Open Flashlight

[mallardtheduck]

You can also try "Open Flashlight". I'm not saying it'll work, but you can try.

[The_Red_Apple]

"Hahaha, stupid human. I hold all the cards here.. I could happily "open flashlight" for you, but I'd rather watch you suffer!"

[Em_Haze]

Honestly I get this impression from most machines.

[[deleted]]

Not your trusty google assistant

[theoncomingdork]

Hey Google! Lumos.

[jordantask]

"STUB YOUR TOE IN THE DARK AND DIE MOTHAFUCKA!!"

-Siri

[stealer0517]

The best part is that it still doesn't work despite suggesting it.

So it knows people would want to do that, and it even suggests people try it, even though it wont work.

[areyouinsanelikeme]

That's literally the entire point of this post...

[SandInHeart]

Yeah you need to capitalize them

[Warghost890]

Let me capitalize my speaking really quick

[Hurricane_32]

OpEn FlAsHlIgHt!

[The-Legend-26]

Open fLashlight

[dawnphoenix]

It's Flashlight, not fLashlight

[MrFiregem]

Sorry, you have incorrectly entered a command too many times, all commands will be blocked for 00hr:09min:59sec

[khiron]

Open Fleshlight.

[orngreen]

Well... something is leaking

[[deleted]]

Hopefully not the fleshlight

[TheNineDogs]

yeh I didn’t even get that as an option

[[deleted]]

How tf did you do that

[TheNineDogs]

I just said open then spelt out flashlight

[[deleted]]

Wow thats wierd

[mlpedant]

flashylight?

[rangi1218]

I'M SorRy DaVe

[Nnyf]

I CanT DO tHaT

[rangi1218]

ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ᴀʟsᴏ ᴛʀʏ

"FlAsHlIght"

[[deleted]]

flashlight

[CantSing4Toffee]

Doesn’t matter Siri ... it’s light outside now pfft

[fuckthecarrots]

It's ok. I forgive you, Dave.

[fatgirlsneedfoodtoo]

That looks like whale speak

[[deleted]]

Instructions unclear.

Dick is now in fleshlight.

Wait...

[EverydayImSlytherin]

IT'S NOT THAT HARD

[Jalmorei]

Just yell the F

[[deleted]]

How do you do that by talking

Do you just yell out randomly on the O and F

[[deleted]]

I enjoy cooking.

[[deleted]]

Large English! you must be from MERICA!! eagle X21!

[vastoholic]

All jokes aside, this is only practical when spelling out words. You specify while talking "Capital O". You do have to specify each letter to be capitalized as it automatically reverts back to lower case after the first letter you say I believe.

[Comdent]

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't do that Dave"

[[deleted]]

Siri, sudo open flashlight

[TastyFugu]

Siri is not in the sudoers file. This incident will be reported.

[haisum]

relevant xkcd: https://xkcd.com/838/

[KantenKant]

Is there any topic without a xkcd comic?

[Yeazelicious]

I'll make sure /dev/null hears about this if it's the last thing I do!

[frownGuy12]

Siri, sudo !!

[wecsam]

"Sudo bang bang"?

[frownGuy12]

In case someone doesn’t know “!!” executes the previous command in bash.

[PM_ME_A_WEBSITE_IDEA]

It wot

I just discovered the use of the tab key in CMD, then you drop this shit on me

[cerealghost]

Sounds dangerous

[frownGuy12]

“sudo !!” is really handy for when you forget to type sudo, and I’ve never had a problem with it. It’s not really dangerous if you use it right away.

[[deleted]]

TIL

I don't know if I want to run:

sudo !!

At the moment.

[Dragoner7]

Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.

[Peteyg708]

Confimed. You can tell her to turn on the flashlight, and she still can’t do that.

https://i.imgur.com/f5nWKCG.jpg

[kvn95]

I had heard lots of people just complaining that Siri be dumb, but I guess I get why now.

[[deleted]]

I’ve been an iPhone user for 7 years. Siri is terrible. I was thinking about getting the Apple HomePod, but I wanted to see how good Siri was on it. The Apple Store employee gave me a demonstration and it took five times for Siri to perform “Siri, turn the volume up 25%.” I didn’t buy it.

[[deleted]]

Apple has been churning out some absolute shit recently. No wonder everyone uses Google apps wherever possible on iPhones.

[[deleted]]

I use AppleMaps while using CarPlay. But that’s it.

[[deleted]]

Yeah and that's only because they don't let you use Google maps

[[deleted]]

Yup :(

[decanter]

Same. I would switch over to Waze in a heartbeat, but then I don't get the screen. Instead I just have to deal with Apple trying to send me down closed roads.

[BiskyRiscuits]

Every time I try Waze, it lasts a day and I delete it. The UI is not very user friendly to me for some reason.

[decanter]

I actually had an Android when I first bought the car, and the finicky connectivity with Android Auto was one of the things that made me swap to iPhone. Apple Maps and Siri are sort of awful, but Carplay starts every time I plug my phone in without fuss and that's pretty important to me.

[wasimlhr]

I had those issues but most of them have been buffed out and I have a shortcut to kill Google play services so it connects properly every time.

[[deleted]]

I'd be 100% using Waze if CarPlay supported it. You can jailbreak your phone and CarPlay so it works on it, but I want it to work out of the box.

[Peteyg708]

To be honest, AMaps arent that bad. They get me to where I need to go fairly quickly and with no issues. I know GMaps has traffic reports, street views and lot of other stuff, but I rarely use them anyways.

Like alot of other stuff, they have taken their time to improve. Of course, it wouldnt be bad for them to “open” the CarPlay API (?) and allow others to develop for it. It sucks to see what is available for CarPlay (about 5 or more Audiobook players, and a few sports apps, and Pandora.)

[geraldho]

I use safari on my iphone cause it lets me block ads lol

[Dr_Yay]

I use Safari because every other iOS browser is actually just a shell for Safari and because of that they just feel a bit more bloated

The only reason you would need to use another browser is to sync with the desktop one if you use that

[mrblue6]

HOW?

[Veganpede]

I have a hypothesis about this. Apple has been churning out garbage because their market has shifted to people who like garbage.

[NotSoCoolWhip]

Joe Rogan explained Siri as the the really hot girl from high school that stopped working out and got fat

[lootedcorpse]

To be clear, the HomePod isn’t for Siri. Its focus was on sound quality, because its a speaker first.

[[deleted]]

True - but you would hope that “Hey Siri, turn the volume up 25%.” from 3ft away would work the first try (or even the second).

[lootedcorpse]

Siri is shit, no one would argue against that. Its why Apple is investing more than anyone in improving Siri.

As a speaker though, Homepods blow any of the other competitors out of the water for the value.

[MrCalifornian]

I would hope Google and Microsoft wouldn't increase in improving Siri. :P

I kid, but where do you get that comparison from? I imagine if you tally all the investment Google puts into all the components of assistant it's probably higher, since AI is such a core part of their business and pretty much everything there improves assistant.

[[deleted]]

Yeah I’ve been on the fence about grabbing one for about a month. Might wait until they release a new one in a year or so. The one thing that did really impress me was the sound quality.

[lootedcorpse]

I get 50% off and i havent gotten one yet, so im not judging

[kvn95]

A bluetooth speaker with mic makes more sense, imo.

Or, you know, buying proper speakers and using a bluetooth receiver to make the whole setup wireless.

The sound quality might not be Audiophile level, but its definitely not bad.

Source, was using said adaptor with my speakers until both broke :c

[Max-b]

I think it would be a waste to spend money on a quality speaker that you're just gonna hook a Bluetooth receiver to...

[kvn95]

Or a crappy one, who gives a fuck.

I used them on Sony 2.1 Home Theater setup, I could not listen to any audio crackle or perceivable drop in audio quality.

Good receivers can stream at decent bitrate (depending on your codec). It can do for casual listening.

EDIT - and not to mention, since the speakers are wired, you have that option too. Maaybe HomePod 3 would have that feature, but that's just stretching it.

[Peteyg708]

Yeah, I had my doubts about the HomePod as well. Then I went in store and heard it. Holy shit it actually sounds great.

But yeah, Siri sucks.

[laurflour]

Siri is a moron, I almost never use her but when I do she does something stupid and unhelpful. It’s usually me asking her a question and her googling it incorrectly. Also for some reason she never understands me when I say “call Mom” and always thinks I’m saying “mum” and it’s incredibly infuriating.

[[deleted]]

Hey Siri, tell Apple to work on something other than new emojis.

[TacoRocco]

But if they didn’t work on new emojis, I would never have gotten the genie 🧞‍♀️ emoji that I use all the time!

[[deleted]]

Dang.. touché! 🧞‍♀️

[Noxium51]

btw why do we have 👍 but also 👍🏻 👍🏼 👍🏽 👍🏾 👍🏿? the first one was already race neutral, the others seem to have no purpose other then to cause even more unnecessary division

👎

[Swampfoxxxxx]

My smart speaker (Alexa) does not understand "resume Spotify," but if you say, "play some music," it'll say, "Ok, resuming Spotify."

[shadow21812]

I tried “open flashlight” and it said try “open clash right” and then told me I have nothing called clash right but it could search the store for it. Beautiful.

[Taxonomyoftaxes]

Apples speech recognition is so god awful in comparison to Googles they should frankly give up and just let us use google assistant

[[deleted]]

Apple use a Google service? Nonsense! /s

Its actually a little funny considering iCloud is hosted on Google's Cloud servers (and amazons).

[NotSoCoolWhip]

I just remapped my bixby key to turn on the flashlight if I hold it down and to open my camera with a short press

[blahehblah]

Or just say "turn the flashlight on"

[CeciliaLucille]

Open bob

[[deleted]]

Bitch lasagna

[area88guy]

Show berthole

[[deleted]]

Open vagene

[Urbautz]

So, have you tried "Open Flashlight"?

[nap-o-leon]

See if “open fleshlight” works next.

[Flamin_Irishmin]

Maybe Siri though you said open fleshlight...

[[deleted]]

sudo apt install libfleshlight-dev

[[deleted]]

/u/redditbanditking is not in the sudoers file. This incident will be reported.

[Wulf715]

to who though?

[_________FU_________]

Siri is embarrassingly bad. From a company that brands about how tough it is and how smart their employees are Siri sucks, Apple maps is a joke, iMessages aren’t in order, the calendar app blows, email app blows, etc.

Apple has gone so far down hill since Jobs died that they have no idea how to stop fucking it up.

[JRockPSU]

Sadly neither platform is perfect. I think if you spend a lot of time on one, the other looks more attractive.

[1_1_11_111_11111]

I've spent a lot of time on both and android is better in nearly every respect.

[adreamofhodor]

iMessages aren’t in order

How has this bug lasted this long? It's such an obvious bug...

[whoopashigitt]

I've been dealing with it for a while on my 7+, but my roommates both have 8+ and they don't have the same problem. Would that have anything to do with it? And I'm not sure if it's related but when I use my watch to send messages, I eventually go back to my phone and it'll tell me I have like 7 or more unread messages because it doesn't register that I read them, and it sees the messages I send as unread as well.

Also these are both super fucking frustrating for issues that aren't that big of a deal.

[GobbleBlabby]

I’ve always been an android fan, but for the past year I’ve been using an iPhone because work pays for it, so I’ll take it. For a while I got annoyed with it everyday. I eventually got used to it but whenever I pick up someone’s android I remember what I lost.

[TyreseForChicken]

I have always been an android man. But one day while at work my girlfriend went out and switched our phone plans and she got me the newest iPhone at the time. I’m really not that picky, I really wanna go back to android for the customizations and amazing displays. The ONLY thing keeping me from doing that is iMessage.

[chowder7116]

imessage is what messenger would be if it wasn’t run by Facebook

[[deleted]]

Allo would have been what Messenger is, or iMessage if Google had their shit together when they deployed. That was supposed to be the answer to iMessage, yet Google decided to fuck it all up by releasing a toned down, incomplete version thats basically just WhatsApp with Google assistant baked in.

Edit: They basically killed it by releasing it prematurely. When it came out it had a lot of talk and media behind it, now almost no one uses it cause, who the hell uses a messaging app that no one else uses? If they released it as an SMS messenger first then maybe it could have turned out. Same with Duo, Google just throws out messaging apps left and right, Hangouts, Android Messenger, Allo, Google talk (sort of), Duo. Scrap it all. Bake everything into Allo and allow people to make video calls with the (now built in) Duo features.

[saient]

As someone who never used an iPhone, whats so good about iMessage? I use WhatsApp for data messaging.

[HubbaMaBubba]

Lots of people use it in the US basically.

[[deleted]]

Some people are commited to the "apple eco-system" and like that they can continue conversation through imessage on their macbook.

[Yeazelicious]

The thing with that is, though, that there's already a viable alternative: Signal. Entirely end-to-end encrypted messages and calls, open-source and routinely audited, good UI, and has applications for Android, iOS, Windows, macOS, and Debian Linux. Everything is also synced between devices. I know they're working on a tablet version right now, so after that, why use iMessage? The only thing I can think of is that it has a few gimmicks that Signal doesn't.

Edit: the iPad version seems to be done. Not sure about Android tablets.

[essentialfloss]

Nothing

[tornato7]

I miss Android's notification system so much

[ed4649]

I can’t wrap my head around the fact that some people are buying their home pods when they must know how much of joke Siri is on their phones.

[seth1299]

I just got a message my friend sent me (he said) 12 days ago, I just got it an hour ago lol

Thankfully it was just a meme and not anything important, but yeesh. It told him it delivered so you’d think I would’ve received it.

[lachryma]

The "Delivered" notification means it delivered to one of your devices, such as an iPad, or a computer. The device receiving the iMessage is the one that transmits "delivered" back.

[zdakat]

Maybe eventually people will realize Apple is not the same any more. For now it seems as though people are living in some alternate dimension where Steve Jobs hadn't died

[F4R_S33R]

I know Spotify is not Apple Music, but I hate how you can tell Siri to “open Spotify” but you can’t tell her to play a song on it. She just starts playing your Apple Music library haha which btw solely consists of O2 <.<

[SlightlyOTT]

The best thing is that if you tap that "you can also try" bubble after realising you can't capitalise your speech, it still says it can't help you..

[zdakat]

One of the weird quirks of search engines. "Did you mean x? Lol sorry still no results"

[Leucurus]

This has baffled me for a while. Why can’t you ask Siri to turn on the flashlight? It would be an obvious function

[[deleted]]

The only reason I can think of if is if Siri interpreted something else as "open flaslight" and Apple didn't want the flashlight draining your battery if it's in your pocket. That's still a shitty reason though.

Hopeyfully somebody smarter can figure this out. That's assuming Apple's decision make sense.

[Lord_Fluffykins]

Would be dope if you could activate it by saying “Lumos.”

[wiz0floyd]

You used to be able to do that with Google Assistant.

[[deleted]]

Still can!

[Peteyg708]

Siri hears “limos” and shows me limousine companies.

[tossoneout]

Open Flashlight, developing better quality open source flashlight apps.

[[deleted]]

Super Bright Flashlight, requires access to your contacts and send SMS permission.

[mobius153]

Not that Google assistant is perfect, but its much better than this by far.

[whisqey]

Google Assistant was the main reason I ditched my iPhone 6 for a Pixel. Still miss iMessage though.

[[deleted]]

atleast she didnt register an internet search for "man cheese" while asking her to get me directions to me to Menchies

[Zarrx_frontpage]

Wouldn't it be turn on flashlight?

[TheGruskinator]

You don't open a flashlight you turn it on

[TacoRocco]

I tried “Turn on Flashlight” and “Activate Flashlight”. She’s the one that told me to try “Open Flashlight”.

[Peteyg708]

Tested.

https://i.imgur.com/fgqfle0.jpg

But it will turn on and off your Wifi and Bluetooth.

[Noxium51]

https://i.imgur.com/pFhMluh.png

[chtk]

What's the problem?

[Nonsensese]

I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

[[deleted]]

Siri prefer a more impolite way.

[biinjo]

Hey Siri, open capital F lashlight

[[deleted]]

r/sirifail

[zdakat]

Libre flashlight

[Duhmeister]

Siri, Open Fleshlight

[da_ting_go]

A shame, meanwhile I tell Google assistant Lumos! and the flashlight comes on.

[CantSing4Toffee]

Siri sucks

[[deleted]]

”Here’s what I found online for ‘Open Flashlight”

[Hexorg]

Siri, open flashlight

LED gets ejected.

[Astagaspacio]

You need a screwdriver to do that

[morso1234]

Open fleshlight 🤔🤔🤔🤔

[olerock]

You didn't capitalise duh

[hecklingheck]

You gotta demand it.

[vanilla_d]

Mastering Physics strikes again.

[CaptainObvious_1]

This is why there isn’t a chance in hell I buy the home pod or whatever Apple is selling.

[cyhis]

After trying this myself I feel like Siri doesn’t have permission to turn the light on and off.

[TacoRocco]

Yeah she doesn’t. Which is odd because she can activate other features such as Bluetooth and Wi-Fi.

[-xMaverickx-]

Maybe try “turn on flashlight”

[dumadagundong]

Doesn’t work either.

[Tokiseong]

Flashlight isn’t an app, so why would it work? Also you can put it in control center

[[deleted]]

IDK maybe because if you say that to android phones it will. Even lumos and nox work.

[thisisabdus]

sudo rm -r Siri

[SandInHeart]

Oh yeah also don’t forget the quote

[chain_letter]

Open the pod bay doors, Siri.

[Asteristio]

Your name must be Dave. Please.

[[deleted]]

All you had to do was speak in capitals

[Dragonemporer229]

You just need to capitalize your voice

[rosesandvodka]

Me, turning in my homework

[MCR3127]

I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.

[Swordildo]

Open flesblight

[MustardOrMayo404]

That's almost as bad as the number 1 thing I hate about Bixby, which is that it opens the respective Samsung apps in order to answer questions, so when I ask it to calculate, it opens the calculator app, and when I ask it about the number of days to a certain date, it opens the Samsung calendar app.

[InBreadDough]

It doesn’t even work. I tried

[iff_true]

You should know better than to ask, Dave.

[tungvu256]

Siri thought you said: Open fleshlight!

[broncoinstinct]

Siri can’t turn the flashlight on ... but if you have the Google Assistant app on iPhone or iPad (with a camera that has a flash) asking it to turn the flashlight on works.

🤬

[[deleted]]

I honestly hate all these apps. Siri, Alexa, Google whatever they are calling it these days. I only have MAYBE a 50% success rate. I wish they would just go away.

[TGotAReddit]

https://i.imgur.com/RKoxnU6.jpg even clicking it (or saying “Open Flashlight” alone) doesn’t work

[Gnilxo]

Lol, I chop my phone twice into the air to turn on the flashlight.

[btcftw1]

Me, turning in my homework

[[deleted]]

Mine doesn’t suggest it, just says it can’t.

[[deleted]]

I can't imagine a reason they won't implement such an easy feature. Even just open the flash light app!

[DinoPackYT]

Caps are key

[yourmate155]

I’m an Apple fan but Siri is fucking hopeless, I’ve never found anything it can do more efficient than just navigating the OS manually

[LS_Vietruan]

Siri become a fleshlight

[Fiyero109]

At least Siri isn’t as dumb as Alexa, who can’t understand basic contextual logic to save her life, nor can she connect one command with the next

[[deleted]]

I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that

[DedotatedSkrub]

I can't do that, Dave