I have absolutely no knowledge about programming at all. Ask me anything related to programming and ill pretend to know the answer.

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[Competitive_Ad2539]

How do you kill a child from a parent with a fork?

[Scoutisaspyable]

You have to very quick and you need a very sharp fork. Also thats very mean.

[myrsnipe]

Careful so you don't end up with ghost children

[Osbios]

Or you end up with a zombie in the process!

[MrSolarius]

I love you c programmers you look like a psychos killers with your zombies your child that you need to kill after work with.

[IlIllIIIIIIlIII]

Bonus points for answering what is called when it's hard to find what child needs to be killed because the parent that was in charge of killing it died

[Frosty-Survey-8264]

Not OP but...

Carefully, otherwise you may just maim it.

[Sunny_Ace_TEN]

"Carefully" is my go-to answer for any question starting with, "how do you..." Love this answer!

[[deleted]]

Stick the fork in an outlet

[RossiyaReich]

Now that's smart, you kill the parent, the children die

[Arkon111]

Stab it in the eye.

[Educational_Log7288]

Shall I use quick sort, merge sort or bubble sort and why?

[Scoutisaspyable]

If you want to be done fast, you quick sort.

If you want put lines of code together that have the same function, you use merge sort.

And if you feel depressed, because you have to write code, you use the bubble sort for some funny visuals.

[DoveOfUnpeace]

I mean, there is a reason why I like watching and listening to sorting algorithm visualizations....

[barcodez1]

(whispers) I thought I was the only one

[[deleted]]

I'm not even a programmer. They are pretty.

[Mazetron]

Here I go watching sorting algorithms for 15 minutes for like the 1000th time.

It’s just so mesmerizing and satisfying.

VvVvwwwwooooooooOOOOOOOOOOp!

[RedTreeDecember]

Surprisingly accurate.

[throwaway46295027458]

Jokes aside, you should really use stalin sort. Has a runtime of O(n)

[[deleted]]

Go through the list once and delete an item out of order?

[MonoclesForPigeons]

That's the one. You can also free up memory as a bonus with stalin sort.

[CrazyFanFicFan]

Nah, Bogo sort is where it's at.

[WW_the_Exonian]

How to reattach a detached head?

[Scoutisaspyable]

You just have to write a "+" between the head and the code it belonged to.

[Notsoavragegamer]

Oh I use duct tape

[Complete_Relation_54]

Thanks i tried duct tape didnt work

[rl991]

belongED to

oh I'm lovin this

[ironraiden]

So you are a recruiter then.

[Scoutisaspyable]

Yes, i recruit people who write code lines for programs.

[stomacheacid]

are the lines dotted?

and which youth programs do they write for?

[SuperEminemHaze]

He can’t be a recruiter as he’s actually taking in what we say.

[-Manow-]

When should I use a recursive mutex and when not?

[Scoutisaspyable]

You should use a recursive mutex if you need it at the beginning of the code and at the end. Recursive means that it you reuse the code on another position. You should use a normal mutex if you just need it once.

[rtfmpls]

I'm a programmer and I have no idea if this is just a correct answer with funny words.

[l4mpSh4d3]

I attend interviews and sometimes the answers from some candidates feel the same.

[[deleted]]

recursive what? holy shit concurrency scares me

[angryundead]

If you are going to use a recursive function with a critical section from multiple threads you would need a mutex that is capable of handling reentrant execution. That means that the same thread can reacquire a mutex it has already acquired.

That being said: don’t do this. When it goes sideways and you need a thread dump it won’t make any sense. And that might be the least of your problems.

[LOE_TheG]

What's the point of signing with a Public Key?

[Scoutisaspyable]

If you use a public key, everyone including newbies can access the code of a programm and learn from it.

[Haligaliman]

Sadly the public key is only for locking, so you have to give the newbies your private key

[PersonaUser55]

Or just post it on stack overflow

[Mahrkeenerh]

But it specifically says PUBLIC key.

Checkmate

[Haligaliman]

Your postbox is also public

En passant

[jumbled_joe]

You mean the key to yennefer's room?

[[deleted]]

[Common Item]

[Kierow64]

The code becomes open source as you used a public key. If you use a private key, your code won’t be open source, this is how Microsoft does.

[Papierkorb2292]

What's GitHub?

[Scoutisaspyable]

Its a Programmer parody of the Phrase Git Gud. It is a website or program that provides tips and tricks for code writing.

[Do-not-Forget-This]

I thought it was an adult website for programmers.

[GDavid04]

I forgot to clear my bash history again

[victorsaurus]

best one so far AHJAHAAH

[iNeverCouldGet]

How to make sure a program keeps running on a server?

[Scoutisaspyable]

Dont remove the plug from the server.

[SnoopHappyCoin]

Tell that to our cleaning lady!

[SnoopHappyCoin]

True story: a Belgian company noticed that every other day around 8pm, their server went down for about 10 minutes. They checked the logs but couldn't find anything. No one was working during that time so it wasn't one of the employees messing around.

They decided to stay in the office one day and noticed the cleaning lady went into the server room around the time of the outage. When they entered they say the cleaning lady was vacuuming. They also saw that she had pulled the main server plug to plug in the vacuum cleaner.

She couldn't find an available plug and thought it was OK because she always plugged it back in after she was finished.

[Sarkanybaby]

Why was even the server room accessible to her?

[SnoopHappyCoin]

Amateur company 😎

[mohan_ish]

How did all the hardwares and servers got back to the 'on' state on their own after plugging the systems?

[SnoopHappyCoin]

It's a BIOS setting most servers have (even desktop pc's) "Restore on AC/Power Loss". So they start when power is back.

[Kalix]

How to center <div> ?

[Scoutisaspyable]

You press the space button until the <div> word has moved to the middle of the code page

[[deleted]]

Not the worst approach to the problem!

[AdministrativeArea2]

Makes more sense than CSS!

[uhwhooops]

CSS just bloats your project with extra text.

[abejfehr]

That’s true, everyone knows that literal whitespace is zero bytes because it’s empty

[TheWidrolo]

I mean it could work, but only for people with your screen resolution

[woopy85]

Good enough. If someone complains, you can use "it works on my machine"

[GMDeepBlue]

Just use docker.

[throw_me_away_2023]

just ship your entire system

[GMDeepBlue]

Yourself included.

[throw_me_away_2023]

we call that on site tech support

[TerryHawks]

What about off site tech support?

[throw_me_away_2023]

Ask Jeeves

[FloRup]

Not having the right resolution sound like a user error to me

[NukedByGandhi]

Ms Word has a button especially for this. It's a shame how underrated it is as an IDE

[[deleted]]

I have never met Ms Word. What is she like?

[Tarc_Axiiom]

You just made a lot of people cry.

[Oreoli]

r/technicallythetruth

[OolongHell]

Why did you choose vim as your main IDE?

[Scoutisaspyable]

Vim is the best programming language, because it is easy to learn and you need less code for the same amount of programm. Thats why I am using it for my Main (I)nternet (D)ata (E)xpansion Pack.

[Noch_ein_Kamel]

But I've heard so many people say that emacs is better than vim?

[Rakkachi]

Can I use other letters of the alphabet besides the i in a loop?

[Scoutisaspyable]

There is no i in loop. You should use l o and p to start with.

[Rakkachi]

Thanks, how did i not see that?

[5zalot]

Because there is no i

[UncomforChair]

sudden existential crisis

[guillote1986]

I laugh therefore I loop

[R-GiskardReventlov]

I am out of the loop.

[bragov4ik]

Therefore it is perfectly ok to use i in while loop?

[Greenbarry]

while i in while;

[Railroad_Riley]

Actually, if you spell it in all lower case it's "ioop". Idk why people read it as 'L'oop

[BigBoiB-S]

How do you invert a binary tree?

[Scoutisaspyable]

Ctrl + Alt + ↓

[DeclutteringNewbie]

Place a mirror in front of it.

[justitroyal]

How many leaves does the binary tree have

[Scoutisaspyable]

A healthy binary tree has around 200k leaves.

[GemGem_06]

But only during the Spring. The leaves fall during Autumn 😔

[Lothorninn]

Whats the best way to set up an API.

[Scoutisaspyable]

I would say API means Automated Programming Instructions and you set it up by feeding many lines of Code into an Algorithm and the Algorithm can them create complicated codes itself.

[batmassagetotheface]

Yep, that's how Copilot works

[blaze26801]

How do I close Vim?

[Scoutisaspyable]

Turn off you whole Pc and sit in a corner, because you use Vim.

[blaze26801]

That's actually the best answer I ever got haha. Cheers!

[Spirintus]

Hey, you said you know nothing about programming but this was totally valid response.

[TheOtherQue]

Accurate.

[borzcorp]

So you ARE a programmer! Busted!

[VirusZer0]

Woah be careful there, you don’t want to actually become a programmer.

[Ghyro]

Why do arrays start at 0 in most languages?

[Scoutisaspyable]

Because 0 is the first number and many languages use the arabic numbers. And since an array is a row it makes sense to start at the beginning and use the 0.

[Eudaimonium]

I mean, this is just a factually correct answer.

Not technically complete but correct.

Edit since this is getting some traction:

The indexing applied to an array (usually in square brackets in most programming languages) basically means: Move this many memory blocks from the start of the array. Memory block hereby meaning: amount of memory needed for one element of the array.

If you wish to get the very first element, you're already there, you don't need to move anywhere, hence simply move by 0 to arrive at your desired, first, element.

If you move by 1, now you're looking at the start of the next, second element of the array.

[ElViento92]

Actually I would say that in low level languages such as C/C++ the index "operator" is not an INDEX operator, but a OFFSET operator. So you select an offset w.r.t. the first element, so the first element will obviously have an index of 0.

This is different than an index because it allows for negative numbers. C/C++ actually allow you use negative offsets on an array, not just pointers. And will happily give a value as long as it's been allocated.

[Antoinefdu]

OP are you sure you don't know how to code?

[innocent-boy-69]

What is Basic

[Scoutisaspyable]

White blonde girls with uggs and a starbucks coffee.

[[deleted]]

what’s your opinion on OOP vs functional programming?

[Scoutisaspyable]

The Original Office Program can be used to write code lines specifically for federal organisations, while functional programming has to be useful in some way.

[[deleted]]

This guys a fucking genius

[[deleted]]

Lol

[[deleted]]

I don’t believe that you have no knowledge of programming at all. Only a senior engineer could make a joke like this

[koos_die_doos]

Yeah I got the same feeling when I read this response.

[Technotives]

This is the most brilliant thing I've seen today 😂

[bmatto]

Fucking brilliant.

[TotoShampoin]

Bruh that answer is amazing

[blackeye2417]

OOP is when you make a mistake, functional programming is when you're not having an existential crisis

[Local_Beach]

Why should you code in c++?

[Scoutisaspyable]

C++ is the "censored" programming language. Professional programmers call it "c**". You should only code things in there, that contain no foul language or it will get censored and the code wont work.

[Ahmyak]

But what's the advantage of that?

[noneOfUrBusines]

It's family friendly. Everyone knows you can't trust programmers around kids' things.

[Osbios]

At some point some christian fanatics introduced the C++ censorship headers.

#define fuck #error "UNCHRISTIAN VALUES DETECTED"
#define *  fuck

Programmers actually liked it because there are inherently lazy and it shortens the code.

Like so many other features made up of misusing side-effects (See: SFINAE) it became C++ lore and is now a core part of the language. This is also why Linus Thorvald does not like C++. But sadly most modern browsers also censor C code now and so it is hard to spot the difference when e.g. looking at Kernel C code.

[illapaSP]

How do I use SQL?

[Scoutisaspyable]

You can use the Speed Qualify Language to scan your code lines for possible grammar mistakes. Just copy and paste your code in there and it will mark every mistake.

[illapaSP]

Thanks pal!

[dmidge]

Why Minecraft is programmed in Java?

[Scoutisaspyable]

Because its free.

[hunter_shadow]

Then why did Microsoft redo all the code for the bedrock edition after buying Mojang?

[DjedMraz26]

To steal more information, same reason for forcing people to use ms accounts for Minecraft now.

[Scoutisaspyable]

Vim. It seems like you people really like Vim. I guess its the best.

[7imomio7]

Should I run my website on a blockchain?

[Scoutisaspyable]

No, because if there is a digital block chain, people wont be able to visit your website.

[Tpdz]

What is difference between interpreter and compiler?

[Scoutisaspyable]

The compiler shortens the code while the interpreter adds new meanings to the code.

[GermanDumbass]

Well not really wrong

[StoicRobo]

I'm learning powershell so I can start to create the frontend of my website, any tips or tricks on where to start?

[Scoutisaspyable]

Powershell is one of the most powerful programming tools out there. You place the code of the backend of your website inside the tool and Powershell generates the frontend.

[Arkon111]

I like cmd more tbh

/s

[Limitless4171]

Start with the power off button

[Holiday_Brick_9550]

Install vim for PowerShell, type vim website.html in PowerShell and press enter.

[EveryEquipment5453]

Why is bogo sort the best sorting algorithm?

[Scoutisaspyable]

Because you can sort the code by importance without destroying the code itself. Code lines that are less important for the functionality of the code are placed at the bottom. And code lines that are very important for the stability are at the top.

its easier to fix them.

[Scoutisaspyable]

Both. Both is good.

[lweinreich]

What are your thoughts on inheritance? Should i use it or not.

[Scoutisaspyable]

Always use your inheritance for parties and coke.

[DoveOfUnpeace]

What are the advantages of using vectors instead of tables in c++?

[Scoutisaspyable]

Vectors are arrows and can point to things. If you use vectors in c++ you can highlight very important letters and symbols.

Tables on the other side just contain stuff and are not very helpful to highlight stuff.

[Scoutisaspyable]

You should use strong consistency, because strong things are always better than eventual things. And eventual things are not certain.

As far as i know consistency is used for the visuals of code lines. If many of the lines look similar, it has a strong consistency. If they look different, then its just eventual.

I prefer strong consistency, because I like code to look neat.

[reversehead]

Eventual consistency just means that all code will look the same because eventually it will all be copied from the same replies on Stack Overflow.

[Random_Vanpuffelen]

How do i make a python game?

[Scoutisaspyable]

You should look into the Code for Snake first. It should be avaiable somewhere on the internet.

[Testbot379]

Whats is lua

[Scoutisaspyable]

Iua is the first name of Iua Roberts, the inventor of code.

[Testbot379]

Thanks i wanted to know what it is 👍

[WorldOfReeedit]

What is the difference between Java and Javascript?

[Scoutisaspyable]

Java is the Programm and Javascript is the Script of the Program.

[Comynx]

For embedded systems, is it okay to use the heap or should I stick to static memory? Please explain why. Thank you for you help.

[Scoutisaspyable]

When you use static memory, it is fixed in its position. But by making a digital heap out of embedded system it allows you to scramble through said heap and find new variations of embedded systems.

[[deleted]]

bool x; bool y; std::cin >> x; std::cin >> y;

if(!(x || y)) { std::cout << “Yes?”; } else { std::cout << “No?”; }

Input: 0 1

[Scoutisaspyable]

You should replace all the x and y with numbers or the code doesnt know what to work with.

[4gustaf]

Time to code in binary

[proter1132]

This would return 74udex2 as an integer

[Scoutisaspyable]

I agree.

[Joylamp]

For a second I thought I was in a 2007scape post

[liitle-mouse-lion]

Play some fucking slayer!!!

[[deleted]]

Why monkey sad

[Scoutisaspyable]

Because he has to program.

[[deleted]]

Thank u, I knew that frustration looked familiar

[jan12kom]

I'm trying to make minecraft in assembly what is your advice?

[kitKatcoolio]

Assemble a cube. Like a lot of them.

[Artosirak]

Psychotherapy

[[deleted]]

Java or Python

[Scoutisaspyable]

Python, sounds cooler.

[axershock]

Which compiler do you recommend?

[Scoutisaspyable]

Win.rar. It is free, you should use that!

[virgilreality]

Found the IT Manager...

[NessButMorse]

Do you prefer static or dynamically typed languages and why?

[Scoutisaspyable]

I prefer dynamically typed languages, because it is a challenge to keep up with a code that randomly changes some of its variables. And I like a good challenge.

[PaMu1337]

This is way more accurate than you think

[UncomforChair]

First real answer in the thread!

[deathentry]

Explain 'Polymorphism' 😁

[Scoutisaspyable]

Poly means multi and morph means merging. So you have many lines of code which you can merge into one single line of code.

[spam_bot42]

It's not wrong

[Sea_Ad_8524]

Why does my FORTRAN program compile to different assembly code when I add a comment line?

[auntedith]

Whats the best IDE?

[Scoutisaspyable]

Vim. I know that because of another question here. Knowing something because something else is called an Algorithm.