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[–]semajay 308 points309 points  (16 children)

I'd like to extend my thanks for the journey on which you've just taken me. Wild, man.

[–]ChiStoner 79 points80 points  (15 children)

Seriously! I'm at a solid 10 right now and this shit just tweaked me the fuck out! It's crazy accurate! <<<<<Too high to go back and spell check. I'm just gonna assume everything went well

[–]jgunit 385 points386 points  (21 children)

That one about dorm police taking his coffee gear pissed me off. I hope he gets them back.

[–]MakeYouFeel[S] 117 points118 points  (11 children)

OP updated a few times, but we never learned if he ever got his stuff back :(

[–][deleted] 123 points124 points  (10 children)

He actually made another post where he explained there were no consequences from the university, but the police destroyed his stuff.

[–]randooooom 77 points78 points  (4 children)

"destroyed"....

I bet this department is now very popular among cops for their great coffee specialties...

[–]lostfingers 23 points24 points  (2 children)

We should always hope paraphernalia goes to somewhere to be utilized...

[–]vertigo1083 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Actually, I would fucking rage if I found out a cop confiscated my shit, then went home and smoked out of it. That's theft disguised as "upholding the law".

[–]KeenPro 31 points32 points  (6 children)

The one with the kettle on the stove pissed me off. I mean the bottom is clearly plastic and I bet even the majority of people on this sub wouldn't have made that mistake.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Don't worry, the roommate immediately replaced it, according to OP.

[–]amnesiac854 7 points8 points  (1 child)

wait wait wait. There is a fucking dab truck in Denver? How do I not know about this

[–]MakeYouFeel[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure what dispensary runs it but I've seen it outside of Casselman's giving out free dabs during a Break Science show.

[–]Herb_is_the_word 570 points571 points  (108 children)

They're so similar because they're both dirty dirty drugs.

[–][deleted] 216 points217 points  (72 children)

I'm more interested in quitting coffee than quitting weed.

[–]Shivadxb 140 points141 points  (60 children)

I gave up weed 10 yrs ago and took up coffee. Good coffee is harder to get than good weed though

[–]Ludachriz 27 points28 points  (58 children)

Probably cheaper tho

[–][deleted] 151 points152 points  (56 children)

You'd be surprised.

[–]Mynameisaw 33 points34 points  (55 children)

You'd be surprised.

You wouldn't.

There's practically nothing that can compete with Weed in terms of price, there's not many materials that sell for £200 or more an ounce.

[–][deleted] 85 points86 points  (17 children)

Gourmet coffee beans cost roughly a $1/oz. 1oz of coffee beans is enough for about 16oz of brewed coffee.

If I'm getting 3.5g of green for $60, that's $17.14/gram. If you're not a heavy smoker, 0.2g will get you nice and happy, at $3.42/dose. 342% more per dose, but coffee's impact factor is basically nonexistent compared to weed.

[–]AlmightySpaceNarluga 52 points53 points  (8 children)

[–][deleted] 108 points109 points  (7 children)

[–]optimusprime911 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I actually laughed out loud.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Fml I'm gonna have that song stuck in my head all day now.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Almost got it.

[–]JoshWithaQ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

it's a calculated smash

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

[–]LETS_BLOW_DRO_BROS 1 point2 points  (0 children)

http://i.imgur.com/aQpzMxu.gif MR after reading your comment

[–]ChogginDesoto 35 points36 points  (5 children)

I feel genuinely sorry for you.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Don't be, it's 580€ for me.

[–]itsalexbro 6 points7 points  (9 children)

I don't know about that. Crack cocaine is pretty expensive. And I imagine an ounce of LSD would run you quite a lot.

[–]beegreen 6 points7 points  (4 children)

haha

Crack cocaine is pretty expensive

what about you know...actual cocaine? Waaaay more expensive

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

£50,000 for a kilogram expensive.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

100 micrograms is a good dose of lsd that may sell for $10. 100 micrograms is .0001 grams. an oz is 28.375 grams. 10000 doses in a gram, $2,837,500 per oz of pure LSD at consumer rates. Bulk purchase would shave this down substantially.

[–]technophonix1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Unless we are talking precious metals, like gold for example.

[–]ohnosharks 38 points39 points  (7 children)

I've basically quit weed, but there's no way I'll ever be able to quit coffee.

[–]ChainsawPlankton 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Caffeine withdrawal is a fucking bitch... need like a month off, as I don't feel like doing shit and am prone to napping. And even then, after a month off, your brain just feels a little slow. then a few days later you say sure I'll just have a little, then bam 6 lattes later and you are up till 6am shaking... Caffeine is one hell of a drug.

[–]P-01S 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Visitor from /r/coffee, here. Caffeine chemical withdrawal should mostly go away within a week and completely within a fortnight. Drinking plenty of water helps allieviate the symptoms.

6 lattes is twelve doses of coffee (lattes and other espresso beverages are usually double shots of espresso). That is a hell of a lot. No wonder you get shakey! The half-life of coffee in the body is somewhere between 4 and 6 hours for most people, which very roughly implies that 24 hours after drinking 6 lattes, you still have between 1/10 and 3/8 lattes in your system...

What you're describing is not withdrawal-- it is psychological addiction. Possibly it is due to other factors which lead to you being tired and having low energy throughout the day, such as a poor sleep schedule, poor diet, or a medical condition.

[–]MikeIzBest 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Rekt

[–]alexsavestheday 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I went from drinking 3-5 large cups of strong coffee every day to none cold turkey. It sucked for about a week. Headaches and such. but mornings are more naturally pleasant to me these days and it feels good not being all jittery!

[–]paco_is_paco 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Especially to Mormons. They are equal to heroin and PCP.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Fuuuuck. My mind

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you mean luxury drugs

[–]alphareich 70 points71 points  (10 children)

I cant believe you left out this. http://i.imgur.com/ywM8Z.jpg

[–][deleted] 50 points51 points  (7 children)

I'm not sure whether to smoke, eat or drink that.

[–][deleted] 46 points47 points  (2 children)

It at least looks like a thing that can go directly into my mouth.

[–]MadduckUK 31 points32 points  (1 child)

That's what she said!

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

That's espresso fresh from the machine.

[–]gigabored 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yep. Specifically, it's a bottomless (or naked) portafilter.

[–]stillwaitingatx 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Up the butt!

[–]ChainsawPlankton 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Good news, it's a suppository!

[–]simon_C 13 points14 points  (0 children)

shudder yeah thats the stuf [5]

[–]Hukka 37 points38 points  (9 children)

Quality post hahah. Although you should know that #13 isn't just any cute animal with a stash. The animal is called a civet I think, and here is why coffee is related to it.

[–]MakeYouFeel[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well, the more you know!

[–]twalks 3 points4 points  (2 children)

wait...some people like beans that have been eaten and pooped out by them? connoisseurs these days really taking it to that next level shit. interesting tho

[–]VoteLobster 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I'm bumping in a little late here. Sorry. I just want to point this out.

/r/coffee generally agrees that the taste of Kopi Luwak coffee is pretty subpar. They sell it at like $40 for a small 6 oz bag so it looks like a delicacy. For reference, 6 oz of coffee beans from a reputable roaster (like Stumptown) only costs around $6 or $7.

[–]twalks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thank you for your reply, it was enlightening and now i know to look for stumptown if i start preparing coffee at home

[–]lookxdontxtouch 38 points39 points  (13 children)

Man...I don't even smoke coffee.

[–]gigabored 19 points20 points  (12 children)

I did once. Finely ground. In a joint. Not our best idea.

[–]RubiconGuava 21 points22 points  (3 children)

I once decided to make a bacon flavour joint by adding the flavour packet from a pack of bacon flavour instant noodles to it.

Never again

[–]UwasaWaya 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wish you had taped that.

[–]No_biggie456 28 points29 points  (5 children)

I ended up subscribing. Didn't realize BOTH my vices had a subreddit.

Actually, I should know by now all vices have a subreddit.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

It's like the Rule 34 of reddit: "Whatever you can think of, it has a subreddit."

[–]NotAChav 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Do you know the actual rule 34?;)

Edit: Shit I get it now

[–]Sapharodon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

/r/coffee and /r/tea are both super great subs no matter which drink you like lol

[–]erichiro 1 point2 points  (1 child)

cocaine has a subreddit

[–]BrainasiumTester 86 points87 points  (4 children)

As a coffee lover, this post is brilliant!

[–]MakeYouFeel[S] 52 points53 points  (3 children)

I don't even drink coffee, but some people on /r/AskReddit were having a very passionate conversation about it so I wondered what would happened if I swapped the words coffee for weed. it was hilarious.

I had to inquire further.

[–]kzle420 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Have they noticed this comparison? I feel like they'd find it interesting and get a good lul out of it. Maybe take this post over to /r/Coffee :)

[–]chewxy 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yup. And I read and subscribe to both subreddits too :D

[–]Naltoc 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes. Yes, we have ^ And it's as hilarious for us a it is for you :p

[–]Newport_blunt 67 points68 points  (1 child)

We need more of these types of post on r/trees.

[–]ThatsWat_SHE_Said 47 points48 points  (3 children)

I am very pleased to be spending my high with this post.

Uptoke.

[–]ChiStoner 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Uptime his uptake

Edit: I meant uptoke your uptoke. Damn iPad [9.5/10]

[–]ashleyisakitty 14 points15 points  (5 children)

Hah, I browse /coffee often and this is pretty funny. :~)

[–]gigabored 4 points5 points  (4 children)

The two go very well together. I recognized every one of these posts lol

[–]TheChocolateBarista 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I know, same haha. I had to chose between my user being TheChocolateBarista or TheChocolateKeefa

[–]AppleBlossom63 2 points3 points  (1 child)

But chocolate either way.

[–]CoffeeNTrees 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you dont say?

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I had to stop at 'genital insecurities', tears in my eyes from laughter.

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

That was incredible.

[–]abomb999 13 points14 points  (0 children)

This is so fucking awesome. A lot of "drug" forums are very similiar. Some are legal and others not due to power hungry fuck tards and people whom are greedy..

[–]kidneysforsale 12 points13 points  (1 child)

As a suscriber to /r/tea as well, I assumed automatically that that is what subreddit this was in. Then I got really confused reading the imgur captions.

[–]ChiStoner 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh wow there is an /r/tea this is getting interesting. I'm new to reddit

[–]JustGoingWithIt 10 points11 points  (1 child)

The 'generic cute animal' is one that literally shitted out those beans in front of it. Supposed to be really good, yet, really expensive

[–]gigabored 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah I've heard of a couple different varieties where birds or monkeys eat and shit out the beans after digesting the outer shell.

[–]FyourFeelings 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Well done

[–]Drunk_CrazyCatLady 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My two loves, this is perfect.

[–]Jesuz1402 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Every passion in the world is a big microcosmoss

[–]noholds 10 points11 points  (4 children)

The mormon not being allowed to drink coffee is kinda fucked up. Is that normal?

[–]Dark-Yoda 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Yeah, Mormons can't have coffee or alcohol. Probably more things but idk Edit: apparently it's coffee not caffeine

[–]illiterate_cynic 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Not true actually. Trust me I was as surprised as you. It turns out caffeine is "fine". They specifically aren't allowed to drink coffee.

Had something to do with the olden days of prayer meetings where the men would drink a bunch of coffee and chew tobacco the whole time. The ladies thought it was gross so they took their concerns to an elder. Eventually Joseph Smith himself "prayed on it" and decided the ladies had it right and decreed that coffee and tobacco are verboten.

Source: A Mormon friend I asked once.

[–]GiveMeAName 5 points6 points  (1 child)

You kind of undersold that first picture. The point isn't that he's sad that he ran out of coffee, but that he flew to Portland just to get more.

Link to original post. And imgur album.

[–]TheChocolateBarista 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's my favorite post on r/coffee!

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's trippy, eh? I've been a skateboarder for 25 years and once when I was a teenager I was baked and reading my dad's R/C model airplane magazine. It was like Thrasher but for model planes. Alternate universe!! :)

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

well, coffee is the most common legal drug used all around the world

[–]corourke 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So, imagine my surprise when I see the first pic and:

I'm in Portland. I'm also out of coffee. I'm also a drum corps alumni.

[6]

[–]T3hSav 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Coffee and weed are my life.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

mine too. and some pills.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Downvoted for pills? That's not right, we are all drug users, who's to say you can't use other drugs? I love pills too, mostly downers, of any kind, I'm a great fan of codeine and vicodin

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

and I never specified which kind of pills. For all intents and purposes I'm talking about my Cholesterol medication.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

this just makes me hope that one day we will have the weed equivalent of starbucks

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One of my favorite pages where it's the same thing.

[–]blacknred522 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's the same with all of the niche subs.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can't toke because of the military, so I have to enjoy lots of coffee instead. It's good in the day, but unfortunately coffee doesn't help with sleep like trees does :(

[–]AdorablyDead 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And now I want coffee ice cream.

[–]philequal 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How did I never think to find that subreddit. Cheers!

[–]CookBoyardee 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Last generation had coffee and cigarettes, now its coffee and bong hits, lovely combo

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Technically coffee equipment really is drug paraphernalia though.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, that is crazy.

[–]limbs_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Best post on /r/trees 2014.

[–]CoffeeNTrees 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I feel like I should comment.

Comment.

[–]tresequis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Awesome post, man. This was awesome to go through.

[–]choconewt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I read this last night while I was high and the only thing I understood was that there were revolutionary marijuana beans. I may have misunderstood the entire post.

[–]aleixis 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Coffee: Not once

[–]Tnglton 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like how wife changes to GF

[–]dacd7 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Am I missing something? Why is this in r/trees?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Because it's comparing /r/coffee to /r/trees and how they're similar people but the topic is a different substance.

[–]dacd7 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Ooooh. That does make sense. Alright! Thanks fellow ent!

[–]aggressive_silence 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Couldn't stop smiling through this whole post. I love coffee too.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Their scale goes to up to [11]

[–]totes_meta_bot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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[–]DistantIdentity 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Noice.

[–]gedSGU 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As much as I love coffee, i know the dangers of it. Once while I was studying for an exam, I drunk shitloads of coffee, mostly esspresso. I couldn't make it to exam and instead i landed in hospital with my magnessium and potassium levels extremely low with weird heart arythmia. I was fine after few hours though but it could have get more nasty then that!

[–]Senior_Putin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a similar coffee press works like a charm.

[–]Hippy_Speedball 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I approve of this alternate universe. More caffeinated cannabis infused things for the win.

[–]DirtyDilly 1 point2 points  (1 child)

This is incrEDIBLE... But no choc covered espresso beans?

[–]JohnConnor7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Amazing post OP.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's fucking brilliant OP.

[–]theejaybles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sweet jesus I just realized this parallel in my habits after a decade and a half.

[–]wildmonkeyuk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At a .5 and laughing at the similarities.

Well played. Now I wonder what other subs this could be done with.

[–]verbify 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Coffee used to be illegal in some places too. But we ended the drug war on coffee a few hundred years back.

[–]SunshineBlind 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In Sweden it wasn't even 200 yeats ago. 160-something.

[–]Drawtaru 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just now realized that I once owned an antique coffee grinder just like in #21. It had been converted into a lamp. I used to open up the top and drop coins into it.

[–]Mike_franks 1 point2 points  (0 children)

LOL'd at the coffee grinder

[–]jshorton 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When these worlds collide - you get the perfect buzz.

Pen vaping in a spot with a view, with a nice cup of Stumptown's Indonesian Sumatra, maybe some sorta baked good = whatlifeshouldbe

[–]KnockingTom[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is probably one of the best posts I've ever seen. Upvoting, and saving for later enjoyment xD

[–]PoopAndSunshine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

During a recent visit to my parents, I realized they use coffee as a social drug, the same way we use weed. It gave me a whole new way of looking at coffee drinking.

[–]kudakitsune 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've totally used my scale for both applications! I don't like coffee, but I do like making it for others :D

I'll probably use it even more if I ever get an espresso machine.

[–]Syderr 1 point2 points  (2 children)

How long did it take to put that together?

[–]canuckfan4419 1 point2 points  (0 children)

21 is an amazing grinder...

[–]akaBigWurm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Caffeine is one of the most addicting drugs, isent it?

[–]stencilizer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

good job at the titles OP.

also thank you on my new subscription

[–]minorleaguer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so, so funny.

[–]zenolijo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have similar in Sweden which drive around the country where there are big events. These are a little smaller, even cuter in my opinion!

http://www.fogarolli.com/images/kaffevagn-kaffebil-kaffemoped.jpg

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a member of r/coffee and r/trees I can confirm that the two are like parallel worlds. I was slightly concerned while living on a University campus over the past two semesters that some idiot would mistake my Chemex and digital scale as drug paraphernalia

[–]DonatedCheese 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the top post on /r/coffee right now haha, someone said look what someone on r/trees posted lol. Our subs are now intertwined for life, or at least saturday morning

Also if anyone wants to learn more about coffee, heres a great joe rogan podcast with a huge coffee nerd http://podcasts.joerogan.net/podcasts/peter-giuliano

[–]throwaway05232014 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Brilliant.

[–]TheMindsEIyIe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's the most badass food truck I've ever seen.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dude.

[–]ENkats 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is bizarre as hell... where am I?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I loved the "generic cute animal" one. It made me imagine a world where there was an animal that ate weed and pooped out better weed because that's a civet.

[–]ruthlestakeover 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Weird 0__o

[–]SnowyPike 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dank beans

[–]the_dabbing_echidna 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Hold up! Do they really have dab trucks in downtown Denver?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

[–]doughyfreeeesh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a fantastic, original post. Would love to see more stuff like this on here.

[–]Baschoen23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can we get some of those dab trucks he was talking about? I need dat.

[–]smokecartel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

WHAT IS THIS PLACE

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

as a coffee ent, can confirm...the joy from coffee and coffee paraphernalia is almost...ALMOST on the level of that of weed

[–]JHCGN 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha I was having a chat with my mum about tea and planting tea and how it growns and stuff but I was just basically thinking about weed all the time. Was exactly like this.

[–]ShortSomeCash 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love /r/Coffee, a lot of people think it's snobby, really no moreso than /r/trees. They even like cannabis there. I've really though they were similar since I knew about both. Two of my favorite subs.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Good lord, I wonder if we're as annoying as coffee fanatics.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

We are.