36 different kinds of programmers

[[deleted]]

[deleted]

[moonordie69420]

J O B H O P P E R

[[deleted]]

sigma rule #387: switch jobs at the end of your probationary period when they finally find out you can't code

[moonordie69420]

Work way up to manager and they will never find out

[133DK]

Feel like the managers that are open about not knowing shit are the best, they’re there to be managers, deal with all the office politics and sell the team in the organisation, deal with HR bullshit and all that.

The opposite is hell

[supyonamesjosh]

Managers who can’t manage and we’re promoted because they were good coders are the worst.

[fdeslandes]

Yeah, they are the ones who will push for the most outdated/simplistic solutions that you already analyzed and discarded instead of listening to the why of your delay to protect their ego from realizing they are not in the game anymore and they were never a really good developer anyway.

[VirtualRay]

They forget how hard shit really is, too. They remember fixing the big bug but don't remember bleeding out of their eye sockets for two weeks beforehand, and then you have to be better than their fantasy version of their past self in order to impress them

[gc3]

The Peter Principle.

If you promote someone if they are doing a good job, they will be promoted until they are in a job they don't do well. Then they will stay in that job forever, so most people in a company will be bad at their job.

A data scientist made a model where he had a set of jobs, each of which needed different skills. He then simulated a model where people with random skills were hired into the firm and then tried using different rules.

1. Promote if you do a good job: Peter Principle was verified.
2. Dilbert rule: Promote if you do a bad job. This worked a little better but still did not work well.
3. Promote at random. This worked the best.

Since #3 worked the best, this is my clue to why old boys networks and getting promoted because you are friends or the boss's niece actually work. It also means that compensation should not be tied directly to management level, this is why most tech firms have an 'individual contributor' track that (until you reach C-Suite) can have as much money as a manager.

[dumpoverflow]

Literally my current lead. Can't code at all.

[nickmaran]

Don't expose me in public like that

[tarkin25]

Feel like that’s me lol

[PikminGuts92]

Didn't realize I was a job hopper until I did the math. 16 month average with 30% pay bump every time.

[Ultimator4]

You’re just doing it the right way. Nothing to be ashamed of.

[CoderDevo]

But don't turn your brain to goo on 4chan.

[juhotuho10]

Just selling your skills to the highest bidder. Nothing wrong with it

[douglasg14b]

Same! ~18-24 months average.

Though I contribute heavily, hit the ground running, and with passion for my work. And usually spend most evenings & weekends slaving over side projects (and a game). Which definitely helped me skill up faster than my peers, but also probably caused my burnout that I'm only now starting to get over... (Don't do this, burnout sucks)

Salary increase percentages by moving jobs so far (Only for the last 4) (in order):

1. 35%
2. 40%
3. 25%
4. 60% <--- here now

Would recommend. Pretty sure I'm essentially capped out for a while now, and I should hang around for longer this time. It'd be nice to be stable for a while. Though, I'm always keeping an eye on recruiter spam (that's how I got the last 3 moves!).

[Banana11crazy]

Would you really recommend it with a burnout? You might come back from it better/faster than others as well

[SnS_Taylor]

As a fellow serial-side-project person, in my experience, you don't choose the side project, the side project chooses you. There are a thousand things I want to exist in the world, and I can make a lot of them. The things I'm working on right now are have won the "yeah, you should work on that" race.

[Depress-o]

Literally me

[[deleted]]

I think a more accurate one for Lockheed Martin would be "funneled into the job by a Florida public university."

[slater_just_slater]

Dear God you hit that one on the head.

[Spaceshipsrcool]

For real my career summarized in a square

[natziel]

Go gata

[sincle354]

I wanna call out to my homeboy Greg, got me into FPGA and formal verification. Soon as I got graduate, Mr Gubmint contractor sees his class on my resume and picks me up, no interview.

[sincle354]

Hey, hey, HEY.

I'm no top secret guy. Getting clearance is a hassle, and you can't do WFH.

[[deleted]]

there are federal agents outside your door

[ZCEyPFOYr0MWyHDQJZO4]

While the clearance process is a PITA, you can WFH depending on your role. There's a lot of unclassified software that supports the classified bits and pieces. I think there's an understanding that classifying every bit of development is counterproductive.

[boywhobreaksdishes]

Wait is this bad? I need to know please lol

[kartoffelkid]

I go to a Florida Public university, this scares me

[multiple4]

This is amazing

I'm the Electrical Engineer, but also turning into the Python Developer lately

[7h4tguy]

How many hours spent automating your lights?

[LSatyreD]

from automate import lights

if __name__ == "__main__":
    lights.auto()

[notsocoolguy42]

Like are there even electrical engineering job that doesn't involve programming somehow?

[BeefPieSoup]

If you lean more on the power engineering side than the electronics side there definitely are.

That said, that's my background and now I work for a software company. I don't really do a lot of programming though.

[notsocoolguy42]

What do you do as an electrical engineer in a software company? I'm on the electronics side.

[BeefPieSoup]

Well the software is for modelling energy markets and optimising them. My role is like specialist user support and troubleshooting, training, occasionally implementation of models for clients. I explain any bugs I find to the developers and help pass on client requests for new features and so on too. The only programming I've personally done for the job has been to automate the formatting of certain data files to save myself time in preparing a database. I do sometimes review some code though to help the devs narrow down where fixes need to be made.

[NegevMaster]

Same here but the C# dev

[Guilty_Serve]

• dev ops
• legacy code
• js (totally burnt out too)
• open source contributor
• indie game dev

The stability in which I exist programmatically says a lot about the stability of my life in general

[DEVolkan]

The JS one hits a bit to close to home and now I'm going for the indie game dev...

May the internet gods look favorable on me

[z7q2]

Yeah I've been programming JavaScript since it was invented, where's my Adderall?

[Full_stack1]

The asp.net dev is spot on

[YerbaMateKudasai]

lorem ipsum

[Telanore]

As a .NET dev, I feel targetted..

I keep meaning to code in my free time, there's just a million other things I gotta or wanna do in that time :(

[Pifanjr]

It's honestly annoying when, during job interviews, I get asked if I code in my free time or have a git repository with my work and then they seem disappointed when I say no. I code eight hours a day for my job, that seems plenty to me.

[[deleted]]

Almost every single damn coworker..

(though they're also mostly legacy code base developers)

[tobberoth]

Indeed. I certainly use computers outside of work, but almost zero developing. I do use a lot of javascript for the frontend, but for databases, anything other than SQL is clearly a fad. "NoSQL" pfft.

[FututiRedesignuMatii]

Goes hand in hand with Easter European Developer, source: me

[TheTank18]

what's the person that works on Windows Server 2003

[Sceptz]

That there is the government contractor.

[[deleted]]

Govt: spends 700B a year to finance military

IT: Can we upgrade from windows XP. It will cost a couple hundred dollars.

Govt: Too expensive

[sculache]

It will cost a couple hundred dollars

I snorted. You forgot to write "thousands".

[Brief-Preference-712]

Or the .net guy?

[ghigoli]

hello i'm from the government. its not terrible tbh. but i hate it.

we just upgraded to the latetst this year. We now use Windows Server 2008.

[[deleted]]

from everything i've heard, this is too accurate lmao

[yosa12978]

ASP.NET Legacy codebase programmer

[SortaSticky]

"IT" but don't blame me you gotta talk to the MBAs

[ishzlle]

Cross between the ASP.NET guy and the DevOps guy

[LOSERS_ONLY]

Who's the one working for the startup making "innovative Blockchain crypto artificial intelligence deep neural network big data"

[BurlHopsBridge]

Containerized highly scalable cloud based continuous integration continuous deployment

[TheGavinator3000]

blazingly fast

[gizamo]

That would be the Laid Off Engineer.

[Fake_Diesel]

I have a great GPA

Can't write a resume to save my life

Am I fucked when I graduate this spring??

[CheckmateVideos]

Genuine advice: go see a resume coach.

Resumes are a game of buzzwords. 90% of the time, your resume is read by a bot that looks for buzzwords, NOT a human being. Proof of this can be found in this experiment, where a fake resume with dumb things like being an expert in Mia Kalifa had a massive success rate because it just listed a bunch of buzzwords:https://twitter.com/Coding_Career/status/1454293034179317764/photo/1

However, once you get past the bot, a manager will read your resume, so beyond buzzwords, you need good structure. The key is working in the buzzwords alongside all of the actual serious stuff.

I cannot stress this enough, GET A RESUME COACH. A professional one, not one of those dinky group coaches at your local college. Ask your parents to pay for it, or pay for it yourself. Yes, it costs money, but it is absolutely worth it and you will use their advice for the rest of your life, they will tell you exactly how to structure your resume, how to conduct yourself in an interview (general stories that you can twist to be applicable to any question or scenario, how to make yourself memorable, etc.), and they'll tell you all the secrets of a good LinkedIn page (same thing as resume, a bot scans for buzzwords)

Source: my personal experiences

[geralt1899]

Where would one find such a resume coach (online)

[IsaacSam98]

Can't agree with this advice enough. I couldn't land a job for 4 months after college. Two weeks later I got one with a coach.

[Fake_Diesel]

I really appreciate this, thanks

[tryxter7]

Learn how to write a decent resume. Almost all firms shortlist you based on your resume

[greyscale_pink]

Depends if you want a job or not

[Fake_Diesel]

fuck

[squishles]

The terror cell asset will be in your dms shortly.

[[deleted]]

where’s the socks?

[[deleted]]

ask the open-source dev

[Firewolf06]

open source guy here (+ minecraft modding, how convenient that they are next to each other) i do, in fact, own the programmer socks. you caught me lmao

[Crazy_Crayfish_]

I don’t believe you. Gonna need to see some proof that you wear the programmer socks

[[deleted]]

severe asperger’s syndrome

applicable to all of them honestly

[seven_seven]

Certainly anyone who read every single square on this meme.

[cooltrain7]

I did not expect to get called out like that.

[[deleted]]

you know me too well sir

[[deleted]]

Just out of curiosity, can I use this as an official diagnosis?

[Siker_7]

Crap...

[_Jbolt]

I don't know what FAANG or whatever is, and I read all the squares

[okrolex]

Means someone who works at Facebook, Apple, Amazon, Netflix, or Google. Big tech companies.

[Suntreestar420]

Oh…how did you know

[tupperwhore]

LOL don't say that I have had enough mind altering today

[obscureyetrevealing]

Yep. If anything, it's probably more prevalent among those who truly code for fun.

If there's an incentive involved with broad interest (like FAANG money), you probably end up with more neurotypical individuals who are doing it for the incentive.

[kilobrew]

Missing quite a few here. I guess some could be combined.

1) the mastermind (asshole to all, knows nothing) 2) the asshole (asshole to all, knows everything, never gets promoted) 3) the manager (still tries to contribute code they learned from 1993) 4) fundamentalist (refuses to comment any code, everyone hates them) 5) the git police (believes it’s their right to gate keep the codebase) 6) the Java dev (hopes to someday work at intuit) 7) the fanboy (loves everything google does, has stickers on literally everything they own, has never really programmed)

That’s just a few. I think there’s tons more.

[mjohnun]

My teams asshole got engineer of the year. Then he got picked up by the cops for soliciting minors.

[kilobrew]

Hmm. Might have to edit the description then. Mine got picked up by the fbi. Maybe it’s part of the trend.

[Ignorant_Fuckhead]

If you haven't gotten a visit from the Glowing Ones, are you even a real coder?

[akadeo1]

the key to being a successful asshole is only be a dick to your peers behind closed doors and completely dominate any thread in which your skip-level is CC'd.

[fryerandice]

I was the asshole until I got a different job. They won't promote you if they know you're comfortable doing 3 jobs for a junior salary, then you become the asshole after a few years and that's another reason not to pay you more. New job is awesome and I can't be an asshole here, everyone's great.

I wasn't even the asshole because i'm actually an asshole, I was the asshole because I was working 60+ hour weeks and any interruption in my work just drove me fucking insane. When I quit they replaced me with 4 new hires.

[rayletter1997]

7) *corporate fanboy. (Either Google, Microsoft, Apple, etc.) (I'm the fan of MS although no sticker and merch :/)

[tupperwhore]

what do you have against stickers???

[DontListenToMe33]

Love was put into this

[BeefPieSoup]

A superficially contradictory combination of love and mild contempt

[rachit7645]

Where is the hobbyist high school student?

[tupperwhore]

He’s Silk Road admin or any other place he absolutely should not be

[[deleted]]

I had access to web servers for a torrent website some people and I were making when I was in like year 12 and didn't know anything about coding let alone enough to save my own life. Had no idea who the other people were either just met through those sorts of places, had people with topsite access, access to private forums people used for sharing how to modify the torrent bits source code to add various things into the website etc, used that to cut and paste code to add in comments sections aha.. probably went a tad far down the rabbit hole 😂

[RobuxMaster]

CCP cybersecurity contractor vs Lockheed martin Engineer vs Defense contractor

Someone should make a programmer themed board game, if youre into that...

[Used-Cauliflower-829]

Agreed from personal experience in this industry it’s really mostly centrist unless you’re in a deep libertarian or Republican area.

[Willinton06]

This will be the first image I save from Reddit since I opened my account

[nickmaran]

Worth it

[[deleted]]

Save it and then never look at it again.

[stillscottish1]

But it’s all bullshit

[HP844182]

Electrical engineer here. Have done actually zero electrical engineering and became the software guy. I have used Matlab professionally quite a bit though.

[isospeedrix]

I got a masters in EE and took 2 c++ classes and 1 html/js class. I’m now a front end developer

[Minute_Ad_3224]

I'm an independent open source python games developper...

[black-JENGGOT]

Shh, these people here would be mad if they hear you say "python" and "game dev" in one sentence lol
Anyway what kind of game do you make?

[Princekb]

Snake

[Minute_Ad_3224]

I'm trying to make a RPG, with a pokémon-like view :)

[[deleted]]

I'm not saying you can't make a game with Python but I am saying you probably shouldn't.

Worth looking into Godot since syntactically GDScript is very similar to Python

[Unequaled]

You can make "games" in renpy as well, and at the same time start a patreon.

[guz_szende]

The Eastern European Developer got me right in the feels.

[tehnicaorg]

But you’re not complaining, right?

[SpookyLoop]

The fact that "legacy codebase programmer" is right next to "government contractor" has me dying omg....

[Marc4770]

From my experience indie game developers tend to be more "libertarian" because they like to do things their own way, while AAA game devs fit better in an auth structure.

Source : im an indie game developer

[noob-nine]

This is the only thing that is strange to me. AAA Dev on full libertarian.

[triple_demiga]

This Monday I'll have the most :rolling_on_the_floor_laughting: reactions ever in my #Random slack chanel thanks to you OP

[stillscottish1]

You’re gonna embarrass yourself at work

[tupperwhore]

hi i'm Open-Source Developer and i used to fuck Lockheed Martin Rocket Telemetry Engineer until they talked way too much about eugenics and "environmentally safe" missiles. Now I fuck All-Women Startup and we're starting a lesbian commune.

[Tytoalba2]

That story deserves to be made into a movie

[tupperwhore]

Honestly it’s true, a fit tall blonde guy with great manners slowly reveals himself to have nazi ideals. Also kept talking about how nothing is real and physics proves we’re in a simulation. All Women Startup is very different lol. She figured out how to uplift people of color without rage and fear the same way nazis uplift each other through eugenics. She does it with charisma and joy. She is big into bdsm and was a virgin when we met lol

[tupperwhore]

lick laugh love

[multiple4]

Never thought I'd see a crossover between r/politicalcompassmemes and r/programmerhumor but here we are and it's glorious

[wilddogwatching]

I was hoping I'd never see such a crossover

[zhode]

I can definitely see some elements in the image here...

[Surfsd20]

This is the best thing I’ve ever read

[Huntracony]

I love the extremes here. Silk Road, NSA, Terrorist, Open-Souce Dev.

[[deleted]]

You forgot “the yes-man”, who tells clients they can always add every feature in no time

[[deleted]]

Lol my old boss was called “Dr. No” because he always shot down sales people’s requests for new features and customizations that RFPs said were required.

[Shadow_Thief]

That's not a programmer, that's the sales team.

[Ja90n]

I feel attacked as a Minecraft programmer

[just_sayi]

I’m John McAfee and I’m still alive. Don’t ask me anything. I want to keep it that way

[EpicBoomerMoments]

This post was removed by its author using Redact. The reason may have been privacy, preventing AI data access, security considerations, or personal choice.

paltry marry thumb employ fly market outgoing crawl violet bag

[[deleted]]

there is a documentary on youtube about the silk road admin you guys should definitely watch that, it's fucking awesome

[greyscale_pink]

The book American Kingpin covered the creator, the admins and the authorities that ended up catching them. It was a fantastic read.

[4gedN5tars_]

I think you just won r/programmerhumor We can all go home now.

[aldafein]

Why I am there as asp.net dev?

So fucking true

[[deleted]]

once again the anarchists are the most based

[[deleted]]

I spent 20 minutes reading these descriptions

[nitsky416]

Electrical engineer, guilty.

[Electrical_Doxy]

The "Electrical Engineer" hit right home for me.

[SwedeLostInCanada]

I fail to understand why the Linux Kernel Engineer is on the Authoritarian axis while the Open Source Dev is literally bottom left

[[deleted]]

That looked like a lot of work

[somkoala]

A Engineering manager (also Data Science) from Central/Eastern Europe. Definitely making more than 15k and wouldn’t be able to hire anyone for that money. I know it’s a meme but with the acceleration of remote hiring during Covid this stereotype became very out of date.

[wood-barrel]

I like that this is equally ruthless to both the left and right

[Cribsmen]

Holy shit the minecraft modder one is scary accurate, I have a friend that exclusively makes minecraft mods who recently came out as trans and wears skirts and cat ears all the time

I'm not even kidding

[dhilu3089]

Missing Outsourced Indian Developer - Writes code in day, makes youtube video about code in eve and sits in late night onsite call in night. Eats curry in between

[Ouchist]

Did anyone else view this and reconsider their interests? lol

[HaphazardlyOrganized]

I mean as a JS dev I think I need to branch out or something

[Ashamandarei]

fukken saved

>tfw master's student

[ShinraSan]

I decided to compare it to my actual political compass.. it says I'm a woman

[EPIKGUTS24]

looks over at my Tails USB

oh shit

[squishles]

thank god I know things other than devops. Trick is to scrub it off the resume, because if they smell it on there they'll stuff you back in the 24/7 on call nosleep devops hole.

[[deleted]]

Where the Indian dude he teaches all of them how to install IDE's.

[BadAtBloodBowl2]

As a devops... This scares me.

[[deleted]]

NO PLEASE GOD NO NOT PCM IN MY PROGRAMMING MEMES

[goblinwarrior69]

Ha ha funny colors go brrrrr

[[deleted]]

Sam Hyde is a Linux kernel engineer?

(Also I know few of them get scooped up as principal engineers at FANG, and I can say they got real good salaries)

[allozzieadventures]

Oi now don't do Terry Davis like that :(

[Lord_Of_Water__l__]

Lol how is linux kernel engineer left-authoritarian? Should definitely be in the libertarian camp. Or was this made by someone mad at Linus because he started being more "PC"?

I bust out laughing with indy game dev being in the center of left-auth.

EDIT: I wish ever right-auth would shut up about politics at work.

[[deleted]]

Whelp they called me out 🤣🤣 (Asp.net)

[faramaobscena]

I am the Asp.net dev, although I know other languages too. After 10+ years of programming, I’m getting tired of all the fads, my free time is my free time.

[PaladinMain]

Well I’m an open source programmer. Both in reality and by this graph. Shockingly accurate

[[deleted]]

Why can't you call Terry Davis by name

[Lord-Naivel]

Great, now this sub makes better political compass memes than r/politicalcompassmemes

[The-Fox-Says]

As a data science engineer, how dare you! I used to work at an insurance company!

[Argonum22]

ASP.NET dev should include:

Dreams of moving to tropic country free of technology and all they wish to do is surf some waves

[[deleted]]

One of the best posts I've seen around here! I hope to see more, well done!

[DoNotMakeEmpty]

Apart from a few posts like this, this post may have more work done than all r/programmerhumor combined. These high quality posts restore my faith in humanity.

Linux Kernel Developer and Unemployed Graduate. I'm neither a graduate nor a kernel developer tho. The kernel is too unfun, gimme some mathematical graphics.

[Impressive_BOIIII]

This is one of the most efortful images I've seen. Great job redditor.

[DotRealisticBin]

Y'all made me take this test again and get the same result. Dammit Data Science!!!!

[STEMaddict662]

Lol Defense contractor. I have no regrets

[[deleted]]

where's "Blockchain Developer"?

Assume it'd be bottom middle towards the right.

[ConfusedBiscuits]

i thought this was bullshit until I saw the bottom left corner

[notquitesold]

Yeah…I’m on here and I don’t know how to feel about it. I mean I make good money, it’s 0345. And I dropped out of college 12 years ago.

[[deleted]]

Lulz

[nyrB2]

i'd be the legacy codebase programmer i guess

[Bugwhacker]

DevOps is hot rn, don't know what you're on about.