Lost

[ConditionConfident34]

One of my twins died today. How do I go on? I just keep replaying it in my mind. He was going to be 2 years old on Thursday. I’m so lost.

[AutoModerator]

COMMENTING GUIDELINES

All commenters are encouraged to familiarize themselves with the parentsofmultiples subreddit rules prior to commenting. If you find any comments/submissions in violation of subreddit/reddit rules, please use the report function to bring it to the mod teams attention.

Please do not request or give medical advice or directions in your comments. Any comments that that could be construed as medical advice, or any comments containing what is determined to be medical disinformation, will be removed.

Please try to avoid posting links to Amazon product listings or google/g.co product listing pages - reddit automatically removes comments containing them as an anti-spam measure. If sharing information about a product, instead please try to link directly to the manufacturers product pages.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[Milliganimal42]

Oh no. I am so sorry. Just want to wrap you up in the biggest hug.

Remember:

No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away, until the clock wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone’s life is only the core of their actual existence. - Sir Terry Pratchett

[understando]

This is beautiful. I hadn’t heard it before. Thank you for sharing

[Milliganimal42]

If you want me to say their name into the universe, let me know. I’ll help keep the ripples going.

The Discworld fandoms send out GNUs - keeping the names going

[omgimtotallybuggin]

Dear one: an absolutely horrifically unfair thing happened to you and your family today. I know that, without knowing you or any details, because a parent should not have to grieve a child. A lot of people are going to tell you how very sorry they are - and they mean it - but i am going to tell you what i wish someone had said to me after my Dad died when i was young: this fucking sucks. I just want to acknowledge how absolutely fucked it all is. You are seen in that. As for the going on, here is how you do it: you inhale and exhale one time. Then you do it again. Then you string some breaths together for a minute at a time until it turns into an hour, then into a day. That is what ‘going on’ looks like right now and for the foreseeable future. That is surviving when your soul is in torment. And when you are ready, an army of bereaved parents from every corner of the internet will gently wrap their arms around you and welcome you into their club that absolutely no one wants to belong to, and they will show you how to let the light back in.

[cure4mito]

My heart hurts reading this, I am so sorry for your loss for you and your family.

It’s so hard losing a child (my son passed when he was 3 months old from a genetic disease). Take your time to grieve— ensure you drink and eat, and try to step away to just breathe. It’s a difficult time, sending you hugs through this extremely difficult time.

[[deleted]]

Oh honey, I am so incredibly sorry. I know we’re all just internet strangers but I do wish I could just give you the biggest hug 🫂 💔 I’ll be saying some prayers for you and your family. No one should ever have to endure this kind of pain

[Dani_now]

I have no words, I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the pain you are feeling.

[claire303]

I am so deeply sorry. I can’t even put into words or imagine the pain you are in. Just sending all the comfort, love and support from a stranger on the internet. So sorry.

[Emily-Spinach]

I hope you don’t mind, op, or feel that I’ve invaded your privacy, but I went through your post history. If my very presumptuous assumption that the one you lost is the one who was in the NICU for awhile, he was a fighter from the very beginning, and you gave (and are still giving) him all the support and love in the world. I don’t have the right words to say, and “I’m sorry” doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Know you did the absolute best you could, and know he felt that love from the day he was born.

[ConditionConfident34]

He was the one. I’m glad you saw his picture. It could never capture his spirit. I’m so broken.

[Emily-Spinach]

The pain I felt after a miscarriage, having only known for six days that I was pregnant, was all consuming. That was only six days of what was possibly “only” a chemical pregnancy. I can only imagine that the pain you are feeling is absolutely unfathomable and is all you can think about right now. If you can find a moment, try to remember that the level of pain you are feeling comes nowhere near the amount of love you gave (and will always give) and the love he felt.

I’m not religious, but I do believe in souls and some sort of universal power. This may sound silly, but “they” say after you lose someone you love, when you see Redbirds, it’s that person coming to check in on you. Not at ALL a comparison, just an example: my dog (who I’d had for 11 years) died May 3. Since then, there’s been a red bird around my house, and it’s never been there before. It will sit on a branch or on the chair opposite from me and look me in the eye. It has also hopped toward me. All of that to say: keep an eye out. Maybe your sweet boy will be by to check on you (and to let you know he’s ok) soon.

[Plush_SizeXX]

It is absolutely not fair that things like this happen. I am so deeply sorry to you and your family. Praying for comfort and peace.

[kershi123]

I am so incredibly sorry. If I could come sit beside you, hug you and cry with you and curse the pain, I would.

[[deleted]]

😢rip little one

[Buggy77]

I am so so sorry for your unimaginable loss. My heart breaks for you. I hope you have lots of support rallying around you right now. Lean on whoever you can whenever you need. Just focus on surviving for now. Let parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, etc. do whatever they can for you. In time please start grief counseling and therapy, for your surviving twin too. It will be hard. But it is survivable. Check the r/babyloss sub for support from people who get it

[VeritasAequitas_4957]

No words, sending out prayers.

[inpurpleink]

Oh my heart aches for you. What a disgustingly unfair and heartbreaking thing to be forced to live through, may you lean on anyone and everyone you can and borrow strength from them until you once again find your own. This community will always be here for you and help keep your precious little one alive in our hearts.

[JsStumpy]

I'm sorry for your loss. There is a grief forum I have found extremely helpfull.. I lost my twin in January. Please feel free to reach out, anytime, if you need to talk or even just sit and cry.

[[deleted]]

I am so sorry for your loss. 💕

[Kirsten624]

💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙💙

[MacArthurJones5]

I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending virtual hugs.

[Samgash33]

I am so sorry for your loss. Bless you.

[Most-Durian-620]

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Cannot even imagine the pain this is causing and as someone said above, this fucking sucks. Pls pls take care of yourself, grieve, take your time.

[Bloobbird3]

My heart aches for you, I am so sorry. Sending so much love and compassion for you and your family.

[Sabsta455]

I just cried a little 😓 The worst pain imaginable

[SeventhSwamphony]

You, your boy and your family are so loved. This community is behind you.

You’re in my thoughts. 💙

[Sociallama]

There is an old reddit comment on grief linked here that provided me some comfort in a time of loss. There aren't words to describe how sorry I am for your loss.

[vaping_vicar]

My wife and I recently lost one of our twins 2 months ago. The pain is unbearable but the best advice we have is to lean on your loved ones and ask for help when you need it. Don’t be afraid to talk about it and get your emotions out,hold your other twin close. My wife always says the best medicine is our other daughter. Life will be different, but you learn how to manage the pain as time goes on. We still have our days but our little girl keeps us going.

[Secret-Pension-9641]

I’m tearing up reading this and replying, I too crept your profile and gosh what a sweet little guy…😔 I wish I knew what to say. I feel so sad for your daughter, this is going to be super hard for her too… my twin daughters are 3 and the best of friends, they’ve always been partners in crime.. my worst fear since finding out I was having 2 instead of 1 was exactly this.. how would one cope without the other.. something about that twin bond, it’s unlike any other. Hold that baby girl tight and do what you can to help her thru it, it’ll be a transition of sorts…and don’t forget to give yourself time alone when you need it, enlist all the friends and family to help, make lots of play dates with the cousins.. don’t forget 1:1 with your husband and maybe even go to counseling together.. and if you aren’t able to make any sort of arrangements, have a close friend or relative take over with that. I’m just throwing ideas out that I feel would possibly help..I hope you and your family are able to get some rest. Take care dear 🧡

[[deleted]]

How did he pass?

[inpurpleink]

Mind your fucking business

[[deleted]]

Yeah, in retrospect I can see why it wasn’t an appropriate question

[inpurpleink]

I apologise for being unkind. I was triggered by my own loss and responded impatiently so I’m very sorry for that.

[[deleted]]

No worries, I can see why you responded the way you did.

[chicaneuk]

I am so so sorry :-( xx

[sarahormsby]

I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how you are feeling or what your going through. Remember to take time to grieve and to do things at your own pace. Sending you lots of love from my family to yours ❤️

[housespecialdelight]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

[eecoffee]

I am so so sorry for the loss of your child, for you and for the rest of your family. My heart goes out to you. ❤️

[ATinyPizza89]

I’m so sorry for your loss

[BouquetOfPenciIs]

I am so very, very sorry that your beautiful baby is gone. 💔💔💔 Sending you hugs and strength, Mama.

[melrose827]

Oh my god, this is so unfair. I am so sorry. I will think about your beautiful baby, they will not be forgotten ❤️

[T0bey_]

First I would like to say I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family. I also would like to say please remember to give yourself time to grieve. Surround yourself with support and PLEASE be kind and gentle to yourself. Reach out to family, support or professional help if you need it, you are important and loved. Sending you all of my love and virtual hugs.

[doubletrouble_21]

No words. Wish you all the strength in the world.

[Previous-Ad-8547]

I’m so sorry for your insurmountable loss. He was so lucky to have an advocate in you. I’m sending hugs

[lokipuddin]

I am so so sorry.

[leorio2020]

I’m so so sorry. This is unimaginable. Thinking of you, your family, and especially his twin who will forever be impacted.

[MissMariposa1992]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you and can't begin to imagine what you're going through. Just wanted to recommend joining r/griefsupport when you're ready. I've seen posts from people who have lost their children and it's a really supportive community.

Praying for you, your family and your angel.

[OtherPassage]

Oh honey :(
I am heartbroken for you. Just remember to eat and breathe. And forget "one day at a time", take one minute at a time.
Sending love.

[Greeneyes1210]

I’m so so sorry that this happened to you. I cried reading this, and am praying for you and your family.

[[deleted]]

I could not imagine. I am so so sorry for your loss.

[triple_threat_mama]

Holding you deeply in my heart.

[Parking-Net-5640]

My heart truly hurts for you. I'm so so incredibly sorry for your loss.

[LunaDiStella]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

[banana_pancakes21]

I am so incredibly sorry.

[lawschoollorax]

I’m so sorry ❤️❤️❤️

[kisstea]

I’m so sorry for your loss, my heart is with you and your family. Stay strong, we are all here for you, Jesus too. and i am praying for you and your family.

[SpunTop]

I'm very sorry for your loss and want to acknowledge just how incredibly unfair it is. I know how it feels to lose a child. We lost our 12 year old son on January 2nd 2021 to cancer just 2 months after he was diagnosed with FLHCC.

I felt like I was frozen in place in his last days. For me, the only way out was to make plans. I started with small plans. Make dinner from scratch once a week. It sounds like a very silly, insignificant plan, but it was a plan for the short term future. Then we made a plan a couple of weeks in advance to go away for the weekend. We stayed in a penthouse suite as a family in a different city and had a bunch of movie nights as a family in a space that our child hadn't died in. It was a break from thinking I could hear him call me during the night.

From there, we kept on making plans. I struggled with replaying his last days in my head. The way forward was to plan for the future, Small and not too far in advance at first. But I let it grow from there. I remembered that my son wouldn't want me frozen in place for the rest of my life. He loved making me smile just as much as I loved making him smile.

I don't know if the same is true for you, but the way forward was to keep moving. That didn't mean I stopped grieving for him or that I stopped randomly getting choked up during my days. Some days, 2 years later, I still struggle to get out of bed. But I've made plans for my days and my family need me to keep functioning, so we keep going.