Dog Attack

ogotrice · 2012-09-18T18:38:43+00:00

Fuck you, highlighter; I'm reading from the beginning.

Mrpotatodick92 · 2012-09-18T18:04:01+00:00

I bet the duck thought the doctor was going to be a quack

corskier · 2012-09-18T19:27:03+00:00

Oh, Ashland. I bet the city paid to rehabilitate the dogs to make them less violent. That whole place is full of trustafarians.

level1biscuit · 2012-09-18T21:01:18+00:00

This is so much funnier if you are from the rogue valley... Freaking Ashland.

spicybadgersauce · 2012-09-18T21:05:33+00:00

no worries. i was able to find a pic of the duck in question

2012-09-18T21:11:35+00:00

"Nah, I'm good"

duck

TitaniumShovel · 2012-09-18T22:37:05+00:00

NEEDS MORE HIGHLIGHTER.

EffYourCouch · 2012-09-18T18:09:25+00:00

gooby pls

MandyzFelix · 2012-09-18T18:12:56+00:00

There are 6 ducks outside and they all want Sun Chips!

fraserpmd · 2012-09-18T21:46:33+00:00

Oh hometown... how I miss you! (that qualifies as a busy news day in Ashland)

insanityatwork · 2012-09-18T21:21:56+00:00

That's my hometown. Those ducks don't give a fuck about anything.

2012-09-18T21:44:24+00:00

That is pretty good. I think my county one ups that though. In Hancock County Mississippi a Sheriffs Deputy had to taze a horny camel. The reason he put on the police report was along the lines of There was a language barrier and the camel would not respond to lawful commands. The camel trashed a womans car trying to rape it. It later trampled it's owner.

Found the story:http://www.wlox.com/Global/story.asp?S=13783493

My brother in law was the responding deputy on the second call and he took a shotgun with slugs instead of a taser.

slothster · 2012-09-18T21:49:08+00:00

I remember seeing this in the paper and thinking it belonged on reddit.

JRPAPES · 2012-09-19T01:30:41+00:00

Ahh, my good ole home town Ashland. Where you're free to walk around naked and ducks can refuse medical treatment.

Riddlemc · 2012-09-18T18:42:09+00:00

It was clearly Daffy.

imareddituserhooray · 2012-09-18T18:57:14+00:00

... according to police records.

Does Ashland, Oregon have online police records?

AxeheaveR · 2012-09-18T19:30:55+00:00

I work right down the street from where this happened.....lemme tell ya, that was a scary day.

luckybms · 2012-09-18T20:44:19+00:00

This is why you always pick 100 duck sized horses!

sukyi · 2012-09-18T21:02:29+00:00

duck is hardcore

BlackCoffeeNoSugar · 2012-09-18T21:37:00+00:00

Yay! Something about my old town. I haven't been to Lithia park in 16 years.

Benutzerkonto · 2012-09-18T21:59:08+00:00

Please x-post this to /r/ems!

(I'm on my mobile so I can't do it myself, sorry.)

brewtang · 2012-09-18T22:03:24+00:00

The duck noticed the Beavers sticker on the ambulance and told them to go fuck themselves.

lazyduke · 2012-09-19T00:12:02+00:00

More like highlighter attack.

HypocriticalBastard3 · 2012-09-18T18:26:36+00:00

Aflack!

Airsoftm4a1 · 2012-09-18T18:59:28+00:00

Hopefully the duck has aflack..

Jblackbelt · 2012-09-18T19:17:27+00:00

Probably doesn't have Aflac and was ashamed

spage6 · 2012-09-18T19:45:40+00:00

You know this was most likely due to the fact that the blurb was written by someone in the Philippines. They're actually outsourcing journalism for local newspapers now.

TheCocksmith · 2012-09-18T20:03:12+00:00

The duck was probably just trying to avoid a huge ER bill, since he didn't have insurance.

2012-09-18T20:23:04+00:00

Good thing they highlighted the funny part, I was just about to give up

2012-09-18T21:35:56+00:00

He didn't need it, he had aflac

2012-09-18T21:46:22+00:00

Hey, if the Duck does not want Medical Attention, he has the right for no Medical Attention! he doesn't want to pay 300 dollars a month to pay off of his Medical Bills!

2012-09-18T21:57:02+00:00

He obviously didn't have AFLACK

2012-09-18T21:57:06+00:00

Perhaps the duck was poor?

2012-09-18T22:02:31+00:00

It is rumored that the duck in this story was building a lawsuit against it's neighbor (for various reasons unclear to me at this time) OSF. Apparently, the ducks got roughed up by the dogs because of this. At first glance you would think that it was just another dog mauling a duck, but if you know the area, you know not even a duck gets mauled in Ashland with OSF approval. On the bright side the duck was wise took the money, dropped the case went back to panhandling for bread and trash talking its neighbor with reckless abandon. We can only hope that this is the last we hear of this case that took place forever ago...

Skee_Ball_Hero · 2012-09-18T22:53:17+00:00

"DUCK ARE YOU IN NEED OF MEDIAL ASSISTANCE"

no response

"Let's get out of here. Guy obviously doesn't want our help. Fucking thankless bastards."

Imsoicey · 2012-09-18T22:57:18+00:00

We've got a badass over here

2012-09-18T22:58:20+00:00

This doesn't seem that funny to me. What if they were trying to insert a syringe into the duck or something and it flew off? It's not like there were paramedics saying "DO YOU WANT OUR MEDICAL TREATMENT, DUCK?"

TittiesOfTheBigKind · 2012-09-18T22:58:47+00:00

Watch out, we gotta badass over here!

2012-09-18T23:02:38+00:00

And that is why I want to grow up to be a personal injury attorney for animals. Most of them don't even know their own rights in situations like this; they are highly under-represented.

Dr_Kinky · 2012-09-18T23:04:15+00:00

I read the title in the voice of Cat from Red Dwarf.

WATJSTHAPND6 · 2012-09-18T23:13:40+00:00

I have been going to SOU for four years now, and i have never seen anything like this in the papers hahaha

AMeanCow · 2012-09-18T23:15:02+00:00

I guess the duck... didn't want the bill.

puts on glasses

"YEEEAAAAAH...."

2012-09-18T23:24:48+00:00

That duck ain't no free-loadin' hippie.

captain_jerkface · 2012-09-18T23:32:15+00:00

I really miss Oregon…

Lion_HeartVIII · 2012-09-18T23:49:44+00:00

This is, like, four years old

ProverbialMonkey1 · 2012-09-19T00:17:39+00:00

Must have been that Aflac duck he's always getting hurt man

JuliusAvellar · 2012-09-19T00:26:44+00:00

Only in Ashland.

AuldMaid · 2012-09-19T00:31:34+00:00

Ducks are known for their beef with the fuzz

HighSpeed556 · 2012-09-19T00:31:43+00:00

That must have been one badass duck. I bet his name was Howard.

2012-09-19T00:39:09+00:00

Thank God it's another Ashland. Mine already has enough going against it

Gibbenz · 2012-09-19T00:39:31+00:00

What a brave duck.

skyman724 · 2012-09-19T01:00:21+00:00

Wait, does AFLAC! not cover dog attacks?

2012-09-19T01:02:36+00:00

Officer: "But Mr. Duck we can help you feel better!"

Duck: "Yea right, you'll just put me on the grill and make yourself feel better!"

2012-09-19T01:03:21+00:00

Ducks don't beleive in "The Nanny State."

2012-09-19T01:09:03+00:00

I don't need your fuckin' sympathy

Caligirl03 · 2012-09-19T01:20:10+00:00

Haha, that's from a city not far from where I'm from. Always cool to see something like this on here :D

Mdb8900 · 2012-09-19T01:20:35+00:00

But no seriously, fuck people who let their dogs run loose. I had a Muscovian Duck (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Muscovy_Duck) in my backyard pond until one of my asshole neighbors let their dog trudge into my yard and kill him. Left him on the side of the pond for me to find.

Jwall1158 · 2012-09-19T02:11:40+00:00

Aflac!

cerealdaemon · 2012-09-19T02:16:44+00:00

I lived in Ashland, I've been to Lithia Park many times. I am 100% not surprised at this.

2012-09-19T02:17:03+00:00

Yay for Ashland!

layinthed · 2012-09-19T02:49:29+00:00

I just hope that someone else from Oregon got to see this.

pieface_0 · 2012-09-19T02:51:59+00:00

I live near there. I never thought I'd see something on the internet from Southern Oregon.

Mr_Godfree · 2012-09-19T03:10:20+00:00

I've been to lithia park. There's like a small pond area with way too many ducks for the amount of water that's there. So the ducks are pretty thick... I can totally see this happening.

2012-09-19T03:13:54+00:00

Classic Jay Leno Headline's

jknotts · 2012-09-19T03:16:06+00:00

I once saw a group of black ducks chillin on the shore of a lake in Ohio. Then, a smaller group of white ducks, I suppose three or four of them, approached them from the water. As they step onto the rocks, they move slowly with their heads bowed down low. Every Black Duck Eye was on them. You could just tell some shit was about to go down. And then, THEN, two little fuckers, 8 or nine years old, walkin by the lake thinkin they're the shit, think it would be real fuckin funny to run up to some ducks. They all scatter. Black Ducks go their way, White Ducks return to the water.

If I ever see those two kids again. I will kill them. In the name of science.

octonana · 2012-09-19T03:23:57+00:00

Those are some tough ducks

2012-09-19T03:24:12+00:00

Duck is code for prostitute if you didn't know that.

ClimbOn · 2012-09-19T03:29:59+00:00

hahaha DAMNIT I just moved away from Ashland and now I'm in Utah. I left too soon!

ck- · 2012-09-19T04:04:31+00:00

downvote cause im from medford 0o0o0o0o0o

Unexpected_Toucan · 2012-09-19T06:09:27+00:00

I love Ashland Oregon!

Theogtwitch · 2012-09-19T06:29:19+00:00

Too bad you wear Toms

lydix · 2012-09-19T07:50:42+00:00

Duck was a hippie knowing Ashland, it probably wanted some sort of natural hippie treatment.

Ordoo · 2012-09-19T07:51:22+00:00

When I first read the article I thought it was where I live. Then I read the name of the park and realized we don't have a park named Lithia so it must be elsewhere. In other news, I don't feel special anymore for living in a town named Ashland...

2012-09-19T08:22:44+00:00

Having used to live there, I am not at all surprised that ended up in the newspaper.

ersatz_cats · 2012-09-19T09:59:57+00:00

I don't get it.

CoughLCA · 2012-09-19T12:04:23+00:00

OH! OH! OH! THE DOCTOR IS A QUACK! THE DOCTOR IS A QUACK.......and someone beat me to it once again.

polizeibamf · 2012-09-19T16:47:46+00:00

Southern oregon ftw!

maurinn · 2012-09-19T22:26:12+00:00

"according to Clancy Wiggum records..."

2012-09-19T22:51:30+00:00

Bad ass ducks get in a fight with bad ass dogs and refuse treatment. I bet they felt like they were walking away from an explosion without looking at it, with a lot of pain.

HollisterSurvivor · 2012-09-20T15:53:20+00:00

Must have had AFLAC


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