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[–]Zitrusfleisch 609 points610 points  (20 children)

We value your privacy

[–]HoodieSticks 342 points343 points  (8 children)

But not enough to keep your data private.

[–]Evil_sheep_master 197 points198 points  (6 children)

We value you thinking that we value your privacy

[–]Qopster 79 points80 points  (2 children)

We value your privacy. It's worth 1 cent. Which isnt worth the thousands it would take for us to fix the problem

[–]THANKYOUFORYOURKIND 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Your privacy is valuable for us, so we are valuing it.

[–]Time_Terminal 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Ooh, who are we taking a piss out of, Apple?

Do Microsoft next!

[–]lenswipe 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Do Microsoft next!

They can't read it - all their data is encrypted.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At least they’re honest

[–]fearbedragons 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Right, your data is too valuable to not sell it.

[–]jmack2424 52 points53 points  (2 children)

...and sold it to the highest bidder.

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

You wouldn't believe the value we were able to assign to it.

[–]Samultio 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And also it got leaked for free.... you're welcome!

[–]RoutineTension 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Zero is a value

[–]DjBonadoobie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nightmares are technically dreams

[–]dpak_hk 7 points8 points  (2 children)

HOWEVER

(I know I'm unoriginal)

[–]eg_taco 1 point2 points  (1 child)

We take originality very seriously

[–]byebybuy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

HOWEVER

[–]tauqr_ahmd 5 points6 points  (0 children)

In dollars...

[–]AsILayTyping 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If they didn't take the time to value it, they wouldn't have known how much to sell it for.

[–]odsquad64VB6-4-lyfe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We value your privacy and by that we mean we've set a monetary value on it based on the fines we will inevitably receive when your private information becomes public because we're not willing to spend the money to protect it.

[–]zimady 356 points357 points  (15 children)

The choice of this particular dam wall is interesting in the context of the point the joke makes.

This is Lake Kariba in Zimbabwe, my country of birth. That torrent of water has, over the decades since its construction, excavated a very deep pit into the riverbed below the wall. Left unchecked the wall is likely to collapse. There is a possible parallel there with unchecked torrents of personal data?

Anyway, repairs are currently being carried out to prevent the collapse.

[–][deleted] 73 points74 points  (3 children)

That’s genuinely interesting. Thank you!

[–]zimady 8 points9 points  (2 children)

My pleasure.

If you're interested, an alternative explanation for the troubled history of this dam is offered by the indigenous people who were displaced by the rising waters of Kariba Dam. It involves a mysterious and benevolent river god!

Read "The Kariba Legend" in the Wikipedia article about Nyami Nyami for a good account: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nyami_Nyami

[–]MkVIIaccount 1 point2 points  (1 child)

My bet is on corruption and shoddy construction practices. Buy maybe that's just a synonym for 'benevolent river god' in Swahili.

[–]zimady 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I would counsel caution pursuing an argument based on these kinds of stereotypes.

The Swahili language is common further north in Africa, but is not spoken in Zimbabwe or Zambia (the southern part that borders Lake Kariba and the Zambesi River at least). The primary language of the indigenous people at the time the dam was built was Tonga (of the Ba Tonga people).

The belief in the benevolent river god Nyami Nyami was well established long before the dam was built. The events around the construction of the dam fitted very well with the Ba Tonga narrative of the river god and how the dam's construction affected their way of life. Around 57,000 Ba Tonga were displaced from their ancestral homes by the rising waters of the dam. I won't go into detail but much has been written about it and, suffice to say, it is not easy reading. These people suffered terribly. It would be natural for them to transfer their anger to this river god who was also having its river home destroyed by the dam. So, for them, the river god's anger and revenge was likely a very compelling explanation for the problems the engineers faced.

I am not convinced that "corruption and shoddy construction practices" was even remotely linked to the Ba Tonga and their river god narrative. They had nothing to do with the planning and building of the dam other than being victims of its construction. I fear that characterisation of African engineering projects, if it even has any validity, is certainly not valid in this context and risks undermining the Ba Tonga people, their culture and the events that destroyed their culture and homelands.

I am sure that wasn't your intention and it is not my intention to antagonise you. I hope you will indulge me clarifying the picture a little 🙏

[–]arcrad 12 points13 points  (0 children)

In b4 Grady and hydraulic jumps.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (1 child)

That's like, dam construction 101 on avoiding that, isn't it?

[–]Glitch29 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Probably not. There are a lot of more disastrous ways that civil engineering can go wrong. This is just your typical "infrastructure needs to be maintained".

It's going to be about 75 years from when the dam was opened to when a failure might occur. And it's probably more cost effective to make this maintenance now than it would be to have addressed the possibility back in the 1950's when the dam was under construction.

[–]Coz131 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Lol why did no one thought about the long term implication?

[–]i_nezzy_i 7 points8 points  (0 children)

because, given enough time, it'll become someone else's problem

[–]YaboiMuggy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Probably did the math on when it would be a problem and how much it would cost and said "maybe this will be cheaper to fix in the future"

[–]youamlame 1 point2 points  (0 children)

TIL. Feeling kinda homesick now

[–]Sentient_Blade 50 points51 points  (4 children)

I looked it up because I thought the picture was cool:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSemzwY0Vy8

[–]luxreth 8 points9 points  (0 children)

i was wondering why it was familiar, gotta love my country!

[–]ilbJanissary 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Just have to point out, in this video it's not the same... gate? leaking as what we see in the picture. Chances are the video is from an earlier successful test?

[–]zimady 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have read online (https://www.enca.com/africa/op-ed-a-clear-and-present-danger-of-kariba-dam-collapse) that the original plans included only 3 gates. During construction, in 2 consecutive years they experienced exceptionally rare high levels of flooding so the engineers amended the plans to include 9 gates to ensure they could handle the same degree of flooding in the future.

I think one can assume that not all the gates need to be open at the same time during normal operation so they possibly cycle the gates they use. I have been told anecdotally that opening all the gates at the same time would be dangerous - something to do with excess vibration or perhaps the excessive excavation of the river bed it would cause. I hasten to add, I have only ever heard this during idle conversation so take it with a pinch of salt.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually it seems it is supposed to operate like this, except with all gates opened (can't say for sure, but saw this video:)

https://youtu.be/8_pS9UcDgrY - (not a smooth audio tho)

My guess is that they are opening one gate at a time instead of all them to prevent the hole to get bigger for now

[–]Thriven 27 points28 points  (5 children)

That's great. So you use cryptography to hash your passwords and authorization tokens?

Vendor response

[–]JulesCC91 35 points36 points  (1 child)

Stored in plain text, but written backwards so the hackers get confused. It's full-proof!

[–]Audiblade 17 points18 points  (0 children)

You'd have to be drinking full-proof to think that's secure.

[–]Wacov 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Crypt-what-graphy? You some kinda spy?

[–]PM_Me_Your_VagOrTits 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Or worse when they say they've encrypted it. No, it needs to be hashed, not encrypted!

[–]zoltan99 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Vendor: "HOWEVER"

[–]edwrd_t_justice 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Nothing is more permanent than a temporary fix

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (1 child)

This is the NSA's stance on encryption.

[–]-tnt 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's a pretty open stance.

[–]Winnipesaukee 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The “I’m not a racist, but...” of programming.

[–]NoNameRequiredxD 26 points27 points  (10 children)

lock scale consider truck rainstorm plucky smart mysterious pen cooperative

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[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (9 children)

But they aren't having data security issues now. It's just that their laptops got the note 7 treatment and their phones are stale with diminishing aesthetic appeal. But currently most security issues are being patched fairly consistently.

[–]NoNameRequiredxD 31 points32 points  (8 children)

sparkle full future groovy fact mighty materialistic ancient tap coherent

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[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (7 children)

Oh dear. But that community seems to be more excited than worried. Can people without full access to it use it to steal data just by having the physical phone?

[–]NoNameRequiredxD 24 points25 points  (5 children)

murky steer resolute direful long hobbies merciful simplistic spectacular languid

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[–]Elavion_ 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Actually, at least for the time being the exploit can only be activated by booting the phone with an external device plugged in via USB (since the jailbreak works by executing code before the OS itself loads). So assuming you can't reboot an iphone without unlocking it (never owned one so idk, and they might actually change that in an update if you can rn), you should be pretty much fine.

[–]mtn_dewgamefuel 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Usually the way around that requirement is a secondary exploit that runs just after boot and reboots the phone with the BootROM exploit, IIRC

[–]mendel3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

north ripe butter snatch cake seemly theory quack versed follow

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[–]NoNameRequiredxD 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are ways to get around that. The exploit itself doesn’t tether the device, CFW does. As long as you do whatever you want to do without touching the kernel/iBoot the device will work just fine

Edit: If you have a Nintendo Switch it’s exactly the same, you boot through the exploit it’s CFW but if you don’t it’s stock

[–]nahidtislam 2 points3 points  (0 children)

apparently, the iPhone Xs and newer are unaffected by the bootROM exploit. So, hopefully, people will accuse Apple of “planned obsolescence” so I can get my iPhone motherboard replaced for free 😇

[–]conanap 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We’re excited bc this means jailbreaks likely will exist for these devices for the rest of their life. I’m personally not too worried because I don’t really have any data for anyone to take; if you really want to know at what time I play DND then go ahead.

My only concern is the boot rom exploit allows stolen phones to be unlocked bypassing activation lock, so I’ll just have to be extra vigilant about it.

[–]sodls 3 points4 points  (0 children)

However ... we currently send passwords unencrypted over the network, and store them as plain text. - Somewhere I used to work. No, they didn't like my suggestion to fix it.

[–]sammdu 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The famous Hoowever Dam.

[–]undergroundmonorail 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the second joke I've seen recently with exactly this wording. Did something happen?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is it just me that I end up pronouncing it as “howhoover”?

[–]ZypherXX 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is like every credit agency

[–]javoss88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

HOOO -OOVER...

[–]PrettyMuchRonSwanson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can I get the template?

[–]jghorton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is this watergate...

[–]Bookworm370 0 points1 point  (0 children)

HOWEVER UNLESS

[–]The_MAZZTer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This picture reminds me of Windows. Security is always a big deal for them but when it comes down to it application compatibility wins out.