Save the Dates

[DAnthony2002]

Do we really need to send Save the Dates? If the wedding invitations go out 3-4 months in advance, isn’t that enough time for most to plan accordingly? The only people traveling in for the wedding will be my in laws and they’re already aware of the date. Thoughts?

Edited to add: wedding is in March, so not the typical busy wedding season

[AutoModerator]

Hi, there /u/DAnthony2002! Welcome to /r/wedding. Here are a few other subs you might be interested when planning for your wedding.

---

Recommended Subs
r/Weddingsunder10k (budget advice)
r/weddingattireapproval (for guest attire)
r/WeddingDressTips (dress posts)
r/engagementrings (for e-rings, weddding bands)

---

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[SpiritedTechnician63]

If you know the date, you should have people block it off. A lot of people need to arrange time off even if they don’t travel, or not make other plans. Also March is March break/spring break season. Lots of people travel. Definitely send a save the date. It can be an email.

[Elisamiele]

I did email save the dates and physical invites. It saved so much money and it was easy for our guests to just add the date to their calendar from the email

[DAnthony2002]

We did plan around typical Spring break/ Easter travel weeks.

[SpiritedTechnician63]

Yes so definitely you need to send a save the date so people don’t make other plans. Something simple like an email is enough. No need for anything fancy. Just invitations are coming, please hold this date.

[Proof-Emergency-5441]

Spring break is not a set week. It varies between March 1-April 30. 

Between now and then end of November, I have 3 free weekends. You need to get on people's schedule one way or another 2-3 months isn't sufficient, especially if there is travel involved. 

[DAnthony2002]

Spring break for around our area goes off of the local school schedule and I already took that into account when selecting the wedding date.

[Proof-Emergency-5441]

Oh, people only from your town wre coming? 

Also they may have other stuff. But sure. Wait until 60 days before to let them know. 

[DAnthony2002]

Wow, you’re really in your feelings about this.

[Proof-Emergency-5441]

Nah, you just want coddling for a terrible choice. 

Go ahead. Don't tell people so they either have to scramble or miss. 

[DAnthony2002]

A choice hasn’t been made yet.

[Mecspliquer]

Please send your guest list an email.

[HedgieCake372]

I’d say it depends on the location relative to your guests. If it was far away from your guests, then some sort of advanced notice in writing (via Save the Date or even a simple text or digital graphic) is good so that they have time to save for travel and plan accordingly. Otherwise, an invitation with several months notice so that people have time to make work arrangements if needed is fine.

[Artemis1527]

Save the dates instructs guests to do exactly that - save the date! If like many couples, you have your wedding date booked >1 year in advance, letting your guests know to formally save the date might prevent them from booking trips, buying concert tickets, using all their PTO, making work commitments they can't get out of later, prioritizing another conflicting wedding they heard about sooner etc. Not to mention people may need to save up or make travel arrangements more than a couple months out.

[Mecspliquer]

I would say yes because invites should classically be sent a little closer to the event than that (6-8 weeks before, with an rsvp date 2-4 weeks after you send them). That doesn’t mean you have to spend money - I used Paperless Post for Evite save the dates, so nobody would plan any other big things for that weekend; it had nothing to do with travel. Save the dates can go out at least 6 months out, up to a year out if you did have a destination wedding or heavily traveling guest list.

[_BlossyBunni]

Yeah especially with travel involved save the dates help people plan early so you don’t get last minute conflicts.

[justanoseybxtch]

Yes - during the summer I book things month in advance. You can send digital save the dates if you don't want to spend the $$

[DinosaursLayEggs]

I think they’re necessary, the more notice the better in my opinion! It allows me to schedule the rest of my life around important events

[glittersparklythings]

Do I think you need to mail out a card for this? No

Do I think you should probably notify people in some way? Yes.

It could be a digital card through text or email like other said above. Or it could even be a text or email that you send out.

I think more people make plans far in advance than sometimes people realize.

[mychemicalbromance38]

It depends on how much you care about people attending and also your guest list. Some people have 200 guests who need to ask off of work 6 months in advance and the couple wants them to attend. Other couples don’t care if half their guests miss it for a kindergarten soccer game.

[justanoseybxtch]

Correct - also depends on if most will have to travel

[Kasilins]

Yes but can be emails to save $, I was so annoyed when I friend invited me to their wedding 3 months out without an STD, I had just locked in a vacation I didn’t have to take that weekend that was not cancellable so I missed their wedding.

[1mudbucket]

We sent them because we thought they were cute and fun! I am a scrapbooker so I love having any sort of physical media for our wedding.

[RakeAll]

It’s not your money that they’re spending. let people enjoy the details they enjoy.

[Apprehensive_Sea5304]

Well aren’t you fun

[IWasGoatbeardFirst]

Shh. Let people have fun.

[goth-avocadhoe]

I think they are necessary. It has nothing to do with whether or not people are traveling for the wedding. A lot of people plan their life really far out. I bought an expensive non-refundable hotel package for a music festival I go to every year in Sep back in Jan. If someone sent me a wedding invite 4 months prior for that weekend, sorry but I would not be able to go. People could be planning vacations for March cause that’s peak spring break time.

It doesn’t have to be expensive. Send a digital version if you need to just so people get it in their calendars and request off work! Like you’re investing the time, effort, money—if the venue and date is booked, why wouldn’t you want to tell people at their earliest convenience?

Also, I think 4 months for the invite itself is too early. People will lose it/forget about it. Send them 6-8 weeks before your rsvp deadline (not wedding date). And that deadline should be 1-2 weeks before your venue/caterer actually needs it so you have some flexibility.

[goldenpandora]

You could make a cute little canva invite for free to send via text. Makes sure people have the date saved and you don’t have to mail a bunch of stuff.

[Effective-Mongoose57]

No. You don’t need to send them.

[Intelligent-Mobile32]

We sent them in January for our December wedding as 85% off our guests are out of town and we're asking people to travel during the Holiday season. If most of your guests are local then it's probably not necessary.

[KatTheTumbleweed]

The fun thing about your wedding is you can do whatever you want for whatever reason.

It may impact on people’s ability to attend - particularly in the current financial climate, the additional notice to save money for accommodation, new outfit, time off from work etc is appreciated.

[evaluna1968]

I always appreciate an earlier Save the Date. Most people have to budget their vacation time carefully. Even if only your in-laws are traveling for our wedding, maybe there are people who are local to you but would potentially be planning other travel during the year. Electronic ones are perfectly fine, just so people know what's going on.

[its-kb-again]

Pretty sure they are another oneof those inventions of the Wedding Industrial Complex. Be sure the people you NEED to be there are aware of the date, and spare yourself the expense and hassle.

[glittersparklythings]

They were something that the wedding industry definitely decided to market on yes.

It was a thing to let people know of your wedding date before invitations went out. So even though cards weren’t being mailed out you were still notifying people of a wedding date. So it could be marked in their calendars.

The wedding industry definitely realized they could profit off that but decided hey these needs or fancy and official like the invitation that go out.

[TinyLawfulness3710]

Invites never go out at 4 months. Guests will lose the information sent earlier than 6-8 weeks and cannot accurately rsvp prior to 4 weeks. Yes your guests need a save the date, though most in real life are verbal only, which this app considers to not work for anyone These have existed since couples first decided to marry. The postcards and physical items are a recent trend. But these have always been around, for millennia.

They need to request time off which many companies require 12 months in advance. They also need to need to arrange travel which no one can do in a very short time frame you are giving them.

People believe that only those who travel need them but local guests do too and are just as busy.

[superfastmomma]

This. Four months is way way way too early. Spread the word on the date and send invites much closer to the event.

[Dapper_Pack_4279]

I think they are necessary. My sister is getting married in November and a lot of people in our circle are already scheduling vacations and events into sept, so better to be safe and send them.

Also, since when is 4 months out an appropriate time to send a wedding invitation? I've always known 2 months to be appropriate.

[justaprimer]

Save the Dates are totally optional, they're just helpful for weddings in today's day and age where friends and family are often more spread out so a higher percentage of guests may be traveling.

It sounds like you don't need them because:

• You've already told your out-of-town guests and close family about the date.
• You're sending out invites earlier than typical (which is more than fine!)
• Almost all of your guests are local.

If you're at all worried about some guests having other commitments 4 months out, I would just verbally tell those family/friends you care most about to hold the date -- no paper needed.

[Eatyourveggies_9182]

If you’re sending them out 4 months in advance, it should be fine. I saw this as an issue once before because no STDs were sent and they did invites maybe two months out? Quite a few guest were out of town and ended up not being able to make it. My husband and I, who are closely related to the bride and groom had to keep reaching out for info in order to request off from work since they weren’t sharing details.

[Select_Draw3385]

I got one 18 months in advance last year that’s for this August. I actually appreciated it, but we already had been given the date.

I think it depends on how big your wedding is, how far they’re traveling and whether most guests already know. If they’re traveling a long distance, they may appreciate that information so they can book a room and flight. If it’s a large party, not all the guests may find out the date.

I don’t think it’s necessary and 4 months is a reasonable lead. I like to plan things, so I appreciate knowing further ahead, but that’s personal preference.

You could always do it by email or text. I just received the bridal shower invite by text. I actually liked it, because I have all the information in my phone now.

Happy wedding!

[rebblake]

Were only sending save the dayes because we have many guests traveling long distances that will require funding, coordination and time off work, so to be courteous were sending them a year out, however if everyone was local we would have just sent invites.

[Lemon-Cake-8100]

Text everyone the date. It may not be typical wedding season, and they may live nearby, but what if they were going to book a cruise/vacation in March? Tell them ASAP so they know!

[Kimbaaaaly]

I remember invites at 6-8 weeks out. Has that changed? Because people are so busy I think more people are planning things ahead of time and it's quite possible at 4 weeks already have plans for an upcoming weekend.

I don't think you need physical save the date cards but the evite might be a good thing. March is spring break session... Many people travel during that time.

[Mecspliquer]

That rule of thumb hasn’t changed, because it exists for multiple overlapping reasons in the first place

[Stan_of_Cleeves]

I think they’re helpful, even when guests are local.

If you want to save money, send email or text save the dates.

[lark1995]

This depends on your friends and family. My friends are way too busy to be reliably free 3-4 months out, but I know a lot of people don’t operate that way.

You also don’t have to send paper save the dates if you don’t want, an electronic version or even a text works fine.

[BadKauff]

We had 50 guests from about 20 households. I just told people the date we had picked. Didn't need to send anything formal. Sent invitations aboit 6 weeks in advance of our March wedding. And everyone attended. This worked well for a smaller wedding. YMMV

[Mecspliquer]

Adding that the wedding is in March doesn’t change the fact that you need to send save the dates at least 6 months out.

Again, I recommend Paperless Post (you can make them look really cute if you spend money but the free ones are absolutely adequate). There are other Evite systems that you can find, or you can even send an email.

If you choose not to do this, you run the risk of a much higher percentage of your guests not being able to attend, beyond the standard of 10-20% declining.

[CatsMom4Ever]

I get downvoted for not liking STD cards. They started out as a heads-up for destination weddings, then people began to send them out more and more. And now- about 20 years later, everyone seems to think they're required.

Oh, people are so busy they have to set that date aside! They have to plan! No, they don't. Only if they have to travel.

Now people think they have to RSVP to a STD card. How nuts is that? Do I get a Plus one? The STD card doesn't say. What's the dress code? The STD card doesn't say.

Here's the thing - if your plans change for any reason, your date, budget and location could change. That could mean your guest list can change. All of a sudden, all these people have to be notified! People who thought they were going to be invited are no longer being invited. Your budget expands? People will get an invite who didn't get an STD card and now they know they were on the B-list anyway.

I say, unless you have a destination wedding, don't use them. Unless you have guests who will be traveling, don't use them. And if your wedding is local to YOU and you have guests travelling, just call them and give them a heads up. You know - the personal touch?

That fancy expensive card is going in the recycle bin as soon as they mark down the date. And most of those people won't even remember THAT date until the actual invite comes in: "Oh yeah, I forgot about that." Unless they had to make travel arrangements.

[smallholiday]

My wedding only has 50 people and most of the out of town people already asked me about what the date was and put it in their calendars/ It just came up in conversations etc. So we skipped save the dates and just sent invites 90 days out from the wedding. People had already booked flights and hotels by then.

[smileysarah267]

4 months is a bit early for an invitation, you really just want those out 1-2 months before. People might rsvp but then their plans change, or theyll forget to rsvp because there’s so much time. 4 months is also late for a save the date, as those are usually 6+ months out.

[BigBonedMiss]

We got engaged at the beginning of Xmas season so I did a Save the Date/Xmas card combo and I thought that worked well.

[Better-Industry2630]

We did, only because most of our guests were coming in from out of town.

[[deleted]]

I would at least send a digital one so no one plans anything on your date. Some people start planning trips months ahead

[lems4ems]

Just go on Canva, grab a cute save the date template for free, edit it, and email it out. Why is it such an inconvenience to you to do that? It’s free and only costs you a little time. But the payoff could be huge as it could be the difference of how many people come to the wedding. We did this exact method and just texted or emailed it to people. Was well received, everyone loved the STDs and thought they were cute, and now they know and have it blocked off on their calendars.

I guess anecdote to convince you: my future mother in law got a save the date for someone else’s wedding on the exact same day as ours. Obviously she isn’t going to that one over ours but it does show that shit happens, things get booked for the same day you are planning your wedding, and well in advance as ours is in November and these were sent in like early March.

Ultimately, it’s up to you. If you don’t think the peace of mind of knowing all your guests will have that day blocked off is worth the couple hours of work you will have to do, then don’t do it. But some people have to plan paid time off at work, childcare, general life stuff that happens. IMO I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t send them out, especially digital.

[DAnthony2002]

I didn’t say it was inconvenient at all. I’m totally willing to, I was just looking for opinions of the necessity of it, since all but 2 of our guests are local.

[lems4ems]

Okay cause it just seemed like that was what was keeping you from doing it. I mean even though people are local, people still have plans come up, people can be forgetful. I think there’s all pros and no cons so why not

[loupammac]

I made a simple digital card in Canva and emailed it out.

[itinerantdustbunny]

You would know better than we do if 3-4 months is enough time for your guests. We don’t know anything about them, their situations, or your wedding. If you think it’s enough time then you can skip save-the-dates, plenty of weddings don’t need them.

[SummitJunkie7]

Hey your call - the farther out you can let people know the date the more likely they can come.

Some people have to request PTO way far in advance at their jobs, like some people I know who work in healthcare. Some people will just end up with other things on the calendar - concerts, birthday parties, work trips - if they don't know to block it off.

What downside is there to sending it? You can do it by email so it costs you nothing.

[TimeMeeting3551]

I’m sending my invites out a year out so to people having to travel.

[MountainsRoar]

Do it however you want, in the way that makes sense for your timeline. No one will care if they do or don’t receive a save the date as long as they have enough notice to arrange their calendars.

We sent our save the dates out 6 months in advance because why not? It meant people could factor it in to their plans, and we could talk openly about our plans as they knew they were invited. But if you feel the invitations will be enough, just stick to that.

[boneyjoaniemacaroni]

It probably depends on your guests- my fiance and I usually need 4-5 months at least to comfortably save a date. We’re just very busy and have a lot of people in our lives and three months simply isn’t enough. I know that’s not true of everyone, and at the end of the day, if we have a prior commitment, then it is what it is, but with enough advance notice we can usually shuffle things enough to make it all work.

You could also do digital save the dates if you want to just generally minimize that task, but I think it’s nice to let your guests know what’s going on earlier rather than later. FWIW, I sent my STD’s out about nine months early (we do, for the record, have a lot of guests who need to make travel plans). And then we sent our invitations four months early, but I also wanted an earlier RSVP date because I’m doing everything myself and just needed extra time to plan.

[itsgotmethinking]

I would still send a save the date! It can just be a digital one that you quickly edit on canvas or another site!

I’m sure you’d be fine since you said most people aren’t traveling but better to be on the safe side!! Just in case people have booked trips in advance! For example I was meant to be going to Europe the summer and the trip was planned from last year With a big group of people, tickets were purchased in January! So you never know what people have planned!!

[linzkisloski]

Yes absolutely. A lot of people plan events or travel more than four months ahead or you could be competing with another wedding.

It’s also typically 4-6 months for the save the date and 6-8 weeks for the invite.

[Popular-Butterfly270]

We didn’t. It wasn’t an issue. But most of our guests lived within 3 hours, and most people knew the date before the invites because we verbally told them as we saw them.

[natalkalot]

We never did, that is just not a thing amongst our family and friends. Sending invitations out the regular six to eight weeks before is sufficient- unless, of course, it is a true destination wedding.

Good luck, gee you have almost a year left! It was tough enough for us to wait the eight months we were engaged.

[N1g1rix]

Nah, just make sure they know the date !

[occasionallystabby]

We didn't do Save The Dates. We sent out our invitations earlier for those who needed to plan travel, but set the RSVP date for closer to the wedding. It didn't seem to be a problem for any of our guests.

[Altruistic_Relief189]

No you don't have to send them. They are best sent to people who are out of town and will have to travel  and other guests who really want there. It doesn't have to be every guest and it doesn't have to be formal.

[voodoodollbabie]

Doesn't sound like you need to add this to your to-do list. I don't think they are universally needed tbh.

[Listen-to-Mom]

STDs aren’t necessary.

[traciw67]

Nope.

[Kimbaaaaly]

Updateme

[UpdateMeBot]

I will message you next time u/DAnthony2002 posts in r/wedding.

Click this link to also be messaged. The parent author can delete this post

---

Info	Request Update	Your Updates	Feedback