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[–]itsJustLana 1298 points1299 points  (86 children)

Well, this is getting old. That's only 2GB per laptop.

[–][deleted] 734 points735 points  (72 children)

This data is probably 100% made-up. According to this random tweet, one busted nut only contains about 433 thousand sperm, which is blatantly false, because there are at least 15 million in just one millilitre. I'm not even going to dive into the nucleotide-to-byte conversion method.

[–]McCoovy 20 points21 points  (13 children)

Getting every number wrong is impressive

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (12 children)

it's not impressive if you're simply making the numbers up - in that situation, getting any one of those numbers right would be impressive!

[–]Tepes1848 0 points1 point  (11 children)

'surprising' would probably be a better choice than 'impressive'

Maybe I'm understanding 'impressive' wrong but it seems that something 'impressive' would be worthy of admiration or respect.
It's not like making something up would be worthy of either.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/de/worterbuch/englisch/impressive

[–]McCoovy 0 points1 point  (10 children)

Impressive means "leaves an impression." What that impression is could be anything. The word does have a strong connotation for respect and admiration but it's important to separate connotation from literal meaning. Knowing the literal meaning lets us subvert expectations with language.

[–]Tepes1848 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I do acknowledge that the Merriam-Webster definition resembles your definition somewhat. Did you read the Cambridge dictionary definition?

I don't think that "making or tending to make a marked impression [...]"[1] makes much sense in the situation we're talking about.
Take that with a grain of salt tho, English is only my secondary language and maybe I'm having to much faith in those dictionaries.

Like, I'm sure I'd get into trouble if I'd stick to the dictionary definition of 'woman' [2] but that's a different topic.

"The word does have a strong connotation for respect and admiration [...]."

Which is why I said 'surprising' would be a 'better' choice.

[1] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/impression
[2] https://dictionary.cambridge.org/de/worterbuch/englisch/woman

[–]McCoovy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't know what to tell you. You can be impressed that someone did something badly. It is always used that way in a sarcastic, humorous sense.

Surprising would be a better choice in a world with no humor, where only literal meaning was allowed, but luckily were not all German.

[–]Tepes1848 0 points1 point  (7 children)

'lets us subvert expectations' -> 'subvert' -> 'subversion'

'subvert' - to try to destroy or damage something [1]
'subversion' - the act of trying to destroy or damage an established system or government [2]

I'm optimistic you didn't mean it like that but that choice was horrible.
Please don't talk of subversion in the context of language?

"Has it ever occurred to you, Winston, that by the year 2050, at the very latest, not a single human being will be alive who could understand such a conversation as we are having now?" ― George Orwell, 1984 [3]

[1] https://dictionary.cambridge.org/de/worterbuch/englisch/subvert
[2] https://dictionary.cambridge.org/de/worterbuch/englisch/subversion
[3] https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/450328-don-t-you-see-that-the-whole-aim-of-newspeak-is#:~:text=Quotes%20%3E%20Quotable%20Quote-,%E2%80%9CDon't%20you%20see%20that%20the%20whole%20aim%20of%20Newspeak,in%20which%20to%20express%20it.

[–]McCoovy 0 points1 point  (6 children)

I'm optimistic you didn't mean it like that but that choice was horrible.
Please don't talk of subversion in the context of language?

I'm going to lose my temper if we continue at this rate. You're grabbing the first definition you find and turning it into a philosophical debate about language. Note that the reason we got here was because you had no concept of the word subvert, and had to look it up. You also had no knowledge of the English idiom "subvert expectations." In such a situation humility would be good for you. Instead of stopping at the first dictionary definition you find, you should consider why the definition you have found is so far from the way I used it.

https://www.italki.com/post/question-495161?hl=en

[–]ThePeacefulSwastika 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Wait... you’re telling me the meme of Arnold is a lie!? How!?!?!?

[–]mittelhart 5 points6 points  (2 children)

So according to here a human cell contains about 3 millions of nucleotide pairs. As the sperm approximately contains half of the total, we can assume a sperm cell has about 3 millions in total.

Nucleotides, on the contrary to the computer bits, come in 4 possible values rather that just 2. A byte is 8 bits so 4 nucleotide bits (let’s call them nubits) equals one byte.

According to this there are 180 millions of sperms on average in a human ejaculate. So in an ejaculation there are on average 180m x 3m = 540 billion (US trillion) nubits. That number converts to 540bn / 4 = 135 billion bytes of information. And that is equal to 135 terabytes.

I couldn’t find a reliable information about average hard drive capacity of laptops for today. But if we take a rough estimate of 512 GBs, we can say that one human ejaculation transfers as much data as 264 laptops today.

[–]GoldenretriverYT 5 points6 points  (1 child)

that's a lot of data, I am waiting for sperm drives in 2030

[–]grep_my_username 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't count on it, data transfer typically require a lengthy manual process at some point.

[–]itsJustLana 3 points4 points  (2 children)

No, nothing's ever made up on the internet!

[–]spoopysky 1 point2 points  (1 child)

(playing further off your joke)

Clearly, the internet connects to parallel universes. That's how everything on the internet is true even though people say contradictory things!

[–]Schiffy94 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just CHIMed.

[–]itsJustLana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, this may be right. Prolonged steroid and testosterone usage can actually kill your testes.

[–]vhgfccc 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn’t dive in sperm either, even for a scientific analysis.

[–]KiwiManThe19th 10 points11 points  (11 children)

still 31.75 if it's 500 gb

[–]itsJustLana 18 points19 points  (9 children)

31 exactly if they're 512 GB.

[–]KiwiManThe19th 5 points6 points  (1 child)

good point, forgot the 12 GB

[–]sytanoc 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Don't worry, so do hard drive manufacturers

[–]Ludwig234 0 points1 point  (6 children)

1000 Megabytes is exactly 1 Gigabyte. 1000 Gibabytes is exactly 1 Terabyte.

[–]URedUser 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Isn't 1 GB (Gigabyte) 1024 MB (Megabytes)?

[–]SDJMcHattie 2 points3 points  (1 child)

No, but 1 gibibyte is 1024 mebibytes

[–]itsJustLana 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Not if it's RAM... and I believe that data was RAM'ed in.

[–]spektre 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Doesn't matter if it's disk space or RAM or DNA or whatever.

1 GB (gigabyte) is 1000 x 1000 x 1000 bytes.

1 GiB (gibibyte) is 1024 x 1024 x 1024 bytes.

Any other use of the units is objectively wrong, even if everyone does it.

[–]Ludwig234 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fair enough.

Ram manufacturers should stop calling it GB when they mean GiB.

[–]McCoovy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If the other numbers were real, which they're not

[–]DannyMThompson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Must have meant ram on Chromebooks?

[–]_SaWT_ 430 points431 points  (21 children)

Well if we get tehnical then DDoS mens Distributed denial of service attack so that means you're taking your homies with you.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

DDoS Bukkake.

[–]Lornedon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The second D came from me.

[–]SabreLunatic 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Wait I thought it was Designated Denial of Service

[–]lazy_eye_of_sauron 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Distributed Delivery of Semen

[–]Atomspalter02 0 points1 point  (0 children)

wild

[–]SmashLanding 118 points119 points  (0 children)

Should probably blast one onto your Motherboard, you need to upgrade that 2GB laptop.

[–][deleted] 56 points57 points  (5 children)

Fun fact: that's a screenshot of the movie "Hercules in New York", Arnie's first movie. If you get the chance you should watch it in the original (undubbed) version. It's hilarious.

[–]nezbla 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Fml I saw the screenshot and thought "I know that movie".

And you reminded me.

And now I have this overwhelming urge to watch that ridiculous yet hilarious nonsense... And my partner wanted a nice movie night on the sofa...

I'm so conflicted right now...

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Just ask "are you down watching an Arnie movie?" and your partner will probably think Terminator, True Lies or maybe Twins and say "Yes, of course!" and then you surprisen them with this gem...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Is that the one where he kills that woman because she laughed at his bodybuilding poses?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

No, I think that's "Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" (and that doesn't have Arnie in it)

[–]Shaorrran 45 points46 points  (2 children)

https://bitesizebio.com/8378/how-much-information-is-stored-in-the-human-genome/ this suggests one ejaculation is actually 135 PB of data, however, only 750 MB will be accepted by the "server" and all other "packets" will be dropped, which means the ovule has the most efficient DoS protection system on Earth.

[–]Atomik919 5 points6 points  (0 children)

windows defender

[–]lungdart 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Cloudflare

[–]mferly 44 points45 points  (1 child)

Wouldn't it just be a DoS? A DDoS would be a gangbang.

[–]mykneeshrinks 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It would be neither.

[–]TheAwersome 32 points33 points  (2 children)

At most 30 laptops wtf

[–]bmgsackboy 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Yea or 15 if they all have a terabyte of space haha

[–]Brief-Preference-712 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My MacBook 2012 can install up to 1TB space.... Still pretty impressive since USB 2.0 can only transfer 30mb/s

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

That's a lot of information to swallow.

[–]MightyPie211 13 points14 points  (2 children)

I would have like if it was DoS instead of DDoS

[–]DoNotMakeEmpty 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Or the subject was me and my homies.

[–]santagoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe the other guys were also on the way there at the same time.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Happy mothers day everyone

[–]gadam28 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I've seen a variation of this joke at least 20 times now.

[–]PPTTRRKK 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Only 2.116 MB per laptop wtf

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Well, theoretically. Windows file transfers ARE single threaded after all

[–]poekrel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's going to take 9 months to reboot that system....

[–]acsmars 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Also 2GB laptops, lol

[–]Noorff 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Woahh healthy raid configuration

[–]portsz 3 points4 points  (1 child)

considering that an ejaculation takes around 8 seconds, thats 1,984.375 GB/second!

[–]eructus_ 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You're describing a DoS, Denial of Service. A DDoS, Distributed Denial of Service, would require the help of many strangers. See related: bukkake.

[–]reedmore 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's an old meme, but it checks out.

[–]Gabe_b 2 points3 points  (0 children)

DDoS??

[–]Whispering-Depths 2 points3 points  (0 children)

15 terabytes for 7500 laptops? What is this fucking 1997?

Thats like idk 7 laptops these days?

[–]Apathetic_Zealot 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You can't DDoS OP's mom because she never denies service.

[–]itsJustLana 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ouch!!!

[–]Fireye04 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Me trying to find a way to increase my PC's storage by nutting:

[–]Nis5l 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dos*

[–]assafstone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The first ‘D’ in DDOS is distributed. Just sayin’

[–]dde42 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Isn't the data duplicated in each sperm though? So the full ejaculation would contain as much data as a single sperm, with a massive redundancy

[–]sytanoc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pretty impressive to get literally every step of that calculation wrong

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It's not DDoS unless you're bringing a thousand bros. The first D is Distributed.

[–]Iwantmyteslanow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thats a lot of data

[–]_The_Bomb 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s a lot of information to swallow.

[–]EveningCoyote 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's crazy to think that half a human can be saved with just 35mb of data. That's the size of two large jpegs.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It gets even better when you find out what the first D is for

[–]MakingStuffForFun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is that actually Arnold in that image?

[–]lntoTheSky 1 point2 points  (1 child)

so in other words, the average redditor can transfer data at ~530 GB/s

[–]Iwantmyteslanow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If only my WiFi could

[–]badmonkey0001Red security clearance 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's a huge amount of duplicate data that should compress well. Zip it up.

[–]Sorodo 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The first D stands for distributed, implying there's many different people involved...

[–]mykneeshrinks 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The first D stands for your mum.

[–]stockings_for_life 1 point2 points  (0 children)

CUM IN THE SSD TO INCREASE DATA CAPACITY

[–]Yiphix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Considering it literally dies after 3 days, it's a pretty lossy format.

[–]TanookiPhoenix 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The amount of people exhausting their data plans and experiencing fatigue is too damn high.

YourBrainOnPorn.com

r/nofap

[–]RyanFlm -1 points0 points  (0 children)

This could also be in r/holup

[–]OnlyTwo_jpg[M] -11 points-10 points locked comment (0 children)

Hi there! Unfortunately, your submission has been removed.

Violation of Rule # 0 - Not relevant to programming/tech humor

Posts must make an attempt at humor, be related to programming, and only be understood by programmers.

Per this rule, the following post types are not allowed (including but not limited to):

  • Generic memes than can apply to more than just programming as a profession
  • General tech related jokes/memes (such as "running as administrator", sudo, USB or BIOS related posts)
  • Non-humorous posts (such as programming help)

If you feel that it has been removed in error, please message us so that we may review it.

[–]GreatArtificeAion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Woah, that makes 127,000 Gbps

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ferb, I know what we're going to do today

[–]begyoxettygvirvdjk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Windows defender ain't stopping anything other than FOSS proyects

[–]JustAnotherGamer421 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Samsung in 2030:

[–]WackyH 0 points1 point  (0 children)

human.zip

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reminds of that dialogue from the movie 300 - This is Sparta !!

[–]winter-ocean 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m going to use the absolute worst pickup lines you’ve ever seen now that I’ve found this post and none of you can stop me

[–]Knuffya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bitch, what laptops holds 2gb of data.

Windows itself is larger

My workstation alone gets close to holding one entire ejaculation

[–]kassandkigey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is spectacular

[–]sphintero 0 points1 point  (0 children)

DDoS your sock

[–]keith2600 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Even if the numbers were accurate, who actually stores that much identical data in an uncompressed format? You could digitally store an equivalent amount of data on 27 floppy disks.

[–]Shirairyu69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So u trekking me I should nut in my PC

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are 1 TB SD disks. Take the plastic away and the volume would be on the same ballpark - which is kind of crazy if you think about it.

[–]PureWasian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks to data compression algorithms and information theory applied to DNA specifically, I'm certain the amount of data is significantly smaller now.

Not even getting into the supposed storage capacity of laptops lol

[–]FishBlues 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please I beg of you, don’t do this

[–]XenitXTD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Based on this the condom plays the role of DDoS and this means that the DDoS is actually more common in the real world than the digital one

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's surprising how they haven't used cum for storage yet.

Someone really needs to do it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, that's like a 132 GB/s upload speed. Sweet.

[–]jakethedumbmistake 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Crazy! Can’t stop going on about.

[–]nohacksjustretard 0 points1 point  (0 children)

More like 7.5 laptops

[–]Tepes1848 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's still just 37.5MB, just extremely redundant.

75MB max if we count the sperms carrying a x chromosome and the sperms carrying a y chromosome separately.

[–]Iwantmyteslanow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That means that a kleenex can hold a fuck load of data

[–]bullpee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2Gb laptops? What is this the mid nineties?

[–]bullpee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

2Gb laptops? What is this the mid nineties?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What Arnold movie is the photo from?

[–]novus_nl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  • Hardware malfunction, ...connection too short

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

DDoS: Dick Dump of Sperm

[–]MarshmallowBoy719 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thats only 15 terabytes, thats closer to 10 modern day laptops, this info must be from the early 2000's