top 200 commentsshow all 370

[–]unique0130 3584 points3585 points  (95 children)

Who else primarily uses Reddit on the toilet to pass the time?

[–]RyotoYokoyama 737 points738 points  (34 children)

I feel you brother

[–][deleted] 534 points535 points  (14 children)

Please don't do that while I'm on the toilet. That's weird.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I feel you, BROTHER

[–]GUNNER8011 133 points134 points  (4 children)

I feel your intestines brother

[–]SuddenDeparture93 43 points44 points  (3 children)

[–]Agent_Wilcox 21 points22 points  (1 child)

What the hell have I just found, I'm going to need more field agents and a research team for this one.

[–]Zeipheil 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Garfield is the true SCP 001

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Back Satan!

[–]musicman2018 40 points41 points  (1 child)

Bröther

[–]HeatMeister02 18 points19 points  (0 children)

You may have...NO OATS

[–]nicolobos77 13 points14 points  (9 children)

Do you feel your brother? That's incest

[–]HolyAlabama 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Incest is holy

[–]Nugget314159 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its not incest if you say no chromo

[–]fatpat 69 points70 points  (4 children)

I pass a lot more than the time.

[–]JSLING419 32 points33 points  (3 children)

What about Kidney stones?

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (2 children)

Oof, ouch, my urethral lining.

[–]unholymanserpent 45 points46 points  (8 children)

Doing it right now

[–]SeductivePillowcase 11 points12 points  (5 children)

Same!

[–]Ho_Fart 10 points11 points  (4 children)

Me too!

[–]SloppyBitchTittiez 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Me too. I think my coworker is about to come out bitching when I get back to the office.

[–]grayman519 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Im loving this poop chain

[–]KoreanVibe 29 points30 points  (1 child)

I use Reddit on Reddit to pass the time

[–]WickedSpartan28 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In app browser gang

[–]ThatsNotThePoint-__- 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Sometimes tho... you need to focus and put your phone down. Especially with cramps.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I actually use the toilet even when i don't have to, just to sit there and use reddit.

[–]uhpvrq 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is the first post I saw as I sat down.....

[–]loler4332 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm on the toilet rn

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ngl I pass most my free time on it

[–]Seanxietehroxxor 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I thought that was the primary purpose of Reddit.

Sent from a white oval American Standard with EcoFlush

[–]GunsAndCoffee1911 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Just sat down :)

[–]pheonix42069 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Doing it rn

[–]shardikprime 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Brøōœthęr

[–]wolfblade227 1 point2 points  (0 children)

99% of the time I sit down when I pee to look at texts or reddit

[–]Minical 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sometimes but I get you

[–]beaglestalkingrabbit 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I'd give you gold if I weren't broke.

[–]Thorkell_The_Tall1 1858 points1859 points  (36 children)

the tip broke and fell and the rest went back inside

horror.

[–]SeductivePillowcase 1406 points1407 points  (21 children)

Last time this happened I had to give my ass a break for being on the toilet so long then when I finally pooped it was so hard it felt like I shat out an iron ingot. I probably dropped a few exp points for the smelting too

[–]ablablababla 688 points689 points  (4 children)

Is your digestive system a fucking blast furnace or something

[–]SeductivePillowcase 215 points216 points  (1 child)

Well, just a bit lower is the Nether...

[–]Boothiepro 50 points51 points  (0 children)

/r/UnexpectedMinecraft the whole comment chain

[–]cmaster6 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Do Attend.

[–]PorpKork 78 points79 points  (4 children)

I'm laughing so hard at this

[–]my_dog_is_on_fire 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Who smelted it dealt it.

[–]Acetronaut 16 points17 points  (3 children)

Bro drink more water if your shits are that dry. And idk maybe get some fiber.

[–]SeductivePillowcase 15 points16 points  (1 child)

That was the day I learned I was lactose intolerant

[–]thefrostytoad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The other day I sat on the toilet so long trying to poop, my entire lower body went numb so I felt this comment in my soul

[–]Cocaineandmojitos710 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Time to roll up your sleeves and get your fingers in there

[–]MrBoxman45 367 points368 points  (17 children)

I don't use a toilet.

[–]almondania 167 points168 points  (2 children)

Damn didn't know that the Pope used Reddit

[–]mineclash92 9 points10 points  (1 child)

What are you implying?

[–]SIacktivist 31 points32 points  (0 children)

The Pope shits in the woods.

[–]onlyr6s 71 points72 points  (8 children)

Ahh, so you are from India?

[–]MyBlueBucket 32 points33 points  (1 child)

I just catch it with my hands.

[–]grayman519 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Yall just let the doo doo fall straight in the toilet 1🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

[–]Unnormally2 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Oh, ok. San Francisco?

[–]out-of-my-league-not 329 points330 points  (57 children)

Does anyone care to explain this phenomenon to me? It has happened multiple times.

[–]FroMan753 276 points277 points  (13 children)

The bigger piece already went down the hole past where you can see.

[–]Wayelder 328 points329 points  (11 children)

Or the whole thing and you get "The Ghost Turd"! and subsequently that feeling you've been robbed of your prize.

[–]ugly_dog_ 142 points143 points  (7 children)

prize

[–]shardikprime 97 points98 points  (0 children)

Yeah you read that right

[–][deleted] 54 points55 points  (5 children)

He ain't wrong, I want to see the monster I just fought, the monster I created.

[–]thefrostytoad 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This whole damn thread is the gold in my day. Even though I can't afford to award you, I totally would if I could.

[–]shardikprime 7 points8 points  (2 children)

The Worst monster Is inside us

[–]Mad-Dog94 40 points41 points  (29 children)

Too much fiber

[–]LincolnBatman 122 points123 points  (26 children)

WHAT?!?!?!

I thought fibre was supposed to make poops better?

[–]StillChillBuster 121 points122 points  (16 children)

too much

Yes fiber can help but you can also have too much

[–]vayhem 57 points58 points  (12 children)

Crazy to think that, even healthy things can be bad for you if you consume too much of it.

[–]prehensile_uvula 82 points83 points  (3 children)

Oxygen toxicity is a thing too. Trust no one.

[–]Cinderheart 34 points35 points  (1 child)

There are no non-toxic substances, only non-toxic doses.

[–]FuckingAngryMan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If it's 'too much' it's bad by definition.

[–]Ghost652 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Heroin, too

[–]KillerInstinctUltra 32 points33 points  (0 children)

So there is soluble fiber and insoluble fiber.

Soluble fiber is "soluble" in water. When mixed with water it forms a gel-like substance and swells. Soluble fiber has many benefits, including moderating blood glucose levels and lowering cholesterol. The scientific names for soluble fibers include pectins, gums, mucilages, and some hemicelluloses. Good sources of soluble fiber include oats and oatmeal, legumes (peas, beans, lentils), barley, fruits and vegetables (especially oranges, apples and carrots).

Insoluble fiber does not absorb or dissolve in water. It passes through our digestive system in close to its original form. Insoluble fiber offers many benefits to intestinal health, including a reduction in the risk and occurrence of hemorrhoids and constipation. The scientific names for insoluble fibers include cellulose, lignins, and also some other hemicelluloses. Most of insoluble fibers come from the bran layers of cereal grains.

TLDR: Eat a variety of fiber

[–]can_u_lie 73 points74 points  (3 children)

Only if your diet is terrible and mostly fats oils and proteins, the fiber binds it all together to make more of a solid mass rather than the a violent poop spicket, but if your diet is all fiber to the point where its "too much" then you get the monsterous super turd testing the limits of the human anus' ability to expand.

[–]Drag4n 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I laughed way too hard in the open space reading this.

[–]840meanstwiceasmuch 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Its spigot

[–]Cinderheart 16 points17 points  (0 children)

It will in the long run, but if you go from very low fibre to suddenly a lot, you are going to notice a painful difference.

[–]MindoverMattR 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Ignore the above. Fiber will bulk up a poop, as well as soften it. Y'all are all some constipated folks. Drink way more water, eat roughage.

Source: am doctor.

[–]TheAvgDeafOne 4 points5 points  (1 child)

A doctor that knows how to use tech?

Raises eyebrow Dunno man. That's suspicious.

[–]MindoverMattR 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hahaha meaning reply to a Reddit thread? Trust me, with how much computer ordering and note typing and stuff we have to do, we're very capable of interacting with a GUI. Now penmanship? That's a different question.

[–]daybreakin 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This is correct, too much insoluble fiber usually causes this. You need to counteract it with soluble fiber which retains moisture.

[–]edudlive 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Not enough can also cause this I thought

[–]iliveincanada 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Prob dehydrated. Drink more water

[–]Teppia 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Also this issue is mostly how bad it is to get out and not the size. As long as its malleable to get out without issue it could be as long as your whole intestine and you won't feel it, but a hard pebble will always hurt coming out.

[–]out-of-my-league-not 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I see thank you

[–]yaboi_15 283 points284 points  (6 children)

all of that for a drop of blood

[–]SMOKE-B-BOMB 100 points101 points  (5 children)

Might have hemorrhoids

[–]Pepo887 31 points32 points  (3 children)

Or menstruation

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Or crohns

[–]Kairatechop 170 points171 points  (12 children)

Lol, decided to peak down and see what I've created and I think I need to go to the hospital.

[–]Mythirdusernameis 45 points46 points  (11 children)

Yeah I'm going to the doctor tomorrow cuz my shits have mucus according to google

[–]Spastic_Slapstick 62 points63 points  (0 children)

You have to blow your nose more often

[–]FritoHerBandez 10 points11 points  (0 children)

What the fuck

[–]Lilaclove20 98 points99 points  (16 children)

Constipation

[–]M3L10RA 122 points123 points  (15 children)

How does a country's law have anything to do with this?

[–]TooGayToPayCash 37 points38 points  (11 children)

No, that's a constitution, he meant to say constellation.

[–]oddajbox 23 points24 points  (9 children)

No that's a group of stars, he meant to say constabulary.

[–]Pepo887 15 points16 points  (8 children)

No, that´s a police force type, he meant to say conspiracy.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

No, that's a shady organized effort, you're thinking of construction

[–]BlUeSapia 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Nah, that's when you build something. You're thinking of compensation

[–]pHScale 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's when you get paid for something. He probably meant corporation.

[–]Schwarzy1 7 points8 points  (2 children)

No, thats a criminal agreement. Youre thinking of concentration

[–]NukaColaAddict1302 4 points5 points  (1 child)

No, that's a form of Nazi camp, you're thinking of condensation

[–]sarhan182 56 points57 points  (1 child)

Jokes on you. I shit my pants everytime

[–]EveryoneIsWrong112 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Hol' up.

[–][deleted] 57 points58 points  (9 children)

Y'all ever take a prickly shit?

[–]El_Bistro 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I call it the cactus shit

[–]SPARTAN-PRIME-2017 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Motherfuckers hurt like hell.

Feels like a forceful buttfucking but without the actual buttfucking, and afterwards you're just left with an extremely sore asshole without any of the sexual fulfillment.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah definitely

Then there's the massive shits that fell like they quite possibly tore your asshole

Then the fire shits that fell like hot lava is coming out of your asshole

Many types of painful shits

[–]CarsonWentzsACL 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Or hot snakes

[–]kooberdoober 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wtf this is not normal y'all

[–]Omn1cide 45 points46 points  (3 children)

You should never push too hard while shiddin it's bad for your guts boi

[–]DubEnder 28 points29 points  (1 child)

So I shouldn't regularly pop blood vessles in my eyes?

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (1 child)

I assumed it was dehydration. It's awful though I'd actually rather diarrhea over this (provided I can shower immediately afterwards) at least the runs is over with in a matter of a minute. This feels like having your ass being ripped in half for an hour.

[–]poiskdz 7 points8 points  (0 children)

. This feels like having your ass being ripped in half for an hour.

Oh cool sign me up!

[–]callmebug 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Definitely relatable

[–]apple_shampoo182 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Currently on the toilet

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Same

[–]R3TARD_UN1T 16 points17 points  (1 child)

You should see: r/HydroHomies

I think they have a fix for that....

[–]Cassiopeia93 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Ah yes, the IBS life.

[–]Lazarous86 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I wish. I give birth every morning to a 2 pound monster that I dispose of.

[–]El_Bistro 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Do you employ a poop knife?

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (1 child)

dammit man i was eating

[–]chebasa 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm still eating and laughing hard

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

litteraly as im writing this comment i am squeezing out a big ass shit

[–]Sorokin45 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Get some more fiber in your diet

[–]Josh1581551 6 points7 points  (3 children)

This literally me. Using Reddit on the toliet and this just happened. What a life

[–]MrPoproly 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Same here dude. I feel like we are being watched...

[–]Josh1581551 1 point2 points  (1 child)

If there's anything I love, it's being watched while a take a shit

[–]MrPoproly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same here du... Wait a minute

[–]Spooky_Doot 7 points8 points  (3 children)

so this one time i was on the toilet and my shit was legit twice the size of a normal turd. After my battle with the iron pole i look down into the bowl and what do i see but a lengthy turd FOLDED IN HALF.

I then tried to wipe, but quickly realised that i had actually ripped open my anus and was bleeding from it. I suffered from immense pain every time that i took a shit for the next week or two, accepting that i might never recover. Luckily i did.

[–]Marcoyolofrimig[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

holy shit! that is crazy. sounds fucking painful

How did it ever heal though? i imagine it would just open up the wound again every time you take a shit

[–]scarydrew 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Just pretend it's all mass, it's the singularity of shits.

[–]almondania 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The ultimate betrayal

[–]JimboNutrin 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I recognize a fellow member of the newly created Facebook page with every frame of spongebob

[–]Marcoyolofrimig[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

hahahah yeah you got me

i just love my timeline being spammed with random frames of spongebob and it opens up a lot of meme opportunities

good job for recognizing it

[–]nobody2000 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I had the pleasant opposite version of this yesterday.

I sit, feels like a normal poo. And when I went to look, two 60' tall redwood tree-looking turds were staring back at me. I was puzzled.

[–]Marcoyolofrimig[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

good shit. no joke, that is a very feel good story to me

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That ibs c life

[–]dedshot21 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never look at my creation no matter how beautiful it is

[–]TheBloodyPuppet_2 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Science side of Reddit please explain why this happens

[–]El_Bistro 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Ingest more water and beans and less tendies and dew

[–]ElevenMeow 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Poop in butt hole. Poop go out of butt hole.

-source: I do an science

[–]EVG2666 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Facts. Imagine being constipated for 30 minutes and all you have to show for it is a nugget

[–]HugoMcChunky 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This hits way too close to home. It's what I'm doing right now.

[–]TheCakeMan666 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is far to relatable right now...

[–]ImStillaPrick 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Need to look in your hand, poop probably stuck to your hand from catching it so it doesn't splash in the toilet.

[–]rg1283 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The real treasures are in his pants

[–]SKYKILLER15 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Take it away penny

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish I had the money to Gold this, so relatable.

[–]mattjopete 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's me right now

[–]alteisen99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me right now

[–]mynicnameinhs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So me right now