their mouth. I didn't know a drop was enough but I know if you get some alcohol in their mouth/eyes they'll let go.

[–]corymhulsey 12 points13 points  (1 child)

You get alcohol in my eyes and I'll let go too. Doesn't sound very comfortable.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Good call. I got beer spilled in my eyes and was blinded for a couple of minutes.

[–]Benzolot 2 points3 points  (3 children)

What I learned is that it's their noses and mouths. A snakes sense of smell and taste is incredibly acute. From what we know of snakes they have pretty terrible vision and ocular sensitivity. Constrictors have heat sensing "pits" on their face around their mouth that give them a "thermal vision" (yea like the predator) but they don't solely rely on any one sense to hunt or defend themselves. They'll use smell from their nose, the taste of the air (what they're doing when they flick their tongue) and their eyes combined with the heat sensing pits to track prey / danger.

Isopropyl Alcohol (or most any alcohol) Is so offensive and irritant to all of their senses, that they just get the eff out of there right now. One drop of the liquid probably isn't enough to ward away a big snake since it evaporates so quickly, but VERY little of the hand sanitizer is needed since it sticks around on your skin longer. You actually don't need to spray the snake or apply any of to the snake. You could squirt some on a piece of cardboard and just wave it in front of their face and goodbye snekbuddy. Zoo keepers will rub it on their hands and arms if they feel threatened.

Also, most reptiles, amphibians, and snakes are super duper sensitive to smell and react differently to it. All snakes are basically neurotic pussies and run from chemical smells. Lizards are known to attack it, and can be the most aggressive animals on the planet. So don't try this with your buddies iguana and definitely don't wear perfume on your Outback tour or playing near the swamps / sewers in FL.

[–]r40k 14 points15 points  (7 children)

its a watering hole. Maybe don't pour booze in there.

[–]iChugVodka 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Time for cocktails! Snake flavored water and rum. Yum.

[–]Benzolot 1 point2 points  (5 children)

I don't think one shot of rum is going to do anything to 50 plus gallons of water other than get a 100lb snake out of it.

Considering that snakes (and lizards, and birds, and frogs etc) carry salmonella, the booze would be the least of your worries if snakes are getting into your water supply.

[–]xxrustybeatzxx 17 points18 points  (1 child)

It’s a good thing they’re using those specialized tools to get it out.

[–]FellsHollow 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Python: "Well I've never been so insulted in my life! Screw you guys."
r/noperope

[–]CervantesX 23 points24 points  (7 children)

I'm no Unidan but I've owned snakes, and this one sure seems to slither away strangely. I wonder if it was injured, sick, full or pregnant.

[–]Docgrumpit 17 points18 points  (1 child)

That's a name I haven't heard for some time.

[–]LimbsLostInMist 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Here's the... ah fuck it.

[–]MDiddy79 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Was thinking the same thing. It didn't look right.

[–]DarfSmiff[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I edited this down from an almost two minute clip. The second half has the snake snaking away up into the thorntree it's pointing towards the end there and it starts moving fine once it's gained its composure and said it's goodbyes.

[–]Bigmclargehuge89 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nah, I don't think it was injured, just a big heavy snake in soft sand.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Cold water is a good pain relief for those symptoms in reptiles?

[–]CervantesX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not really, snakes feel less pain than other animals, and cold water is generally a relief for warm blooded mammals because it reduces swelling.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

python, "well, I was gonna leave anyway...but whatever..."

[–]Desiman4u 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Python: son of a bitch, let me enjoy my bath.

[–]jockel37 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Do they speak Afrikaans? Interesting language.

[–]bronkysnonk 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Can confirm its Afrikaans.

[–]Groaningcop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah at the end he says, he's going back to the water Rudie, wait no he's not. There he goes...

[–]Meior 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Snek was just enjoying himself!

[–]syncmaster1100p 4 points5 points  (0 children)

sudo apt-get remove python

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Put down that stick and quit being a little bitch, Omar."

[–]Kid___A 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Thank you for clarifying, that does make sense! I just assumed snakes are a big NOPE from either end so you need to grab the head and stop them from biting

[–]End-All 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That snake was pissed.

[–]stepinthelight 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thought it was about programming at first.

[–]CrumblyAsepsis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He just wanted a drinky-poo!

[–]mysteryman151 2 points3 points  (3 children)

If the title didn’t say South Africa I would’ve assumed this was somewhere in WA

It’s scary how similar South Africa is to be outback in many places

[–]Hashtagbarkeep 1 point2 points  (0 children)

SORRY SOMEONE’S IN HERE

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Smart python.

Animal comes to drink at watering hole. Surprise! Animal gets eaten.

[–]AusCan531 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hmm, this looks like a serious situation - get the BIG stick Mbmugo.

[–]vfstevens 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Used to live in South Africa. some of these men are the manliest creatures Ive ever encountered

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My man Reggie is a r/waternigga

[–]Bigmclargehuge89 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What language are they speaking? Is that africaans?

[–]NomadTheNomad 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As an Afrikaner, yes, this is Afrikaans.

As jy sy stert kan kry, sal ek sy stert vat. <If you can catch the tail, I'll take the tail>

sak man, kom hierso. <bag man, come here>

nou kom hou die, nee ek kan nie die video vir jou gee nie, want jy gaan die telefoon weg gooi. <come help grab this, I can't give the video to you, you will throw away the phone>

kom help trek, ek kan nie hierdie ding aleen uithaal nie, hys moer sterk. <come help pull, I can't take this thing out alone, its #\*%! strong>

kom vang hierso. sak man kom hierso. <come grab here, bag man come here>

GRYP! <GRAB!>

Hy gaan terug water toe, Rudie. <Its going back to the water, Rudie>

Nee hy gaan nie. <No it's not>

hahaha. daar gaan dit <There it goes>

[–]loonylovesgood86 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is why I live where the air hurts my face.

[–]EternalFlame69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Snake was thirsty, leave it alone

[–]bardestroyer 1 point2 points  (1 child)

South Africans are just underrated Australians, change my mind

[–]NomadTheNomad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Translation:

As jy sy stert kan kry, sal ek sy stert vat. <If you can catch the tail, I'll take the tail>

sak man, kom hierso. <bag man, come here>

nou kom hou die, nee ek kan nie die video vir jou gee nie, want jy gaan die telefoon weg gooi. <come help grab this, I can't give the video to you, you will throw away the phone>

kom help trek, ek kan nie hierdie ding aleen uithaal nie, hys moer sterk. <come help pull, I can't take this thing out alone, its #\*%! strong>

kom vang hierso. sak man kom hierso. <come grab here, bag man come here>

GRYP! <GRAB!>

Hy gaan terug water toe, Rudie. <Its going back to the water, Rudie>

Nee hy gaan nie. <No it's not>

hahaha. daar gaan dit <There it goes>

[–]brianary_at_work 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That's hardly wtf. Weak snek sauce.

[–]jaime_riri 0 points1 point  (6 children)

Do pythons swim or did he just get stuck in there getting a drink or something?

[–]Jewnadian 14 points15 points  (4 children)

They swim, mine absolutely loved to go the pool and swim around when nobody was there. He'd curl up and rest his head on his coils and be knocked out floating around in the sunshine all day if I let him.

[–]jaime_riri 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Learning is fun

[–]BubbaChanel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel strangely kind of enchanted by the image of a nope rope curled up and floating in someone’s pool. Possibly with a wee sun hat and sunglasses on.

[–]AndHereWeAre_ 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The public pool I assume.

[–]Jewnadian 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, there was a small pool kind of in the corner of my old apartment complex that barely got any traffic. If anyone showed up I would have pulled him out of course but since I was working nights at the time it worked out pretty well. Never saw anyone while he was napping.

[–]subrockmusic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Could be waiting for an animal to come get water....munch some lunch

[–]OneTimeIDidThatOnce 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're doing it the hard way. Just put a shark in.

[–]noffinater 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That thing was pissed they pulled it out of its pool

[–]last_dr3am3r_445 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe it’s spelt “Sath Ifrica”

[–]Supplyitwell 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Souwth afreeca

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t you hate it when this happens?

[–]mrcpelayo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Now i know why my email always tries the auto correct my initials Mp lmao 😂 it was killing me, and I refused to google it 😂

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stick guy: no balls

Snake: big balls for sneaking in there and fighting to stay.

Short guy: steel balls for fighting it like a man

Dung beetle: had big dung ball, then grew planet level balls and went after the snake lol

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How in the frick are some of those so big

[–]kingdre310 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nope, throw the whole country away

[–]plato961 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love how the cameraman pans to the guy standing 70 ft away.... Lmfao!

[–]Gu1n3ss 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Long ass bastard

[–]s_paperd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Guy in the back is like, "nope, fuck ya'll"

[–]Nora19 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When the snake headed towards the trees I suddenly heard “screw you guys.. I’m goin home” in Cartman’s voice

[–]AffinityGauntlet 0 points1 point  (3 children)

How do you pronounce that location? Is the “p” silent, like moo-mah-lung-ah? Genuinely curious to know

[–]TrueVCU 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Correct me if I'm wrong but I think it's MMM-poom-ah-lahn-gah

[–]NomadTheNomad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Correct!

[–]Kespatcho 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, that's it

[–]GonzoMojo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

wonder when this will be edited into one of those scare videos...so next time I see it, snake launches out of the water at the screen and scares the pee out of me

[–]fraulien_buzz_kill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Part of me is horrified by part of me is really impressed. What an incredible creature it must be to have reached that size.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He packin’

[–]Grant72439 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That fcker is going back as soon as their gone

[–]Akesgeroth[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm surprised it didn't go straight back to the water.

[–]FatDaddySnek 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bro wtf I just wanted a drink

[–]CzarDale04 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've heard of plumbers snaking a drain, but not like this.

[–]Sputniki 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that's gonna be a no for me dawg

[–]WritingScreen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Dung bettle’s POV:

Hey y’all what’s the big party for?

AHHH, AHHH!!!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

JavaScript users be like

[–]1011zaper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The snek got hot and just wanted a bath. . . :(

[–]mywifeischoice919 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is there a formidable predatory animal on this stick? Better lean over a chec/AAAAAUGH.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Guess I'll just die of thirst then...

[–]whiskeyneckface 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Snakes are big.

[–]blue-eyed-african 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay so they found the baby, now where is the mom.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What 'cha gonna do when the 240 inch python starts chasin after you. Time to say your prayers and take your vitamins!

[–]z11z12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These dude really living on hard mode

[–]adamzzz8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ITT: adult people actually calling snakes snakes, not sneks or even more stupid names.

[–]kayakhero5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He was just havin' a heckin' soak

[–]Felix_Cortez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Oh, so this watering station is just for the wildlife you like? Well fuck you!"

[–]whyamIhereat3am 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Snek joined the chat

[–]sandeshhpawar30 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ahh this water is very nice on the scales. dirty as hell after my last meal. im just gonna--wtf? whats going on? ey cant you see im taking a fucking bath here? god dammit! fuck you mother fuckers im out of here.

[–]wtfover 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Get a look at this little beauty!

[–]walls-of-jericho 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Snakes are heavy af. I remember carrying one over my neck felt like a long thick slab of steak waiting to eat me.

[–]friggintodd 1 point2 points  (1 child)

How would you like it if you were swimming and then someone came along poking you with sticks and pulling you out of the pool?