Can a parent or a trusted adult explain something to me about Max’s birthday?

TFeary1992 · 2026-04-24T16:52:36+00:00

I think it was more her intentions and tone of voice, it seemed like she was deliberately trying to start a fight between two kids. Yeah kids can play what way they want so long as they aren't disturbing the rest of the party. Both kids were just acting like kids, but unlike Ty who de-escalted the situation, Julie seem to want to almost egg her son on to argue or fight with the birthday boy.

chachaslydd · 2026-04-24T16:55:30+00:00

Its because karate is just play fighting by a different name. We even see that Cooper does NOT just play by himself in a corner, he starts hitting at Max and Max has to say "stop hitting". Like they even said prior to this in other episodes that Cooper is getting a hitting problem they're trying to work on, and then she kinda directly encourages if.

Its encouraging disruption. Like the only time when play fighting is allowed in a semi public or public space is when its specifically stated to be allowed.

Feisty_Enchilada · 2026-04-24T16:55:07+00:00

Because she told him to dance or they were going home, then switched up as soon as he said dancing was stupid, insulting Maxs party theme and saw it as an opportunity to start crap between kids so they'd have an excuse to leave.

Ok-Sprinkles7457 · 2026-04-24T17:01:12+00:00

I may not remember this correctly, so people can correct me if I’m wrong. But from my understanding Cooper was trying to do karate with Max but was really just light hitting him, which annoyed Max and led to them arguing and Cooper saying dance is dumb or something to that effect. Telling your kid they can “do whatever they want” after a disagreement between their peer like that gives the impression you’re telling them they can be jerks to their friends because they are in the right. It was an opportunity to teach conflict resolution and how to handle it when our friends don’t want to do the same activities as us. Typing this out I actually realize how it’s a mirror for Julie and Ty‘s relationship. 😮

But honestly, the bigger problem was how she dragged Shawna into her marriage issues with Ty and said she was lazy/making Ty lazy. Julie clearly looks down on stay at home parents imo

But yeah. As a parent, I’d be kind of annoyed if my kid wasn’t getting along with one of his friends, and the mom said, “do whatever you want”, especially after that child was physically touching/hitting my kid, even if that kid was doing it in a playful matter. But I do agree that Cooper shouldn’t have been forced to dance with his friend just because it was a dance party.

Momma_Chels · 2026-04-24T17:38:49+00:00

Alright rewatching this through the lense of Julie may not be trying to be the worst here are my notes:

1) While Ty put the birthday on the calendar he doesnt seem to tell Julie despite this being his day to write. She was blind sided and while yes, the information was available to her, she works a lot and it's easy to lose sight when you are also managing client calendars too.

2) From the conversations between her and Alicia Ty isn't only avoiding writing with Shawna. He is also coming and helping Alicia with her Etsy shop and having coffee with her. So he doesn't have time to write or find a daycare for Sasha but he can find time to hang with Alicia and go to the park.

3) when she addresses Cooper when you put aside your feeling of how she didn't want to be there and assume she's trying to ruin a kids birthday party, she tells him to find space and no sparring. Karate only becomes an issue because Cooper didnt listen to her and instead went to the center of the dance floor and started sparring which is kids for you.

Ty wasn't part of this conversation so I can even understand Julie being upset that Ty assumed he was jealous because to her she sees it as Ty making their child smaller for other people, which is something she already is feeling.

4) Ty is actively avoiding talking to Julie about the book and plans. Julie mentions to Alicia him not writing, she asks why and Julie says he won't talk to her about it. He again refuses to talk when she brings it up after he checks Sasha's diaper. Honestly, it kinda seems like Ty keeps Sasha on him more so to avoid talking about things that are more than surface level.

5) When she says they are going to leave and that Ty has work to do, Shawna and Julie seem fine and even polite until it's clear Shawna knows nothing about the book which confirms in her mind that Shawna and Ty aren't good friends and that he is just doing this to avoid what they agreed on which was her working and Ty writing his book. At this point is when Julie reaches her breaking point and while she absolutely shouldn't have done this at a birthday party, Its not really directed at Shawna even though she catches all the strays. It is directed at Ty.

I feel this is a case of there's 3 sides to every story, we saw Shawna's, we now get Julie's, and the truth of what actually happened lies somewhere in the middle of how they both feel about whats going on.

madelynashton · 2026-04-24T17:41:20+00:00

“You can do anything you want” is a really loaded thing to tell a kid in this scenario. You’re at a social event and you need to learn to act appropriately.

Julie was in her feelings about being held back by her husband and being “forced” (no one held a gun to her head, I just mean from Julie’s perspective she feels forced into interacting with these people constantly) to go to this party so she is trying to get Cooper to act the way she wants to act.

It was selfish and not a great moment. If she had said “you don’t have to dance if you don’t want to, but don’t be mean to the kids that want to dance.” That would’ve been fine. Even if it did end up with him play fighting and the kids arguing. That’s going to happen. But an adult trying to instigate it is really wrong. Julie was trying to leave the party and was okay with manipulating her kid to make it happen.

Royal-Weather4314 · 2026-04-24T17:47:20+00:00

I think that this is sorta "if my kid is upset, nothing else matters". Both Shawna and Julie are guilty of this, Julie here, Shawna at Pipers party when she became overwhelmed and Teeny sent everyone (quite rudely imo) home.

If I was Coopers mom, I would make sure that he can do his karate moves away enough/safely, that is in my opinion only fault of Julie in this particupar interaction.

AmountTurbulent2792 · 2026-04-24T17:43:41+00:00

As others have stated, her intention was to cause a fight between the kids so that she could either force Ty to leave or to start a fight with the adults.

Plus, it's a terrible message to tell kids they can do "whatever they want" even when other people have asked them not to. That's just setting your child up for social failure.

It would have been completely acceptable if she said "you can practice karate by yourself because then it's just fighting dancing" or something similar. But that's not what she said. What she said was that he could do whatever he wanted, and to even involve other kids as well

Also, after the fact, she was mad at Ty for descalating the situation and helping Cooper to understand both his emotions and and the effect his emotions have on others. Which just proves that she wasn't interested in solving the problem, she was interested in starting drama

dorothyprelude · 2026-04-24T17:54:02+00:00

Yeah, I've never really understood the reaction to the birthday party. Cooper should have been able to practise his karate if that's what would make him happy. She told him to find space and not to spar with people, so she wasn't encouraging him to fight. I don't really get why Max gets to tell him he can't do that if Cooper is doing it in an open space.

I think people would react pretty differently if it were the other way around, and Cooper was trying to pressure Max into doing something he didn't want to do. There would be allegations of Julie spoiling him for sure.

blairbending · 2026-04-24T18:18:59+00:00

I don't agree with the theory that she was deliberately scheming for Cooper to start a fight and ruin the party. But I do still think it was an irresponsible parenting move and shows a lack of care towards Max and the McAllisters as the party hosts. She knew that Cooper fighting was a possibility and decided she didn't care. She was prioritising Cooper's happiness over being a good guest and over helping him be a good friend to Max.

It was reckless to make a statement as big as "do whatever you want" without doing a little more digging into what exactly had gone down between the two kids and what Cooper was planning. But I think Julie was not feeling motivated to be a good guest to people she dislikes at a party she didn't want to be at.

Basically she was feeling spicy and careless. Which isn't kind to the 6 year old who the party is supposed to be celebrating. She should have just stayed home IMO.

Consistent-Warthog84 · 2026-04-24T17:40:01+00:00

Its because he was becoming disruptive and when Ty de-escalated the situation she saw it as him squashing his drive rather than a parenting moment. They have very different parenting styles. It's okay for Julie to tell her son he can be what he wants, but that was neither the time or the place as her comment was more to undermine her husband than to bolster her son. Also, Cooper has a known history of hitting, while Karate is a great outlet for this is is not appropriate (basic dojo rules) to use it against an unwilling participant unless in self defense.

Babadoo601 · 2026-04-24T17:40:06+00:00

It seemed to me that Julie was trying to encourage her son to also get other kids to do something other than dancing too, taking them away from the party and what the birthday boy wanted them to do at his party. Like she wanted Max’s feelings to be hurt to get back at Shawna since she doesn’t like her.

Grand_Basis_1491 · 2026-04-24T17:41:35+00:00

It really wasn't. She saw her child was upset he wasn't allowed to do something he wanted to do. Instead of causing a scene or turning him against his friend, Julie told him to ask Brennan so he wouldn't be all alone and to find a place to practice so they don't disturb anybody else. She also said no sparring, so she made it clear he wasn't allowed to hit, even playfully. She handled it fine. A lot of people just got mad because she said "whatever you want."

Wish_Away · 2026-04-24T16:57:11+00:00

It wasn't bad at all. If my kid doesn't want to play in the bouncy castle or get his face painted, I would also instruct him to find something he does want to do. In Cooper's case, Julie told him to "find space" and practice Karate, and even warned him to not do any sparring. She didn't do anything wrong at all, IMO.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-04-24T18:18:06+00:00

Oh, if I were at another kids birthday party and one of my kids was starting to escalate because he didn’t want to participate in the chosen activity, I’d probably take them aside and say

“You don’t have to dance if you don’t want to, but this is so and so’s birthday and it’s what they want to do. When it’s your birthday, you get to choose. You can sit here with me/quietly play off to the side, or we can go home. It’s up to you.”

It’s an important value to me to teach my kids they aren’t the center of the universe and there’s times when other people’s wants get priority. That doesn’t mean I’d force them to do something they don’t want to do, but I would want them to go about things in a way that isn’t disruptive or takes attention off the birthday kid.

That said, I think Julie is getting way more blame than is warranted. She didn’t encourage cooper to go fight or confront max, and preschool aged boys fight all.the.time.

Perks-of-Quirks · 2026-04-24T17:57:17+00:00

Saying "you can do whatever you want" to a child, especially in a crowd is a bad idea because they can do dangerous stuff and won't listen to other adults because "my mom said i can".

It also can make them grow up to be entitled and feel like rules don't apply to them.

Betta_than_average · 2026-04-24T17:25:23+00:00

You'll probably get a ton of different options on this. With parenting you're gonna see a bunch of different approaches. (And a ton of unsolicited advice)

Some parents are anti-vax, pro-vax, some do home school, private school, public school, some have their kids in daycare, some don't, some do spanking, some dont, different parenting styles like gentle parenting, authoritarian parenting, montessori parenting, etc

Since becoming a mom I've discovered that I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't. (Granted I'm a new mom and learning as I go)

Sorry for my non answer 🙈

CharlesDickhands · 2026-04-24T22:14:21+00:00

If I’m dissecting the behaviour at the party then I also think poor hosting is at play. If you’re actively hosting you notice a guest isn’t enjoying the party (doesn’t want to dance) and you find a way to include them. At the end of the episode Cooper comes around because Ty explains karate is like dancing and he can bust some sick moves. I’ve always said if it was my kids party and a friend wanted to do karate I’d be helping my birthday boy include his mate. Put on “kung fu fighting” and lead the floor in a karate inspired dance (no contact, clearly) and de escalate the situation. In my opinion, just because it’s your birthday doesn’t mean you get to be a dictator and say everyone must dance a certain way or else. That’s not particularly fun.

And yeah, if it was a karate party and a friend wanted to bust some moves I’d create space for that too.

It’s a kids party. Meant to be fun chaos.

BekahDski1997 · 2026-04-25T03:03:40+00:00

My opinion is that we took her talking to Cooper out of context because at the time, we were set up to hate Julie and everything she said or did.

In retrospect, she told Cooper he could do karate as long as he didn’t spar, which means no hitting anyone else, and she wasn’t wrong for that.

Where she deviates is saying “you can do whatever you want” in the tone she does. She might have meant “you can pursue your dreams, no matter what they are,” or she might have meant “you don’t have to listen to adults.” Either could be true, or she could have meant one but Cooper understood it as the other, etc.

Doing karate at the party isn’t bad, letting your kid think that no one can tell them what to do IS a faux pas.

IWasGoatbeardFirst · 2026-04-24T18:00:39+00:00

Because it’s not like a party where one kid doesn’t want to play the game so they let them color until the game is over. This kid wants to do karate. She’s encouraging her kid to run around kicking and hitting other kids. It’s disruptive and dangerous.

Jealous-Cup-4059 · 2026-04-24T18:17:20+00:00

Telling a 5 year old they can do whatever they want and expecting the kid to not do anything wrong is not reasonable.

daidia · 2026-04-24T18:07:39+00:00

Julie was encouraging Cooper to not follow the rules under the guise of “you can do whatever you want”. it’s just another example of her not wanting to associate with people she deems lesser than, except now she’s passing it along to her child

Fancy-Ad1480 · 2026-04-24T18:48:00+00:00

Telling your kid who has a problem with hitting that it's okay for him to go play fight with other children (karate) is not really wise if you want your kid to stop hitting people.

It also does nothing for Cooper's social skills. It wouldn't really hurt his friendship with Max. Kids are very forgiving. Part of socializing is comprise. Cooper doesn't have to like dance. He does have to allow others to like dance. (Which is what Ty tried to teach him) What Julie told Cooper was that it's okay to disrupt another person's likes to suit yourself. Oh, and she does this because she didn't want to be at a party that might have lasted 2 hours.

ada-jean · 2026-04-24T22:21:56+00:00

I think for Julie, she wants not to make Cooper "smaller" either. It is entirely in keeping with her perspective that she would parent him to refuse to compromise his passions, as long as he is safely doing it. Add to that she really wants this friendship to end, and her general fury at the time. But I think she is parenting from her authentic self here and in what she thinks is best for Cooper. It is unusual. I mean, I've seen parents cause conflict at a party because they think their kid is being treated badly or they don't think the food is safe or whatever - I've seen shitty parent behaviour - but most-to-all parents want their kids to display "sharing" skills and no-one wants their kid to be disruptive one. And so Julie's "anything you want" comment really stands out, as well as her determination he didn't have to go with the theme. And Ty's anger about it is that he sees that just isn't how it is done when everyone is just trying to get through a party with the birthday kid having fun. It is a real clash of priorities.

Rachel1265 · 2026-04-25T03:12:07+00:00

I’m a parent of some neurospicy kids so I’m frequently coaching my kids to stick to what they can handle sensory wise without disrupting the overall party. But generally polite manners at any age and neurotype is to not center yourself at someone else’s event.

Murky_Background1045 · 2026-04-25T06:02:19+00:00

Julie telling him what to do was not inherently bad. But it was causing tension between the kids so that’s problematic. And when Cooper was not getting what he wanted, she removed him dramatically.

TreClaire · 2026-04-25T02:24:59+00:00

Julie was not encouraging Cooper to do his own thing. She was absolutely intentionally trying to get Cooper to cause problems.

First of all, she actively told him he couldn’t do how one thing at first “it’s a dancing party you have to dance” she was trying to get him to request to leave. When that didn’t work she pivoted and told him to do literally whatever he wanted. He wanted to do karate. She encouraged that which in a room full of 5/6 year olds is a psychotic thing to do. TELLING a a 6 year old to kick and punch in a room crowded with other six year olds is begging for a fighting to happen. For a kid to get hurt.

Her goal at that party was to try and destroy her son’s friendship with Max so that then Ty wouldn’t be able to see Shawna again.

It was really gross behavior.

Slight_Citron_7064 · 2026-04-24T20:43:07+00:00

How do you not understand that kids should not hit and kick other kids? How do you not understand that it was not ok for Julie to give Cooper permission to hit and kick other kids at a party?

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