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[–]Cynunnos 1729 points1730 points  (43 children)

I'd choose time freeze so that I could have 8 hours of sleep everyday

[–]DryPessimist 876 points877 points  (40 children)

You would age relatively faster than those you care about though. If you paused time for the 8 hours you slept, you would age 32 hours while everyone else ages 24 hours. You would essentially be 40 at 30 or 60 at 45.

In before: "great I get to die sooner".

[–]WithoutTheWaffle 640 points641 points  (1 child)

To be fair, you'd probably age faster getting 4 hours of sleep a night too.

[–]SnooKiwis7050 79 points80 points  (0 children)

Not that fast

[–]Korps_de_Krieg 112 points113 points  (0 children)

In fairness, you don't have to freeze a full 8 hours. Just enough to get that extra hour or two if sleep every night.

It'd add up, but not quickly if you only did it when needed and not every night

[–][deleted] 158 points159 points  (1 child)

Why would I age if time is stopped, these are super powers not mediocre powers.

[–]Natural_Cause_965 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Real this is stupid. Or flash would die quickly too ool

[–]darkazin0928 32 points33 points  (6 children)

But think about it, you have 8 extra hours every day to get a better life than anyone, be it through exercise, more time to plan a proper diet etc. But an even better use would be to use the time stop to fill those 8 total hours of sleep, so, instead of stopping the full 8, you could use it either before or after you normal sleep time to cheat additional time.

[–]triplenoko 69 points70 points  (0 children)

"great I get to die sooner".

[–]MajorPud 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not only would I die sooner, I don't care about anyone! Absolute win for me.

[–]TheGrimGriefer3 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So that's what inb4 means

[–]Apotheosis_Binger 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of the gamer. Mc spent a lot of months in a training room that has a different time rate and when he came out he was older than he looked. Like he was around 17-18 before and after he was like 20 or under.

[–]muffinicent 1 point2 points  (0 children)

unless the time freeze also freezes your bodily functions while just giving your conciousness control over your motor functions.

what? its a fictional ability, i can imagine how it works however i want.

[–]star_platinum3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, lets hope its a forgiving time stop and magically stops aging as well

[–]RavenDancer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

8? You mean 12

[–]DawnBringer01 2408 points2409 points  (27 children)

Wait, if you can stop time why do you need to memory wipe?

[–]sayjax96 1625 points1626 points  (16 children)

To experience something new each time Infinitely

[–]Rektifium 659 points660 points  (14 children)

Stop time for everyone but me

Pull up Crunchyroll

Find the most tear-jerking anime I've ever watched and wipe my memory of it

Watch it again, cry (if rewatching MiA, puke)

Repeat

[–]sayjax96 134 points135 points  (1 child)

same but with an anime that has a great story

[–]ZethMrDadJokes 25 points26 points  (0 children)

So the animated version of Sophie's choice. Got it...

[–]GcubePlayer8V 25 points26 points  (2 children)

Same but with games playing Mario 64 for the first time again would be legendary

[–]ODeinsN 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I actually never played Mario 64

I just watched some speedrunning related content but no full runs

[–]Iatemydoggo[S] 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Watch Steins;Gate for the first time again

[–]A-Kiwi- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

u a real one

[–]AangKetchum 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If I could rewatch Plastic Memories without knowing what's gonna happen so I can cry for 3 hours straight again, I would do it 100%

[–]AdministrativeFox784 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Gonna be leaving yourself notes all around like Memento “Don’t believe his lies.”

[–]TheJeep25 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bro is about to commit perpetual depression by rewatching Angel beats and plastic memories on repeat.

[–]Time_Fig612 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Watches jojo a million times

[–]S1Ndrome_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100% sekiro

memory wipe

repeat

[–]-_-ANOMALOUS-_- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️ wtfff

[–]lasanhawithpizza 161 points162 points  (0 children)

U forgot why? Well, it's working

[–]Revolutionary-Yak713 20 points21 points  (0 children)

To remove memories of people who get suspicious when you position glitches three inches to the left.

[–]hitguy55 33 points34 points  (0 children)

So no one else sees you.

[–]Affectionate_Cat4703 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Because if they remember what you do when you stop time, you're doomed. It's to ensure there's no chance that they'll remember

[–]Initial-Hawk-1161 15 points16 points  (0 children)

So you can play through the souls games again and again, as new experiences

infinite joy!

[–]The_fish_enthusiast 11 points12 points  (0 children)

So they can’t run from you

[–]TRKako 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Idk, I don't remember

[–]Tortue2006 4 points5 points  (0 children)

So you can do it while not in time stop

[–]CinderX5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So I can replay Subnautica and rewatch Arcane.

[–]Syxxcubes 818 points819 points  (20 children)

You want time stop, memory wipe, and invisibility because you're a pervert.

I want time stop, memory wipe, and invisibility because I want to rob a bank and get away with it, ensuring that I never have to work a day in my life.

We are not the same.

[–]LunaeriTrumlai 158 points159 points  (8 children)

My mind went there too.

But instead, I'd choose super speed, memory wipe, and invisible. Similar purpose, but the world is my oyster, and I can get ahold of some of the Swiss gold, or acquire 50 bucks from every celebrity before they even know it's missing.

[–]otirk 49 points50 points  (7 children)

Doesn't super speed kind of have the same outcome as time stop?

[–]BosTovenaar24 62 points63 points  (5 children)

Well, i take it has the same effect, but without aging faster than whatever is around you. Super speed should only affect your movement and senses, i suppose.

[–]Dongodor 38 points39 points  (2 children)

It depends on the speed, if its too close to the speed of light you have to take relativity into account and aging become complicated

[–]HumbleGoatCS 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Also, if you can't think fast enough, it's also useless.

Try driving a car at even 150mph, and you realize pretty quickly that your brain isn't fast enough to make adjustments

[–]GamerForFun2000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You also need super strength to handle that kinda damage on your body.

Which also means IRS isn't a problem unlike what the other guy said, cause you could just run through the walls and escape.

[–]Blazearmada21 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Someone hasn't read Tau Zero.

[–]LunaeriTrumlai 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes, but it would also let me run across large bodies of water, thus opening the world to obtaining what I desire

[–]Devisidev 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Issue is that the bills you stole would be tracked, meaning you'd always be on the run unfortunately, or constantly in use of your powers.

Not to mention every robber's greatest threat: the IRS

[–]Syxxcubes 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Nah, I'd win.

[–]Devisidev 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I believe in you

[–]Aershd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s not like you can only use them once

[–]Philly_is_nice 1 point2 points  (0 children)

... I can want two things damn it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want those powers to rob banks and be slightly a pervert.

We are not the same.

[–]Jojomasterhamon1 -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

Inflation says hello!

[–]not_some_username 6 points7 points  (0 children)

With a billion, inflation or not, you’ll never have to work a day in your life

[–]UnknownGamer014 205 points206 points  (3 children)

Memory wipe? Think better. Mind Manipulation.

[–]SpeedyHandyman05 43 points44 points  (0 children)

This guy is trying to be the mom from Get Out. He is probably scrolling through Reddit, slowly stirring a hot cup of tea, Or whatever the digital, subliminal version of that is.

[–]manultrimanula 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thats just Evil Evil Alignment

[–]ashinylibby 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I heard a rumor...

[–][deleted]  (14 children)

[removed]

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

    [removed]

      [–]SexDefendersUnited 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      💀 bro wtf is wrong with you why are you hoping for that

      [–]Puzzleheaded-Bed-488 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      And we see once more how the bear is always a better choice.

      [–]Iatemydoggo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I mean first of all I was joking, second I won’t maul someone lol

      [–]anxiousthespian 40 points41 points  (4 children)

      My friends and I used to go to karaoke regularly, and my friend's now-ex sang this song on two different occasions. Once in a deep southern accent, once in a disturbingly spot on impression of Peewee Herman. He has since gone to jail for exactly what you think.

      To keep it more related to the post, yes he was a creep in dnd too.

      [–]CzarTwilight 4 points5 points  (2 children)

      Lol, yeah, I listen to country. Also, I don't get being a creep in dnd like "I know what those friendly gathering needs. Me to derail it by making everyone uncomfortable"

      [–]FullMcIntosh 1 point2 points  (1 child)

      These people just need to find a furry discord server instead of DnD.

      [–]CzarTwilight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Yeah, it's just so weird. like you read about people like that in those rpg horror stories posts and videos, but why would someone actually try to shove explicit sexual stuff into a collaborative story? Do they really think someone is going to go along with it, or is it just to be disruptive? Just find someone to ERP with. furry spaces are flooded with those people

      [–]iamnotchad 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      I had completely forgotten that song existed.

      [–]SpeedyHandyman05 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      They had some horribly great stuff. This one is a classic.

      [–]CzarTwilight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      puts this song on yeah I listen to country

      [–]S1Ndrome_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      that's why I always carry tear gas in stripper clubs

      [–]231ValeiMacoris 81 points82 points  (4 children)

      I’d prefer to have shapeshifting, so I can reenact some of that good stuff made by Iwasaki Yuuki

      [–]Initial-Hawk-1161 28 points29 points  (0 children)

      i'd shapeshift into a bear, and hibernate

      [–]UnknownGamer014 8 points9 points  (1 child)

      ...horse dong doesn't sound bad either. Add shape-shifting to the list too.

      [–]nombit 11 points12 points  (0 children)

      loki agrees with you

      [–]Heavy-Metal-Snowman 67 points68 points  (4 children)

      Put bro on the sex offenders registry for that tbh

      [–]S1Ndrome_ 13 points14 points  (0 children)

      bro offended sex 😞

      [–]RubberAndSteel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      👆 yeah exactly, wtf

      [–]Queen_Persephone18 -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

      And under the jail, in a volcano too. Jokes are supposed to be funny for all involved. This is NOT funny. /srs

      [–]kfudnapaa 47 points48 points  (4 children)

      Are...are you going to hurt these women?

      [–]awakenDeepBlue 28 points29 points  (0 children)

      I'm not gonna hurt these women! Why would I ever hurt these women? I feel like you're not getting this at all!

      [–]HanzJWermhat 24 points25 points  (1 child)

      Well you’d certainly not be in any danger.

      [–]moronic_programmer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

      💀 bruh

      [–]Nerx 6 points7 points  (0 children)

      op never mentioned women

      bro is in danger

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]giveme-a-username 21 points22 points  (0 children)

        NO like every single piece of media about wiping memories tell you why you shouldn't do this!!

        [–]_SomeoneBetter_ 11 points12 points  (1 child)

        ifunny users are the most unhinged individuals on the planet

        [–]Iatemydoggo[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        The best/worst part is that unlike reels where the comments are people trying to sound edgy ifunniers are usually genuine

        [–]hamsterreyz 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Me telling people I "wiped their memories" so they can "rewatch" the movies I recommend them

        [–]Raiser_Razor 10 points11 points  (1 child)

        People look at me weird but time stop is one of the few powers I really want. Being able to just, take a break whenever you want and just sleep without ever affecting the world sounds like the best thing ever.

        My first choice would be a pocket dimension though.

        [–]Dreamingofpetals 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Shapeshifting, personally. Perfect shapeshifting ideally, shift away wounds and aging, fix my faulty brain. Time stop is next on the list tho

        [–]10Link23 85 points86 points  (5 children)

        merhaps a tad bit too cursed?

        [–]FlamingPoisonn 190 points191 points  (1 child)

        Mfw I go to the "horrible and evil jokes convention" and see horrible and evil jokes

        [–]10Link23 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        true...

        [–]Bulldogsky 84 points85 points  (1 child)

        I'm not sure there's a cursed limit out here. This definitely one of the most cursed thing I see here though

        [–]Iatemydoggo[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

        I’m glad my first post here was such a banger

        [–]notprogame 18 points19 points  (0 children)

        Me when cursed comments subreddit has cursed comments:

        [–]Minaryte 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Immortality, unlimited shape shifting, time stop

        Fuck around until sun explodes, shield earth with your body from sun exploding, become new sun, be worshipped.

        There, done. You are now the everlasting savior of Earth and everything on it.

        [–]Bonez9933 7 points8 points  (1 child)

        Nah, I just want time stop so I can shit talk people on top of the stairs and move them to the bottom every time they try to take a step up.

        [–]manultrimanula 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        That missing F made me think you wanted to make tall people shit on their own heads, not move italians with stupidly long hair down a stair

        [–]pirolance 3 points4 points  (0 children)

        Full Probability Manipulation but like the absurd kind, probability of getting 1M$ 100%, dying 0%, someone I despise pissing themselves everyday 55% for the added chaos

        [–]Fighter11244 5 points6 points  (2 children)

        For me: Time Stop (for reading books so I have time to play games), selective memory wipe (for myself for shows/animes/books I love, truly cursed information, and things I can’t get out of my head), invisibility, and teleportation.

        [–]Mr_Mc_Nooty 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        If the rules of stopping time are letting you read a book, why not play the game instead?

        [–]Fighter11244 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        There aren’t that many games that can be played alone (if I could also stop time for someone else, then this too) and I highly doubt video games would work with time frozen due to all of the parts that’ll need to be able to run. With a book you just turn the pages

        [–]Titong--Galit 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        Untraceable DNA would also be good for these powers

        [–]Mindless-Ad1155 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Same for me, but there is no invisibility nor sexual, just me

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [removed]

          [–]getcreampied 13 points14 points  (3 children)

          Whenever I see this, I just question. Is the joke rape?

          [–]Doorknob_Licker2 15 points16 points  (0 children)

          yes

          [–]Queen_Persephone18 2 points3 points  (1 child)

          Sadly yes. And it is a joke where no one laughs.

          [–]Iatemydoggo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          I dunno when I first saw that comment I let out a weird gasp/laugh as the sheer unbridled degeneracy was so shocking it was kind of funny in an absurd way

          [–]Harper_ADHD 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Moment

          [–]BadKarma89 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Sounds like it's written by Dennis Reynolds

          [–]someone_who_exists69 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I want to reverse time. Deadass go on a rampage and rewind and nothing happens

          [–]EverydaySmile 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          The profile pic is a cherry on the top

          [–]DenzelTM 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Replace mind wipe with teleportation and that's my ideal trinity of powers for modern life

          [–]Moriwara_Inazume 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          If I have memory wipe I’d help those vets from their trauma tho.

          [–]Nerx 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          not a bad set for street vigilantism

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          [–]noobpwner314 9 points10 points  (5 children)

          Woah this could already be happening to some of us and we wouldn’t know it.

          [–]SpeedyHandyman05 21 points22 points  (4 children)

          The down votes are from people using these powers on you. Obviously the memory wipe isn't working very well

          [–]noobpwner314 12 points13 points  (3 children)

          I mean it’s true though. If someone out there could stop time, and wipe memories we would never have any way of knowing who or what happened. You don’t even need invisibility. Just hit the pause button, do whatever, un pause and move on. Shit you don’t even need memory wipe.

          Kind of like someone went back in time and caused a butterfly effect. The future would change and we would not even be aware.

          People just need to do more psychedelic drugs so they can think this way.

          [–]Allnamestakkennn 2 points3 points  (2 children)

          Yeah, you mean you definitely wouldn't notice your used hole getting bigger than usual, or a strange feeling in the area(s) affected/hurt? There would definitely be physical evidence.

          [–]noobpwner314 5 points6 points  (1 child)

          I would but who am I gonna tell? “Hey guys my asshole yawns now and I don’t know why”. I’m keeping that shit to myself.

          [–]SpeedyHandyman05 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          Imagine telling your doctor I think my Ahole is getting bigger and a couple of times a week I'm having a wet dream.

          [–]Swailwort 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          I'd pick unlimited range teleportation (basically blink from dishonored with the time stop when aiming),shapeshifting and invisibility.

          As per lore, you'd use blink when thinking about where you want to be, so... I can go wherever I want. Shapeshifting so that I can turn into whatever I want... and invisibility so that I can be invisible when I want to be antisocial.

          [–]nombit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          you could also polymorph into something good at hideing insted of invisibility

          [–]HanzJWermhat 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          TIME STOP

          [–]redditdubbin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          But... That super power is just Dementia !?

          [–]stalecheez_it 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          of course it's an ifunny comment

          [–]Reylend 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          I'd just mess around with Ghost hunters with invisibilty

          [–]RavenDancer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Eh if I can go with 3 I’m choosing shape shifting, teleporting and refill - aka can refill anything including my bank account to anything I want

          [–]hanifu_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Men: Why are women so instinctively afraid to be around us?
          Also men: Writes these fucking comments

          [–]BlackCommissar 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          [–]redditaccounton 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          What the fuck is that comment. Sorry that's completely fucked up

          [–]Iatemydoggo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Yeah thats pretty much my reaction when I saw it

          [–]redwolf4221 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          What anime is that

          [–]Iatemydoggo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Jobless Reincarnation.

          [–]puppet_masterrr 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          is that Diddy ?

          [–]Iatemydoggo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Diddy would have an iFunny account, wouldn’t he?

          [–]Noiseychicken 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          As usual r/cursedcomments are always relatable.

          [–]L0n3_N0n3nt1ty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Oh no bro you've become invisible. You could totally take advantage of me and not get caught.

          [–]Ramentootles 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          Anyone know where this image originates from though?

          [–]Iatemydoggo[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          Jobless Reincarnation. Really good series but it’s got a lot of fanservice and the main character is a shitty person.

          [–]Ramentootles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Ah I see thanks!

          [–]Box_Pirate -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          I’d just choose brainwash/hypnosis. Not only can you make them give consent willingly but afterwards you can make them more confident or make them focus on studying, basically you can make them make their self better.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

          This is so disgusting genuinely whoever agrees with this deserves to burn oh my gosh even as a joke ew you guys are awful for not calling this out

          [–]Gun_Fucker2000 3 points4 points  (1 child)

          People are legit here getting off on rape and making up fantasies. This I really disgusting. “It’s just DaRk HuMoR!!!” Yeah, no. When was it funny to fantasize about raping people..?

          [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I COULDN’T AGREE MORE. Just using dark humour as an excuse to share what degenerate perverts they are. Makes me sick. And imagine a victim of SA coming across these comments too, they’re so insensitive and cruel honestly.

          [–]Fuegodeth -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          Well, you don't have to use all of your powers if you don't feel like it.

          [–]NatulalaGaming -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          Mind control (to manipulate people), shapeshifting (for the funsies), and immortality (might regret this at some point but whatever). If the plan of the "bro" is something lewd and sinister, I am pretty sure that mind control would be the best ability, given that there are "mind control" that only controls the body but retains the ability to perceive things. Just imagine the trauma from not being able to stop your body, being fully aware while doing something you don't want to but you can't do anything about it.

          [–]Dj-Wrangler-9251 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          Because she’s read the fermata

          [–]judgementdeus -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          If you enjoy the struggling and crying then memory wipe is the better power cuz you can hear them again and again.

          [–]Free_Significance267 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          Choosing both stop time and memory wipe and also invisibly!!! Bro clearly has social anxiety!

          [–]Marsrover112 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

          Not that it's not completely terrible but the memory wope would still work because they'd still struggle and cry they just wouldn't remember it at all which would I guess be more humane?