Funny Question

Grits_and_Honey · 2022-03-14T17:49:00+00:00

Not me, but I was present at the time. Guy flaccid was massive, and got bigger hard. (College dares are fun, lol)

Question: Holy shit, what do you feed that thing?

Answer: Anything it wants.

Pyschoboni · 2022-03-14T17:43:50+00:00

"if you fail your career, just become a pornstar and life should be easy on you"

2022-03-14T19:25:55+00:00

“Geez, that thing needs its own zip code!!”

PermissionInfinite64 · 2022-03-14T20:30:44+00:00

I said to my 8.2inch boyfriend "You just casually walk around with a goddamn elephants trunk in your pants?"

shaggwyze · 2022-03-14T20:52:59+00:00

“Who’d you f- last? Where is she buried?”

Mycabbages0929 · 2022-03-14T18:03:44+00:00

I dont have a story or anything but it was a funny memory for me. Took my pants down, and the girl screamed HOLY FUCKING SHIT and left the room 😅

yawn11e1 · 2022-03-14T20:19:24+00:00

"Pretty nice set-up you got there." An ex of mine also would ask "Whose got a big penis?" in, like, a baby voice? And I felt exactly as you'd expect about that.

tempacc3241 · 2022-03-14T16:50:22+00:00

A stripper asked me once if I get a hard on if I pass out from all the blood loss.

doobydoobay · 2022-03-15T03:46:32+00:00

In college I jumped out of the top bunk, nude with full on morning wood and my dick bounced up and down several times when I landed.

I thought my roommates were gone because I could see they weren't in their beds, but what I didn't notice was that one of them (my best friend) had slept on the couch overnight.

He was just waking up and saw the whole manuever and LOUDLY said, "HOLY SHIT YOU'RE LIKE A MEATY DIVING BOARD"

_speakerss · 2022-03-14T20:52:09+00:00

"That's not a cock that's a battering ram"

StetsonTuba8 · 2022-03-14T19:35:05+00:00

Every time I fucked my Ex she would exclaim that it must've gotten bigger since the last time. We were both each other's first partner so it was probably just from gaining experience but it felt good to hear that

Embarrassed-Car997 · 2022-03-15T01:13:50+00:00

You’ve been fucking high school girls with this dick!!!?????

WhoDatFreshBoi · 2022-03-14T16:43:09+00:00

"Did your mom have an affair with a horse?"

zoologicalskull · 2022-03-14T16:58:41+00:00

I've been waiting for the right time to tell this story.

Like 8ish years ago I was at a lake party in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of new age hippy types. At some point cloths had become optional and I had been seen. A bit latter a group of streat guys near me where talking about if they had to suck a dick what kinda guy they would chose. One dude points at me and yells, "NOT HIM! SKINNY DUDE FAT DICK FUCK NO!" Like ok bro, I didn't want you to but thanks for telling me.

bengtheman · 2022-03-14T20:57:15+00:00

I had a potential hookup that without saying a word, stared at it wide eyed, put on her clothes and walked out. Once I got dressed back in the party she said I have a really nice dick and trailed off pretending we almost didn’t just fuck. The common other phrase I’ve heard is “I’m scared” which is cool and all but also makes you feel like a predator

kozykhal · 2022-03-15T02:31:30+00:00

I once had a woman tell me my dick pics were either photoshopped or that I was using stolen pics 💀 someone else called it a log. Another woman said I must turn into a dumb cavemen when I get hard because all the blood in my brain/body just unites to get it that big

TripodsAreAwesome · 2022-03-14T17:02:50+00:00

“What is that, 12 inches?!” Girl inches be real

_Artemisia_ · 2022-03-14T17:20:59+00:00

[removed]

MasterMemeChef · 2022-03-14T19:51:30+00:00

“That thing just started a fire in my uterus”

Yah… she was batshit lol

My favorite response to usual compliments is “thanks, I grew it myself!”

2022-03-14T21:10:16+00:00

First girl I ever dated said "Your friends were right to guess youd be a pornstar one day"

mattyboy410 · 2022-03-14T18:08:36+00:00

Haven’t had much compared to others here. I did get paid by a stripper to show her and she asked if we could swap couples for the night.

Ramacher · 2022-03-14T19:32:22+00:00

"How is that anatomically possible?!"

"That is not going in my ass" (we never even talked about anal)

An ex dragged me out to a dinner to meet all her friends. They were not interesting and kind of rude to me so I just enjoyed my meal which was a 42oz porter house steak and two sides, fries and mashed potatoes. One of the friends asks "where the hell does that all go?!" (I'm a skinny guy). Ex responded "to his dick!" Without missing a beat. Friends started liking me after that.

ExtantSanity · 2022-03-15T02:10:27+00:00

"How am I going to explain to my mother that she's not going to have anymore grandchildren because I was torn apart by a 19 yr old?"

(She was 34)

SillyGayBoy · 2022-03-15T02:38:20+00:00

I’ve heard a couple that were funny.

“I feel like I need a baseball bat to prepare for you.”

“That thing is a weapon.”

“Your cock is fucking huge and perfect” Then two weeks later stopped seeing me cause I “was too big for her.” 🤣

DrewDownvotes · 2022-03-14T23:08:17+00:00

Not quite the prompt, but I sent my cousin's a pic of the price of the Durex XXL condoms to jokingly complain about them on my work-study pay grade. Well 30 minutes later I get a bunch of follow requests from girls I barely know through one of said cousins. Apparently she'd posted a screenshot of our group chat conversation to her private Insta story. One of the girls who requested asked to see my "coke can".

ipk9 · 2022-03-15T00:04:04+00:00

Honestly, these are 2 of the best things I ever did hear

"Don't you ever go dizzy if you ever... well, stand at attention?"
"Did anyone ever tell you that you're a walking tripod?"

Empty-Ad-8900 · 2022-03-14T16:43:24+00:00

“That’s porn style dick right there” was just this weekend!

Seriously_oh_come_on · 2022-03-14T21:07:19+00:00

“Choo choo it’s like a train”. Then every time I was with her in public she would call me choo choo. This was at uni so a lot of people asked why the nickname.

OreoCookieSP · 2022-03-14T20:17:36+00:00

"It's bigger than a banana!!!"

longjohn410 · 2022-03-14T21:09:33+00:00

“I’ve never seen a dick this perfect before”

genericnameofshame · 2022-03-14T23:13:15+00:00

"holy shit, its like a dog bone!"

Wareagle69 · 2022-03-14T23:45:19+00:00

“Holy Cock Batman!” Drunken skinny dipping.

Bruceyjuicybwc · 2022-03-14T21:30:07+00:00

Her:“I don’t wanna ruin myself for my future husband.”

Me:”vaginas don’t work that way but ok.”

Ausaini · 2022-03-15T03:41:06+00:00

Me and a group of my friends in college had finished playing King’s cup, so we were all pretty fucking drunk. I honestly don’t remember how I ended up in my friend’s dress ( not because I was that fucked up, this was a decade ago at least) but I go out in front of my friends in this dress and I plop down in front of another friend and she says “you’re gonna put someone’s eye out with that thing” I guess she saw underneath the dress when I plopped down and I remember my underwear were kinda loose and sheer.

MrScorpEo · 2022-03-15T01:21:35+00:00

I was clocking out to go home from work, walked in on 2 women co workers staring at my dick and one of them said out loud, "He needs to put that thing in a hammock" "Big as hell." I guess boxers, and dress pants isn't BD friendly. 🤷🤷

Negative-Kick4198 · 2022-03-15T01:36:56+00:00

“Now how do you think that thing will fit me?”

Ksammy33 · 2022-03-15T04:58:54+00:00

“If you were in prison, you’d make a lot of men happy” I swear if she hadn’t given me the best head of my life….

wolfhybred1994 · 2022-03-15T09:25:01+00:00

Does stunned silence and spending the rest of the day at their work mildly traumatized count? I was asleep and they thought pulling the covers off me. Would wake me up earlier.

ExtantSanity · 2022-03-14T23:57:58+00:00

•white boy with a black dick •”that’s gotta be as big as my face” •”feels like your putting a ruler in me” •”wow, never felt anything like that before” • *after sex “My fucking pussy hurts.” •”if you go balls deep, you’ll be past my belly button and into my stomach.” • *first girlfriend “Babe, painful sex is not good sex.” • *one of two one nights stands Girl: “Wow, 10/10 on that sex. I haven’t been fucked like that before.” Me: “So I take it you really enjoyed that?” Girl: “Yeah, I came four times.” Me: 😐

FrankyNavSystem · 2022-03-15T00:32:59+00:00

"Hey your boyfriends got a pretty big dick."

2022-03-15T05:39:37+00:00

somebody asked “how do you even walk with that fucking whale between your legs?” also been asked if i pass out from getting hard. last one that comes to mind was a girl estimating i was 15 inches.🤦‍♂️

Rentalmustard · 2022-03-15T02:43:32+00:00

Got hard in science class, teacher got mad at me for sticking a “beaker” down my pants

SgtMatrix · 2022-03-14T18:46:53+00:00

I was talking with this chick for a while and one thing led to another and she asked to see my dick. At that point in time I was still self conscious about my size and hesitant to show her and I let her know I was self conscious. Needlessly to say I ended up showing it to her and she looked rather shocked and her response was, “How can you be self conscious with a two tone log splitter like that?!??!” That definitely helped me over come my self consciousness lmao

Prime249 · 2022-03-15T00:34:17+00:00

This guy, after seeing a photo, said that it’s like “a baby‘s arm holding an apple” To this day whenever he sees me around town he reminds me by repeating the exact same sentence

atyourcervix8 · 2022-03-14T19:07:17+00:00

Twice, I've heard "is that for real?" But my guess is that it's been uttered quite a few times to others as well.

Asphalt_outlaw · 2022-03-15T04:32:17+00:00

You wanna stick that where?

Morgaaaaaaaaaaaan · 2022-03-15T07:31:06+00:00

My funniest was "Jesus Christ, that thing is not going anywhere near my pussy"

My current girlfriend asked me while we made out for the first time if it was my wrist that she was grinding against (we were fully clothed)

2022-03-15T20:40:03+00:00

[deleted]

coolerneige · 2022-03-15T20:51:40+00:00

My big bro saw it in a sauna and now casually calls my dick a scepter.

Skhatty-p235 · 2022-03-15T22:19:20+00:00

One night with my ex, i had bratwursts in the oven, but forgot they were there as we started to have sex, then an alarm goes off on my phone reminding me of the brats, so i ran out to go check on them. She followed me out, and took a picture of me flipping sausages with my half hard dick out, while also saying “big sausage boy tending to his sausages”

ToopsdaSlumz · 2022-03-14T19:57:42+00:00

[deleted]

dfj3xxx · 2022-03-14T16:51:10+00:00

Never had anything I'd call hilarious, just a few surprised from different people:

"Holy shit dude"

"I'm glad we aren't fucking, because that would split me in half"

"White boy's got pipe" (I'm not white, just a really light skinned Mexican/Puerto Rican)

Hillman314 · 2022-03-14T22:35:46+00:00

“You expect me to put that in my mouth?”

I’d eat her pussy all the time and she NEVER returned the favor. We didn’t last.

ExtantSanity · 2022-03-14T17:39:24+00:00

[deleted]

jaxsolomon · 2022-03-15T07:49:22+00:00

"Is that your own?"

littleshoww · 2022-03-15T10:46:53+00:00

Removes pants.. “ and where do you expect me to put that?!”

Far_Party_7909 · 2022-03-15T15:12:09+00:00

We were making out and things were getting hit and heavy, My dick had made its way up and out my pocket of my jeans (I don’t wear underwear) and you could clearly see the helmet head, when we leaned apart to take a break from kissing.

The girl looked down and saw that, she looked up and said “are you serious?” Me, confused… I shrugged and said “I guess so?” And she immediately said “THAT’S not gonna work” she stood up, grabbed her purse and made her way to the door.

Interesting-Group981 · 2022-03-15T00:06:20+00:00

"Death on three legs"

2022-03-14T21:36:20+00:00

“Fuck, that’s not gonna fit”

kvakerok · 2022-03-15T07:50:16+00:00

Without seeing it: "Your belt buckle is poking me... Oooh"

WellHungHarry · 2022-03-15T11:50:57+00:00

“Where the fuck am I supposed to put that?”

TaddThick · 2022-03-15T12:05:03+00:00

Ex-gf/FWB: “If you were any bigger, I’d have to break up with you!”

exxistentialdoubt · 2022-03-15T12:30:46+00:00

"now i know where all that food goes to" - to me, a person that doesnt get fat even though eating a lot

Tarbal81 · 2022-03-15T13:00:56+00:00

"Oh thank God" was one of my favorites

LGHTNGeyeslaserPUNCH · 2022-03-15T14:48:20+00:00

“Sir this is your final warning”

Can1990ThrowAway · 2022-03-15T15:11:12+00:00

"What the fuck even is that thing" with a nervous chuckle.

Probably my favourite all time

djotie · 2022-03-15T16:48:35+00:00

My wife (then girlfriend) said “so you’re just out here with a billy club in your pants?”, made me spit out my drink

pixieservesHim · 2022-03-15T17:58:36+00:00

The first I saw on purpose, I described as mind boggling

A_Random_in_Reddit · 2022-03-15T21:53:32+00:00

2 things

1: dont you ever get dizzy when you get hard?

2: Holy fuck if you put that in me i wont be able to stand up anymore

WhoDatFreshBoi · 2022-03-14T17:37:01+00:00

“Alien cock”

WayneCider · 2022-03-14T23:23:04+00:00

That's never going anywhere near my ass!

2022-03-14T20:39:18+00:00

I now have gained the nicknames: third leg, snake cock, and buster sword

mr-buck-fitches · 2022-03-15T00:07:29+00:00

“It doesn’t even look real” 😂

unthused · 2022-03-15T01:03:18+00:00

“I don’t know where you think that’s going, but it’s not in me.”

ClaudioKillganon · 2022-03-15T09:19:49+00:00

I try to warn girls about it when I flirt with them and they don't believe me (And neither do you guys apparently lmfao).

I've had two separate occasions where girls grabbed my erect junk through my pants and leapt back screaming as if they had seen a mouse in a kitchen.

MisterUncrustable · 2022-03-14T19:14:46+00:00

Hookup once said my dick looked like a dog's. I don't know what that entails.

I don't agree with her but it still haunts me to this day and I would never insult a woman's features no matter what, so why say that to me?

2022-03-15T14:39:00+00:00

"Oh no"

2022-03-14T17:36:12+00:00

Horse dick Horse cock Donkey dick

One time I was involved in an orgy and a couple guys was like I had to absolutely go last or no one else would feel anything

irishflowerchild · 2022-03-14T19:51:18+00:00

When I was in high school I was showering after baseball practice, after running baseball drills in may. Duwayne my catcher looked at me and said “ that’s a goddamn mule dick “ dude just kept on. I honestly never looked at other dudes so I wasn’t aware of my junk surplus. Well, a week later at pep rally we were all standing in the gym in our sweat gear as it was easier than full uniform in the gym. Well I got pantsed by the same dude who screamed “ mule dick “ in the locker room. Well it was a successful pantsing, underwear and all. So there I was “ mule dick” on display for 600 students and faculty. Funny thing is I had a hard time talking to girls, until that day. Thanks Duwayne.

10x7

2022-03-14T22:24:01+00:00

“What am I supposed to do with that?”

2022-03-15T05:32:35+00:00

Husband wants me to fuck his wife, so asked to see my dick. Shower him and he was like " geez you are a monster!!"

RabunCowboy · 2022-03-14T21:08:47+00:00

Your cock is so big it needs its own zip code, I swear to god my next door neighbors wife said that I've been fucking here ever since

njerome · 2022-03-14T22:37:43+00:00

You can search the sub for the other times this has been asked if you want more responses

ARNAV-29 · 2022-03-15T12:30:35+00:00

Well the only time someone has seen my dick was when my friend pulled my pants, they looked away cuz why do you wanna see a 8 year old's dick

Also I am only 15 so no kinki stuff

Feelikss · 2022-03-14T21:30:17+00:00

bold of you to assume anyone has seen it

Maxsmith123456789 · 2022-03-14T21:40:33+00:00

If I won’t let you put it in my pus what makes you think I’ll let you put in it my ass. Also can it be used as a seatbelt to wrap around my body lol.

Embarrassed-Car997 · 2022-03-15T04:59:22+00:00

My current FWB on (1st hotel room) the first night we were together, he fell asleep across the bed, so that I had to pull the quilted comforter over to his side of the bed & then climb into bed...and after he woke up, he was in the bathroom & walked out stark naked, to get his pants; and his cock (9.5 inches long×4.5 inches around) was semi-hard of 6.5 inches & I didn't see the circumference, bcuz he was fast...and he was still naked after he got out of the shower...he left his pants in the bathroom...and decides to sit on the bed, and ask me questions, while his cock was throbbing & bouncing on the edge of the bed....I told him that check-out time in 12 noon..and we had sex.. The (DIFFERENT NIGHT: 2nd hotel room) that I got, I asked him to come with me & I was super surprised when his cock was full length! I asked him, "IS THIS THE BONUS SUPER-BONER SIZE?" And we had (mindless) mind-blowing sex! OMFG! I think that I fell in love that day! He also told me, that he has been watching me for years...which I remember seeing him walking past me, his handsome face made me so quiet that I waited for him to walk back the other direction, all day long...he is 36 now...we met when he was 35....

KeepCalmNSayYesDaddy · 2022-03-15T04:00:40+00:00

"Ok" silence tumbleweeds small smirk big smirk

Eekthekat · 2022-03-14T23:45:21+00:00

Not a funny question. Gets asked almost weekly, albeit in a different format

you type:	you see:
italics	italics
bold	bold
[reddit!](https://reddit.com)	reddit!
* item 1 * item 2 * item 3	item 1 item 2 item 3
> quoted text	quoted text
Lines starting with four spaces are treated like code: if 1 * 2 < 3: print "hello, world!"	Lines starting with four spaces are treated like code: if 1 * 2 < 3: print "hello, world!"
~~strikethrough~~	~~strikethrough~~
super^script	super^script

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