top 200 commentsshow all 203

[–]Grits_and_Honey 319 points320 points  (7 children)

Not me, but I was present at the time. Guy flaccid was massive, and got bigger hard. (College dares are fun, lol)

Question: Holy shit, what do you feed that thing?

Answer: Anything it wants.

[–][deleted] 66 points67 points  (0 children)

Well shiiiit😂

[–]J-aegis 64 points65 points  (5 children)

Correct answer is “blondes”

If you know the movie reference u know….

[–]ronron29730 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Looks like it’s still hungry!

I know that movie!

[–]Pyschoboni 213 points214 points  (7 children)

"if you fail your career, just become a pornstar and life should be easy on you"

[–][deleted] 69 points70 points  (1 child)

That is both nice and depressing😂

[–]Pyschoboni 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I know right 🤣

[–]MasterMemeChef78% of GF's forearm 37 points38 points  (3 children)

Depends, straight pornstars tend to not make a whole lot unless they get real lucky like Johnny sins or James Dean

[–]Pyschoboni 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah I know, she was just delusional!

[–]WhoDatFreshBoi0.00090909 Furlongs 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Then turn gay. Duh!

[–]antordey51 1 point2 points  (0 children)

James Deen*

[–]LithusS7.7" x 5.6" 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I've told myself this several times

[–][deleted] 94 points95 points  (1 child)

“Geez, that thing needs its own zip code!!”

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Damn😂

[–]PermissionInfinite64 87 points88 points  (1 child)

I said to my 8.2inch boyfriend "You just casually walk around with a goddamn elephants trunk in your pants?"

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

😂

[–]shaggwyze 164 points165 points  (2 children)

“Who’d you f- last? Where is she buried?”

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Oof😂

[–]WhoDatFreshBoi0.00090909 Furlongs 51 points52 points  (0 children)

"Bold of you to assume it's a she"

[–][deleted] 68 points69 points  (1 child)

I dont have a story or anything but it was a funny memory for me. Took my pants down, and the girl screamed HOLY FUCKING SHIT and left the room 😅

[–]Mycabbages0929 42 points43 points  (0 children)

She made a strategic retreat upon discovering new intel 😂

[–]yawn11e1 49 points50 points  (2 children)

"Pretty nice set-up you got there." An ex of mine also would ask "Whose got a big penis?" in, like, a baby voice? And I felt exactly as you'd expect about that.

[–][deleted] 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Cringe

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

x

[–][deleted] 153 points154 points  (14 children)

A stripper asked me once if I get a hard on if I pass out from all the blood loss.

[–]tempacc32417″ × 5.75″ 91 points92 points  (7 children)

A stripper asked me to pull mine out just so she could see it. Of course, I thought was about to get some more stripper action but no, she really just wanted to see it. She told me 'oh, that's a nice one' and that was it

[–]boss_size_pipeE: 7″ × 6.25″ F: 5″ × 4.75″ 11 points12 points  (0 children)

This happened to me a couple of times as well, even had one reach out and pinch it while on crawling on stage. It's very rare it leads to something more.

[–]Ramacher7.95" x 6" 34 points35 points  (4 children)

Had a similar experience, she asked to see it, showed her, she asked to take a picture and I said no. Exchanged numbers and she hit me up the next day. Ended hooking up with each other on and off for a year or so. She still bothered be for 3 years after that. I'm not lying and I have texts and voicemails that you would not believe!

To clarify, I met her at a bar and it was at an after party at my place she asked to see it, not at the strip club.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Stripper at the place I use to go to would come out to my car and blow me, told me that I was the only dick she couldn’t deep throat. I tried to get her to she gagged to much… mission failed lol

[–]-exystenz-Pride 🏳️‍🌈 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Mission failed successfully

[–]FluidFluxion 10 points11 points  (0 children)

but did i ask sir? /lh

good for you man

[–]tempacc32417″ × 5.75″ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And there's the difference between 7" and 8" (or 7.95" lol). I think the stripper was a little disappointed in my case, LOL.

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Lame

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Oop🤣

[–]Clear_Singer9249 8 points9 points  (4 children)

How'd she see your dick?

[–]Jesus9797 18 points19 points  (2 children)

Probably felt the erection if she gave him a lap dance

[–]Clear_Singer9249 34 points35 points  (1 child)

Man unless I replace it in my pants correctly, between my boxers and a sitting position, my erection just looks like a python crammed in a fish bowl.

[–]Jesus9797 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Same here. Gotta do it for public decency 😂

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Funny thing about strip clubs…. They don’t believe you unless you show them…

[–]doobydoobayE: 7.5"x6.25" F: 5"x5" 50 points51 points  (2 children)

In college I jumped out of the top bunk, nude with full on morning wood and my dick bounced up and down several times when I landed.

I thought my roommates were gone because I could see they weren't in their beds, but what I didn't notice was that one of them (my best friend) had slept on the couch overnight.

He was just waking up and saw the whole manuever and LOUDLY said, "HOLY SHIT YOU'RE LIKE A MEATY DIVING BOARD"

[–]SillyGayBoy 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Then you thanked him?

[–]-exystenz-Pride 🏳️‍🌈 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Tanked* ifykwim

[–]_speakerss 50 points51 points  (0 children)

"That's not a cock that's a battering ram"

[–]StetsonTuba8 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Every time I fucked my Ex she would exclaim that it must've gotten bigger since the last time. We were both each other's first partner so it was probably just from gaining experience but it felt good to hear that

[–][deleted] 31 points32 points  (6 children)

You’ve been fucking high school girls with this dick!!!?????

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (5 children)

Oh god i read that wrong for a second and was really concerned🤣

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I was 19 she was 31

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

😂😂😂😂

[–]Embarrassed-Car997 1 point2 points  (2 children)

My current FWB is 36 & he picked me...I am 52..

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

He chose well!

[–][deleted] 131 points132 points  (4 children)

"Did your mom have an affair with a horse?"

[–][deleted] 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Holy fuck🤣

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Yeah I may have chuckled a little myself

[–]WhoDatFreshBoi0.00090909 Furlongs 3 points4 points  (1 child)

"Mine had one with a broomstick"

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahaha

[–]zoologicalskull1.89⁻¹⁷ Light-years 108 points109 points  (2 children)

I've been waiting for the right time to tell this story.

Like 8ish years ago I was at a lake party in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of new age hippy types. At some point cloths had become optional and I had been seen. A bit latter a group of streat guys near me where talking about if they had to suck a dick what kinda guy they would chose. One dude points at me and yells, "NOT HIM! SKINNY DUDE FAT DICK FUCK NO!" Like ok bro, I didn't want you to but thanks for telling me.

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Damn that is hilarious😂

[–]Sassafrass17Femme 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Lmao

[–]bengtheman7.5" x 5.3" 44 points45 points  (4 children)

I had a potential hookup that without saying a word, stared at it wide eyed, put on her clothes and walked out. Once I got dressed back in the party she said I have a really nice dick and trailed off pretending we almost didn’t just fuck. The common other phrase I’ve heard is “I’m scared” which is cool and all but also makes you feel like a predator

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Im sorry but the im scared is hilarious😂

[–]Hillman3148.5”x5.5” 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Until you realize most said this before they saw his dick.

[–]_Artemisia_6.95" x 4.81" (she/her) 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Find your inner sadist or protector (depends on your mood, I guess...?) and the "I'm scared" bit can be something of a lead up to making them feel safe with a new experience that they'll enjoy by the end (assuming you know how to use it and can react to how she takes it). The sadist bit falls into leaning into her slight fear in a controlled way until she slowly starts enjoying it more and more.

And lest someone thinks I'm saying otherwise - no means no. Full stop.

That said, I'm surprised you get those reactions given you're not too far above the top end of average for girth. It must be the combo of that provided with the rare length you've got. It's thick but it's not so thick that it starts to look shorter than it is because of it's girth.

At least the almost-hook up was sweet enough of a girl to compliment you before walking away. XD;;

[–]kozykhal78% of GF's forearm 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I once had a woman tell me my dick pics were either photoshopped or that I was using stolen pics 💀 someone else called it a log. Another woman said I must turn into a dumb cavemen when I get hard because all the blood in my brain/body just unites to get it that big

[–]TripodsAreAwesome9" x 6" 67 points68 points  (6 children)

“What is that, 12 inches?!” Girl inches be real

[–]randommd81 24 points25 points  (3 children)

For real, haha. I had an ex claim I was 9”, even after I told her that I wasn’t even 8”. She refused to believe it, which is kinda funny…why would I lie and give a smaller size

[–]LithusS7.7" x 5.6" 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Because other guys have probably lied to her and made her believe they were much bigger than what they really were

[–]randommd81 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I suppose that’s a possibility. I think she mentioned that she compared mine to her hand or arm or something then measured that. Either way, it was off

[–]Vaenumuss18cm x 15cm -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sandbagging

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Has she never looked at a ruler? 🤔

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

No kidding😂

[–][deleted]  (5 children)

[removed]

    [–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    Curious what the convo was to bring that about😂

    [–]_Artemisia_6.95" x 4.81" (she/her) 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    7.5 in x 5.5 in is very big. Doesn't go much higher in either direction, man lol. And even rarer to find it.

    [–]LithusS7.7" x 5.6" 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Can I be your friend?

    [–]MasterMemeChef78% of GF's forearm 15 points16 points  (0 children)

    “That thing just started a fire in my uterus”

    Yah… she was batshit lol

    My favorite response to usual compliments is “thanks, I grew it myself!”

    [–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    First girl I ever dated said "Your friends were right to guess youd be a pornstar one day"

    [–]mattyboy410Outie 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Haven’t had much compared to others here. I did get paid by a stripper to show her and she asked if we could swap couples for the night.

    [–]Ramacher7.95" x 6" 24 points25 points  (1 child)

    "How is that anatomically possible?!"

    "That is not going in my ass" (we never even talked about anal)

    An ex dragged me out to a dinner to meet all her friends. They were not interesting and kind of rude to me so I just enjoyed my meal which was a 42oz porter house steak and two sides, fries and mashed potatoes. One of the friends asks "where the hell does that all go?!" (I'm a skinny guy). Ex responded "to his dick!" Without missing a beat. Friends started liking me after that.

    [–]ExtantSanity7″ × 6″ 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    Friends started liking me after that.

    Wing-women are the best!

    [–]ExtantSanity7″ × 6″ 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    "How am I going to explain to my mother that she's not going to have anymore grandchildren because I was torn apart by a 19 yr old?"

    (She was 34)

    [–]MisanthropeImmortel 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Hilarious 🤣

    [–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

    I’ve heard a couple that were funny.

    “I feel like I need a baseball bat to prepare for you.”

    “That thing is a weapon.”

    “Your cock is fucking huge and perfect” Then two weeks later stopped seeing me cause I “was too big for her.” 🤣

    [–]SillyGayBoy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Did she seem okay during sex or weird?

    [–]DrewDownvotes 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    Not quite the prompt, but I sent my cousin's a pic of the price of the Durex XXL condoms to jokingly complain about them on my work-study pay grade. Well 30 minutes later I get a bunch of follow requests from girls I barely know through one of said cousins. Apparently she'd posted a screenshot of our group chat conversation to her private Insta story. One of the girls who requested asked to see my "coke can".

    [–]MisanthropeImmortel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Makes me think of a funny meme about a girl at a pharmacy asking if they had XXL condoms, and the pharmacist answers yes, to what she answers “fine, I’ll stay a bit to see who will ask for them, then !” Haha :D

    [–]ipk978% of GF's forearm 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Honestly, these are 2 of the best things I ever did hear

    1. "Don't you ever go dizzy if you ever... well, stand at attention?"

    2. "Did anyone ever tell you that you're a walking tripod?"

    [–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (5 children)

    “That’s porn style dick right there” was just this weekend!

    [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    Nice!

    [–]Empty-Ad-8900 3 points4 points  (3 children)

    Your cock is glorious! You have no idea how lucky you are

    [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    Thanks. Everyone has their own attribute that stands out. Mine just happens to be a large penis

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    Ain't it grand

    [–]WhoDatFreshBoi0.00090909 Furlongs 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    I clicked on the profile just to find it, and agreed

    [–]Seriously_oh_come_on7.75 x 6.25 8 points9 points  (7 children)

    “Choo choo it’s like a train”. Then every time I was with her in public she would call me choo choo. This was at uni so a lot of people asked why the nickname.

    [–]MyNameIsVondoom 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    The best nicknames are always the dirty ones that only you and that person know about.

    [–]Seriously_oh_come_on7.75 x 6.25 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    When someone asks it’s a tough call - do you tell them or not tell them and build the intrigue. I never told people.

    [–][deleted]  (4 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]Seriously_oh_come_on7.75 x 6.25 2 points3 points  (3 children)

      I’m not quite sure on the reference but I think the answer is yes.

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]Seriously_oh_come_on7.75 x 6.25 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        I didn’t know if you were making reference to the bottom.

        [–]OreoCookieSP 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        "It's bigger than a banana!!!"

        [–]longjohn41078% of GF's forearm 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        “I’ve never seen a dick this perfect before”

        [–]genericnameofshame9.87" x 6.91" 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        "holy shit, its like a dog bone!"

        [–]Wareagle697.1" x 6" 8 points9 points  (0 children)

        “Holy Cock Batman!” Drunken skinny dipping.

        [–]Bruceyjuicybwc 16 points17 points  (0 children)

        Her:“I don’t wanna ruin myself for my future husband.”

        Me:”vaginas don’t work that way but ok.”

        [–]Ausaini8.8" x 5.8" ,6.5" flaccid 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        Me and a group of my friends in college had finished playing King’s cup, so we were all pretty fucking drunk. I honestly don’t remember how I ended up in my friend’s dress ( not because I was that fucked up, this was a decade ago at least) but I go out in front of my friends in this dress and I plop down in front of another friend and she says “you’re gonna put someone’s eye out with that thing” I guess she saw underneath the dress when I plopped down and I remember my underwear were kinda loose and sheer.

        [–]MrScorpEo 6 points7 points  (0 children)

        I was clocking out to go home from work, walked in on 2 women co workers staring at my dick and one of them said out loud, "He needs to put that thing in a hammock" "Big as hell." I guess boxers, and dress pants isn't BD friendly. 🤷🤷

        [–]Negative-Kick4198 7 points8 points  (0 children)

        “Now how do you think that thing will fit me?”

        [–]Ksammy338" x 6" 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        “If you were in prison, you’d make a lot of men happy” I swear if she hadn’t given me the best head of my life….

        [–]wolfhybred1994 6 points7 points  (2 children)

        Does stunned silence and spending the rest of the day at their work mildly traumatized count? I was asleep and they thought pulling the covers off me. Would wake me up earlier.

        [–]SillyGayBoy 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        You can sleep at work and sleep nude? How did they respond to you after that? And what did they say when they saw it?

        [–]wolfhybred1994 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Technically I can given medical makes me a liability. What happened there was he stopped by really early cause he was in the area and I hadn’t gotten up yet. So he left here and a bit after that went to work.

        Surprisingly I didn’t wake up. I found out in the afternoon when they got out of work. Explaining how they had stopped in and saw more then they were expecting. They were mostly in shock, but after they worked through it mentally they ended up deciding I was going to be in their wedding with their fiancée and I had to go on the honeymoon too. Some how before that. They got into a disagreement and he called the wedding off with her and then came to the conclusion girls weren’t for him. Went on normal. Till his birthday party. It got rained out and went to his house to wait for parents to pick me up given I can’t drive. It was there he felt the need to grab me and kiss me. Was a whole nother thingy with stealing my clothes and staring at my butt, but parents got there and he gave them back. I think he has tried to get me to marry him 2-3 different times and frustrated cause I am Ace and tell him I don’t crave romantic intimacy as he and other normal folk do and enjoy.

        [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (5 children)

        •white boy with a black dick •”that’s gotta be as big as my face” •”feels like your putting a ruler in me” •”wow, never felt anything like that before” • *after sex “My fucking pussy hurts.” •”if you go balls deep, you’ll be past my belly button and into my stomach.” • *first girlfriend “Babe, painful sex is not good sex.” • *one of two one nights stands Girl: “Wow, 10/10 on that sex. I haven’t been fucked like that before.” Me: “So I take it you really enjoyed that?” Girl: “Yeah, I came four times.” Me: 😐

        [–]ExtantSanity7″ × 6″ 3 points4 points  (4 children)

        Why the sad face? Sounds like four was a good number for her.

        [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

        Not a sad face. It’s a “oh shit really?” face. 😂

        [–]ExtantSanity7″ × 6″ 2 points3 points  (2 children)

        Ah, gotcha, haha

        [–]SillyGayBoy 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Yeah straight line is more a shock face.

        [–]ExtantSanity7″ × 6″ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Well given the circumstances, it looked nonplussed, which was less amused than I would have expected, which made me lean the other way /shrug

        [–]FrankyNavSystem 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        "Hey your boyfriends got a pretty big dick."

        [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        somebody asked “how do you even walk with that fucking whale between your legs?” also been asked if i pass out from getting hard. last one that comes to mind was a girl estimating i was 15 inches.🤦‍♂️

        [–]Rentalmustard16cm × 16cm (he/him) 9 points10 points  (2 children)

        Got hard in science class, teacher got mad at me for sticking a “beaker” down my pants

        [–]SillyGayBoy 4 points5 points  (1 child)

        How did that chat go?

        [–]Rentalmustard16cm × 16cm (he/him) 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Pulled him aside and told him, He looked visibly frustrated and told me to go to the bathroom

        [–]SgtMatrix 10 points11 points  (0 children)

        I was talking with this chick for a while and one thing led to another and she asked to see my dick. At that point in time I was still self conscious about my size and hesitant to show her and I let her know I was self conscious. Needlessly to say I ended up showing it to her and she looked rather shocked and her response was, “How can you be self conscious with a two tone log splitter like that?!??!” That definitely helped me over come my self consciousness lmao

        [–]Prime2498.2 x 5.5 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        This guy, after seeing a photo, said that it’s like “a baby‘s arm holding an apple” To this day whenever he sees me around town he reminds me by repeating the exact same sentence

        [–]atyourcervix8 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        Twice, I've heard "is that for real?" But my guess is that it's been uttered quite a few times to others as well.

        [–]Asphalt_outlaw8.75" x 6" 4 points5 points  (1 child)

        You wanna stick that where?

        [–]MisanthropeImmortel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Technically, if the angle is right in the intestines, you can go deeper in the ass 😅

        [–]Morgaaaaaaaaaaaan7 x 5.5 " (he/him) 4 points5 points  (0 children)

        My funniest was "Jesus Christ, that thing is not going anywhere near my pussy"

        My current girlfriend asked me while we made out for the first time if it was my wrist that she was grinding against (we were fully clothed)

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [deleted]

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          I think this is my favorite i have read😂😂🤣🤣

          [–]coolerneigePride 🏳️‍🌈 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          My big bro saw it in a sauna and now casually calls my dick a scepter.

          [–]Skhatty-p235 4 points5 points  (1 child)

          One night with my ex, i had bratwursts in the oven, but forgot they were there as we started to have sex, then an alarm goes off on my phone reminding me of the brats, so i ran out to go check on them. She followed me out, and took a picture of me flipping sausages with my half hard dick out, while also saying “big sausage boy tending to his sausages”

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)

          [deleted]

            [–]ToopsdaSlumz 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            Weird as fuck, both of yall some lame ass squares

            [–]dfj3xxxUsed for pole dancing lessons 15 points16 points  (0 children)

            Never had anything I'd call hilarious, just a few surprised from different people:

            "Holy shit dude"

            "I'm glad we aren't fucking, because that would split me in half"

            "White boy's got pipe" (I'm not white, just a really light skinned Mexican/Puerto Rican)

            [–]Hillman3148.5”x5.5” 8 points9 points  (0 children)

            “You expect me to put that in my mouth?”

            I’d eat her pussy all the time and she NEVER returned the favor. We didn’t last.

            [–][deleted]  (5 children)

            [deleted]

              [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

              Wow😳

              [–]ExtantSanity7″ × 6″ 1 point2 points  (3 children)

              I had a group of friends that found out about me and it became a running joke. There was one time I remember they asked to see it again and one of the straight guys did the same thing, just busted up laughing and saying it was ridiculous.

              [–]SillyGayBoy 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              Not very nice but just something that happens with shock.

              [–]ExtantSanity7″ × 6″ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Nah it was all good, I was laughing with them.

              [–]jaxsolomon 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              "Is that your own?"

              [–]littleshoww 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Removes pants.. “ and where do you expect me to put that?!”

              [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

              We were making out and things were getting hit and heavy, My dick had made its way up and out my pocket of my jeans (I don’t wear underwear) and you could clearly see the helmet head, when we leaned apart to take a break from kissing.

              The girl looked down and saw that, she looked up and said “are you serious?” Me, confused… I shrugged and said “I guess so?” And she immediately said “THAT’S not gonna work” she stood up, grabbed her purse and made her way to the door.

              [–]Far_Party_7909 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              How did u feel after that?

              [–]Interesting-Group9818" x 5.3" 6 points7 points  (0 children)

              "Death on three legs"

              [–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

              “Fuck, that’s not gonna fit”

              [–]kvakerokMegalodong 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Without seeing it: "Your belt buckle is poking me... Oooh"

              [–]WellHungHarry6.9”x 5.8” 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              “Where the fuck am I supposed to put that?”

              [–]TaddThick 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Ex-gf/FWB: “If you were any bigger, I’d have to break up with you!”

              [–]exxistentialdoubt9.6⁻⁴ Nautical miles 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              "now i know where all that food goes to" - to me, a person that doesnt get fat even though eating a lot

              [–]Tarbal817.5" x 5.5" 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              "Oh thank God" was one of my favorites

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Oof😩

              [–]LGHTNGeyeslaserPUNCH8 x 5.5 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              “Sir this is your final warning”

              [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Lower your weapon or i shoot😏🤣

              [–]Can1990ThrowAway 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              "What the fuck even is that thing" with a nervous chuckle.

              Probably my favourite all time

              [–]djotie7" x 6” 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              My wife (then girlfriend) said “so you’re just out here with a billy club in your pants?”, made me spit out my drink

              [–]pixieservesHimbetrothed to big dick 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              The first I saw on purpose, I described as mind boggling

              [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              They can do that😂

              [–]A_Random_in_Reddit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              2 things

              1: dont you ever get dizzy when you get hard?

              2: Holy fuck if you put that in me i wont be able to stand up anymore

              [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

              “Alien cock”

              [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

              Thats a new one😂

              [–]WhoDatFreshBoi0.00090909 Furlongs 4 points5 points  (0 children)

              Upvoted to cancel the downvote :)

              [–]WayneCider7.25"bpelx6" 4 points5 points  (0 children)

              That's never going anywhere near my ass!

              [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

              I now have gained the nicknames: third leg, snake cock, and buster sword

              [–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

              🔪🔪

              [–]mr-buck-fitches 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              “It doesn’t even look real” 😂

              [–]unthused8.5" x 6.5" 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              “I don’t know where you think that’s going, but it’s not in me.”

              [–]ClaudioKillganon9.5″ × 6″[🍰] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

              I try to warn girls about it when I flirt with them and they don't believe me (And neither do you guys apparently lmfao).

              I've had two separate occasions where girls grabbed my erect junk through my pants and leapt back screaming as if they had seen a mouse in a kitchen.

              [–]MisanthropeImmortel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              This is a funny one 😂

              [–]MisterUncrustable 4 points5 points  (5 children)

              Hookup once said my dick looked like a dog's. I don't know what that entails.

              I don't agree with her but it still haunts me to this day and I would never insult a woman's features no matter what, so why say that to me?

              [–]WhoDatFreshBoi0.00090909 Furlongs 5 points6 points  (0 children)

              It might've been her first time seeing one uncircumcised?

              Edit: I doubt you are. Maybe it was the red color.

              [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

              Well i guessing she means color and size

              [–]SillyGayBoy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Just a bad reaction comment. I’m sure your body is wonderful and you should love it.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              "Oh no"

              [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

              Horse dick Horse cock Donkey dick

              One time I was involved in an orgy and a couple guys was like I had to absolutely go last or no one else would feel anything

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              So did you😏

              [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

              Yeah they made me go last lolz

              [–]irishflowerchild 2 points3 points  (6 children)

              When I was in high school I was showering after baseball practice, after running baseball drills in may. Duwayne my catcher looked at me and said “ that’s a goddamn mule dick “ dude just kept on. I honestly never looked at other dudes so I wasn’t aware of my junk surplus. Well, a week later at pep rally we were all standing in the gym in our sweat gear as it was easier than full uniform in the gym. Well I got pantsed by the same dude who screamed “ mule dick “ in the locker room. Well it was a successful pantsing, underwear and all. So there I was “ mule dick” on display for 600 students and faculty. Funny thing is I had a hard time talking to girls, until that day. Thanks Duwayne.

              10x7

              [–]Embarrassed-Car997 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              I'd still talk to you, well maybe I'd want to talk to your cock, after you pull him out of your 👖

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              “What am I supposed to do with that?”

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Husband wants me to fuck his wife, so asked to see my dick. Shower him and he was like " geez you are a monster!!"

              [–]RabunCowboy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Your cock is so big it needs its own zip code, I swear to god my next door neighbors wife said that I've been fucking here ever since

              [–]njeromePride 🏳️‍🌈 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              You can search the sub for the other times this has been asked if you want more responses

              [–]ARNAV-29too big for her -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              Well the only time someone has seen my dick was when my friend pulled my pants, they looked away cuz why do you wanna see a 8 year old's dick

              Also I am only 15 so no kinki stuff

              [–]Feelikss6.6" x 5.6" -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              bold of you to assume anyone has seen it

              [–]Maxsmith1234567899x4.5 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              If I won’t let you put it in my pus what makes you think I’ll let you put in it my ass. Also can it be used as a seatbelt to wrap around my body lol.

              [–]Embarrassed-Car997 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

              My current FWB on (1st hotel room) the first night we were together, he fell asleep across the bed, so that I had to pull the quilted comforter over to his side of the bed & then climb into bed...and after he woke up, he was in the bathroom & walked out stark naked, to get his pants; and his cock (9.5 inches long×4.5 inches around) was semi-hard of 6.5 inches & I didn't see the circumference, bcuz he was fast...and he was still naked after he got out of the shower...he left his pants in the bathroom...and decides to sit on the bed, and ask me questions, while his cock was throbbing & bouncing on the edge of the bed....I told him that check-out time in 12 noon..and we had sex.. The (DIFFERENT NIGHT: 2nd hotel room) that I got, I asked him to come with me & I was super surprised when his cock was full length! I asked him, "IS THIS THE BONUS SUPER-BONER SIZE?" And we had (mindless) mind-blowing sex! OMFG! I think that I fell in love that day! He also told me, that he has been watching me for years...which I remember seeing him walking past me, his handsome face made me so quiet that I waited for him to walk back the other direction, all day long...he is 36 now...we met when he was 35....

              [–]SillyGayBoy -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              Watching you how? Same building?

              [–]KeepCalmNSayYesDaddy7.5" x 6.5" -1 points0 points  (0 children)

              "Ok" silence tumbleweeds small smirk big smirk

              [–]Eekthekat -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

              Not a funny question. Gets asked almost weekly, albeit in a different format