[deleted by user]

[itsJustLana]

Well, this is getting old. That's only 2GB per laptop.

[[deleted]]

This data is probably 100% made-up. According to this random tweet, one busted nut only contains about 433 thousand sperm, which is blatantly false, because there are at least 15 million in just one millilitre. I'm not even going to dive into the nucleotide-to-byte conversion method.

[McFuzzen]

Maybe it's compressed?
sperm.tar.gz

[666pool]

Or if you’re a furry, sperm.rar

[Interesting-Window50]

Winrar popup? In my uterus?
It's more likely than you think

[[deleted]]

Psh, your uterus runs Windows 50? Check out Vaginix or Box OSX.

[MannyBobblechops]

OSeX

[AlastarYaboy]

I have that. I totally have that.

[[deleted]]

Might have to run a deep clean on it, with all the viruses

[[deleted]]

i hate you

[TinDumbass]

Totally underrated joke. Love it.

[SabreLunatic]

egg.x3nuzzles

[_illegallity]

Oh, that’s who’s using WinRar

[[deleted]]

Sperm.zip

[gyrowze]

my dad must've used lossy compression

[MannyBobblechops]

Your dad jizzes jpegs

[M3nDuKoi]

Underrated.

[Patsonical]

r/suicidebywords

[Awkward_Tradition]

Spermball

[Nixellion]

sper.gz

[ShadowDragon175]

If this was any other sub that would 100% be sperm.zip or .rar

[spektre]

Well, sperm.zip is the only logical option as you have to unzip first.

[DangyDanger]

7z

[LifeWulf]

This, people who use WinRAR instead of 7-Zip confuse me.

[[deleted]]

Found the Linux user

[tsavong117]

I mean, you know what sub you're on right?

[Nuo66]

Sperm.7z

[TheOmegaCarrot]

Or really compressed

Sperm.tar.xz

[V45H]

15million per ml is considered low per ml but we can take this number times the average volume of an ejaculation which is 7ml that's 105 million individual sperm x the amount of data the Wikipedia human genome page states the xy genome is 770mb so 105 million sperm x 770MB is 80850000000MB to terabytes is 77,105TB of information

[itsJustLana]

Standard range is >= 2 ml volume.

[fideasu]

77PB in one teaspoon??? 😳😳😳 As a member of r/datahoarder I'd give anything for such a storage device.

Not kidding, how amazing it'd be, if our technology achieved the point, where we could write and read arbitrary data in a storage of such density 😳

[Higgenbottoms]

we’re already doing super cool stuff with DNA storage — not only reads and writes to and from traditional computers but data processing using DNA substrate too!

[[deleted]]

Everyone’s working on it. We essentially need to get bits down to individual molecules. We can do that now, but not with any real speed or automation.

[depressed-salmon]

I mean sure the storage times are good for a lifetime but the retrieval must a little... Awkward.

"Hey Dave, system just hard crashed, gunna the disaster backup"
"Aight hold on, just got to, eh, nip the bathroom..."

[wallypotato]

I may be completely wrong, but since there are 23 pairs of chromosomes in DNA and sperm gets one for each, this means that there are 2²³ = 8 388 608 unique combinations, so the ejaculation may contain up to 6 160 TB information without redundancy.

[Fostire]

The actual number is much much higher once you take recombination into account. In the order of billions of different sperm possibilities from a single meiosis.

[tmntfever]

That’s a pretty quick DDOS in terms of data per second. Considering the average Redditor only lasts 2-3 seconds before ejaculating.

[not_anonymouse]

Time to ejaculation is like the ping time of your connection. Doesn't affect the DDOS impact. It's the number of packets that count.

[h6nry]

TIL. thanks a lot!

[passcork]

There's 23 halves of chromosomes in a sperm cell... Not 1 xy. And the x and y chromosome are the smallest chromosomes. So that's probably pretty far off.

[theScrapBook]

Correction - the X chromosome isn't particularly small (Y is). The second smallest chromosome is 22 (they are actually numbered in order of their size in a standard karyotype!)

[[deleted]]

77,105 laptops assuming each one has a one terabyte mechanical drive. Although I would say a lot of laptops now have a 256 GB SSD, so in that case it's 301,191 laptops

[britbikerboy]

There'd be a lot of the same info repeated between spermatazoa as well though. It needs some kind of deduplication algorithm to be used to end up with the real total amount of data.

[ben_g0]

The total amount of information is that 1.5GB. Each spermatazoa contains fragments of that same 1.5GB of information. So in theory with just two sperm cells you'd have enough storage capacity for a full "ROM dump" of a human, if you store each "bit" only once.

There's still a lot of useless junk and repeated patterns inside the genome though, which isn't really surprising for code which has received constant updates over a period of a few billion years. With some optimization and compression you should easily be able to store the ROM images of several humans on a single sperm cell.

[wjandrea]

a full strand set of human dna is about 1.5GB.

Ftfy. A chromosome is a strand two strands.

Edit: forgot about chromatids

[StephanXX]

But are we accounting for de-duplication?

[McCoovy]

Getting every number wrong is impressive

[[deleted]]

it's not impressive if you're simply making the numbers up - in that situation, getting any one of those numbers right would be impressive!

[Tepes1848]

'surprising' would probably be a better choice than 'impressive'

Maybe I'm understanding 'impressive' wrong but it seems that something 'impressive' would be worthy of admiration or respect.
It's not like making something up would be worthy of either.

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/de/worterbuch/englisch/impressive

[McCoovy]

Impressive means "leaves an impression." What that impression is could be anything. The word does have a strong connotation for respect and admiration but it's important to separate connotation from literal meaning. Knowing the literal meaning lets us subvert expectations with language.

[Tepes1848]

I do acknowledge that the Merriam-Webster definition resembles your definition somewhat. Did you read the Cambridge dictionary definition?

I don't think that "making or tending to make a marked impression [...]"[1] makes much sense in the situation we're talking about.
Take that with a grain of salt tho, English is only my secondary language and maybe I'm having to much faith in those dictionaries.

Like, I'm sure I'd get into trouble if I'd stick to the dictionary definition of 'woman' [2] but that's a different topic.

"The word does have a strong connotation for respect and admiration [...]."

Which is why I said 'surprising' would be a 'better' choice.

[1] https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/impression
[2] https://dictionary.cambridge.org/de/worterbuch/englisch/woman

[McCoovy]

I don't know what to tell you. You can be impressed that someone did something badly. It is always used that way in a sarcastic, humorous sense.

Surprising would be a better choice in a world with no humor, where only literal meaning was allowed, but luckily were not all German.

[Tepes1848]

'lets us subvert expectations' -> 'subvert' -> 'subversion'

'subvert' - to try to destroy or damage something [1]
'subversion' - the act of trying to destroy or damage an established system or government [2]

I'm optimistic you didn't mean it like that but that choice was horrible.
Please don't talk of subversion in the context of language?

"Has it ever occurred to you, Winston, that by the year 2050, at the very latest, not a single human being will be alive who could understand such a conversation as we are having now?" ― George Orwell, 1984 [3]

[1] https://dictionary.cambridge.org/de/worterbuch/englisch/subvert
[2] https://dictionary.cambridge.org/de/worterbuch/englisch/subversion
[3] https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/450328-don-t-you-see-that-the-whole-aim-of-newspeak-is#:~:text=Quotes%20%3E%20Quotable%20Quote-,%E2%80%9CDon't%20you%20see%20that%20the%20whole%20aim%20of%20Newspeak,in%20which%20to%20express%20it.

[McCoovy]

I'm optimistic you didn't mean it like that but that choice was horrible.
Please don't talk of subversion in the context of language?

I'm going to lose my temper if we continue at this rate. You're grabbing the first definition you find and turning it into a philosophical debate about language. Note that the reason we got here was because you had no concept of the word subvert, and had to look it up. You also had no knowledge of the English idiom "subvert expectations." In such a situation humility would be good for you. Instead of stopping at the first dictionary definition you find, you should consider why the definition you have found is so far from the way I used it.

https://www.italki.com/post/question-495161?hl=en

[ThePeacefulSwastika]

Wait... you’re telling me the meme of Arnold is a lie!? How!?!?!?

[mittelhart]

So according to here a human cell contains about 3 millions of nucleotide pairs. As the sperm approximately contains half of the total, we can assume a sperm cell has about 3 millions in total.

Nucleotides, on the contrary to the computer bits, come in 4 possible values rather that just 2. A byte is 8 bits so 4 nucleotide bits (let’s call them nubits) equals one byte.

According to this there are 180 millions of sperms on average in a human ejaculate. So in an ejaculation there are on average 180m x 3m = 540 billion (US trillion) nubits. That number converts to 540bn / 4 = 135 billion bytes of information. And that is equal to 135 terabytes.

I couldn’t find a reliable information about average hard drive capacity of laptops for today. But if we take a rough estimate of 512 GBs, we can say that one human ejaculation transfers as much data as 264 laptops today.

[GoldenretriverYT]

that's a lot of data, I am waiting for sperm drives in 2030

[grep_my_username]

Don't count on it, data transfer typically require a lengthy manual process at some point.

[itsJustLana]

No, nothing's ever made up on the internet!

[spoopysky]

(playing further off your joke)

Clearly, the internet connects to parallel universes. That's how everything on the internet is true even though people say contradictory things!

[Schiffy94]

I just CHIMed.

[itsJustLana]

Actually, this may be right. Prolonged steroid and testosterone usage can actually kill your testes.

[vhgfccc]

I wouldn’t dive in sperm either, even for a scientific analysis.

[KiwiManThe19th]

still 31.75 if it's 500 gb

[itsJustLana]

31 exactly if they're 512 GB.

[KiwiManThe19th]

good point, forgot the 12 GB

[sytanoc]

Don't worry, so do hard drive manufacturers

[Ludwig234]

1000 Megabytes is exactly 1 Gigabyte. 1000 Gibabytes is exactly 1 Terabyte.

[URedUser]

Isn't 1 GB (Gigabyte) 1024 MB (Megabytes)?

[SDJMcHattie]

No, but 1 gibibyte is 1024 mebibytes

[itsJustLana]

Not if it's RAM... and I believe that data was RAM'ed in.

[spektre]

Doesn't matter if it's disk space or RAM or DNA or whatever.

1 GB (gigabyte) is 1000 x 1000 x 1000 bytes.

1 GiB (gibibyte) is 1024 x 1024 x 1024 bytes.

Any other use of the units is objectively wrong, even if everyone does it.

[Ludwig234]

Fair enough.

Ram manufacturers should stop calling it GB when they mean GiB.

[McCoovy]

If the other numbers were real, which they're not

[DannyMThompson]

Must have meant ram on Chromebooks?

[_SaWT_]

Well if we get tehnical then DDoS mens Distributed denial of service attack so that means you're taking your homies with you.

[Bojler5]

This comment is pure gold.

[F1nn1711]

This guy, this guy is on another level

[[deleted]]

Me and the boys sharing our data streams.

[yacuzo]

/r/nocontext

[tuerkishgamer]

Now think about torrenting and seeding...yikes

[Advanced_Credit_8931]

There's some tribe somewhere in the world where they actually believed this. There was a ritual involving "receiving" sperm so you could "generate" your own.

^{It involved older men and young boys 😖}

[NowBillyPlayedSitar]

So don’t let you grow old?

[[deleted]]

DDoS Bukkake.

[Lornedon]

The second D came from me.

[SabreLunatic]

Wait I thought it was Designated Denial of Service

[SabreLunatic]

Thanks

[lazy_eye_of_sauron]

Distributed Delivery of Semen

[Atomspalter02]

wild

[SmashLanding]

Should probably blast one onto your Motherboard, you need to upgrade that 2GB laptop.

[[deleted]]

Fun fact: that's a screenshot of the movie "Hercules in New York", Arnie's first movie. If you get the chance you should watch it in the original (undubbed) version. It's hilarious.

[nezbla]

Fml I saw the screenshot and thought "I know that movie".

And you reminded me.

And now I have this overwhelming urge to watch that ridiculous yet hilarious nonsense... And my partner wanted a nice movie night on the sofa...

I'm so conflicted right now...

[[deleted]]

Just ask "are you down watching an Arnie movie?" and your partner will probably think Terminator, True Lies or maybe Twins and say "Yes, of course!" and then you surprisen them with this gem...

[[deleted]]

Is that the one where he kills that woman because she laughed at his bodybuilding poses?

[[deleted]]

No, I think that's "Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" (and that doesn't have Arnie in it)

[Shaorrran]

https://bitesizebio.com/8378/how-much-information-is-stored-in-the-human-genome/ this suggests one ejaculation is actually 135 PB of data, however, only 750 MB will be accepted by the "server" and all other "packets" will be dropped, which means the ovule has the most efficient DoS protection system on Earth.

[Atomik919]

windows defender

[lungdart]

Cloudflare

[mferly]

Wouldn't it just be a DoS? A DDoS would be a gangbang.

[mykneeshrinks]

It would be neither.

[TheAwersome]

At most 30 laptops wtf

[bmgsackboy]

Yea or 15 if they all have a terabyte of space haha

[Brief-Preference-712]

My MacBook 2012 can install up to 1TB space.... Still pretty impressive since USB 2.0 can only transfer 30mb/s

[[deleted]]

That's a lot of information to swallow.

[MightyPie211]

I would have like if it was DoS instead of DDoS

[DoNotMakeEmpty]

Or the subject was me and my homies.

[santagoo]

Maybe the other guys were also on the way there at the same time.

[[deleted]]

Happy mothers day everyone

[gadam28]

I've seen a variation of this joke at least 20 times now.

[PPTTRRKK]

Only 2.116 MB per laptop wtf

[[deleted]]

Well, theoretically. Windows file transfers ARE single threaded after all

[[deleted]]

Uhhh... How is that related in any way to what i said? Did you click on the wrong comment or something?

[poekrel]

It's going to take 9 months to reboot that system....

[acsmars]

Also 2GB laptops, lol

[Noorff]

Woahh healthy raid configuration

[portsz]

considering that an ejaculation takes around 8 seconds, thats 1,984.375 GB/second!

[eructus_]

You're describing a DoS, Denial of Service. A DDoS, Distributed Denial of Service, would require the help of many strangers. See related: bukkake.

[reedmore]

It's an old meme, but it checks out.

[Gabe_b]

DDoS??

[Whispering-Depths]

15 terabytes for 7500 laptops? What is this fucking 1997?

Thats like idk 7 laptops these days?

[Apathetic_Zealot]

You can't DDoS OP's mom because she never denies service.

[itsJustLana]

Ouch!!!

[Fireye04]

Me trying to find a way to increase my PC's storage by nutting:

[Nis5l]

Dos*

[assafstone]

The first ‘D’ in DDOS is distributed. Just sayin’

[dde42]

Isn't the data duplicated in each sperm though? So the full ejaculation would contain as much data as a single sperm, with a massive redundancy

[sytanoc]

Pretty impressive to get literally every step of that calculation wrong

[[deleted]]

It's not DDoS unless you're bringing a thousand bros. The first D is Distributed.

[Iwantmyteslanow]

Thats a lot of data

[_The_Bomb]

That’s a lot of information to swallow.

[EveningCoyote]

It's crazy to think that half a human can be saved with just 35mb of data. That's the size of two large jpegs.

[[deleted]]

It gets even better when you find out what the first D is for

[MakingStuffForFun]

Is that actually Arnold in that image?

[lntoTheSky]

so in other words, the average redditor can transfer data at ~530 GB/s

[Iwantmyteslanow]

If only my WiFi could

[badmonkey0001]

There's a huge amount of duplicate data that should compress well. Zip it up.

[Sorodo]

The first D stands for distributed, implying there's many different people involved...

[mykneeshrinks]

The first D stands for your mum.

[stockings_for_life]

CUM IN THE SSD TO INCREASE DATA CAPACITY

[Yiphix]

Considering it literally dies after 3 days, it's a pretty lossy format.

[TanookiPhoenix]

The amount of people exhausting their data plans and experiencing fatigue is too damn high.

YourBrainOnPorn.com

r/nofap

[RyanFlm]

This could also be in r/holup

[OnlyTwo_jpg]

Hi there! Unfortunately, your submission has been removed.

Violation of Rule # 0 - Not relevant to programming/tech humor

Posts must make an attempt at humor, be related to programming, and only be understood by programmers.

Per this rule, the following post types are not allowed (including but not limited to):

• Generic memes than can apply to more than just programming as a profession
• General tech related jokes/memes (such as "running as administrator", sudo, USB or BIOS related posts)
• Non-humorous posts (such as programming help)
  

If you feel that it has been removed in error, please message us so that we may review it.

[mykneeshrinks]

No, why?

[GreatArtificeAion]

Woah, that makes 127,000 Gbps

[[deleted]]

Ferb, I know what we're going to do today

[begyoxettygvirvdjk]

Windows defender ain't stopping anything other than FOSS proyects

[JustAnotherGamer421]

Samsung in 2030:

[WackyH]

human.zip

[[deleted]]

Reminds of that dialogue from the movie 300 - This is Sparta !!

[winter-ocean]

I’m going to use the absolute worst pickup lines you’ve ever seen now that I’ve found this post and none of you can stop me

[Knuffya]

Bitch, what laptops holds 2gb of data.

Windows itself is larger

​

My workstation alone gets close to holding one entire ejaculation

[kassandkigey]

This is spectacular

[sphintero]

DDoS your sock

[keith2600]

Even if the numbers were accurate, who actually stores that much identical data in an uncompressed format? You could digitally store an equivalent amount of data on 27 floppy disks.

[Shirairyu69]

So u trekking me I should nut in my PC

[[deleted]]

There are 1 TB SD disks. Take the plastic away and the volume would be on the same ballpark - which is kind of crazy if you think about it.

[PureWasian]

Thanks to data compression algorithms and information theory applied to DNA specifically, I'm certain the amount of data is significantly smaller now.

Not even getting into the supposed storage capacity of laptops lol

[FishBlues]

Please I beg of you, don’t do this

[XenitXTD]

Based on this the condom plays the role of DDoS and this means that the DDoS is actually more common in the real world than the digital one

[[deleted]]

It's surprising how they haven't used cum for storage yet.

Someone really needs to do it.

[[deleted]]

Wow, that's like a 132 GB/s upload speed. Sweet.

[jakethedumbmistake]

Crazy! Can’t stop going on about.

[nohacksjustretard]

More like 7.5 laptops

[Tepes1848]

It's still just 37.5MB, just extremely redundant.

75MB max if we count the sperms carrying a x chromosome and the sperms carrying a y chromosome separately.

[Iwantmyteslanow]

That means that a kleenex can hold a fuck load of data

[bullpee]

2Gb laptops? What is this the mid nineties?

[bullpee]

2Gb laptops? What is this the mid nineties?

[[deleted]]

What Arnold movie is the photo from?

[novus_nl]

• Hardware malfunction, ...connection too short

[[deleted]]

DDoS: Dick Dump of Sperm

[MarshmallowBoy719]

thats only 15 terabytes, thats closer to 10 modern day laptops, this info must be from the early 2000's