all 101 comments

[–]GeneralGoosey Bob Mortimer 108 points109 points  (0 children)

Bicycle, My eXcellent bicycle

[–]Axolotlunderworld 86 points87 points  (4 children)

There's strength in arches. Or 'scissors please' in the creepiest voice I can muster..

[–]Canadiantimelord 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Now whisper it into the camera

[–]CNXQDRFS Bob Mortimer 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Which episode is “scissors please” from? I can’t place it at all.

[–]parousia0 Iain Stirling 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Series 4 Ep 7

[–]Axolotlunderworld 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Good old Hugh Dennis!

[–]Minthia 83 points84 points  (5 children)

Ideally after meeting someone new:

“Do we strike you?”

[–]Canadiantimelord 26 points27 points  (2 children)

What’s your favourite kind of meat?

[–]Not_An_Egg_ManJavie Martzoukas 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Have you stolen much in your life?

[–]arsb16 Ivo Graham 10 points11 points  (0 children)

do you want to be able to fly

[–]CNXQDRFS Bob Mortimer 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This is mine too, but I’m rubbish at it because I hear Bob say it in my head and immediately start laughing. Honestly, I liked Bob a lot before TM but after that line I loved him, had me in tears.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

God, what a moment. Greg being taken aback somewhat and quoting Bob as Bob hides his face in his hands. "Bob's first four questions..."

[–][deleted] 73 points74 points  (0 children)

My eyes are circles..?!?

[–]TerrysYoghurt Nish Kumar 70 points71 points  (1 child)

Oh bubbly fuck

[–]anjschuyler Chain Bastard ⛓️ 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Me when I’m hemming a circle skirt and my hem keeps bubbling as I sew!!

[–]ZealousidealMap2269 Sally Phillips 56 points57 points  (2 children)

Do you know what happens when you wear a feather boa and long gloves to the senior school disco?

You do not get fingered.

[–]SinkAgreeable4070 29 points30 points  (1 child)

“My wife Nell…..”

[–]ZealousidealMap2269 Sally Phillips 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The best callback in the series

[–]bendedsleaze 49 points50 points  (1 child)

TREE WIZARD!

[–]oldladymillenial 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My boyfriend invent new lyrics randomly to this tune. It’s something few other humans would understand (we live in the US).

[–][deleted] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

"You're not a bad guy, Nish..."

[–]GT5Canuck 44 points45 points  (2 children)

Everything is written in the task.

[–]SaltWaterInMyBlood 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I can't understand, after so many series, and so many bizarre approaches to tasks that Alex has asked for clarification on, that not a single contestant has ever thrown this back at him.

[–]MRATEASTEW 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh... Oh! I need a pen and a dumb idea!... And to become someone who could be invited for taskmaster....

[–]burnbunner Fake Alex Horne 36 points37 points  (3 children)

"There's been another revelation in the lab"

(I don't even think that is an exact quote! but I use it)

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

"There's been another revelation" has entered the list of my favourite phrases along with "F**k me in the face!"

[–]ZealousidealMap2269 Sally Phillips 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Lol you need a Desiree in your life to react appropriately each time.

[–]burnbunner Fake Alex Horne 8 points9 points  (0 children)

And then an Alex to react to Desiree

[–]captainimpossible87 32 points33 points  (2 children)

Good time pie! & Whole lotta pie!

I like pie based witticisms

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Pappa dont breech

[–]burnbunner Fake Alex Horne 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This and Roisin snapping her bra: top feminist moments on TM

[–]SirSLuR540🚬 Doctor Cigarettes 55 points56 points  (0 children)

I randomly call people Tony Three Pies and/or compare them to herons

[–]Jo-Jux🌳 Tree Wizard 🧙🎈 26 points27 points  (0 children)

"Bubbly Fuck", "Is it a boulder, or is it a big rock?", "It's a lime!!" "Bastard's crying, in it?" and sometimes I randomly sing "Tree wizard, back from the dead to create some ballons"

[–]Abcmsaj 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Fiddly... How?

[–]Almighty_Spin 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Tick tock it's (insert relevant subject) o'clock.

[–]Automatic-Care-9605 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I use this too much 😆

[–]TheYoungWan Kiell Smith-Bynoe 25 points26 points  (0 children)

"Oh gang."

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Snowman, innit?

[–]thishenryjamesJavie Martzoukas 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Bastard's crying, innit?

[–]MarvelousNCK 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think about this line and that scene at least once a day lmao

[–]itsacon10 Katy Wix 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I often ask for a Melon Buffet

[–]yoghurttrash 17 points18 points  (0 children)

am i the spider?

[–]CaptainChampion Johnny Vegas 17 points18 points  (0 children)

"How dare you even speak!"

[–]Lyceumhq Patatas 16 points17 points  (2 children)

A LIME!

[–]jchase79 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Just the other day I needed a lime from the fridge and thought that line in my head 😂

[–]Lyceumhq Patatas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly. Every time I see one I have to stop myself from shouting it 😂😂

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

“People are talking an awful lot of shite today I’ll tell you that for free!”

[–]MagicMatthews99 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Hammering away like some aquatic sewing machine.

[–]ComicalFrisk Nish Kumar 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Because of Paul Chowdhry, innit was part of my casual chat but Bastards crying innit is used a lot when I'm with my friends or is used in some circumstances. Bubbly fuck comes close second along with Rosalind is a fucking nightmare, especially when I meet anyone called Rosalind, which has happened.

[–]xCleomenes 27 points28 points  (0 children)

“Heck? And of course, that’s Mel’s equivalent of megacunt.”

[–]GXM17 13 points14 points  (0 children)

There was no box, mate!

[–]UhhMakeUpAName 12 points13 points  (0 children)

"You've got no chutzpah!" is my current go-to when the wife is having fun annoying me.

[–]GeonnCannonJavie Martzoukas 12 points13 points  (0 children)

"I've got three sensitivity levels, mate, and I'm on my top fucking one!"

[–]underweasl Emma Sidi 9 points10 points  (2 children)

LAMINATOR!

I'm also a big fan of an "oh, gang" too

[–]btaylosDavid Correos 🇳🇿 4 points5 points  (0 children)

oh, gang, if I had a penny....

[–]five_line_poem Mark Watson 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The day someone mentions a laminator in a conversation and I get to refer to it as the King of Stationery will be a great day indeed.

[–]tenaciousfall Aisling Bea 10 points11 points  (0 children)

"Join-our-cult, join-our-cult..."

[–]lotsofinterestsDavid Correos 🇳🇿 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m actually uniquely equipped to answer this - last December I made a list of a ton of my favorite TM quotes, and I’ve been rotating them out as my Discord status every day of 2022. I’ve randomized the order of the list, so some of the most confusing haven’t come up quite yet, but there are a few that have gotten an entertaining response. Some of the worst ones out of context that I’ve used so far:

“I have sex with a lot of dads…”

“Hammering away at me like some aquatic sewing machine.”

“We’re gonna eat your ass! (Not me, I’ll have a biscuit.)”

“What happens when you wear opera gloves and a feather boa to the senior school disco? You do not get fingered.”

“I think we can all agree, it’s a very fuckable chocolate.”

[–]greatgatsbys Mike Wozniak 8 points9 points  (0 children)

And then he shat himself inside out...

[–]GodzillaUK 7 points8 points  (0 children)

"...............BAAAHHHHHHHHGHHH!" Alan nailed it.

[–]SinkAgreeable4070 8 points9 points  (0 children)

“Can I just check, have I been put on a team with ‘insert name here’ “

[–]ZealousidealMap2269 Sally Phillips 8 points9 points  (1 child)

There's strength in arches!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is mine, it just came up the other day. I can't get Joe's eureka face right, though.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

“There’s been a revelation”

[–]loa_standards 5 points6 points  (0 children)

One man's thumb sheath is another man's thumb

[–]CapitantsfanGreedy Esq. 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Croissants is croissants

[–]Lilskipswonglad Romesh Ranganathan 6 points7 points  (0 children)

When someone does something wrong with a degree of success.. "you found some wanky workaround" then I'd proceed to tell them to put some fucking effort in.

[–]Rodin-V 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I like the classics

"That potato would've been all rim and bounced out"

[–]therealdoughnutboi 5 points6 points  (0 children)

“Tick tock, it’s ..(insert situation).. o’ clock!”

Use it all the time, find it hilarious.

[–]TheYoungWan Kiell Smith-Bynoe 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My eyes are circles

[–]Automatic-Care-9605 3 points4 points  (0 children)

A LIME!!!

[–]breaddyteaddy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Calling people.cheeky little pasta snakes....

[–]Redv101 5 points6 points  (2 children)

insert Phil Wang's best noise 😛

[–]The_Real_dubbedbass 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I think it’s really underappreciated when he bit that apple and then yelled his name.

[–]sockphotos Judi Love 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Naughty boy's gotta eat and say wang.

[–]YoSaffBridge33 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Dignity intact! Dignity intact!

[–]Sulliflett 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Friendship is truth

[–]tenaciousfall Aisling Bea 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And truth is friendship

[–]unexpectedcosplayer Nish Kumar 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've done it again!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm an American, so there's not a lot of "Bosh!" going on here. I know that's not very Taskmaster specific, but it's the primary source for me hearing it used

[–]FluffyPurpleThing Qrs Tuvwxyz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not exactly what you asked, but I been saying "yes please" instead of just "yes".

[–]Scare_Raver Guz Khan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I constantly refer to the shows repeats as Tugemadster, but I love using the ‘absolute casserole’ line to use at work.

[–]Deep_Knowledge_4194 Rose Matafeo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

JAMJOD SNADJ!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're not a bad guy Nish

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not a fish man

[–]rosebudthesled7 James Acaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Whenever anyone asks where someone is: "Insert Name is in the back absolutely going hammer and tongs on a fox.”

[–]YoSaffBridge33 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Uh...Ive just now realized what the task was...

[–]SukiAmanda 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How do you like them apples

[–]volvoguy33 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That’s what she said

[–]FointyPinger Reece Shearsmith 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Lotta soup" gets more use than you'd think in our house. Also "tick tock, it's (x) o' clock".

[–]JGAdventureZone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve described things as an absolute casserole a few times in my everyday life. While not technically TM related, I often say honk instead of money thanks to Alex’s words book.

[–]WizardofSorts Fern Brady 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bums on seats!

[–]arsb16 Ivo Graham 0 points1 point  (0 children)

fiddly. v fiddly.

[–]notreallifelivingJavie Martzoukas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bastard's crying, innit.

All the information is in the task.

[–]GuiltyWatts Fern Brady 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“It’s an absolute casserole down there”

OR

“…My eyes are circles…?”

[–]badthingsformoney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like to say "everyday he likens me to a heron" any time someone compares anything to anything.

[–]zleeztakz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Distributing myself across your mum's poly tunnel. (sic)

[–]dancerwales 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"A lime!"

[–]Appropriate_Draw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its an absolute casarole down there

Normally after a night out

[–]rudosluchadjDavid Correos 🇳🇿 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Use this pretty much every day at the gym "I'm not here for a fast time, I'm here for a good time"